Loneliness. A deep sense of it engulfed my heart, twisting my thoughts and memories. The rain outside was doing no better in making me feel uplifted. Instead, it's like God knew I would be upset today, so he deemed fit for the weather to be the same.

The light patter brought some solace to my confused heart, but still, not enough.

Rafael's supposed driver parked outside the Mukhtar residence today, early in the morning. This was still while the Mukhtars were sleeping. I wrote them a note and personally messaged auntie and uncle about my sudden disappearance, easing them it wasnt like the last time.

Another two or three minutes passed before the luxurious car stopped infront of a gate. It stayed like this for a couple of seconds before the driver continued with the journey.. I looked behind me just in time to see the gates closing shut.

I turned back around with a sigh, my mind still unable to comprehend just how rich Rafael was. There was an entire separate car journey just from the gates to his house!

We'd eventually stopped before the hidden mansion. The driver came around to open my door for me, and I thanked him in gratitude. I could've done this myself, but these people were rich, rich and doing anything which every other person was able to, didn't sit well with them.

My mind was in a constant state of worry and nerves the more we began walking towards the entrance. I could feel sweat form in the palm of my hands, and in an attempt at making myself seem normal, I wiped them against my jeans hurriedly. Luckily everyone was busy with their own thing.

From the maids, not even batting an eyelash at me and doing their own duty, to the bodyguards. As still as a statue.

But this was the least of my problem. My mouth was as dry as the Sahara. It would have seemed best to drink some of the water in the car, Laila. It would've done you good but then again you'd just end up peeing your pants.

"Miss Bakhash, please, this way" I looked at the maid, whom I'd failed to realise had opened the door. This was a different one. A lot younger than the previous one I'd seen around here before. Nonetheless, I followed after her, still not able to comprehend what brought me here.

It was upon Rafael's order that I'd been summoned. Of course, my compliant brain did nothing but just what he wanted. But not anymore! Today would be a different day, in which I'd be in control. Yes, Laila.

Surely you can have your own way for once. It's the least he owed you, since you'd been kidnapped, abused, sold in a trafficking ring, all because of him and his precious little file.

The poor maid physically shook behind the door, as she patiently waited for Rafael's permission to enter the room. We stood there for five whole minutes, which felt more like a lifetime, before he summoned us. The frightened maid looked back at me, her eyes pleading to come inside with her. It was as if she wanted me to forget we had stood out here for quite some time. Or perhaps she didn't want me to bring this up, in case something insidious was to happen.

Well, girl, I've survived worse than the consequences you're thinking about right now. And nothing, comes close to that fear.

As we both entered, the maid instantly made sure to shut the door behind her, without the need to be told. Or, perhaps, before Rafael could turn around.

As soon as the door thud shut, Rafael turned around in an instant, and it was then I'd realised there was a slight change of air. Ah. He was smoking again. I glanced around to check for any opened windows, but they were all shut, and partly covered by light-blocking curtains.

The atmosphere in the room seemed to be chilly, and it didn't help that my senses were incapacitated. God, why was it so dark in this room! Immediately, flashbacks of the cold, dark cell in Russia revisited my mind, despite how hard I tried to forget about those unfortunate days.

Trying to shift my mind elsewhere, which was a hard task to do, I set to ease my curiosity.

"Why did you ask for me today?"

Rafael being the devil he is continued to smoke from the death stick. He'd managed to inhale the entire length of it until there was just half an inch left of the bud. Baffled, I watched on with horrified eyes, as simultaneously he exhaled the smoke and discarded the bud. As if those lungful of toxins wasn't enough, he made motion to reach for the cigarette packet sprawled on the table and grabbed another one from it.

"Because" he began. He hovered the lighter to the cigarette, and in doing so, he made sure to stare deep into my soul. I was transfixed in place, not knowing why or what of. But I couldn't look away. He just looked so dangerous that it made me want to run to the mountains and live a secret life away from humanity.

But I wasn't able to do any of that. He exhaled and in that moment, I seemed to have known what breathing was again. Stupid Laila. Act like a normal human being for god's sake. What has gotten into you!

As if learning of my newfound thoughts, a hint of a smirk appeared on his face, before being completely concealed by the smoke. I gulped a low gulp. I was in dire need of some water.

"Well, why don't I show you the reason you're here" he announced suddenly, reminding me I'd asked him a question. He turned around and walked over to the desk. There, he took some papers out of the drawer and held them before me. "Come forward, wife. I won't bite...yet" came his deep order, mischief swirling in his eyes. Whatever the hell he meant, I didn't care to know and neither did I want to imagine what he could have meant.

Walking over to the papers as if they were a foreign creature, I wondered what they could have been for. The last time Rafael presented some papers to me was in the act of deceit. I practically signed my life away unknowingly, and I'd be a fool to do it twice.

With shaking fingers, I looked down at the papers in my hand, and glanced up at Rafael. His vicious smirk urged me to continue, whilst I stared at his smoke filled aura with apprehension. What could be so pleasing to him right now, my mind pestered anxiously.

In that moment, I'd regretted ever turning over the paper. A newfound hopeless pit engulfed my heart. I could feel nothing but pain. It was like my entire life flashed before my eyes.

The demon wanted to get married! These were Nikah papers, with mine and my father's name written down! Tears lined my vision. Surely, what he said in the Mukhtars residence was just to cover my abduction!

No. No, this was not happening. I felt the room was enshrouding me in it's darkness. I looked at Rafael, now to see him completely poker face. You monster!

"No. This th-this isn't real. You must be joking right?!" I questioned desperately, hoping for him to agree and let us part ways. Surely he didn't want this. I couldn't marry this man. No! All my dreams would be ruined. My hope. Everything! I'd prayed for this day to never come, but to my worst luck it did! I felt like sitting in a corner and crying my eyes out.

"Oh it's real, Laila. An Imaam will be coming here shortly to finalise our marriage, so be ready until then" he gritted out, not liking how I wasn't able to make his twisted fantasy a reality. This was his want. This was his desire. Not mine, ya Allah! I didn't want any of this.

An uncontrollable sob erupted from my mouth. My throat clogged up, willing for the waterworks to burst through. In that moment, I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't take any responsibility for my actions, as I practically fell to the floor. I didn't feel the harsh thud against my knees. Nothing.

Just a maddening pain in my heart. But what was worse was the hope I still held. It was unbearable knowing I had no choice, yet my body still felt as if there was light at the end of the tunnel. How innocent of me to think so!

"Rafael! Please don't do this to me, please i-ill do anything for you but this. I'll give you money, i-i won't tell anyone about what I've learned of you and your mafia. I don't want to get marr-" suddenly I was pulled up from the ground, as a ferocious gleam took over his features.

"I don't want to hear anything. If it wasn't for your strong beliefs, I'd completely have you to myself marriage or no marriage. But I'm protecting your honour, hence you will marry me. You understand?" He seethed, forcefully grabbing the back of my neck and pushing me towards him.

I couldn't make out anything through the tears. His eyes were wild, unlike anything I'd seen before. They could simply hold the power to light up anything in their wake if they wanted to and that's exactly what they did. They burned my heart. Made me feel all connotations of hopelessness.

"P-please Rafael. You can get any girl you want so why me! Why did you decide to do such a thing Rafael. I hate you so much! You've destroyed all my hopes!" I burst into a fit, not caring if he killed me right now. My marriage was way more important than any other matter in that moment.

"No I will not marry you. I cannot marry you. You're non-muslim and it's forbidden for me to marry a non-muslim" I exclaimed suddenly, as if I'd found the answers to all my questions.

If this was a movie, manic laughter would be heard all around the room. Surely now that I'd told him as such, he'd refrain from this entire insanity.

"Oh my darling" he looked down at me, all signs of the angry Rafael left behind. Instead, he now resembled a psycho, with that self entitled smile and the wicked gleam in his eye. "If it's that much of a hassle, I'll simply convert"

His reply shocked me to my core. Ya Allah, make this stop. What did I ever do to deserve this. In that moment it felt like I'd been crying for an eternity. A slow headache was forming and I knew it would only worsen from here on.

"It doesn't work like that!" I tried to reason. "You cannot revert because of someone. You must find the beauty of Islam from within otherw-"

"I don't give a shit. If this is the means of gaining you in this lifetime and the next, I'll do it" more tears eruopted from my eyes. Why doesn't he understand.

"No! You don't understand-"

"Enough!" He yelled, causing me to instantly shut up. I watched on with terror filled eyes as he grasped my wrist in his firm grip and strided towards the door. I attempted at breaking free but it wasn't working.

"Rafael think this through. Please. I don't want to marry a Mafia leader I want to marry a good Muslim man" With these words, I seemed to have unlocked w beast.

"I said enough! If I hear one more word out of your mouth, I will personally put a bullet through your dear uncles skull and then your entire family. Do you understand!"

I didn't know what to reply with. There was too much going on In such a short space of time. I gulped at the menace in his voice, not being able to form a proper sentence. Instead I opted to nod.

After a few seconds, he'd calmed down, his strides no longer overbearing. I could finally catch up, but there was no need for this as we'd seemingly already reached the destination.

Rafael nodded once at the guard infront of the door, and there, behind the large brown doors was an Imaam. His eyes averted to the entrance, a spark of fear crossing his eyes, before a small smile lined his features. He instantly stood up from the plush sofa and walked the remaining distance.

"Assalamualaikum children" he greeted in a Spanish accent. I guess Rafael must've informed him I wasn't so fluent in Spanish.

"Thank you for coming on a short notice" Rafael seemed to say in the most polite tone, a stark contrast against the raging bull a couple of minutes ago.

"Please, don't mention it" the Imaam replied. "Now please, sit down so we can continue with the Nikah" he announced, walking towards the sofa. Meanwhile, Rafael looked at me dead in the eyes, warning me not to disobey.

I didn't give him the satisfaction of a reply, and ignored him. We went to sit down, a table in-between us.

"Before we begin this entire thing I want to convert to Islam first" Rafael exclaimed, shocking no one but the Imaam. He looked at Rafael flabbergasted, and slowly, his gaze landed on me. I averted my eyes down in shame, not knowing what was going on in his mind right now.

He must be thinking how this managed to happen and how foolish I must be.

"Y-yes, I will do so, but please do know that you must convert to the will of God on your own judgement and will, and not because of anyone else" the Imaam explained what I'd been drilling into Rafael's head, but he didn't seem to understand either way.

"I understand. So please continue with what you have to do"

"Very well"

I sat on the sofa for the entirety. The voices of Rafael and the Imaam seemed to be going inside one ear and out the other. Nothing was making any sense. How did my life come to such a threshold? I was doing perfectly fine a couple of months ago, without the fear of the mafia or kidnapping and now, this darned marriage.

Such a simple and splendid life I was living then. Now I could only dream of such. It wasn't until I could feel tears rolling down my clasped hands that I realised I was crying. I shut my eyes in a poor attempt at keeping them repressed, but that seemed to only ignite more.

"Congratulations dear brother. Welcome to Islam" the Imaam's gleeful voice shook me from my sorrow, although temporarily. It only reminded me of what was to unfold. My life was in ruins!

Soon enough, the Imaam recited the necessary Dua's and it finally came down to our answer. We must verbally consent to marry.

"Do you, Laila Bakhash, daughter of Rasheed Bakhash, agree to marry Rafael Cenzo Ray with the accordance of the Holy Quran and the Holy Prophet, peace be upon him"

No.

The simple two lettered word was on the tip of my tongue, but as soon as my eyes landed on Rafael's, flashes of the Mukhtars and my families dead body swirled around in my mind, I couldn't help but retrieve back into the dark hole within my mind.

My future decided on my decision now. The decision for my future lay in my hands. This should have been easy, making a decision, but why was it so hard...

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