Katia

It's been months since my birthday. My final year of college is already underway and I couldn't be happier. I can't wait to get out of this place. I picked this school because Christine was here and I would have done anything back then to have her instruct me. Honestly, I still would. Our new teacher is nice enough but I think that's the problem. She's too nice. We dance in her class but we hardly learn anything. She never points out our errors. How are we supposed to learn if we never get told what we're doing wrong? She's one of those people that thinks everyone should get a trophy just for participating. An idea I've never subscribed to. Especially when it comes to dance. I miss Chris and not just because she's my girlfriend. Most of the time I just save my energy until I get to her house and we'll go over whatever I "learned" in class so she can critique me. There's been chatter and rumors about why she quit. None of the stories have been right so far. One or two were kind of close. Nobody really knows. Nobody except Liv, Tori, or myself. So the secret is safe.

Speaking of Chris, I think not having a job is starting to get to her. She was okay at first. She started painting a lot more and doing projects around the house. She was hanging out with Lindsey a lot but now it's almost like she's getting cabin fever. She's restless and she makes comments about feeling useless. Then when I ask her about it or try to comfort her she'll say she was only joking. It doesn't feel like a joke though. It feels like contempt or worse, resentment. Which I was afraid of. Liv says I'm thinking too much into it. She might be right. It's not like we fight about or she makes me feel bad. I just worry. I can't help it.

I spoke to my mom and dad. Together and separately. I just wanted the truth. I thought that maybe if they were in the same room there would be no way their stories wouldn't align. It took a little shouting and a few tears but we got to the bottom of it and the truth came out. Apparently both of their stories had a little truth to them. My father was controlling. My mother did try to see us once or twice. My father used his money to bribe her, knowing she was desperate and needed it. She took the money with the promise of just forgetting us and she did just that. They were both wrong and I was hurt. Even Kandace was a little upset. Though, she handled it a lot better than I did. I still don't talk to mom or dad much at all. They both call from time to time but I keep it short. I make it a point to never disclose anything too personal. He still pays for my school. Every so often my mother will send photos of Kristopher. Those do make me happy.

I still go to therapy, but only because I want to. I really think it helps. Having someone to talk to who isn't so emotionally invested in me or my actions is so appreciated. Sometimes Evelyn doesn't even try to offer solutions. She knows I just need someone to vent to. I usually feel one hundred percent better by the end of session. I'm eating regularly now. Maybe too much some days but I exercise a lot between running with Liv and dancing. So I don't worry about my weight nearly as much as I used to. Don't get me wrong, it definitely crosses my mind but it's not the only thing there.

I've started thinking about graduating and life after college. It's exciting and nerve wrecking as hell. I'm still not sure what I want to do. I mean, I know I want to dance but someone has to hire me first. I can't do it for free. Of course Mistress has offered more than once to take care of me and get me everything my heart desires. Which I don't doubt for a second she would be more than happy to do but I'm not sure I'm completely comfortable with the idea just yet.

Liv and Leah are still going at it. Liv told me she's starting to fall in love with her. Which means maybe she's finally falling out of love with me. I'd like to say that I'm happy about that but a part of me, a very dark and selfish part, is afraid something between us will change. I mean so much already has. We still hang out and we're still best friends but it's different. The way it felt this time last year is long gone. We're both different people now and I guess that's expected as we get older but seeing it play out leaves a little sadness in my heart. A little hole where her adoration for me use to fill. In a way I guess I always thought of Liv as a safety net. It sounds bad to say and feels worse to admit but I did. I just knew if things didn't work out with Chris and I wanted to be with someone I could be with her. Now, I'm not sure. Even if I could I wouldn't ruin her relationship with Leah. She's so sweet. She wouldn't deserve it.

I shake the thought from my head. It's so easy to get lost in hypothetical situations sometimes. I turn the corner and slam right into Beverly. I laugh internally. If there's a God, I'm sure at this point he really hates me. She starts picking up the folders and pens she had in her hand. I don't really want to help her but I'm not a complete asshole. Kandace would kick me if she saw me helping this bitch. I pick a few pens up from the ground.

She gives me a tight lipped smile. "We should stop meeting like this."

I roll my eyes and keep walking.

"Katia, Wait." She says walking behind me.

I pause for a second before turning to face her. I've had so many daydreams about slamming her head into a wall. It's so tempting.

"What?"

She sighs. "Can we talk? For just a second."

"No." I turn to leave again but this time she grabs me by my wrist. I look down at her hand and she lets me go immediately.

She holds her hand up. "I shouldn't have done that."

"What do you want, Beverly?" I ask folding my arms across my chest.

She sighs. "I'm sorry. Okay? For everything."

I stare at her blankly. What does she expect her apology to do now? The damage is done.

"For what I said and did to Chris. I'm sorry. I'm sure you probably hate me too. I don't blame you. I was hurting and I thought what I did would make me feel better."

"Did it?" I ask.

"For a second but then I was still sad."

"Good." I say.

She frowns. "I guess I deserve that."

I groan. She looks so pathetic. I wish I could be as much of a hard ass as Kandace but it's just not in me. "You do but..." I sigh, "it doesn't really matter now. I wouldn't worry about it too much if I was you." I think since time has passed and we've moved past the incident, I've actually stopped hating her.

She perks up a little. "How is Chris? Has she found another job? I tried to call but I think she blocked my number."

I chuckle and clear my throat. I did that actually but she doesn't need to know that. "Would you want to talk to you?" I ask

She shakes her head no. "I've just been thinking about her. Hoping she's okay. You know?"

"She's fine." I lie. "I have to go."

"Okay. Thanks for the chat."

I nod and rush towards the exit. Nope, still hate her.

___________________________________________

Christine

I just finished rearranging most of the furniture in the house for the second time this week. I'm here so often I get bored with the layout. I've been thinking about ordering new furniture honestly. I like the furniture I have now but maybe I need a little color to brighten the place up. Yeah. That's probably what it is. The monochromatic theme I have going on here is bringing me down. I sit down at the dining table and click around on my laptop. I search for different color schemes that I think would like nice in my house. Of course I'd have to paint the entire house. That could be fun. I should probably hire professionals but then what would I do all day? I think I've read every book in the house. I've cleaned everything from my painting studio down to the cellar. There's not a speck of dust anywhere.

Not working was okay at first. I dare to call it relaxing even. Waking up whenever I wanted, hanging out with Katia whenever she wasn't at school. It was all good. Now it's driving me crazy. I've been trying to play it cool for Katia's sake. I know she worries about me. However, it's taking its toll. I know I need to do something else but for some reason I can not make myself fill out a job application. I didn't even apply for the job at the university. They sought me out. I accepted because I was over the tour life. I was still trying to heal from the sudden death of my parents and thought the stability would help. It did. I was able to get into a routine. I fell in love with it. The teaching. The students. Watching them grow as people and as dancers. It was rewarding. I don't feel like I'm fulfilling any purpose. I feel useless. Lindsey says it's good that I'm taking a break. She says I deserve it. Though, it doesn't really matter if I deserve it or not. I don't want it.

I hear the front door open and light footsteps approaching the kitchen. I swear Katia walks on the tips of her toes at all times. It's almost impossible to hear her coming. I guess my ears are just trained to listen now. She wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me on the cheek.

"Watching porn again?" She asks staring at the laptop screen.

I sigh. "I already told you. That was not porn. It was a performance piece."

She laughs and lets go of me. "If you say sooooo." She goes to the refrigerator and grabs a bottle of water before sitting in the chair next to me.

I chuckle and roll my eyes. "Anyway, no. I was thinking about painting and getting new furniture. These are some of the colors I like. Do you like any of them?"

"Does it matter if I like them?" She asks.

"What?"

"No I just mean it's your house. My opinion doesn't really matter."

"It is my house but you live here too."

She makes a face. "I do not live here."

"When is the last time you slept or even went to your apartment?" I ask.

She fiddles with her water bottle while she thinks about it.

"My point exactly. Now stop being a little butthole and tell me."

She smirks at me and looks at the screen. She points to something on the laptop. "I like this one and this one."

I nod. The same two I was looking at. I guess I could do one in the den and one in the bedroom upstairs. Perhaps that could be in Katia's room. Why does she have her own room? We always sleep together in my room.

"Hey." Katia says.

"Yes?"

"What's on your mind?"

I shake my head. "Nothing really."

Skepticism is all over her face but she lets it go. "Okay. Guess who I ran into today."

"Beverly." I say.

"How did you know that?" She asks.

"She's the only one you'd run into at school that would be worth mentioning." I scroll down to look at more color options.

"Yeah well she apologized to me and asked about you. I think she misses you or something."

"Hm." I absentmindedly look through the endless abyss of furniture choices the web has to offer.

"Do you miss her?" Katia asks.

"No."

"I mean like as a friend."

I shrug. "We were never friends."

Katia taps her fingers on the table as if she's growing impatient. I look up from the laptop and she's visibly contemplating something.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"I think we need to talk."

I close the laptop. "About what?"

"You."

I blink. "Okay. What about me?"

Katia sighs. "You need to do something." She shrugs. "Like... anything. You're not happy and I know you've been trying to put on a strong front for me but it's not working and it's starting to feel a little. . . ." She tilts her head back and forth searching for the words.

"A little what?" I ask.

"I don't know. Sad?"

"Sad like... pathetic?" I cross my arms.

"I didn't say that."

I nod. "No, that's what you said."

"You're putting words in my mouth." She huffs.

"Then what did you mean by sad?"

Her eyes soften. "I don't want to fight with you. I'm just trying to say I notice you're not happy and I'm worried."

I let my hands fall into my lap. "I don't want to fight with you either. I'm sorry for being so defensive. I know you're not trying to attack me."

She smiles and holds her hand out on the table waiting for me to give her mine. I do. She squeezes it and kisses the back of my hand. "It's okay. I love you and that's why we're going to devise a plan to get you back out there."

"Back out where?" I ask.

"The workforce. You're going to be a teacher again."

"I am?"

"You are!"

I love dancing. I love teaching it. I'm good at it or at least I was. So why does the thought of teaching make my stomach turn? I'm so nervous. What if I'm not good at it anymore? What if I've lost my touch?

"You don't seem excited." Katia frowns. "Tell me what's wrong."

"I'm nervous I won't be any good at it." I confess.

Katia laughs.

I stare at her blankly.

The laughter ceases. "Oh. Oh you're being serious?? You're a phenomenal teacher, Chris. How could you think anything else?"

I shrug. "I feel like I somehow failed at my last attempt. I quit."

"That wasn't your fault. You know that. You didn't want to leave. That won't happen again."

"How do you know?" I ask.

"Because if you fall in love with one of your new students I'll kill you before anyone has the chance to make you want to quit." She quips.

I smirk. "Okay. Let's give it a try."

She squeals and slides my laptop in front of her. She begins typing and clicking away. She begins talking about all the schools in the area and which one have a dance program. She seems more excited about it than me but maybe that's what I need from her right now. She has a habit of becoming what I need before I know I need it. She's my perfect fit. I'm not sure what I would do without her and I never want to find out.

___________________________________________

Katia