I sit in this field, but I really miss my sister. I have enjoyed being wrapped in my dads arms, and to see my moms but I need to feel Nia. I hear them talking, I feel someone hold and kiss my hand. I hear Jay talk to me a lot. Some times I wish he would shut the hell up, but then again his words are comforting. My dad told me to give him a chance, but how can I when I literally ripped to shreds.

Most people don't think like this, but this is what I have become from all Trey has done to me. I could never understand how he could be so evil. I use to think the world was full of love and was safe. He changed my mind on a lot of things. A lot of things I can't get back and so much that will take time to heal. I fell numb. Almost like my body has no soul. I don't know who I've become. The pain has consumed me so much, that I don't know if I even know how to love people other than my sister. I'm just shocked beyond belief, and am so happy I never turned to drugs, but my parents never taught me that, and I was never into anything to even be curious. I touch my hand as I feel someone hold it again.

The hand is different this time though. It's still a male hand but it's not Jays, I can tell Jay hand apart from anyone. Crazy huh, then I hear words. But I don't know the voice.

"Well hello Nae, God he did a number on your face and body." the voice spoke.

All I can think is where is Jay, I don't know who this is. Why are they here talking to me. I was about to freak the hell out, but then my parents stood before me. "Nae you gotta wake up baby. Be strong, we love you." my dad said as they each hugged me, and I kissed my baby one last time before everything began to fade, and I fell into nothingness. I had nothing to grab onto, nothing to stop me from falling, but I still heard this person talking. "You have to keep quiet. I have worked to hard to get him to make it this far, and you won't ruin my child's life either. " Then he were interrupted. "Dr. Burk? What are doing In my patients room?" I guess my doctor asked. When he said Burk my heart began to race and I guess the monitor went crazy. "I'm sorry Dr. Hardy, I must have the wrong room." he said I guess leaving. "OK, LaNyiah I know you can hear me. You're safe please calm down. Nurse get me some Valium 5mg IV stat. " Dr. Hardy spoke, as the nurse replied yes sir.

They must have put it in my IV because I begin to relax. Then I heard Jay come back in. "WTF happened to my girl?!" he yelled. Why he yelling and I'm not his girl, ugh. "Sir calm down we just gave her meds. She was having some sort of panic attack." Dr. Hardy said. "How when she has been damn near none responsive?" he asked.

I opened my eyes to see Jay about to lay out my doctor until he looked into my eyes. He stared at me as if he was dreaming. The doctor turned to see what he was looking at and he walked over to me.

"Hello darling, I'm Dr. Hardy your doctor here. Nod your head if you can hear, and understand me." I nodded my head and he smiled. "Yeah man, get her up here, Nae just woke up. Someone scared the hell outta her but ion know who. " Jay said into the phone I'm sure it's Ty. "OK, we are going to do a CT scan." He said pushing my bed along with a nurse. Fear took over Trey's dad is here. I grabbed Jays hand and gripped it for life. He looked in my eyes I'm sure he saw fear. "Yo Doc, I'm going with her." Jay said. He wasn't asking but telling. "Yes, sir that's fine, It doesn't look like she's letting go of you any time soon." The Doc replied.

He must have really known. I wasn't letting go. I was sore all over, but I kept looking around with my eyes. I'll never forget that voice now. I know the name. I was squeezing Jays hand, as tears flowed down the side of my face. I was hoping he saw the fear in my eyes. I didn't want him to let go. I didn't want him to leave my side.

"Hold up Doc." he leaned down to me before continuing. "Baby talk to me, I'm not leaving you, I promise. Is someone here?" all I could do was cry and nod my head. He looked up and looked around, and so did I. It hurt to talk but I pulled him closer and whispered while shaking.

"Trey's dad is here. He's going to find me again." and then I was totally hysterical until they put something in my IV and I was out. I didn't float or anything. It was like I was sleeping. When I woke back up, I looked around and found Jay sitting on the chair with his head against my thigh, Nia in Ty lap leaned back looking into the ceiling and Ty sleep.

Jay had some paper by him so I picked it up and threw it at Nia. "Who, the fuck!?" Nia whisper yelled as I laughed at her and she looked over at me. She smiled and jumped up and came near me; her face was full of tears as she wiped mines. "Bitch, you hit me with paper." she whispered as I grabbed her hand. "How long have you been here?" I gritted my teeth from the pain. "Two hours. They had to put you out." She said in concerned tone and look on her face.

In the mist of us whispering I feel movement on my leg. I looked down, and see Jay smiling up at me. I swear I could look at him, everyday but I'm not for him. He needs to find someone better. I dropped my head as tears fell. He stood and Nia backed up, where she going? He got in the bed slowly and gently lifted me into his chest. It hurt but I was relaxed, and I felt safe and that was an entirely new scary feeling.

"Jay, you gotta umm, I mean." I couldn't get my. Words together from confusion and the pain. He pressed the button and nurse came in and put something in my IV again.

"Woman we will talk when you heal. Take your ass to sleep." He said I tried fighting the meds, but it didn't work I was out like a light.

He has to find someone better. I am to broken and ruined. But he was so warm and safe. But I am no good for him. I could get use to this but I'm just gonna enjoy the moment while it last. Once he realizes he will be gone to.

I was sitting here thinking, smoking, and drinking when my phone rung. It was my dad. We have a cool relationship. He keeps me out of trouble. Like he covers up my drug habit, and the whole thing about me beating my ex to death. She said I was too controlling, and tried to leave. I snapped and beat her to death. I answered the phone.

"Hey pops what's good." I answered. "That girl Nyiah or whatever her name is here. Did you do it? Lay low, I can only cover you so much." and with that he hung up.

"Well I fucking love you too. All she had to do was give me my pussy. I thought I trained her, but I'll train her better when I get her back, then she will carry, and have my baby. If she wasn't acting so scared the first time, I wouldn't have snapped and beat her ass.

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Enjoy, we love y'all.