a/n - I'm gonna try and write in first person for this chapter to see if I prefer it. Tell me if you don't like it!

Also, COMMENT + VOTE (you too ghost-readers!)

I rolled over and groaned at the pulsing headache I had. Opening my eyes slowly, I saw the blinds were drawn. The brightness filled the room, making it hard for me to adjust to the sudden brightness. I looked over to the other side of the bed which was unmade, it was obvious that someone slept next to me last night.

The alarm clock on the nightstand read 8:34am, I never sleep in this late so this is very weird.

As I sat up my first thought was Saint. I looked down and my breast were full meaning that he didn't eat last night. I shot out of bed and into the bathroom. My hair was dishevelled and my eyes were tinted red.

"What the hell happened last night?" I mumbled to myself, picking up my toothbrush. I finished my hygiene and left the room.

I walked up to Saint's room and saw the door ajar. I leaned in and saw Dave stood over his cot.

I know this nigga didn't sleep in my bed,

I stood by the door and watched how he interacted with him, a small smile spread on my face as he played with Saint. I cleared my throat to make myself known, when Amir spun around, he picked up Saint protectively.

"What are you doing?" I laughed nervously at the look on his face,

"Love," He said hesitantly,

"Hey baby," I said directly to Saint as I tried to reach for him, only for Dave to step back, "Amir stop playing, hand him here,"

"Naala I don't think that's a good idea." Dave mumbled. I pulled my head back,

"What do you mean? He needs a diaper change or something?" I asked because there was no way he was trying to say I couldn't hold my son.

"You don't remember anything from yesterday?" Dave asked with a confused expression,

"No, I remember going to see Dr Black and then he had his shots," I said trying to remember anything else,

"You had an episode," Dave replied. He had this look in his eye, like he was scared of me.

"I didn't," I said shaking my head. "That's not possible,"

"It is possible when you don't take your fucking medication Naala," He spat back at me,

"Okay don't speak to me like that," I mumbled putting my head down, he knew how felt about people raising their voice at me.

"Nah cos I left you with my son, how can I trust you when you do things like that Naala?" Dave said putting Saint back down. I started to sniffle as he looked at me with sympathetic eyes.

"You think I would hurt them?" I asked, my voice cracking. I hate when that shit happens.

"Naala you thought Saint was kidnapped. You left him outside, with the car running," He explained stepping towards me.

How is that possible? I would never leave my baby on his own.

The voices in my head began to mock me,

They're better off with him, they sneered, you could have killed him.

"Naala!" Dave said making me jump. The look on his face made me think the voices were right, he was scared to be around me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered watching how afraid he was to be around me, "Stop backing up from Amir, I'm not crazy,"

"Let's talk about this outside," He said trying to coach me out of the room.

"No!" I snapped making him back up some more, "Let me hold my son," I pleaded.

Saint babbled in his cot making me look at him. Tears welled up in my eyes as I realised that he really thought I would hurt him.

"Wow," I whispered as he turned to pick Saint up, "Where's Sinai?" I asked getting ready to leave the room.

"She's with my mom," He said rocking Saint up and down. I rolled my eyes because this was just another reason for Sonia to dislike me,

"Why would you do that? She needs to be here, with me," I exclaimed feeling my anger levels rise. He knew how I felt about Sonia and him taking her there was uncalled for.

All my life people have assumed I can't take care of myself or I'm too unstable to handle the truth. No one has ever treated me like a person, that can do things on their own. I was like their pawn, just waiting to be moved around the board.

"Naala you aren't even listening to me," Dave replied dragging me out of the room, "I want the best for you, I want to help you,"

I scoffed, "You think this will help me? Taking my children away from me?"

"I'm not taking them anywhere, you need help." He said staring at me. He pulled me closer so he could wrap his arms around my waist,

"You scared me yesterday Love, it's like you weren't even here," Dave said rubbing my back. That didn't even seem like me but maybe he was telling the truth because I couldn't remember anything.

"I'll get back on my medication," I lied. I was not going to take those meds, they messed with my head more - I needed my head to be clear.

"I've already called in for a refill," Dave said kissing the top of my head. Now this is where I get angry, he thinks I can't do anything for myself.

"Thanks," I whispered, really wanting to spazz out but if I did that it would only prove his point, "Can I hold my baby now?" I asked wishfully, if I had to behave sane in order to stay with my children then I will.

"Yeah come on," He replied giving in. We walked back into Saint's room and I rushed past him to pick Saint up,

"My baby," I said lowly, attacking his face with kisses. I could see Amir staring at me from the corner of my eye, what did he think I was going to do?

"How did you feed him last night?" I asked holding him close to my chest.

"I gave him a bottle, my mom suggested it," The fool said.

If I go mad, will it be worth it?

"You gave him a bottle? He's never had formula," I said calmly staring at Dave. This is the shit that pisses me off, he's taking advice from a bitch that hasn't had a baby in 18 years.

"I didn't want to wake you up," He shrugged. I sucked my teeth,

"Alright Amir, whatever, I'm gonna feed him now so you can go and pick up Sinai," I said taking a seat in the rocking chair. I pulled down my tank top and attached Saint to my nipple. He happily began to eat.

"Why are you still here?" I asked him, "Go and get her. You know how I feel about your mom so I'm struggling to understand why you took my child over there without my consent,"

"She's my kid too," He replied back with attitude,

"That's great for you, just bring her home," I said dismissing him.

"You're coming with me," He said pulling up his sweats, "Fresh air will be good for you," He added,

"Or you don't want me to be left alone with Saint?" I said tilting my head to the side. I knew his plan,

"And that." He stated confidently, "I need to have y'all by my side,"

"Pathetic," I mumbled, "Can I at least get ready?"

"Do what you gotta do Naala but I'm serious, you're not leaving my sight today,"

"You wanna shower with me?" I shot back,

"Only if you want me to," He replied flirtatiously,

Niggas.

"I don't," I smiled. Saint was done eating so I lifted up my top and put him on my shoulder,

"You've got an 1 hour Naala," Dave said before leaving the room,

I thought I wasn't leaving his sight today?

"Don't worry I'm still watching," He said as if he read my mind. I rolled my eyes discreetly, I love him so much but I also can't stand him.

"Love you too!" He shouted from down the hallway,

"Get out of my head!" I shouted back, smiling softly. Even with everything going on, he always finds a way to make me smile.

I laid Saint down on the changing table, grabbing a fresh diaper from the pack. "Your daddy doesn't know how to change you," I mumbled analysing the botched job Dave did. He thinks he could take care of Saint on his own but couldn't even change him.

When I finished changing him, I got him dressed in a new baby-grow. I gently rocked Saint to sleep allowing my mind wander. I want to be better for him and Sinai but that medication paralysed me. I don't feel myself with it, I never do.

I laid Saint back down and stared at him sleep. I watched his little chest go up and down,

How could I hurt him?

My phone vibrated against the table, snapping me out of my thoughts. I opened up Instagram and smiled immediately,

All the comments were full of how much Saint looked like me, a few comments insinuating that Saint wasn't his.

A particular comment made me roll my eyes hard. Millie didn't know when to quit. I guess the ass whooping wasn't enough.

"You good?" Dave asked sticking his head in the room, making me jump.

"You don't have to keep checking in on me, I'm fine. Do you think I'm gonna suffocate him?" I snapped at him, putting my phone onto the table.

"I know you're angry right now but stop snapping at me Naala, I'm just checking on you," The look on his face was mostly sadness, that's how everyone looks at me - like they feel sorry for me.

I sighed, "My bad, this is -"

Dave moved closer to me and lifted my head up cutting me off, "I'm on your side Love, let me in. I ain't going nowhere till you let me help you." He said before leaning down and kissing me.

"I don't want you to take them away, they're all I have," I mumbled leaning into him,

"Don't say that, you have me. I'm not taking them away but you've got to change mama," He spoke wiping my face,

"I want to, I need them," I admitted. I wouldn't be able to live without my children.

"Then you gotta get back on the meds and see Dr Black more often," Dave replied, "You know they suggested a psych hold."

I pulled out of the hug straight away, "I can't do that again," I said quickly.

When I attempted to kill myself 4 years ago, I was put on a psychiatric ward for a month. That was the worst experience I'd ever had. The thought of it made my heart rate speed up and my mouth run dry.

"Hey, calm down," Dave said rubbing my back,

"I can't go back," I cried softly, my hands shaking. Dave picked up on it and hugged me tighter.

"You won't, I won't let that happen," He whispered to me,

"Why can't I just be normal?" I cried into his chest. That was a daily thought of mine.

"You aren't normal. You're crazy as hell but you're my little crazy," Dave smirked pecking my lips.

"That's not gonna make me feel better," I sniffed wiping away a few stray tears.

"I know something else that will make you feel better," He said looking down at me.

"Sex?" I asked hopefully. To tell the truth, abstaining from sex was too long for me.

"No," He said laughing. "No sex till you're stable."

Stable? Who's that?

"I'll call Gray then," I shrugged, getting out of his arms and walking out of the room. I headed to the bathroom and turned the shower on.

5,4,3,2,1 ...

"You've got me fucked up," Dave said staring me down.

"You're so predictable" I laughed hitting his chest.

"You gon' fuck with Greg?" Dave asked leaning on the counter. He's so petty, he knows damn well that his name is Gray.

"I'm gonna do me, I suggest you do the same." I said lifting my top over my head. I stepped out of my shorts and threw it all in the laundry hamper.

"Naala," He said staring at me, "I'm not playing with you," He said softly grabbing my neck. He pushed me up on the wall, he leaned down and sucked on my neck.

"I thought we said no sex?" I asked trying to suppress a moan,

"Who said anything about sex?" He whispered running his fingers along my slit. I shivered at the feeling. Before I could reply, he plunged his fingers in making me moan out in pleasure.

"Ohh," I moaned as he pumped in and out,

"You gon' call Gray?" He grunted in my ear, the feeling of him going in and out of me was euphoric.

"Yes," I moaned to piss him off. That made him go faster, adding more fingers,

"Naala," He said into my ear, making me moan louder. "Call him then,"

"N-no," I stuttered biting my lip,

"No?" Dave asked dropping down and replacing his fingers with his tongue.

"Amir," I panted as he flicked his tongue up and down, speeding up at some points then slowing back down.

As I reached my peak, he slipped one finger back in, making me throw my head back in pleasure

"I'm gonna -"

"No you're not," He smiled before slipping his finger out of me and getting up. I gasped and gave him a glare,

"What the hell?" I whined, "That's not fair,"

"Go find Gray," He chuckled stepping away from me and taking his shirt and shorts off, jumping in the shower. My shower.

"Fuck you!" I growled, stepping into the shower too,

"You wish you could," Dave laughed grabbing MY washcloth.

I snatched it back and stepped in front of him, "You're hogging all the water,"

"Now you've got attitude," Dave laughed gripping my waist.

"Damn right," I said turning around.

Two can play that game.

"Naala stop playing," He groaned as I grabbed his dick and squeezed it,

"I'm not playing," I said innocently, batting my eyelashes. I began to play with the tip slightly,

"Aight, that's enough," He mumbled trying to move my hands.

"You sure?" I teased stroking him gently. I smirked at his stuck look and got on my knees. I swirled my tongue on the tip, maintaining eye contact.

"Naala stop bro," He said groaning as I took him all into my mouth. I tickled his balls and continued working on his dick,

When I saw him getting close, I popped him out of my mouth and shot up, "Sucks doesn't it?" I said smiling.

"Move," He said, washing off the soap and getting out of the shower,

"Not so nice when it's the other way round is it?" I laughed continuing my shower.

~~

I pulled into my mom's driveway and turned to Naala. She was asleep with her head resting on the window. Her face was bare, and her hair was up in a messy bun. She was dressed down but still looked amazing.

My sexy crazy ass, I laughed to myself.

I looked in the back and Saint was wide awake surprisingly, staring back at me. I sighed as I thought of the events of the day before. I've never seen Naala that way and to be honest, it scared the shit out of me. I was genuinely considering the psych hold but Saint is still breast feeding, that's what saved her.

"Love," I said nudging her softly. She stirred in her sleep and opened one eye,

"I'm not coming in," She mumbled getting ready to go back to sleep.

I sucked my teeth, "What do you mean you not coming in?"

"Exactly that, I'm not in the mood for your mom," She replied sitting up in her seat and reaching in the back to check on Saint.

"What went down with y'all?" I asked. I went away for 3 months and now all of a sudden my mom couldn't stand Naala.

"When I used to drop the kids off, she started being mad disrespectful. I didn't do anything," Naala shrugged.

"That doesn't sound like her," I mumbled, making Naala huff.

"This is why I didn't tell you," She rolled her eyes,

"What did she say to you?" I asked as I saw the change in her mood. I knew she must have said something terrible.

"She called me a bad mom," Naala said lowly. I could see she was upset.

"Man," I sighed tugging on my beard, "I'ma speak to her,"

Naala shook her head quickly, "I don't want a fuss, that will just make her hate me more,"

"She doesn't hate you," I replied before grabbing her hand, "We're a family so what she says to you, she says to me,"

Naala smiled lightly, "I love you," She said before leaning over and kissing my lips,

"I love you too," I said licking my lips, "I didn't tell her about yesterday," I added,

"Thank you," She sighed, "I don't need her to think she's right about me,"

"You think you're a bad mom?" I asked her, rubbing her thigh.

"I feel like I've failed them," Naala admitted, "Maybe they are better off without me,"

"Stop saying things like that." I spoke sincerely, wiping the tears that fell, "You're the best mom I know, stop beating yourself up" I said truthfully,

"I don't feel like it," She sniffed, "I feel drained,"

"What you need is a break, come to Miami with me," I said. It was already booked, all she had to say was yes.

"What about Saint?" She asked wiping her tears.

"You've still got that pump right?" I asked, "We will go for 2 days max."

"I don't know," Naala spoke hesitantly, "I don't want to leave him again," She pouted looking back at him.

"He'll be fine. I will speak to my mom and tell her to chill on the disrespect," I said convincingly. I did need to talk to my mom because Naala has enough on her plate.

"2 days?" She asked tilting her head to the side,

"2 days." I said firmly, "Remember that show I have that I wanted you to bring the kids to?"

Naala nodded, "I remember, you sure you don't want them to come?"

"You need the break more," I replied squeezing her hand.

Naala sighed heavily, "Let's do it," She said smiling softly,

"That's my girl," I smirked grabbing her chin and kissing her lips lightly, "Now let's go get our baby,"

a/n - do y'all prefer the way I wrote this chapter or should I stick to the usual? This was really just a filler to keep y'all in the loop!

Questions about the chapter:

1. Should Naala go with Dave to Miami? Or do you think it's a recipe for disaster?

2. Her episode? Do you think it's safe for them to jump straight back into a relationship?