Katia's POV

What the hell did I do? It feels like someone pushed me down a flight of stairs. My head is throbbing and my eyes are having trouble adjusting to the light. It hurts. My mouth and throat feel like literal sandpaper. What happened?

"Where am I?" I ask. My voice comes out in a whisper. I clear my throat but it hurts. It's so scratchy.

"The hospital Kat." She answers. I know her name. Fuck. Why can't I remember her name?

I can't remember anything. There's a thick opaque cloud of fog hanging over my memories. My eyes slide to Miss... Miss..... Miss Bell! "You're Miss Bell!" I say excitedly.

They both look at me like I've lost my mind. Have I?

Miss Bell gently touches my face. Her scent is familiar. Clips of memories start to ease their way back to me. Intimate moments, steamy ones. The type that are making me blush. Mistress.

"What happened?" I reach for my head and notice it's wrapped in gauze.

"You were dancing at rehearsal and you passed out. You hit your head pretty hard." Mistress says.

I passed out.

The last thing I remember is showing up for practice.

I can't recall the last time I ate. It's been weeks. I stare at other person in the room. Think brain. Think.

"Your favorite color is yellow and you're afraid of caterpillars, but you love butterflies. I know you mean the world to me but I can't remember your name." I sit up a little more.

She smiles weakly. "Olivia."

"Olivia!" I hit my head with the palm of my hand. That's it. "Olivia Jane." I say.

Olivia scoffs. "You didn't need to bring my middle name up."

Miss Bell chuckles.

"Can I go?" I ask sitting up a little more. I need to get out of here before they call my dad. I can't have another episode like last time.

Olivia shakes her head. A sorrowful expression painted across her face. "They want to monitor you overnight. They're worried about your concussion and..." Her voice trails off.

"And what?" I ask growing more annoyed by the second.

"Your condition." Olivia says quietly.

I squint my eyes and look from Olivia to Miss Bell. "My... condition?"

"You haven't been eating, Katia. We know. They called your Father. He'll be here in the morning."

This is bad. He'll stop paying for school. He'll pull me out and force me to move back home. Across the country. Away from dance, Olivia, and Blue Bird. Away from Mistress. My heart aches at the thought of all the things and people I love thousands of miles away. In this very moment I wish I had something to throw up. My stomach is cramping and I feel nauseous. I gag like I'm about to but nothing comes up. Miss Bell grabs a trashcan anyway. A nurse walks in and smiles at me.

"Look who's awake. How are you feeling honey?" She approaches my bed side and pulls out her stethoscope.

"Great." I say sarcastically. I instantly feel bad for my sass. It's not her fault I'm here. "Well my head hurts a little." I try to voice a little more sincerity.

The nurse pulls out a thermometer and nods her head. She seems to be legitimately concerned. I feel even worse. She's probably a really nice lady with her own shit going on. She didn't deserve my attitude.

"Okay sweetie. I'm going to get you something for that. Open up for me."

I open my mouth and then close it around the thermometer. She places a couple fingers on my wrist and listens intently. She jots something down on her notepad just as the thermometer beeps.

"A little low." She mumbles under her breath. She turns to Miss Bell. "How long has she been awake?"

"Maybe ten or fifteen minutes." She answers.

The nurse nods and turns back to me. "Can you tell me what day it is?" She asks kindly.

I pause. "Saturday." I say with uncertainty.

"Close. It's Friday morning. What's your name?"

"Katia Galanos." I know that much.

"Your birthday?" The nurse asks.

"The fifth." I say. This is is so weird. I shuffle through the months in my head trying to remember.

"Try really hard." The nurse encourages.

"August!" I said say. "August fifth. I'm a Leo. I'm 21. I got held back a year in elementary school because I missed too many days." I ramble.

The nurse chuckles. "Good. You're going to be okay. It's normal to be a little confused after such a traumatic experience." She scribbles something on my chart. "I'm going to get you something for your head and something from the cafeteria. Would you like a sandwich?"

The idea of eating repulses me but I can feel their stares, all of them. I know what they're thinking. "Could I just have some fruit maybe?"

The nurse smiles. "Of course. I'll be right back." She leaves the room after checking my IV.

"When's the last time you ate?" Olivia asks when we're alone.

I fiddle with the plastic band around my wrist. Well I could have just looked here for my name or birthday and saved myself some frustration. I sigh and look up at her. I couldn't give her an honest answer if I wanted to.

She frowns. "You promised." She says. She's obviously upset. Oddly enough her display of sadness angers me.

"You don't get it. Neither of you would. You guys have perfect bodies. You're in shape and slim. You have no idea what it's like to be fat. Especially as a dancer." I growl.

Olivia blinks back tears and storms out of the room. Good. I hope she doesn't come back. I can't deal with her right now. I'd rather be alone.

Miss Bell just sits at the foot of my bed. She doesn't seem to disturbed by my outburst.

"Katia. What makes you think you're fat?" She asks.

"You have eyes." I snap.

"All I see is a beautiful, smart, and talented young woman." She places a hand on my covered legs.

I roll my eyes. She's just saying that to be nice. I don't need to be coddled.

"You're not going to be able to dance if you keep this up." Though it's subtle, her voice gains an edge that wasn't there before.

My eyes dart to her. Dance is the only thing that keeps me sane most days. She wouldn't take that away from me. "You'd kick me out of your class?" I ask.

"Yes. Clearly the stress of dance is too much. You won't be able to perform in Blue Bird either if you're not strong enough. I don't have to tell you how strenuous back to back shows are. I'm sure you've felt it in all the practices you've attended."

I don't say anything. How long do I actually think I can keep this up before my body completely breaks down or it kills me. I shake the thought from my head. Sometimes my body just doesn't look like what I think it should. It's hard constantly being surrounded by mirrors and seeing something you despise staring back you. I can feel the brick wall I've built crumbling. The door swings open and nurse sunshine saunters in holding my medicine, a cup of water, and my fruit.

"Sorry it took so long darling. I had to check with your doctor to make sure these," she shakes the little cup of pills, "were okay to take. They should help with the discomfort."

I smile at her apologetically for earlier. "Thank you so much."

"You're welcome." She stands there for a moment. We awkwardly stare at each other. "I have to watch you take them." She says.

"Oh! Sorry." I put the pills in my mouth and take a sip of water.

The nurse smiles and looks at Miss Bell. "Could I get you anything? A blanket maybe if you're going to be staying."

She can't stay and that's hurting my heart. Who knows what time my dad will be here in the morning.

"Her sister will probably be needing the blanket. I'm not staying." Miss Bell says.

The nurse nods and leaves us alone again. Even though I've been a bitch all day, I still don't want Mama to leave. I want to curl up in her arms and let her make all the bad things go away.

"I'm sorry." I say. I'm scared and I'm regressing. Not really what I need right now.

She stands and pulls the blanket further up for me. How'd she know I was freezing? She strokes my hair lovingly. "It's okay baby. Everything will be okay." She says quietly.

Her voice is reassuring and I'm sure she thinks things will be okay. I want to believe her, but I can't.

___________________________________

I wake up the next day and Mistress is gone but my dad is here. I didn't go to sleep again until almost five and Mistress was still here. My dad's back is turned towards me while he's staring out of the window. Surely devising a plan to get me back home without kicking and screaming. My father was in the military most of his life. He's also really smart. Apparently he created a weapon that everyone wanted to get their hands on. So he made a lot of money very fast. Though he's retired from the military you'd never know it. He's a marine through and through. He's just as tough and just as strict as the day he got out. I search around for Olivia but the blanket she was using is folded in the chair she was sleeping in. My dad must have sent her home.

"Good morning, Dad." My voice shakes him from whatever daydream his mind was concocting. He turns around slowly. His face looks older in the shadows of the room.

"Katia." He says sternly. "Back to these old habits?" My father has always been a straight shooter. Cuts straight to the point.

"It was a moment of weakness, sir." I mumble.

"We don't get to this point," He motions around the room, "with moment."

"I've been under a lot of stress lately. The new musical I'm in is difficult." I try to defend myself against his critical stare.

"I never understood how doing a couple of spins in a leotard could be so demanding." He says condescendingly.

I sigh. We've been having this same talk since middle school.

"I knew sending you out here was a mistake. There's not enough guidance at that school."

"I'm not a kid dad." I interject.

"Well you're damn sure acting like it. Refusing to eat Katia? It's ridiculous." His voice booms through the room as he talks causing my anxiety to spike. He massages his temples and shakes his head. "You're coming home with me."

"I can't! I have a show coming up."

He scoffs. "I don't care. You're in no condition to dance or do anything else."

"I'm not leaving." I say quietly.

"Like hell you're not." He crosses his arms. "I can't fly across the country every time Kat doesn't want to eat her dinner."

I open my mouth but close it in the same breath. He doesn't get it. He never will. "So don't." I murmur.

His eyebrows shoot to the top of his forehead as he leans his perfectly balded head to the side. "Excuse me?"

I swallow hard. "I'm just... I'm sorry if I'm being a burden. You shouldn't have to just drop everything for me."

His face softens and he's stands closer to me. "You're not a burden. You're my daughter, my only daughter, and I want to keep you safe."

The door opens and Olivia walks in smiling of course.

"Hello again Mr. G." She says. She's the only person my father would allow to call him that.

"Olivia. I thought I sent you back to campus." My dad says.

"You did, but you know I can't stay away from Kat." She comes and kisses my mummified head. "Hi Kitty."

"Hey Liv." I smile at her. She eventually came back last night after we bumped heads. We didn't speak much but she was here, like always. There's no doubt in my mind Liv would help me hide a body.

"You two are dating again?" My dad asks.

"No, sir. Your daughter broke my heart."

I side eye her. That's not what happened.

My dad's lips tighten. He does that when he doesn't know what to say.

"I brought you some clothes from home." Liv lifts the bag on her shoulder.

"Thank you." Hopefully they'll let me go home today.

"Katia's going home, Olivia." My father says unsympathetically.

She blinks. "Oh did the nurse already say that? Cool."

"No, Olivia. She's coming home with me." My dad clarifies.

Olivia's mouth opens before she snaps it shut. Her eyes wander to me then back to my dad. "What about school?"

"Exactly." I say.

"Maybe some time off will be good for her." My dad says like I'm not in the room.

"Dad it's a sickness. No matter where I am, it'll be there too." I explain.

"At least I'll be there to watch you."

"I don't want to be watched, dad. I want to dance. I want to stay at school."

"Sir, I'll make sure she's okay. I just don't think it's a good idea to take her away from school and dancing... or me." Olivia says.

"No offense Olivia but you need to stay out of it." My dad declares.

Olivia's brow furrows in frustration.

"Don't talk to her like that, Dad." I defend Olivia.

"It's okay Kat." She ruffles my hair. "I'll be back after classes."

I nod. "Okay. I love you."

"I love you too. See ya Mr. G."

"Goodbye, Olivia." The words come out stale.

Olivia gives me one last look before she leaves us alone again. I would cry if I wasn't afraid my father would chastise me for it. I said I didn't need to be coddled but I do. I want to be held and babied. I want someone to talk to me kindly and tell everything will be okay. I want to feel wanted and loved. I don't want to go back home. I want my Mama.