n// please just pretend that Hayley is Ophelia lol thank you!!! ps sorry if there are any typos if you see one just point it out and i'll fix it :)

"Your brother's a douche," I spoke as soon as I was in his room, using my handy-dandy magic to get there. "A complete and utter asshole who isn't worthy of my time or kindness."

"Jesus- Ophelia," Elijah spoke in alarm after hearing me speak. "Please, don't do that. I'd feel immensely guilty if I did something to hurt you."

"I mean, it's not like you can kill me." I chuckled with a shrug. "So, as long as it isn't intentional then all is forgiven."

"And if it is?"

"Elijah who?"

He chuckled at my humorous attitude and continued with his business as I sat on his bed, making myself at home.

"Which one?" He asked, holding two ties up to his face.

"They're the same."

"Then your decision should be an easy one. Left or right?"

"Left."

"Right it is." He said, tossing the left one at me. "So, what has mt brother do to disturb you this time?"

"Oh, I don't know, how about showing up to my house, covered in blood, throwing threats around, and yelling at me!"

"I thought that was Marcel?"

"Yeah! Why do people keep doing that to me?! I keep having to conjur up new couches and other material items! Don't you people know that blood fucking stains?!"

"I don't think they care very much," Elijah chuckled. "But, I admit, they are very rude to you."

"Exactly!" I shouted. "All these demands, and not one morsel of a 'please' or 'thank you'. Only violence."

"Have you asked for anything in return?"

"I believe that asking not to be killed is a fair request in payment for services I don't ever recall putting up for sale."

Elijah nodded as he began to tie his tie, while I sighed in frustration and exhaustion.

"I beg your pardon," Elijah said after he had finished composing his outfit, looking as dapper as ever. "What was Niklaus' business coming into your home, Ophelia?"

"Some of my witches got to him, I guess."

"Did he say what they wanted?"

"No, only that they wanted him dead, which isn't saying much, seeing as we all do." I rolled my eyes. "Of course he thought I was the one that put them up to it ― which I didn't ― and that's where the threats came in. Although I must admit that I am rather sorry that I didn't put them up to it. Nobody would have ever known, and the witches would have had their way for once-"

"Ophelia, focus!"

"...Sorry." I said after taking a deep breath. "But then after telling him I would handle the situation, because I am a lovely person, he just came at me with more threats and some more of that bullshit romance between us that is nothing short of nonexistent! Like, what the fuck is that about?!"

"I believe it's called jealousy, Ophelia," The Original spoke, sitting down next to me on his bed, still keeping his sophisticated posture. "I mean, I was daggered and stuck in a coffin for the time of your existence, but from what I can hear from Niklaus, you're exactly like her."

"Well I'm not her." I said stubbornly. "He needs to get that through his thick skull, and soon."

"Are you going to be conversing with the witches about this?" Elijah asked, changing the subject.

"Does giving them a pat on the back count?" I asked.

"No, unfortunately."

"I actually have to call a meeting and punish those responsible then?"

"It would seem so."

"But I don't wanna!"

"Well you seemed pretty keen to when you waged a war."

"That wasn't even really me, first of all," I said, pointing a finger in his direction. "And I don't like the other witches. They're mean and judgmental. Also I'm pretty sure one of them wants me dead. Oh wait! That would be all of them!"

Elijah rolled his eyes at me and placed a cold, reassuring hand on top of mine.

"You have to keep up with the promises that you make, Ophelia." He said in a supportive, guidance counselor tone of voice. "Even the ones that you don't like."

"Why me?" I asked after a small period of silence.

"What?"

"Out of all the people in the world, why did it have to be me?"

"I don't follow."

"Why was I the cursed one?" I questioned. "I didn't ask for this. I didn't want any of this. I didn't want these powers, or this title, or these witches, or the vampires, the split personalities, the drama, or the constant target on my back. I didn't ask for any of it. All I wanted was a family and a place to come home to. I wanted love and support and a good life that I could live out painfully averagely with a husband and a kid or two and a dog named 'Fido' or something. I don't want to live like this, Elijah. So what did I do in my past life that was so horrible that I was condemned to this hell?"

Elijah looked at me in sympathy, coming closer and bringing me into a comforting hug.

"I don't know, Ophelia," he whispered, resting his chin on top of my forehead as one of his hands rubbed my back lightly. "But I'm glad you've got all of it anyways."

"Easy for you to say..." I pouted.

"Want to know why I'm glad?"

"Because you're secretly in love with me?"

"No," he scoffed lightly at my words, causing me to crack a smile. "It's because you're my best friend."

"...What a fucking sap." I laughed. "But you're me best friend as well, 'Lijah."

"Now go to your witches."

"Wanna hang out instead?"

"Go, Ophelia."

"I'm just saying that we could go for ice cream or something-"

"Ophelia."

"Whatever!"

And with another groan, I stood from my seated position and waved a little too Elijah, who was watching in what looked like amusement and fascination. Thinking of the cemetery, I wiggled my hips and transported myself straight into the middle of a god damn witch meeting.

"Well," I spoke, all the attention now on me, most of them shocked or angered by my sudden appearance. "This is convenient."