I felt very distant, Dominic had been distant too for the last three days. After our talk it had been fine but that was probably because it hadn't set in yet but now he was a lot more quiet. He was thinking about something, I was thinking too so it was good. We were thinking.

I turned to look in the full length mirror, I felt like this dress wasn't as good as the one I wore at Christmas but it was too late to get another one - the event was tonight. I twitched my nose before shrugging. It wasn't half bad, it was sparkly but not ratchet and it wasn't short so I guess I was ticking all the right boxes.

I unzipped it, unhooked the straps and let it fall, tonight would be another open night and I couldn't wait for it to be over. Open nights had proven to be not-at-all what people told you they were, I was under the impression there was no fighting. This time I was not going to be a relaxed. This entire thing was stress all the way, I couldn't possibly understand Donna's enjoyment in it.

I sighed pulling on track pants and a singlet. I didn't bother with a bra, I wasn't leaving this room.

I walked past the coffee table grabbing the Italian language book, I'd learnt quite a few things over the last few months. I always read this in my spare time, and now I had a whole day to sit and read it as much as I desired.

I sat on the armchair in comfort before the door opened, "You're lazy." Claire walked in. I guess reading wasn't happening after all.

"How so?" I replied bookmarking my page and setting the book down, she eyed it a little before ignoring it completely.

"We have to do something while we wait for time to waste away!" she was acting as if I wasn't already doing something before she walked in here, I narrowed my eyes at her. She looked to the side sighing and flipping onto her back, obviously the only things worth doing around here were decided by Claire.

"What do you want to do your highness?" I joked.

She rubbed her chin, "I want to..."

--

We'd done everything humanly possible, she made me wear a bra and took me outside to sun bake. She made me watch a couple of her favourite movies, introduced me to teen magazines and complained endlessly about her lack in media allowance. The magazines were apparently old issues, the movies were all bought and she didn't have a laptop. Even living in a billion dollar structure with people that did her every bidding and pretty much being the most influential person aside from her mother - she still found things to complain about.

I found her fascinating and watched her continue to go about her day. That entertained me enough. She even shared her dreams of buying horses and putting them somewhere around here.

She looked at the clock on the wall, "Looks like its that time again."

I groaned. We had to get the beauty stuff out of the way and then fit our butts into our dresses again. The only fun part about these events was honestly the food and the shopping. Everything else lacked relevance in my eyes.

As I was getting my face perfected by some overpaid artist, I realised something phenomenal.

I'd become so comfortable here, it was nearing the start of a new year and I was still here. I am pretty stubborn I'll say that. This was meant to be a favour, wasn't that the idea?

He hasn't gotten tired of me yet.

I snorted to myself, he's proving himself that's for sure. At first glance Dominic appeared like a womaniser, but from what I've seen? He's far from it.

After getting that and everything else done I was back in the room again, waiting for twenty minutes to pass so I could put on my dress and not sweat in it before the party even started. Dominic hadn't been back but I knew he wasn't allowed to miss an event such as this one, Donna wouldn't allow it.

Twenty finally passed and I shrugged on my dress, I preferred to look good so I didn't consider any fights happening as I chose my footwear but again went through the process of strapping on the weapons. I'd had my hair put into one of those messy type classy buns with some hair left out which I constantly had to blow out of my face as I bent over.

"This place is crawling with people." Leo sighed as he sat down.

"This isn't some kind of family event so people like to get drunk early so that the fireworks really trip them out." I commented watching as more people entered into the space. The hall had been quickly renovated before this event, the renovation probably started before they even cleared out the blood and it must've been a company effort.

We sat at one of the lounges set up, holding drinks in our hands. Leo's was alcoholic but mine was not. Alcohol kills brain cells. I looked around, the set up was much more casual than the Christmas celebration and the event was themed cocktail. No one was wearing fantasy ballgowns or any of that bull. Those that were wearing gowns - women of course - were dressed down compared to the prior event.

I lost interest in the interactions and turned to Leo, he was checking some chick out. He knew my sister had a raging lady boner for him but he still looked at other girls, he'd be getting smacked soon and I was going to laugh in his face.

"Before you begin to lecture me on being focused on other things," he let his eyes follow the girl for a couple more seconds before bringing his full attention to me, "There is almost a zero chance of conflict at this event. I made sure."

"Yeah I'm not so sure of that." I smirked taking a sip of my drink as I watched my sister approaching from behind him, he didn't catch on quick enough and a loud smack was delivered to the back of his head.

"I saw that Leo!" she scorned before walking off again.

"Now," I swallowed the liquid whilst smiling, "Now, I think there will be zero chance of conflict at this event."

He glared at me as I laughed in his face, he was slowly becoming more irritated as I looked back at him with a smug look on my face.

He finally started speaking, "Wasn't it you who -"

"Hey." Abrielle said coming to sit down, behind her were all the models and lastly - Amara.

I stood holding my hand out for her, she smiled and took it then we sat down again. She looked stunning and I truly appreciated low-cut backless dresses like this one. It seemed to be a reoccurring style of hers, it suited.

The evening finally took off, there was a lot of chatter and loud reunited friends meeting all over the place. Plenty of people were getting drunk off their heads and completely losing it on the dance floor, I didn't think I wanted to participate in that - ever.

"Okay, five minutes until midnight!" my mother stood at the front with a microphone, this night had been as uneventful as I'd imagined and finally it was coming to a close.

Everyone rose with excitement and we all proceeded outside, where they'd prepared fireworks and - of course - more alcohol. People were grabbing drinks to pop open at the mention of the words 'Happy New Year' and I was just hoping for a kiss from Amara. I was a simpler man.

We all stood, the entire familia and probably a couple hundred more people. We stood waiting and when it finally hit ten seconds the shouting began.

10! 9! 8! 6! 5...

4! 3! 2...

One.

At the mention of the number, alcohol was spilling everywhere making a muddy mess. Lights blew up in the sky and the screaming was unbearable.

I - on the other hand - was being held in the arms of Dominic, lips locked and making the most of the moment. At the end of the day, that's all I was looking forward to anyways. Claire tapped us on the shoulder and then barged between us as we looked at her. Party pooper.

People slowly retired indoors but we stood watching the sky, the last firework went off and Leo along with Dominic announced their departure. I felt a tug at my heart as Dominic let go of me and slid off. Claire and Abrielle slung arms around each other and followed their brothers inside.

Clarissa stood next to me looking sad - maybe because I made out with her ex - but it could be anything. Maybe she was planning on being married by the end of the year but honey, so was I.

"What does this feel like?" Clarissa spoke up. We stared at the moon. We stood in the middle of the yard, in a muddy puddle watching the moon shine. It was the first day of a new year and we were... standing here as if it was the worst possible thing.

"I," I paused, "I'm sad."

"I feel that." Clarissa confirmed.

I hadn't realised, how selfish I'd been the last couple of days. All I'd thought about was making Dominic better but I wasn't even thinking about him or his wellbeing! I was thinking about me. Me this whole time. I was acting like I deserved better, like he should try harder because I deserve all the love in the world. But I'm a killer, I'm getting what I deserve.

A husband who doesn't love me. A world that will despise me. An approaching darkness that will swallow me.

Dominic was right, emotions... they can make you lose what's up here. I was so close to losing that, and the only thing holding me up is medication. Medication I have because of his generosity. And after making such a big deal 'thanking him'... I was asking for more?!

My mother never raised me to be such a person. I was exactly the type of woman I despised.

"I'm so tired." my voice cracked, I could feel the bubble in my throat. I could feel the tears about to fall. I knelt down, she looked at me. Watching me. I didn't care if she was judging, last night my cry was cut too short. I need to let something out.

Her attention was still on me. "I already have so much sadness in my heart. Watching a person who surely holds ten times as much? It hurts even more. Dominic, he can't feel. I fear for our relationship, I lied to myself saying I could handle it and I always have everything under control. But slowly, surely I crumbled and now I'm a mess. It's unpredictable how we could turn out, he could..."

I hiccuped, "Leave me. He listens to his father's every word, one wrong move and I'm gone. He can't feel what he wants so he can't possibly want anything. He can't want me. The possibility that I could do something about it? Its so great. Its taunting me. I'm just so disappointed in myself." At this point I was crying, so hard that I was sobbing. I felt pathetic but I was human. I felt okay somehow because I was showing Clarissa that I wasn't this perfect person that was above everything all the time. I felt everything just as she did, I got tired of life just like the next person. And god did it suck.

"I'm sorry," Clarissa knelt down next to me. I never pegged her for one to ruin her dress, "I felt just as you did, I feared because he couldn't love me that he would throw me away at first glance. But don't worry Dominic is loyal, he has morals that he keeps. He's a mafia man, not a monster."

"I'm sorry for all the things I've done to you and all of these people, I understand now what wonderful people you and they are. I wish I hadn't acted so unreasonably, I'm perfectly content with being an adult and accepting I'm only a sister to Dominic." She smiled, "All I wanted was for Dominic's life to work out. I wanted to be the person that made him feel a little happiness, even just a little. But I understand you are that person now." she grabbed me into a side hug. I smiled at her through tears, she was crying for Dominic too. For a guy like himself - he sure was a charmer.

"The moon looks pretty." I laughed, she snorted too. It did, it made us look much worse in comparison. Two pretty girls smelling like they're drunk and kneeling in mud. I shook my head.

We knelt there hugging each other, crying as much as we needed to until we couldn't cry anymore. Surely people had seen but we didn't care, it didn't matter. I knelt with the weight of another girl on my shoulders, I watched the moon and I felt no emotion in my chest. I'd cried it all out, I wondered how long it'd taken.

It had been a sobbing fest but we needed it, I had been shaking. Both of us had been shaking. Reflection can stir some things up.

I sure never dreamed I'd be kneeling in alcohol mud, wearing a three thousand dollar dress and crying off designer make up on the first day of the year. Especially when I moved from Canada, thinking this was some kind of fresh start.

But I'd ended up exactly where I was five years ago, on the ground and crying myself dry. Except this time I was dressed to impress.

I stood in my father's office with Mike and Leo, all three of us watching from the window. The girls knelt in the dirty ground and cried like widows. Amara was really influencing everyone in the worst possible way at the moment.

"This is her fault." my father commented.

"Don't play that card father." I flicked my eyes to what I could see of him in the reflection of the grass. "I'll fix this."

"No," my mother stood up from the chair she sat in, "I will. Keep your help to yourself Dominic."

I watched her leave then turned my attention back to the scenario, I'd keep to myself if I have to but Amara is not anyone's business but mine. God help whoever had Clarissa.

For now, Amara was my main focus. I wouldn't rush it this time, I'll have to figure it out slowly. This goes deeper than other things.