I feel like finishing this book soon :( Y'all give me some ending ideas x

"You can sit right here and Dr Brooks will be right with you," The nurse said to me, gesturing to the bed in the doctor's office.

What Sinai said at breakfast stuck with me so as soon as I dropped Maniya off, I headed straight to the doctors. I was praying I wasn't pregnant. I took a test before I left the house but it was unconclusive, meaning I needed this appointment.

The door opened and Dr Brooks walked in, "Naala is it?" He smiled.

"Yes, nice to meet you," I smiled back at him. He sat down at his desk and turned to me,

"So what brought you in today?" He asked looking at me,

"Well, I've not been feeling good for about a month now, I can't keep anything down and it's becoming hard."

"Ah okay, on your file here it says you recently had a baby?"

"Yes, I had my son in December,"

"Okay," He nodded, "I will run some tests but before we start have you been under any undue stress lately?"

"A lot has been going on but nothing that I can't handle," I sighed twiddling with my fingers.

"That could be the cause of this but I won't speak too soon," The doctor smiled. He handed me a cup to pee in and showed me to the bathroom. After that he took my blood pressure which was unusually high,

"Right," The doctor said walking back into the room, "Good news and bad news,"

"The good news is that you are pregnant," I let out a breath, you've got to be kidding me.

"The bad news?" I asked raising a brow,

"The bad news is that your blood pressure is dangerously high and it could be affecting the baby. You said you've been stressed?,"

I nodded and twisted my lips to the side, "What options do I have?"

The doctor looked at me with a shocked expression, "Well we can arrange for a termination if that is what you would like?"

"Yes please, book me in," I nodded. There was no way I was having another baby, I couldn't do it.

"There's steps to that, you would need another appointment beforehand and then a formal check up to assess your mental health,"

"Whatever, just book it. Also I want to tie my tubes, is it permanent?"

"Female sterilisation is meant to be permanent. It can be reversed, but it's a very difficult process that involves removing the blocked part of the fallopian tube and rejoining the ends. There's no guarantee that you'll be fertile again after a sterilisation reversal." He explained.

That sounded pretty serious but I was certain that I didn't want any more children. The doctor continued,

"I would suggest consulting your partner first; this is a very serious procedure that takes a lot of deliberation,"

"I understand, so I'm really pregnant?" I asked to be sure,

"We can do an ultrasound to be 100% sure," The doctor said pulling forward the machine.

I sighed and nodded, "Okay, I don't mind,"

He hooked up the machine and asked me to lie down. I lifted up my jumper and looked at the screen. He rubbed the cold gel onto my stomach and started,

"There we are," He smiled. I looked at the screen and my heart fluttered. "I know you can't see much but that's your baby," The doctor said softly. I wasn't even listening; I was focused on the faint blob on the screen. We couldn't have another baby, it just wouldn't work. It may seem selfish but I've barely come to terms with Saint, let alone a new baby.

"Would you like to hear the heartbeat?" He asked me. I shook my head quickly,

"No, no that won't be necessary,"

"So right now you are only 8 weeks, that's why the symptoms may have been bad but they should ease up soon,"

I nodded but stayed silent. Too much was going on in my head for me to speak, was I really about to do this without even telling Amir?

I finished up with the doctor and booked an appointment with the clinic, it was better safe than sorry.

I got into my car and pulled out of the doctor's office, dreading the idea of going home.

My phone rang loudly and I glanced down to see it was my mom calling. I debated in my head whether I should pick up or not and Maniya's words rang in my head.

"Hello?" I said giving in,

"Oh Naala, I've been trying to reach you for weeks now," She replied.

"I've been busy," I said bluntly.

"I see, well I'm in New York for work if you're free," I rolled my eyes and gripped the steering wheel, "It can be in public Naala, I just want to see you,"

I sighed, "When?"

"I have a reservation downtown for me and a business partner but I can cancel on them," I could hear the excitement in her voice.

"Okay send me the address," I replied. I pulled up at a red light and picked up my phone. She sent me a location and I saw it was 20 minutes from me.

Everything in me wanted to say fuck you and hang up. It was too late for her to be interested in my life, I've lived almost 26 years without her, her coming back now will only complicate things. But then I think about what Maniya mentioned, you only get one mom, maybe I needed to give her a chance.

"How quick can you get there?" I sighed, setting my GPS to the restaurant location.

"I'll leave now," She replied quickly. "Thank you Naala,"

"Mmm," I hummed hanging up the phone.

I went onto my call log and called the only person that could calm me down right now. The phone rang for a few moments before it connected,

"You good Love?" Amir asked me,

"To be honest, I don't know Mir," I replied honestly,

"What's on your mind?" He said. I could hear the TV playing in the back, "Wait Nai, let me speak to mommy, watch his head," He coached.

"Hi Mommy!" Sinai shouted into the phone,

"Hi Princess, are you being a good girl for daddy?"

"I am, I even helped Saint with his snacks," She boasted. I smiled at the joy in her voice, I finally had my baby back.

"Wow, aren't you just an angel,"

"When she wants to be," Amir mumbled. I heard the sound of a slap, "This little girl did not just slap me,"

"Nai what did we say about keeping our hands to ourselves?" I said going into mommy mode. "I can call up Tete Bri and cancel that playdate right now,"

"Cancel it," Amir egged me on, "She don't listen,"

"I'm sorry mommy," Sinai said lowly. Amir sucked his teeth,

"Aight, let me speak to your mom now," He spoke. I heard some shuffling so I assumed he'd left the room.

"What's up mama?" He said into the phone,

"Maniya called me her mom," I gushed, a smile finding it's way to my face immediately. I decided I wasn't going to tell him about the baby because I had no plans on keeping it.

"For real? How did that make you feel?"

"It felt good, since she first came around, I've always seen her as my daughter so it made me feel appreciated,"

"That's dope ma, I'm happy you're happy," He answered, "But that can't be why you called me, you could have just waited till you got back,"

"Well, I'm on my way to see my mom," I said biting my lip.

"Finally," He groaned, "I've been waiting for you to have a proper conversation with her, I think it will be good for you,"

"Really? I'm not sure Mir," I spoke truthfully,

"You need some sort of closure mama, I know you're still hurting but that pain isn't gonna go anywhere if you don't face it,"

"But she left me," I whispered, feeling myself getting emotional.

"But she's back now mama, you need to let that pain go, and if it don't go well remember what I always say?"

"Us against the world," I mumbled sucking up my tears,

"Us against the world baby," He repeated. "I love you aight? Keep your head up"

"I love you more," I hung up the phone and instantly felt bad. How can I not tell him about his child?

I contemplated ringing him back, I really did but I know he will try and convince me to keep it.

I shook the negative thoughts out of my head and continued driving to meet my 'mom'. I didn't even know what to expect from this meeting but I knew it was gonna be a long one. By the time I knew it, I was parked up outside the restaurant.

I said a quick prayer and got out of the car. I walked into the restaurant and was met by a hostess,

"Hi I'm meeting someone?" I said to her. I looked around the restaurant and realised it was empty.

"You must be Naala?" The hostess smiled, I nodded and hiked my purse up my shoulder, suddenly feeling underdressed for where I was.

"Follow me," She said picking up a menu and leading me through the empty restaurant,

"Are you closed?" I asked quietly,

"Yes we are," She replied. I looked at her weirdly but still followed behind her. We got to the table and my egg donor was sat with a huge smile on her face.

"Enjoy," The hostess said pulling out my chair and handing me the menu.

I smiled politely and sat down,

"Naala I'm so glad you could make it," She smiled at me.

"Your accent is really strong," I mumbled taking my sunglasses off my face, "And why is there no one in here?"

"Well darling, I own this place," She replied,

"Nice," I nodded, "Glad you were doing something whilst abandoning me,"

"Now Naala, we've spoken about this. If I had known you were alive I would have found you in a heartbeat,"

"That's bullshit, you didn't even look for me," I spat back,

"I did! About 5 years ago, I came to New York to meet your father, he slipped up and mentioned his daughter who was having a baby – I assumed it must have been you because he mentioned how young you were. After that I searched for years but he didn't give you the name I chose,"

"Mm, so how did you find me this time?" I asked putting my hand under my chin,

"Darling don't put your elbows on the table, that's poor etiquette," She frowned her face,

For some reason I sat up straight, "You didn't answer my question,"

"I hired a private investigator who got me in touch with your ex boyfriend," My mom responded before sipping her glass of water.

"My ex boyfriend?" I asked to be sure,

"Yes, Darnell Jones," She said. I nodded and picked up the menu,

"What food do you serve here?" I said scanning the menu. The smell of the food was surprisingly making me hungry, I guess the baby liked the smell.

She sighed, "So that's it, you don't want to talk anymore?"

"I do but I would rather eat while listening to you lie," I replied looking at the menu,

"I'm not lying. What would I gain from lying to you darling? You're my first child,"

I laughed lightly, "That accent makes it so hard to take you seriously,"

She frowned her face and pushed my menu down, "I want us to have a relationship Naala, I want you to get to know your sister,"

"Can I order my food?" I said completely ignoring what she just said,

"Yes, I will get someone to come and help you," She huffed lifting her hand up for a waiter to come over.

A waitress shuffled over with a notepad, "What can I get you?"

"Can I have the philly cheesesteak sandwich with a side of fries. Is your Mac and Cheese any good?" I asked the girl.

"We use a special truffle on the top," My mouth watered at the sound of it,

"Ooo, could I have two portions of that," The girl nodded and wrote it down,

"Drinks?"

"A lemonade will be perfect," I smiled closing my menu.

"Anything for you Ma'am?" The waitress asked my mom,

"No please tell the chef to hurry with my daughter's meal," She replied in that stupid accent of hers.

"Wow, your daughter? I would think you were sisters," The waitress smiled putting the notebook in her pocket,

"She wishes," I mumbled, toying with the napkin on the table.

"That will be all Dana," My mom spoke in a blunt tone. The waitress scurried off back towards the kitchen.

I could feel my mother staring at me from the corner of my eye, "Yes?"

"So tell me about yourself, I feel like I don't know you,"

"That's because you don't," I replied slowly, "I don't know what to tell you,"

"You're a lawyer?" She asked me, I twisted my lips to the side,

"I am, I'm on maternity leave at the moment,"

"Wow, you had a baby?" She said with a sad look, "So you have two children, I've missed so much,"

I nodded, "My two babies, Saint and Sinai," I brought out my phone and showed her my screen saver which was the two of them.

"Wow," She said putting her hand over her mouth,

"Are you about to cry?" I can see where I get my sensitivity from,

She wiped a few tears away, "My first daughter has two children, of course I'm going to cry,"

"I guess," I mumbled placing my phone down, "Do you want to play 21 questions so we can get to know each other?" I was being the bigger person, I dreamt of this moment my entire childhood, to be able to speak to my mom, so why would I waste it,

"What's that?" She asked me tilting her head to the side,

"So I ask you a question and you answer, then you ask me a question and then I answer,"

"Ah, so like an interview?"

"Yes," I rolled my eyes playfully, "So you've never played 21 questions?"

"I don't think that's a thing in the UK and besides I had you at 16, didn't have much time for games,"

"You were 16 fooling around with a married man?" I said in shock. She did look young but I didn't she was that young.

"I didn't know he was married," She laughed. That was the first time I'd seen her smile or laugh, "Your father was a holiday romance some might call it. We met when I was on a trip with my father and he was everything my parents warned me about; protective, controlling, easily tempered but aside from that he was gentle and loving. He was my first love, even though it only lasted a few months."

"Did you come back to New York when you found out you were pregnant?"

She nodded and smiled slightly, "When I found out I was pregnant, I was scared and lost. I knew my parents wouldn't let me keep you, so I started saving so I could run away and be with Jacob and we could raise you together. I wore baggy clothes and due to my stature I got away with it. When I was 8 months pregnant, I ran – didn't look back."

"How did my dad take it?" She was really the only one answering questions,

"Not well. Of course, I was 16 and he was 26, with two young girls of his own. I knew we couldn't be together and that broke me so much. Anyway fast forward and I gave birth to you, my angel baby," She whispered the last part, "The doctors said you had a murmer on your heart so they took you away, that was the last time I saw you," Her eyes clouded with tears,

"You can stop," I said watching her get upset. She shook her head,

"No, you deserve to know this," She sniffed, "After about 2 hours, I asked a nurse where you were and she told me you were still in the NICU. Your father turned up a few hours later and told me you- you died. I was hysterical, that sent me into a deep depression. As soon as I was discharged, I took the first flight back to London with my tail in between my legs."

"Wow, why would he do that?" I asked mainly speaking to myself,

"I ask myself that every day, enough about me, what's your full name?"

"Naala Miani Love,"

"He really gave you my name," She said sadly, "I wanted to name you Fallon," She spoke,

"Fallon? Where did he get Naala from?" I said with a confused look,

"Your guess is as good as mine, you always be Fallon in my heart,"

I twisted my lips up because I didn't know what to respond to that.

"Can I call you Fallon?"

"Erm Naala is fine," I said twisting my ring around, being called another name felt weird to me.

"Okay, Naala," She smiled,

I nodded, "How old is your other daughter?"

Her face lit up at that question, I wonder if he face lights up when she speaks about me.

"Her name is Bailey, she's 17," She gushed, "Would you like to see her picture?" I didn't want to mention Bailey was Ameer's middle name but she noticed the change in my mood,

"Did I say something wrong?" She asked with a worried expression,

"No – its just – um, Bailey is my son's middle name. He was Sinai's twin,"

"Was?" She shuddered, "Oh Naala dear I'm so sorry,"

I waved her off and looked away, "It's okay, it was a long time ago,"

"No. Don't downplay it, you lost a child darling – that will never go away," My mom put her hand over mine and I moved it. "Sorry, I just thought—"

"It's fine," I said looking for something to say to change the subject, "Are you with her dad?"

"Yes, he's my husband of 15 years," She smiled wide. Must be nice, I thought.

"Are you married?" She asked pointing to the ring on my left hand,

"No I'm not," I shook my head, playing with the ring on my finger.

"So I haven't missed that," She breathed out. The waitress came over with my food and the drink I requested.

The smell wafted up to my nose making my belly grumble. I thanked her and began digging in straight away, it tasted how it smelt – amazing.

"I feel awkward eating alone," I spoke looking up at her,

"No please, enjoy," She smiled, "I'm just taking in your beauty,"

I nodded awkwardly and carried on eating, she cleared her throat and sat forward.

"So are you with the father of your kids?"

"I am, well, it's a bit complicated," I admitted. I knew me and Amir were together but I couldn't put a time to it as we broke up too often.

"I hope he treats you well," I took a spoon full of the mac and cheese and moaned slightly as the flavours danced in my mouth.

My cheeks heated up as I realised she probably heard me, "He does, we have our moments but I love him and he's a great dad,"

"Good. Your cheeks seem very full, I don't want to be rude but are you pregnant again?"

I put my fork down and swallowed the food in my mouth, "You can tell?" I groaned.

She smiled and clapped her hands, "It's written all over you, I was obsessed with mac and cheese when I was pregnant with you,"

"I normally can't stand it," I mumbled.

"You guys really are trying to make a football team aren't you?" I could see she was intrigued,

"No not really, I actually didn't want anymore kids but here we are,"

"Understandable but if you lay down then you should be able to take care of responsibilities," She preached,

"True but it's too soon. I've finally got to a good place with my mental health and this is just going to throw me back,"

My mom gave me a sympathetic look, "That's my fault, I passed that onto you,"

"The only thing you gave me," I scoffed,

" I thought we were getting somewhere Naala," She sighed leaning forward,

"I'm sorry that I don't want to thank you for making me this messed up person," I said angrily, "You know this is big for me. The old me would have left ages ago, especially after you told me about the family you have that doesn't include me. I'm trying to get used to this but I can't." I said pushing my chair out, "I think this is too much for me, I'm gonna go,"

My 'mom' shot up and held her hand out, "No please Naala stay,"

"Miani stop it," I said calling her by her first name.

"Don't call me that," She gasped holding her chest. She's so dramatic what the hell?