"I'm here for my 11am appointment," Naala said pulling her sunglasses off her face and standing at the receptionist desk. She had finally booked a meeting with her therapist. Naala had taken the day off as it was holiday season and barely anyone was in the office.

"She will be just a second," The receptionist smiled, alerting Dr Black that Naala had arrived,

Naala nodded and moved over to the side to take a seat. Today was the day before thanksgiving and Naala knew a therapy session was in order. Holiday seasons were the worst times for her because for the majority of her life she has felt alone. Even with a room full of 'family', Naala never felt apart of one . This year will be the first year she is actually spending it with people she loves - Dave and Sinai.

"Hi Naala," Dr Black said popping her head out of her office and signalling Naala over to her. She got up and sauntered into the room.

"Take a seat where ever you feel comfortable," Her therapist said. Naala took a seat on the couch directly in front of Dr Black and almost sunk into the chair - it was that comfortable.

"I see you are showing now," Dr Black smiled, her eyes on Naala's round stomach.

"Yes," Naala smiled, "I've hit the 4 month mark now," She said with a light smile.

"How do you feel?" Dr Black said picking up her notepad and pen,

"I feel normal, the cravings are crazy but I went through it all before," Naala said dismissively.

Dr Black nodded, "And the father? How is he?" Naala smiled at the thought of Dave. He had truly been her light in all the darkness. It felt too good to be true.

"He's amazing, he doesn't let me lift a finger at home. He's always there when I need anything," Naala replied her smile faltering slightly,

"What was that?" Her therapist said, catching the change in her energy.

"What was what?" Naala asked confused, she rearranged her self in her seat. She could never get over the fact that her therapist could see right through her.

"You said he's always there when I need anything and then your smile dropped," Her therapist explained, "What's wrong?"

Naala sighed, "Erm, the father of my children is a musician as you know," Her therapist nodded in acknowledgement of the statement, "He recently released an album and he may be going on tour soon," Naala explained,

"Ah, so he will be leaving the state quite often?" Dr Black asked,

"Exactly," Naala nodded, "It's silly really, I don't know why I'm talking about this," Naala muttered,

"Have you discussed with him this tour?" Her therapist questioned,

"Yes we've spoken about it and I told him that if he feels like he needs to go then he should," Naala explained,

"But you didn't mean it?" Dr Black said causing Naala to shrug, "So you don't want him to go,"

"I don't," Naala confirmed, "He missed my last pregnancy and I don't want him to miss this one,"

"You don't want to be alone," Dr Black said firmly, "Can I tell you why?" Dr Black asked,

"Please do," Naala nodded. Internally she had an incline as to why she was so worried about Dave leaving.

"You are saying you don't want him to miss the pregnancy, but you don't want to be alone through your pregnancy. When you mentioned him you said 'the father of my children' but from what I know, that's your boyfriend. You don't want to use that term because you're afraid that he's going to leave." Naala didn't reply, she listened intensely,

"All you've ever known is loneliness. The first person who was ever meant to love you, to lead you, to care for you - left." Naala raised her brow,

"Who?" Naala quizzed,

"Your mother," Dr Black spoke intelligently, "Your mother, who is the first person to watch us grow and give us that motherly love - left,"

Tears stung Naala's eyes as she thought about her mom. Due to her dying during childbirth she never knew her and that was something that burned her, her entire life.

"But she didn't choose to leave," Naala whispered, trying to hold in the tears that were on the brink of falling, "It was my fault,"

"She didn't," Her therapist agreed, "How is it your fault," She asked,

"If I wasn't born she would still be alive," Naala shrugged mindlessly,

"Naala you couldn't have controlled that. That was out of your hands, you need to understand that sometimes people we love can leave - but that's okay because it's a part of life - a part we can't change." Dr Black said as tears fell from Naala's eyes.

"But why do they always leave me?" Naala muttered, "It's not fair, I'm always there for everybody but no one is ever there for me"

"What about your boyfriend? Your daughter? They are there for you,"Dr Black reminded her,

"But they are going to leave me one day," Naala cried, "Just like everyone else,"

"Everyone else?" Dr Black repeated, "Who else,"

"My mom, m-my son," She replied, tears falling as she mentioned Ameer, Sinai's twin brother.

"Your son died at birth correct?" Her therapist asked, "Again, that was something you couldn't have controlled," She explained,

"I could have! He came from me - I should have been able to protect him. I didn't save him, I failed at being a mother before I even got the chance." Naala said lowly, her voice feeling hoarse,

"You believe that everything is within your control Naala, but that is not how life works. In your head, the first time you lost control was when your mother died and then after that a series of events took place that you couldn't control. Sometimes you need to sit back and realise that the world moves on its own, it's not down to you to spin it." Dr Black spoke,

Naala nodded, tears falling dow her face at a rapid pace. "It's easier said than done. I need to have some sense of control over my life, I've been controlled for far too long so I need to take my own life back,"

"What do you mean 'you have been controlled for far too long'?" Her therapist said, looking up from her notepad,

Naala cleared her throat, "My ex boyfriend controlled every aspect of my life. My money, what I did on a day to day basis, down to my weight. He controlled everything." Naala's mind drifted to Darnell, those had to be the hardest 5 years of her life. She had never really opened up to anyone the extent of the abuse she suffered under his care.

"How does that make you feel?" Dr Black said looking at Naala shift in her seat.

"It makes me feel weak. I feel like I allowed him to break me down into such a small person, that now that's all I am. Just a weak, small person." Naala replied,

"But you've moved on. You are living happily with your boyfriend," She said emphasising the boyfriend part, "You are expecting a new baby, what more could you want?" Her therapist asked,

Naala shrugged. She had never thought of it that way. She had always believed that Darnell had broken her and that was it. She never saw a way out.

"I want you to do something for me," Dr Black started, "I think what you need is closure. You've never been able to say goodbye to all the people that left you - they just left. So I would like you and your family to hold a service, a final good-bye if you wish" Naala nodded, "I want you to tell them everything you would want to say if they were alive today,"

"I will see if we can," Naala said quietly, "I've never really talked about my son with his twin sister. I don't think she will understand,"

"That can be your first step, explain to her how it felt for you, that will help you too." Dr Black spoke honestly.

"I will try," Naala said nodding, she looked at her watch and say it was already 12:00pm.

"That brings our session to a close, good job today Naala - well done." Her therapist praised her. Naala just smiled, she didn't think she had done anything worth praising. That session just dredged up a lot of feelings that she had been working hard to repress. The therapist let her out and she walked to her car straight away.

As soon as she got into the car, the tears that she had been holding in finally broke free. She laid her head on her steering wheel and sobbed loudly. Everything that Dr Black had said to her had stuck with her, she couldn't control what happened and she needed to stop blaming herself for everything. Blame was a copying mechanism for Naala - if she blamed herself then the pain wouldn't be as bad.

As she cried she thought about everything. Her mom dying, Dave leaving her, the loss of her son, Darnell's constant abuse. Everything started to swim around her head, the pain nearly suffocating her. She began to hyperventilate, her breathing becoming increasingly shallow. As Naala struggled to breathe, the first thing she thought about was her baby.

With a shaky hand, she grabbed her phone and dialled the first number on her call log. Her breathing still laboured,

"Baby, you on your way home?" Dave asked as soon as the phone connected,

"I-I c-can't - " Naala tried to speak but her heart was beating fast and the words couldn't come out. It was like someone had wrapped a rope around her neck and was holding it tight - she couldn't breathe.

"Baby? Naala," Dave called out as he heard her struggling to talk, "Shit," He said as he realised she was probably having a panic attack. Dave checked to see if she was still sharing her location and she was,

"I'm coming baby, I'ma be there in 5 minutes, keep breathing for me baby - please," He rushed out grabbing his keys quickly. Luckily he was at the studio which wasn't far from her therapist's office.

"T-the baby," Naala gasped trying to speak but she was still choking on her words,

"Don't try and talk mama, I'm coming," Dave said, "Stay on the phone with me, let's breathe together okay?" He coached, "In and out, slowly," Dave said as he sped down the highway. Naala copied his breathing,

"That's it baby just in and out," He spoke as he heard her sobs cease, "Think about the baby, think about Nai - she needs you Naala," Dave reminded her, causing Naala to cry harder - she couldn't do this anymore.

"I'm almost there Love, breathe in and out, just like that," He said as he heard her breathing in and out,

Dave sped through the traffic, passing multiple red lights. He didn't like the idea of her having a panic attack all on her own. He was kicking himself for letting her go to her session alone, he normally drops her off and waits for her in the parking lot.

"I'm almost here Love," He repeated as the other side of the phone was silent. Naala had finally calmed down but tears still cascaded down her face,

Dave pulled into the parking lot and spotted Naala's car. He didn't even park properly before he jumped out of the car and raced to hers.

"Unlock the door," Dave said pulling the handle. Naala unlocked the door quickly and Dave pulled her into a hug,

"What's going on mama," He spoke softly rubbing her back. Naala sniffled, she was happy to be in his arms.

"I just got overwhelmed," Naala croaked, her voice coarse from the sobbing she was doing.

"You scared me," Dave muttered, "What bought this on?" He asked her as she sat back in her seat.

Naala shrugged, "Everything," She spoke blankly. Dave decided to leave it for now, there was no point pushing her to speak about it before she was ready.

"You're not driving home like this," Dave said shaking his head. He pulled out his phone and sent Bully a message to come and get his car from there, adding his location at the end of the message.

"Come on," He said helping her out of the driver's seat. He helped her over to the passenger side and then jogged back over to the driver's side. Dave started the car up and left the parking lot,

"I'm sorry," Naala mumbled staring at the side of his face, "I interrupted your studio session,"

Dave looked at her as if she was crazy, "I don't give a fuck about that, you are my main priority,"

Naala huffed and looked out of the window. She found that very hard to believe.

Yes Dave has showed her the depths of his love but he still left her when she was at her most vulnerable stage. That was something she didn't realise she wasn't over until now.

Naala didn't have a chance to be angry at him for leaving because she was too busy trying to apologise from keeping Sinai from him.

It was like she was the only one in the wrong where in reality, Dave had left her in the lurch.

"Whatchu thinking about over there," Dave said as he watched Naala in deep thought. Naala looked over at him with a expression that he didn't recognise,

"Why did you leave?" She said quietly staring at him,

"Leave where?" Dave said with a confused expression, "The studio? I told you --"

"No not the studio," Naala said a bit louder, "Why did you leave New York?" She quizzed.

Dave's face contorted in confusion for a few moments, before he realised what she had meant. "I left because it was a toxic ass environment mama," Dave explained,

"You didn't just leave the environment, you left me." Naala said firmly, "You left me when I needed you the most and on top of that you didn't want to be found. I reached out so many times but you never replied. You know, I've been blaming myself for Sinai not having a father for 4 years - but it's not my fault, it's yours" She had finally realised it.

"Why are you saying this now?" Dave asked stopping at a red light, "Why now?" He repeated,

"Because I hated myself for the longest time!" Naala shouted, "I've been blaming myself all this time. Do you know how that feels? To think that I am the cause of my daughter's unhappiness," She said, her voice cracking,

"So what do you want me to do?" Dave spoke looking over at her, "I've apologised countless times Naala,"

"I don't want you to do anything, I just want you to know that it's your fault," Naala shrugged,

"Why are you doing that? Don't dismiss the conversation that you brought up," Dave said angrily, "You wanna talk? Talk," He said raising his voice,

"I'm not trying to argue with you Amir, I'm really not," Naala said keeping her voice as flat as possible,

"You don't make no fucking sense man, why did you feel the need to bring this up right now?" Dave asked tugging on his beard,

"I brought it up because I felt it needed to be said." Naala replied, "I wasn't trying to argue,"

"So you randomly bringing up the past is not trying to argue with me?" Dave chuckled, "Naala you are about to blow me, I swear,"

"Whatever Amir, I said what I said." Naala answered, bringing out her phone. She went to instagram and sucked her teeth,

"Why does this bitch keep mentioning my name?" Naala said out loud as she read Millie's tweets that were reposted.

"What wrong now?" Dave said looking at her scroll through the comments,

"Your other bitch, that's what's wrong," Naala said loudly, "She always has my name in her mouth, I am never checking for her but she's always checking for me."

"Stay off the blogs, they just being messy," Dave said calmly, pulling into their driveway,

"Nah, I'm done playing nice. I've been trying to be the bigger person but I'm over it now," Naala said,

"Don't be fighting with her on the internet," Dave mumbled, "You're bigger than that,"

"You want me to fight her in real life?" Naala asked, she's been waiting to beat someone's ass.

"Shut your pregnant ass up," Dave chuckled, "I'ma deal with it," He assured,

"How? You just gon' post something and then make it more messy," Naala replied huffing. Every time Dave said he was going to sort something out, he ended up posting on instagram to shut Millie up.

"So what do you want me to do?" Dave asked her, putting the car in park,

Naala shrugged, "Get her in check Amir, she's doing way too much," Naala commented,

"I'ma set her straight, don't you worry," Dave mumbled. Naala huffed and attempted to push her door open,

"Wait Love, stop," Dave said pulling her back, "We good?" He asked sincerely. They hadn't resolved their argument,

"I wasn't trying to argue, I just wanted you to see where I'm coming from. I've only realised today that I shouldn't have to carry the burden of all this pain when you should have been there," Naala said truthfully,

"I get that, but we normally communicate better than that," Dave said softly, "I hate shouting with you,"

"You were the one that started getting loud," Naala said, "I think we rushed into this." She said before pausing, "Don't get me wrong, I love you and I love our little family but something needs to change,"

"I agree," Dave nodded, "Your therapist does couple sessions?" He asked. He wasn't a huge fan of therapy but if that is what will mend the cracks in their relationship than he would happily go.

Naala smiled softly, "You would do that for me?" She cooed, "I can ask her,"

"I would do anything for you," Dave said smugly, "Now let's get inside so you can tell me what y'all discussed,"

"We have homework," Naala said, "Well I have homework but I want you there with me," She said correcting herself.

"I'm cool with it," Dave said shrugging, "As long as it's not no mind reading shit," Dave said sternly. He didn't fuck with mind games,

"You're so silly," Naala said getting out of the car, Dave was behind her as they walked into the grand foyer of their home.

"You hungry?" Dave asked as Naala set her purse down and stepped out of her sneakers.

"Always," Naala groaned walking towards the refrigerator, "I gotta get started on the food for tomorrow," Naala mumbled.

"You gotta make that sweet potato pie as well," Dave said, practically drooling over the idea of the pie.

Naala walked to their room and threw on an oversized t shirt and put her hair in a bun so she could get started on the food. She walked back out the kitchen where Dave stood by the refrigerator sipping a Gatorade.

"I don't have stuff for that, you have to pick up the ingredients when you go and get Nai," Naala said referring to the pie, as she pulled out the things she needed for the food.

Dave nodded, "Alright," He spoke whilst wrapping his arms around her belly, "Why don't you feed my lil nigga before cooking," He said into her neck.

Naala moved away from him, "What have I told you about calling him that?" Naala pouted, "We need to think of names soon,"

"Easy, Dave Jr." Dave said nonchalantly, Naala drew her head back and moved over to the sink to start washing out the oxtail,

"I'm not naming my son that," She said with a stale face, "That's ugly as hell,"

"Rude," Dave chuckled, "Watch his name be Dave Jr." Dave said convincingly,

"Watch me stick my foot up your ass," Naala said with a smile. Dave gasped and walked over to her,