One day you will ask me

Which is more important?

My life or yours?

I will say mine and you

Will walk away not knowing

That you are my life.

{Khalil Gibran}

________

Depression.

"Feelings of extreme despondency and dejection" According to google. But google was just a computer. What did a computer know about feelings.

To me, depression was a deep and dark void which you were physically pulled into. It's like quicksand. The more you try to escape the, the more you plant yourself firmly in it. And the less chances there are of you getting out as the same person you used to be.

My smile wasn't even a smile anymore, but a shell of what it used to be. It was hallow and didn't really radiate the happiness I wanted it to. And my family. The last time I spoke to them was three weeks ago. And the Mukhtars. I didn't see them often unless it was the weekends, or that rare nightly encounter I'd have either them upon reaching home from the hospital.

I didn't feel like meeting anyone. Didn't feel like talking to anyone. Didn't feel like engaging in anything remotely exciting. It's like my body was made for this sadness. I just wanted to be alone.

Gosh, my mind was exploding with all these depressing thoughts. Literally. And with this feeling crushing me down, a month and a half passed by in sadness. I was too out of it to realise how much time I actually spent in my head. Over the course of this period, the things that normally excited me no longer did, such as the rain. Or waking up every morning and working at the hospital.

I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, and my brain worried whether I ever would. There was just too much on my mind right now.

Suddenly a phone call rang out midst looking after a patient. The man had fallen down from a ladder in someone's house that he was building. Thankfully, he broke only his leg, which was now in a cast, and nothing more. I ignored the shrill phone call, and helped the man lie down, pushing his legs back gently, taking extra care for the injured leg. I smiled as dread filled me, but visibly let out a sigh at the now silenced room. I made sure to apologise to the man, if i'd accidentally disturbed him. But truth be told, I don't know how my phone wasn't on silent, since this wasn't like me at all.

"I'm sorry, Mister Genovese" he returned the smile, mischief swirling around in those pools of brown. "Must be someone special calling you at this time of work" he grinned politely, but there was something more in his eyes.

"After-all you are a young beauty" Ah there the punchline was. It wasn't professional to laugh, but I just couldn't help the chuckle which so desperately wanted to escape from my mouth. Did I forget to mention Mister Genovese was a charmer with his words. He liked to tease a couple of the doctors here a lot, leaving some of the elderly women hot and sweaty. I must admit, he was a good looking man, but of course due to personal and professional reasons our relationship was nothing more than doctor-patient.

But that didn't mean he didn't enjoy pulling our legs a few times. He said he was pretty bored in the hospital and our reactions made his time here bearable. Poor guy. I can imagine what he's going through. But then again I also can't. There was too much going on for me that even smiling seemed to be a heavy task. But thanks to Mister Genovese, my mood was somehwat better than it had been all throughout the past month.

It was the end of the week, the last day to be more precise. Great, as it meant I'd have more time to spend in my head. I was in the staff room, putting on my coat to protect me from the windy weather. It was a long day, and I couldn't wait to just get in bed and sleep my sorrows away.

Today, I concluded in my mind, would be a good day. Despite still having this feeling of loneliness pulling my spirit down, I had to remind myself who I was. I was the daughter of proud parents and this so called marriage would not make me succumb. I was an independent woman and didn't need any man in my life right now.

I was the last person to exit the staff room, which, would've been scary another day, but not today. I was already imagening the warm shower I would have tonight and the upcoming movies I'd watch. Oh, the things I would do to be in bed right now, all snuggly and warm.

The cold wind nipped at my nose, which was no doubt all red and snotty. Before I could take another step forward though, from ahead of me, maybe about eleven feet away, the large frame of a man was storming in my direction. Why does he look so familiar. My eyes then widened in realisation upon identifying this thunderous man was none other than Rafael.

What was he doing here? And why did he look so angry? None of those questions were answered, as within the next second, he grabbed my arm and dragged me behind him. My small steps were no match for his thundering strides.

We eventually came to a stop in front of one of his many lavish cars. He turned around, his eyes looking lethal and ready to kill, whilst I cowered back in fear, uncertain of his next actions.

"What do you want?" I managed to say quite confidently, despite the organs within me failing.

"What do I want?" he seethed back. "How about for you to answer your fucking phone when someone calls" my brain instantly retracted back to when my phone was shrilling obnoxiously. Had I known the demon was calling, I'd answer then and there just to stay clear of his path. Who knows what he'd do to me now.

"I was on duty how could I?"

"Duty my ass!" Came his prompt yell, resulting in me steering back a few. If he noticed this, he didn't made any expression to acknowledge it. It's as if a light had been switched, as now he was no longer the furious tiger. There before me stood a calm yet lethal man, as he stared down at me with a hard expression.

"Get in" I looked behind him, but glimpsed nothing more than his vast shoulder, obstructing my view from any potential escape. His hands were fisted, the intensity being shown through the whiteness around his knuckles, a stark contrast against his tanned skin. He was furious, for a reason I could not wrap my head around.

"Don't make me repeat myself" I aligned my view back to him, confusion written clear on my face.

"No!"

"What did you say?"

"I said no! I'm not going to go anywhere with you, a stranger!" I yelled back, not caring that there were people around us, eagerly looking on to see what was up. No caring that he was the Mafia King. Not caring that he could kill me instantly right here, right now.

A very deep and exasperated scowl took over his features, his mouth turned downwards and his forehead supporting a proud frown. He didn't speak anything, and he didn't need to as his actions spoke louder than any words he could have said at that moment.

His rough hand gripped my wrist in a fatal lock and with the other, he opened the car door and practically pushed me inside. I didn't know my answer would tick him off so much that he'd slam the car door shut with such ferocity, that I feared the hinges would break off. Or they probably had, and were grasping onto the final few straws of, perhaps luck, just like me.

Not only that, but judging by his actions, he wasn't used to people disobeying him. He liked them to be in his hands, where he could play them on a string and have them succumb to his every want and need. He truly was a demon. He didn't realise everyone else was a human, who had feelings. Just because his own heart was mislead and ice cold didn't mean others would also want that.

Putting on my seat belt was the last thing on my mind, which didn't occur to me up until Rafael stormed down the street. His driving would surely kill me if he never had the chance to do so himself. I was out of my mind thinking of all that could go wrong. We could kill an innocent pedestrian. We could crash into another car and suffer fatal Injuries. We could be arrested!

"Stop. Stop!" I screamed, but nothing worked.

"Please" I was on the verge of hyperventilating. I suddenly found it hard to breathe, each breath coming out as if my lungs had been punctured. Was I in an aftermath of a crash, hence why I couldn't decipher what was going on and neither could I breathe?

I didn't register when we'd stopped, which I guess is what happens when you really wish for something to happen, and when it does you don't even realise.

My door was opened and there stood Rafael, in all his furious glory. I noticed his tie was no longer around his neck, and that a few of his shirt buttons were open, revealing a very toned, tanned chest. Why am I even looking there, I asked myself.

He leaned down towards me, his eyes solely on me, and me only. I gulped at the weird feeling, not having ever been one to hold eye contact with the opposite gender for too long. His face reached towards mine, his eyes glancing down at my lips before reaching back into my eyes. He wouldn't kiss me. He wouldn't dare!

All those thoughts went down the drain of embarrassment, as the seat belt unlocked into the tense silence. He moved back almost instantly, grabbing my arm in the process. I glanced at him briefly, only to see a look of satisfaction slowly talking over his features. He held onto my arm until we'd reached his room, which I recognised from last time. Why did you think he would kiss you Laila?! He's not your husband! My conscious chastised my thoughts.

The door shut with a very loud click. I didn't dare turn around, just to see the demon was furious. I already knew that. His cologne was what I detected first before his presence behind me. He leaned his head downwards, in line with my face, his nose in the crook of my hijab clad neck. Warning bells rung out in my mind, but I was unable to do anything, as I stood stationary.

"You've been a bad bad girl recently" he whispered hotly into my ear. I gulped, not knowing what to retort. Go on Laila! Reply back now. Answer him.

"Have I? Or has someone not played along with your little games"

"Oh" he feigned shock. "Wifey has a sharp tongue too?" I gritted my teeth at his nickname for me. Shutting my eyes took a lot of self control, but so did the idea of not slapping him. "Well that's not the only thing that's sharp, if you want I can show you" my body immediately stiffened at his innuendo, or maybe that was just my mind twisting his words. Astaghfirullah.

I stumbled away from his heat, my face redder than a tomato.

"No. I do not want"

"I think you do, you'll love it" he came to stand in front of me, his eyes holding an emotion I could not decipher. I glued my eyes to his own, not looking down for a second towards where his hand was moving to. I gulped visibly, resulting in a smirk from the demon. His eyes trailed over my face, before looking downwards. Yet my gaze remained ahead of me.

"Mira" he stated, stepping back. I gulped for the second time then, not knowing what he was about to show me. I shook my head, my eyes closed rightly. No. I would never witness something so haraam.

"Mira!" He all but growled, coming to stand in front of me. I opened my eyes from the anger laced in his tone, not knowing how to get myself out of this situation. In an instant, he held something in front of my face. It looked like a wooden dagger, but after a second, it turned into something completely different. A pocket knife!

This psycho was carrying around a pocket knife. Relief instantly filled me, but then was quickly replaced by dread. Would he slit my neck?

"You like my toy, Wifey?" he regarded the pocket knife with such a tender look, you'd be shocked to think he talking about his so-called fiance. I needed to get away. Now! This demon just called a knife a toy. Who in their right mind does that? That's right, someone who isn't in their right state of mind!

"Ah ah ah" he tutted. "Don't think you can get away from me this time, querida. I'm not in the mood for cat and mouse, not today" a twisted version of a smirk plastered his features, paired alongside his beloved knife, he looked ready to pounce on my soul.

"I just want to have a good night with my betrothed" he stepped forward, the woodsy scent of his cologne reaching my nose, along with the slight whiff of smoke. I reeled back, but his hands reached out towards my waist, ultimately sending me flush against him.

My hands acted as a barrier against his chest, the more he pulled me against him. A gasp escaped my lips, as his knife reached towards my neck, jutting it upwards.

I watched on with fear, unclear of his intentions.

"Will you allow that?" He smirked a disgusting smirk. The confusion was clear in my eyes, as he answered the unasked question. "Will you allow me to have a good night with you?"

I Inhaled sharply, not wanting the sharp metal to pierce my skin, but that's what happened anyways, the longer I chose to remain quiet. The point made contact with my skin and I couldn't move my head more upwards. One wrong move, and the demon wouldn't hesitate to cut me.

"N-no. Stop" I moved my hands away from him, attempting to move away from him, but I guess he had other plans. His other hand snaked around both my wrists, locking them in place. It was times like this where I wished I had more knowledge on self defence.

"What's the answer going to be, my love" he rasped on, almost as if he actually wanted me to say I agree with you. But he had another thing coming. I would no longer show him how weak I am, even if I lacked in the physical department, I was quick with my words.

"I said no" I grunted in vain. "Don't you understand that?!" That seemed to be the last straw, as within the next second, I was pushed back with such lightening speed, I didn't even comprehend what was happening until my head banged against a firm wall.

Uh oh!

There was murder in his eyes. And I didn't want to stay alive to find out what he'd do to me.

___