"Are you okay?" Dominic asked whilst placing a couple books onto the coffee table. I looked up, I'd been laying on my face ever since I came out of the shower.

"Yes, I'm fine." I replied before stuffing my face back into the quilt.

I heard him walk over, "You know you can just tell me. It'll probably make you feel better."

"Oh yeah," I lifted my head and looked to the wall, "How do you reckon?"

"I just do." He replied, "Why are you being so feisty?"

"I'm just frustrated." I sighed.

"I understand." He nodded. He sat on the end of the bed then laid back, facing the ceiling. I got up onto one arm and watched him.

He just laid there, staring. He was thinking a million different things, but feeling nothing. I was frustrated, angered – that he did nothing to change that. Did he like that? Not having to deal with any of it, being able to just ignore it?

I groaned stuffing my face back in the quilt. He turned to look at me. "Are you frustrated by me?"

"No."

"You're lying." He turned back to the ceiling.

I frowned. How could he tell?

"I don't understand." I was being extra brave even bringing this up.

"Understand what?"

He wasn't supposed to know I even knew, that was the point. I was supposed to keep it to myself, not ruin his fun. But it can't possibly be fun could it? What if... what if he found out I knew and because of that he stopped trying? Then.. he wouldn't even be nice to me.

"Nothing."

I heard him sit up, "No it's not nothing because then you wouldn't be thinking about it. All the time you're thinking about it. It frustrates me that you won't tell me what it is."

"Because you can't do anything about it!" Why am I shouting? I shouldn't shout like that.

"Fair enough." He said laying back down. He wasn't even shouting, he was just talking.

I-I don't like shouting.

Why was he giving up so easily? It hurt my insides, like a heavy weight on my heart. I was struggling under this weight, it invaded my every thought and action. 

He wasn't wrong, all the time I think about it. Every time he laughs and every time he smiles. Every time I have to remind myself, it's taunting me. Am the only person being bothered by it?

Claire was bothered, but she couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't stop feeling like I could do something about it.

"It really hurts." I whispered. I pulled my legs in and closed my eyes. "Why don't you try?"

"Try what?" he sounded uninterested now, I'd really pushed his buttons.

"Dominic why don't you try and fix it?"

"If you have something to say Amara s-"

"Why don't you try and make your emotions work? You just let it be as if there is no possible solution! But there is!" I laughed sitting up and facing him, "There is. There is always a solution."

"Tell me," he looked at me, "Why do we have scars?"

"Because we fight battles." I was so sure.

"Against whom?"

"Our enemies." It was as if these questions were already answered. He just wanted to hear me say it.

"No," he turned back to the ceiling, "You're wrong. We fight battles against ourselves. We try to hide behind stupid reasons, reasons only other people would have. In reality, people like us fight ourselves. It takes a toll on your mind, all those deaths and all those people you kill. It sticks in here," he tapped his skull, "And when you can't feel it you're better off, because if you started to feel it then you would lose this." he tapped his head again, "It would just disappear."

"I had a 100% insanity score when they checked my psychological stability at the institution, so did Vince and so did you. Vince made sense, he was obvious. You made sense, you were emotional. I didn't make sense. I'd have to really lose it, I know that having emotions would make me lose it. And I would be much worse than Vince is." he laughed, "He'd have fun throwing the word back in my face, psychopath." he said with venom.

I frowned, "Not one person, not one human being, not even one creature can live life without yearning for that one thing that makes us all humane."

"Are you saying I am inhumane?"

"Well obviously, in a logical perspective. You can be."

"Maybe you're right."

"Well, I'll make you a promise." I sat up straight.

"Go on." he looked at the ceiling.

"I'll feel for the both of us."

"Uh huh."

It was silent for a while, I guess because he was thinking about this. He was probably wondering how long it was I knew.

I heard a sniffle. I turned to look, she was crying again. She tended to cry a lot, maybe because she found moments of revelation to hold great value. I sat up facing her.

"Amara why are you crying?" I sighed. 

I hadn't made her upset again had I? I appreciated the notion...

"I'm crying for you." a tear dropped, "Aren't you sad?" she smiled.

***

"Why are you crying?"

"I'm sad."

"Because of me?"

"No," she smiled sadly, turning to look at me, "Not because of you, I'm sad for you."

***

She'd done this before, I hadn't realised and I hadn't paid it much mind but she'd done this before. She'd known for a long time, she'd contemplated it and eventually it must've gotten to her. The point she realised I didn't do much to change my situation must've struck her recently. 

I watched this remarkable woman, she just watched me back. She continued to stare as long as I stared as if we were playing a game. Tears continued to stream down her face even though her eyes were unmoving, she truly felt remorse as if I'd lost a large quantity of who I am. I hadn't had that quantity for a long time, I found this unusual to have someone close to me actually feel for me again. It had been awhile since I'd had the privilege. And I'd almost forgotten why I put so much effort.

I had something new to care about now.

I won't forget this time.

--

"What do you mean?" she was standing awkwardly at my side with her hands at a stance, this situation was quite conflicting for her.

"It hurts." I was still crying.

"Do you need chocolate? Gelato?"

"Gelato?"

"Yes?" she sounded hopeful.

"No." It reminded me too much of Dominic making gelato.

"You're acting like you broke up." She sat down next to me. I held my knees to my chest and rested my head in the crevice between my knees.

"I can do something about it." I'd said that about eleven times.

"Amara, you can't."

"Yes I can."

"No," she sighed, "No one, not even you can do it. I really wish you could but you can't."

"Claire..."I knew she really wanted me to do something about it.

"I'm serious. You need to let it go." She looked at me sternly, "Why do you insist?"

"I know what they do to get rid of emotions, if I can just find the guy... I can get the anti-serum off him and I can fix Dominic."

"I don't think..."

"I swear, I can."

"Amara." She'd truly had enough, "Let. It. Go."

"For now." I sniffled.

"Will some news help you get better?" Clarissa poked her head around the door. I smiled sadly at her, she'd definitely changed her attitude towards me. 

"I'd love to hear what you have to say." I replied as she came and sat in front of us, Abrielle slid through the door next and took her seat next to Clarissa. We sat on the floor of Claire's room like a bunch of high school girls in a 90s movie.

"Get this. I know you guys don't have a lot of access to the media so I'm guessing you don't know yet. Also during my stay I managed to take note that you also don't use your TV..." she scrunched her nose, "That's kind of weird."

"Just tell us!" Claire groaned.

"Okay calm down." Clarissa put a hand out, "Get this. Pictures of Amara and Dominic in Greece were leaked by paparazzi."

"What?" all three of us stared at her. I couldn't believe this, there weren't honestly paparazzi in the world interested in the life of mafia men?

"Why would they even care?" I whined.

"Are you kidding?" Abrielle laughed.

Claire glared at her then turned to me, "We're famous sweetheart. Dominic does own a company you know, you forget he was and still is the most eligible bachelor in New York? Even though he doesn't stay there anymore, thats where his empire is."

Abrielle intruded, "The media has been fascinated by the Vitiello family ever since Claire became a model, Dominic made his own company and their father made headlines after catching a familia that sex trafficked women."

Claire spoke up, "If you were wondering if there is anything our familia doesn't do, its sex trafficking. That is absolute filth."

We all nodded in agreement.

"So," I breathed, "They leaked pictures..."

"You want to see them?" Clarissa raised a brow. I nodded eagerly. She pulled out a phone and started typing.

"Hey you are not allowed to have a phone." Claire frowned at it.

"Ssh," Clarissa held up a finger, "I'm just borrowing it."

We all looked at each other then shrugged. I hate to be a dibber dobber but I'd have to tell Dominic later. She'd do the same.

"Here." she squealed placing the phone on the floor.

The first picture was of Dominic walking into a hallway at the airport, all you could see of me was my legs. The caption read 'whisking his rumoured girlfriend on a romantic getaway?' and well they weren't wrong.

The second read 'isn't she gorgeous?' and it was of us leaving the house after we just arrived, I was wearing my white maxi dress and we were getting flowers put in our hair.

There was one of us on the yacht, another of us riding the scooter and the last one was us kissing with sparklers on our last day there. These people where seriously stalking us.

"Do they know we're killers?" I said in amazement. Claire chuckled behind me.

"Of course they do, people tend to ignore things they'd rather not deal with. I do recall they caught media coverage of your fight the last time you were in New York. Best first impression," she said sarcastically, "But our intelligence team managed to get it off the internet in some time."

"Great." I said sarcastically. I remember that, I carved into Dominic's bathroom wall and he never noticed.

There was a knock at the door. "Come in!" Claire shouted, Clarissa fumbled as she shoved the phone back into her bra. I hadn't realised before but she had quite a pair.

Donna smiled before coming and closing the door gently, "We have another party to plan."

Claire groaned flinging herself back to rest on her bed, I looked at her before turning my attention back to Donna as she spoke.

"New Years. Its coming up and you know it." she sang, this woman must love celebrations. "We'll be holding the party as usual, you need to dress glam but classy. And by glam I mean sparkly, but also practical because there will be alcohol. I don't suggest short dresses, leaves too much room for old men to slip hands up there." she scrunched her nose.

She clapped, "So get ready it's in seven days!" She beamed getting up and leaving. I presumed she'd already planned half the event, she didn't seem like the unprepared type.

"I just love social events!" Claire jiggled sarcastically. 

We laughed.