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"You are so screwed."

The two of them instantly break away with Becky shoving Mason away who nearly falls of the bed.

"Mom!" She says frantically looking at me,"This is totally not what you think."

She hits Mason,"Tell her!"

"Y-yes Mrs Henderson." Mason nods,"This is-"

"I don't think there was any room for misunderstanding." I say lightly,"My daughter is making out with a boy with her bedroom door closed. What else could it be?"

"Fine!" Becky hangs her head in defeat. Her dark hair is all over the place as she runs her hand through her hair, something she'd undoubtedly picked up from her father,"It's what it looks like. I'm sorry but I'm nearly sixtee-"

"Ooh Becky is in tru-uhble!"

She turns to glare at Archer who is currently hiding behind my legs with only his unruly blonde head sticking out from the side.

"Why you little squirt watc-"

"Rebecca Minerva Henderson." I say sternly,"How many times have I told you to stop picking on your little brother!"

"It's not fair!" She whines,"You always take his side!"

"That's because Mommy likes me more." Archer says sticking his tongue out.

"Why you little-" she lunges for him but I instantly stop her.

"Will you please start acting your age?" I ask,"I'm tired and I've just come back from work. Instead of fighting with your brother we have bigger problems to deal with."

"Like?"

"Your dad finding out about this."

Her eyes widen dramatically,"Shit. Shit. Oh fu-"

"Rebecca!" I say,"Not in front of your brother."

"Who cares?" She says before jumping before me and grabbing my coat,"You have to help me. Dad will murder me. You can't tell hi-"

"Fine I won't tell him."

"Really?" Becky hugs me nearly knocking me into the wall,"You're the best mom ever! I promise I'll get you something nice for mother's day."

"She'll still like me better." Archer says sticking his tongue out,"Won't you mommy?"

I bend down on my knees and kiss him on the cheek,"Of course I will sweetie. Now do me a favour and keep a look out for your dad?"

"Yeah squirt." Becky says,"Make yourself useful."

His grey eyes narrow,"What's in it for me?"

Becky leaps for him again,"Why you litt-"

"Becky will give you her desert privileges for a week." I cut her of with a glare,"All her Kit Kats are yours."

"No wa-"

Another look and she sighs in defeat,"Fine. Now go do your job squirt."

He sticks his tongue out at Becky before giving me a kiss on my cheek and running down.

"That manipulative little- I swear when he gets a girlfriend I'll make sure to embarrass him so thoroughly that he won't be able to show his face to anyone."

I roll my eyes. She was fifteen years old and she still acted like a two year old.

"But first things first." I pause throwing Mason a glance who looks rather petrified of me,"Please tell me you were being careful."

"I'm not sleeping with him. Jeez." She turns to look at Mason,"I-I didn't mean it like that. It's just that-"

"-you're not ready." The boy says earnestly,"I understand."

I raise an eyebrow,"Wow. Aren't you whipped? Unfortunately when her father comes home, he's is still going to kill you."

"Oh come on mom." She pleads,"You know I'm careful. I've got condoms and all. Aunt-"

She stops suddenly realising her mistake.

My eyes narrow,"Aunt who?"

She looks away purposely not meeting my eyes,"No one."

I sigh.

"I'm going to kill her." I say.

"It's not her fault." Becky stars,"She's-"

"Oh don't get me wrong I'm going to kill you too later. Right now let's get the poor boy out of the house before your father kills him."

"Thanks mom you are the best-"

"I'm just doing this because I actually happen to like your father and he'd never be able to survive prison. His face is too pretty for-"

"Car, Becky, Archer, I'm home."

Both of us turn to look at each other.

"Fuck!" I curse and then I realise I'm supposed to be a responsible parent,"I mean fudge. Very very bad fudge."

Archer appears at the door,"Dad's here."

"Thanks for nothing." Becky snaps,"Go distract him or something."

Archer pouts,"How?"

"Please sweetie." I say,"Go ask your dad about that new video game of yours. I'm pretty sure if you use your puppy dog face he'll get it for you in a heartbeat."

"But it's not released yet." Archer says.

"When has that ever stopped him." Becky looks irritated,"Just go."

Archer nods as he bounds downstairs.

"Okay." I say turning towards Becky's boy toy,"What now?"

"Back door." Becky says.

"Nope." I shake my head,"Too risky."

"How about the window?" She suggests.

I seize Mason up who looks rather afraid and pale.

"I don't think he'll be able to survive the fall."

He grows paler but Becky continues.

"What if we tie up-"

"Umm Becky-" Mason starts.

"-a couple of bedshe-"

I shake my head,"But that maybe difficult. Maybe if we wrap him up in a mattress and throw him out of the-"

"Umm-"

"WHAT?" Both of us snap at Mason who shrinks back.

"Nothing."

"Well then-"

"What's the name of the game again?" It's Jakes voice that carries over from the stairs.

"Shit!"

Becky and I both look at each other and then at Mason.

"Closet. Now." I whisper shout, pulling Mason by one arm while Becky pulls him by the other.

We manage to shove him into the closet and close the door just as Jake steps into the room.

"What is going on?" Jake says raising an eyebrow as he takes in asked in our positions against the closet door.

"Ummm.." Becky starts but I know she's already breaking under her fathers gaze,"Nothing?"

Jake's eyes narrow,"What's wrong with the both of you? Becky why are you sweating in the middle of win-"

I quickly step in,"Becky's on her period so she's asking me whether she'd rather use a tamp-"

"Aaaah." Jake says covering Archers ears,"To much information there is a sensitive kid in the room."

I raise an eyebrow,"Who are you talking about? Archer or yourself?"

Becky says,"It obviously isn't Archer. He has ruined two of my bras by cutting holes in them and running around the house pretending they were aviator goggles."

Archer simply sticks his tongue out.

"Honestly I didn't know whether to laugh at that or contemplate as to how we failed as parents." I say.

"Oh please." Jake says,"We are great parents. Becky turned out so well and Archer too, he maybe weird but he's a good kid."

Jake ruffles his hair and Archer smiles widely,"I'm good weird."

I hug him and kiss him on the cheek,"Why yes you are."

"The partiality is sickening." Becky comments.

Jake sighs,"Tell me about it."

I raise an eyebrow looking at the both of them ,"You become a seven year old and let me cuddle you all day long and then we will see."

Becky shudders,"No thank you."

Everybody looks at Jake.

He shrugs,"That doesn't seem like such a bad idea."

Becky groans and it's her chance to cover Archers ears,"That's disgusting."

Archer breaks free and pouts,"I'm hungry."

"So am I." Jake states.

"Me three." I agree,"Let's go and see what's there for dinner. I hope it's something good."

Becky shoots up happy for the distraction,"I hope it's pizza. "

Jake turns to go when Archer suddenly stops I'm his tracks.

"What happened baby?"I ask.

He blinks up to me and Jake.

"Aren't we going to invite the boy hiding in the closet, down for dinner too?"

____________________________

"I can't believe you're grounding me for a month." Becky whines as we sit for dinner,"This is totally not fair."

Jake rolls his eyes,"If it was up to me I'd have you locked in your room for the rest of your life."

"It's not fair." Becky whines,"I'm fifteen!"

Jake snorts,"Thank you for telling me how long I've had to put up with you. Be grateful I didn't kill that piece of-"

"No swearing." I warn giving him a look.

"-brown smelly thing." Jake quickly corrects.

It's Becky's turn to snort,"Come on mom convince him that I have a life. Threaten him that you won't hold hands with him or something."

"We both know that's more of a punishment for your mother." Jake says and I roll my eyes.

"Aah this is not fair!" She says frustrated.

"Becky is no longer dads favourite." Archer grins,"Haha."

Becky turns to give Archer her middle finger, but before she can I throw a look her way that makes her shrivel back in her seat.

"Ha." Archer says,"Now I'm dad's favourite too."

"I'm sorry but I never had any favourites. Both you squirts are equal in my eyes. Besides your mom is my favourite." Jake says and I smile giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"Eeew." Becky says,"Please refrain from PDA in front of minors."

"Need I remind you the scene I had to witness upstairs?" I say.

"It's good mommy and daddy love each other." Archer says earnestly,"My friend Vera barely sees her parents. She tells me that they don't love each other anymore."

Becky nods wistfully,"Well that's one thing we won't have to worry about, the two of you splitting up. Dad is so completely whipped it's funny."

"Men don't get whipped." Archer says defiantly,"And dad is the manliest of men."

Jake ruffles Archer's hair,"I was wrong before.You're definitely my favourite."

"Oh really?" Becky smirks,"Do you know how dad asked mom to marry him?"

"Your mom asked me to marry her." Jake corrects,"I on the other hand was so cool that instead of asking I just did it instead."

"Oh really?" Becky smirks,"Have you never heard about how pathetically dad failed in proposing to mom? Twice?"

"Becky it's rude to pick on your father." I say.

"Wait." Jake turns to look at me,"How does she know? Who told her?"

"Who do you think?"

"I'm going to kill her." Jake says decisively.

"Hey!" Becky defends,"She's my favorite."

"I'm thought I was your favorite." Jake says.

"That was before you grounded me for a month."

"A month?" Jake says and turns towards to me,"Did I say a month?"

"I'm pretty sure I heard the words till you turn eighteen." I say.

Jake nods in agreement,"So did I."

Becky turns to Archer,"The first time dad proposed to mom he put the ring in a milkshake. But then mom-"

"Becky, come on." I interrupt,"One peaceful dinner."

Becky looks at Jake,"Unground me."

"That's not a word." Jake says.

Becky turns to Archer,"-basically it ended with dad spilling the entire milkshake on purpose after a lot of panic and flailing around after he chickened out."

Archers eyes widen "What flavour was the milkshake? "

Becky's looks at him confused,"What?"

I laugh,"It was Nutella."

Archer gasps,"Dad how could you? You wasted a Nutella milkshake."

Jake sighs,"I got your mom two more after that."

I smile at Archer,"Or else I wouldn't have even considered marrying him."

Archer nods solemnly.

Becky face palms herself,"Our family needs to get their priorities in order."

"Wasting anything chocolate is unforgivable." Archer says,"Mom only let you off easy because it was Nutella. If it was Kit-Kat..."

Both Jake and Archer shudder at the same time.

"Hey I'm not that obsessed with Kit Kats." I say.

"Puhleez." Becky says,"Do you even want me to start? Do you remember when you-"

"Jake didn't you say that she was grounded indefinitely if she puts one more foot out of line?"

Jake nods,"Pretty much."

"Oh come on." Becky protests.

"I'm sorry do I see you inching your foot towards the line?"

"This is blackmail."

I raise an eyebrow,"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Archer do you know what happened the second time dad tried to propose to mom?" Becky says,"Well he'd planned to do it during a romantic boat ride. But halfway through mom got up and tipped the entire boat and they both fell into the lake. Dad lost the ring."

"That's it." I say,"It's indefinite now. And all your Kit Kats are mine as punishment."

Jake sighs, "It all comes back to the Kit Kats."

"You can have my Kit Kats too mommy." Archer says.

"Aww thank you sweetie." I say.

Becky sighs,"I'm starting to see why Archer is her favorite."

"Yeah me too." Jake says.

Archer sticks his tongue out and I laugh.

Becky looks at Jake hopefully,"So does this mean you'll show leniency to poor little unloved-"

"Nice try. No." Jake says.

Archer points at Becky and laughs,"HAHA. What a fail, you dirty booger."

"A what?" Becky says and Jake bursts out laughing.

"Oh gods this takes me back." He says looking at me.

"Aren't you going to scold him?" Becky says looking at me.

"Nope."

"In fact." Jake say patting Archers head,"You get extra points for creativity."

Becky pouts,"You guys are ganging up against me."

"You were making out with a boy on your bed." I point out,"Did you really not see this coming?"

She sighs,"Fine, I won't do it again."

"That's code for I'll be smarter and do it somehwere else." Jake says,"You forget we were teenagers too."

"So you admit being to being wild." Becky states,"In fact I heard that you guys had several beds replaced not to mention desk cause you broke-"

"Becky-" I start but Archer interrupts me.

"How did you guys break beds?"

Becky bursts out laughing and I turn towards Jake, No way am I having the talk with my son when he's eight years old.

Jake shrugs, What am I supposed to do about it?

Another look, Anything.

"Well that's because mom and I jumped on beds a lot." Jake says,"It's a fun thing to do. But we only did it when we were adults because we don't want accidents to occur and people to get hurt do we?"

Archer nods,"That makes sense."

Becky grins up to Jake,"Nice save."

"And that's your phone gone too." I state.

"Oh come on!"

"No arguments Becky." Jake says,"Hand it over."

Becky gasps dramatically,"Are you trying to kill my social life?"

"Pretty much yeah." Jake says,"Now hand it over."

Becky crosses her arm and huffs,"I don't know where it is."

"It's in her purse." Archer says.

"Shut up squirt." Becky hisses.

"Thank you Archer." I say,"Do me a favour and get it won't you?"

"I'll break all your transformers if you touch my purse."

Jake glares at Becky,"I'll buy you more Archer."

Archer reaches for her purse and hands me her phone while Becky huffs angrily.

"There is a password on this." I state.

Jake takes it from me and turns to Becky, "What's the code?"

"This is a total breach of privacy."

"You've had enough privacy for today considering you snuck a boy into your room." Jake says,"The password."

Becky shuts her lips tightly.

"Jake try Archer's birthday won't you?" I say.

Becky's eyes widen as Jake feeds in the password and her phone promptly clicks open.

"How did you know that?" Becky asks.

"I'm your mother." I state,"I know everything. And I know how much you deny it you love your little brother very much. Plus it's pretty much the last thing we'd have expected you to put."

"Aww, I loove you too Becky." Archer hugs Becky who looks secretly pleased but grumbles, "Get off me."

Archer gives her a puppy dog face and she reluctantly pats his back. And for a second I think that we may finally have some peace and quiet in the hou-

"EEW!" Becky exclaims,"Did you just wipe your hands on my blouse?"

Archer sticks his tongue out.

"Oh you are so dead."

"Only if you can catch me." Archer teases.

Becky leaps for him but he jumps out at the last moment and takes off running with Becky on his heels.

I sigh,"What do you think they are going to break today?"

"I hope it's that ugly ass vase that Alec gave us."

"It's not that ugly." I defend.

"The only thing that would be worse would be if he put a picture of him and Spencer kissing on it."

I shudder at the very thought of that.

"I SWEAR TO GOD ONCE I CATCH YO-"

"YOU CAN BARELY MAKE IT UP THE STAIRS!"

"WHY YOU LITT-"

I turn to Jake,"Should we try to stop them?"

"I don't think it will be necessary." Jake states twirling one of his fingers around the lose strands of my hair,"Both of them have an attention span that is practically non existent."

I look at him amused, "I wonder who they get that from."

"Hey don't look at me." He says,"They've already got all their good looks from me haven't they?"

I smile and kiss Jake on the cheek,"Why yes they have."

Jake chuckles. He intertwines his hand with mine, something that's become instinctive for him over the years for whenever he's lost deep in thought.

"What are you thinking about?" I ask.

"Do you remember the night before your graduation when we'd spent hours siting on the dock?"

"Of course I do." I say,"It's the first time you ever told me that you loved me."

He blinks,"No way. I'm pretty sure I'd said it way before that."

"Nope." I say,"You used to have a pretty hard time saying it back then."

He nods looking wistful.

"Remember when I'd told you that the thing I wanted most in the world was not you but a life with you?"

I bod,"Couldn't forget even if I wanted to. So how are you liking it then? Your life with me? Regretting it yet?"

Something shatters in the background.

Jake chuckles,"Sure we've had a couple of pile ons along the way but I think it's all been pretty damn great."

I smile,"Me too and I quite like our pile ons."

"GET READY TO DIE SQUIRT!"

"ONLY IF YOU CAN CATCH ME SLOWPOKE!"

He raises an eyebrow,"Really?"

I nudge him in the shoulder,"Oh come on you love them way more than I do. I remember you were so protective of Becky when she was born. You didn't let anybody else hold her."

Jake turns red,"I thought we were never going to talk about that."

I laugh,"But you're so cute when you're all red and embarrassed."

"Well it's not like you were any better." He says,"The first time you held Becky you pinched yourself and then poked her to make sure it was real."