《Lose Myself》Chapter One: A Change
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As I drove past the world was a blur, getting away from everything was what I'd wanted for the past few months and now that I was getting it, I felt free. A small part of me couldn't help but feel sad, feel like I'd lost more than I could gain but then again I still had yet to see how much I could gain from this move.
Making the life changing decision to move from the easy life in Canada to here in New York City, it had been hard and almost didn't happen due to my friends pressuring me into staying. But nothing could change my mind, especially after what happened. I just couldn't say back there any longer.
Thanks to my father's Scandinavian ancestors I had light blonde hair, fair skin and bright green eyes. My mother's Cuban-American genes however, had gifted me with a petite stature, and an hourglass figure. And that alone made it impossible to keep the men from staring at me.
I blew out a sigh as I entered the underground parking of my new apartment building, it was modern and sleek which was just what I had been looking for. It was a nice change from the apartment back in Canada.
I parked in the spot that had my room number plastered onto the wall and turned the car off.
I sat there for a minute pondering my life and what had become of it. I'd graduated school sure of where I would be in the coming years but the events of the last few months had surely changed that. I felt like I didn't even know who I was, like a whole chunk was just missing.
A consistent, hard tapping sound brought me back to reality.
I turned to find a tall, blonde male smiling in from the other side of the passenger door and sat up. He appeared to be saying something.
"Oh sorry, I can't hear you." I shouted and started up the car so I could roll down the window.
He chuckled, "Uh, you need any help carrying your stuff up? I'm Vince, I happen to live right next door would you look at that!" he smiled broadly gesturing to the parking spot beside mine. A shiny black Porsche was obtaining the space and I had to physically stop myself from rolling my eyes.
"Oh, lucky me." I smiled what I hoped was a friendly smile, "Uh yes, I'd love some help thank you."
"Great, as soon as your ready."
"Right! Sorry." I stuttered as I turned up the window, turned off the car and hopped out. I walked around to the boot and pushed it open. Standing back awkwardly and gesturing towards the boxes that seemed an endless pile from the back of the car to the front.
The gesture seemed to amuse him but he shoved two boxes under each arm anyway. I grabbed one — unable to carry more after a couple of unsuccessful attempts — I temporarily closed the boot and he led the way to the elevator. Once securely inside I pressed the top level button.
"Wow, penthouse level huh? Must've really put in for this one." Vince smiled down at me making a brave attempt at conversation.
I hoped he wouldn't end up being one of those guys that did me favours thinking they would receive something in return. I still managed a small smile and nodded, "Yeah, I don't plan on moving anywhere else for a while."
After a curt nod and half a minute of awkward foot tapping, Vince seemed to have given up on any conversation. Glad he was done trying, I relaxed a little. I kinda feel bad, after all the guy was probably just trying to be nice.
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The elevator dinged signalling we had reached our destination and we walked out in search of my apartment door. I was glad to be out of that elevator, I never did well when held in confined spaces with strangers or anyone for that matter.
"Here I am." I announced as we arrived at my door. I jammed the key in, twisted the door free then pushed down on the modern steel handle. As I walked in I realised what he'd meant by 'really putting in' for this one. It was absolutely gorgeous.
As he sat the boxes down and went back to the car to grab the others, I stood and admired my new home. The walls — those that were not made of glass from top to bottom — were mostly painted a medium taupe aside from the feature walls which were either an expensive red or pure white. The kitchen was stunning, it was completely white, modern and glossy. The appliances were a variety of colours but all stainless steel, making them look even more expensive against the glossy white cupboards and grey stone bench top. Opening the pantry I was overwhelmed with space and looking around, the luxuries didn't stop there. The fridge, dishwasher and microwave were already available and as an interior decorator I was glad I wouldn't be spending any time on appliances, that was always my least favourite part.
The apartment had a large living area connected to a dining area as an open space, two rooms as described; one with an ensuite, walk in robe and balcony and the other with a floor to ceiling shelving system. I immediately decided the latter to be my office and couldn't help the squeal that escaped my lips as I exited onto the balcony.
The view was amazing, I could see the water from here and bet I could walk there in 3 minutes tops. Guess these are the perks of living in New York, I thought to myself.
"That's all of them." Vince breathed as he sat the final box on the pile next to the door. I smiled gratefully, rushed over and engulfed him into a massive bear hug. I felt as though I hadn't shown enough gratitude earlier and made the wrong impression.
"Thank you so much Vince, that was so nice of you. How can I ever show my thanks?" I praised after taking a step back. He stood still shocked from the unexpected show of affection. Definitely not something he'd been expecting.
"No need really, it was my pleasure. Have a nice time settling in and if you need anything else just give me a shout, I'm only one door away!" he smiled as he departed my apartment, closing the door behind him.
I frowned realising how wrongly I had judged him earlier as well, I had thought he was only being kind because he found me attractive when he really just wanted to lend a helping hand. I needed to restore my faith in humanity or one day it will cost me more than just a possible friendship.
But for now I was hungry, I hadn't gone shopping yet and had nothing to eat. Which means time to go out, maybe I'll make a couple new friends.
———————
It had taken a while to find a restaurant on Google maps that took to my liking, I was a picky eater, I couldn't help that. I knew I'd made the right decision when I drove up to the family restaurant next to the waterfront, it was only a few blocks from my place and totally user friendly which was what I thought when I picked it. The scene in front of me confirmed that assumption, it was filled to the brim with children and families. No drunk men, perfect for someone like me.
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A man in a waiter uniform greeted me from behind a counter which I took to be the reception. I smiled as I walked up, I pretended not to notice the once over he gave me and kept my eyes glued to his, which I knew was a sure way to let the person know you'd been listening.
"Ah yes, can I get a table please?" I grinned down at him hoping to seem polite. He nodded with sure lust in his eyes and typed quickly into his dusty computer, handing me a table number he wished me a good night, I returned the favour.
After a filling dinner and a relaxing walk beside the water, by myself. I had jumped into my car and made my way back to what I now called home. Unfortunately as I popped my keys down on the counter, realisation hit that I didn't have a bed. A loud groan escaped my lips and I slid down the wall to the floor.
Looking to the side I remembered the sleeping bag I had packed in one of the boxes, I sprung into action. Digging frustratedly through most of my boxes before grabbing a hold on my sleeping bag and pillow and after taking the toiletries bag I'd packed in my suitcase to the bathroom and brushing my teeth, I came back to the main living space and changed into an oversized grey tee and snuggled into my sleeping bag.
Its just like me to forget to buy a bed. That was the last thought of the day.
———————
I winced as the light from outside shined through my very much open, very much bare windows. Of course along with not having bought a bed, I also hadn't bought any curtains. You know the way things were going I was starting to think maybe this wouldn't be so great, especially at this rate.
I groaned as I sat up from my warm spot in the middle of the living area and smiled down at the buzzing traffic, I may have grown up in a quiet neighbourhood but the buzz of the city never seized to amaze me. It was five in the morning —the time I had programmed myself to wake up ever since I was young — and yet the world was already in motion. If one thing could cheer me up it was the possibility of the day ahead, anything could happen and honestly I couldn't wait.
I got up ignoring the pain in my back from sleeping on the floor and made it my mission to buy some furniture today. It was a great opportunity, it was sunny and I had money to spend.
After brushing my teeth, taking a warm shower and freaking out about not having a towel then having to rummage through boxes naked looking for one, I was wrapped in fluffy cotton and walking into the kitchen. I stopped dead in my tracks remembering I didn't have any food then let my body move itself to get some clothes and my wallet.
As soon as I'd stepped out into the hallway and locked the door behind me, Vince popped his head around his door to say hello and after I'd smiled at him wishing him a good day, I made my way down stairs and into the car.
After a successful trip to Starbucks, I entered IKEA with a mocha in hand and a smile on my face. Nothing beats coffee in the morning. I welcomed the cold air-conditioned air of the store as it caused my skin to grow goosebumps. I walked around a little, picking things up, looking at the price and then putting them back down. Then I got bored and got down to business, I headed straight for the bed frames then decided I didn't want a frame on my bed. Then I just decided to go with a frameless bed remembering the struggle I went through when I lived with my parents, framed beds suck.
After purchasing a frameless bed, bedside tables, a headboard, shelving units, a dressing table set and bed linen. I signed the delivery papers and went in search of furniture for the rest of my new home. And after purchasing all the furniture I needed for the living, dining and office I scheduled a delivery date for the following day and went out for lunch.
I'd managed to find a different restaurant along the waterfront before leaving the apartment that morning and was sure glad I'd opted for finding something new instead of heading to same place I'd gone last night. This new restaurant had the best hot chips I'd ever tasted and for a restaurant that sold hot chips and was next to the water, I was surprised it wasn't a seafood restaurant. I hated seafood but still it was quite unexpected, maybe the owner hated seafood too.
Looking out at the ocean and down at small section of sand I couldn't help but notice all the fit girls tanning on beach towels, under fancy umbrellas and with reflective boards. I could never picture myself in a scenario like that but as I sipped my slushy and watched from afar it didn't seem like a half bad idea. I wanted to, but my fair skin could easily be burnt and the idea would seem great at first but it wouldn't be very rewarding in the long run.
Sighing I walked back to my car and started the engine, I had no where to go and nothing to do. I sat for a while enjoying the cool breeze of the air conditioning against my skin for the second time today. Its funny really, I thought to myself as a smile spread across my face, here I am thinking about how great air conditioning is when I could be outside in the ocean enjoying the cool ocean breeze.
I shook my head as I backed out of the ocean front parking spot and drove back home, I had a ton of unpacking to do anyway.
It had taken me hours to get everything out of their boxes and packed into wardrobes and cabinets but I'd done it and all in good time. It was only about three in the afternoon and I still had plenty of time to run an errand. Grocery shopping. I still needed to get food and it had almost crossed my mind once again but luckily my empty pantry had jogged my memory.
After frowning down at my phone searching for a grocery store I'd located a handy supermarket only a couple blocks away, I could walk but knowing myself I had a hell of a lot to carry if I decided to do that. A car would be the best option. Starting up the car for the fourth time today, I drove to the supermarket and struggled for parking for about ten minutes before finding a spot fairly close to the front. I would need to learn what time to come shopping here if I was to find parking anytime sooner next time.
I'd spent a solid hour just picking up whatever I felt like before I decided that some healthy foods where called for, and after picking those I'd gone back and returned some of the junk. Just looking at it made me feel fat. Satisfied with what filled my trolley I trudged along to the register. "Hello, how was you day?" a young girl asked from the other side, I smiled back at her thinking this must be one of her first jobs because she looked about fifteen years of age.
"It was great thanks." I smiled as I piled all my groceries onto the counter and picked them up after they'd been scanned. The girl didn't ask any questions after the first one and I was glad, often cashiers tried very hard to make conversation and I just didn't like people who asked many questions. I didn't find a need for anyone to know exactly what was going on with my life so the silence comforted me.
"Wow, you have a hell a lot of stuff here." the girl breathed after tapping in a bunch of things. It had come up to over three hundred dollars, but what had I expected after I'd grabbed about everything on the shelves.
"Yeah I just moved here, I live alone so this should last me a couple weeks or more." I smiled swiping my card and pushing my pin into the faulty machine. The girl smiled with a thanks and I was out the door.
When I got home it had taken at least another hour for me to get all my groceries up, it suddenly seemed a lot harder without Vince to help me. Puffed and just about done with life, I slumped down onto my sleeping bag and fell asleep, nightmares followed of my previous life but relief flushed all the regrets down the toilet because I was somewhere new now. Somewhere were I could start over.
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