Why would they go to such elaborate lengths to lie to me?

Why couldn't they-

And then it clicks into place all of it. They didn't tell me because my grandmother didn't want me to know.

She didn't want me to know.

Why?

She was sick. She had cancer and I knew in my gut that it was bad. It was terrible, but I had been too damn blind and self involved to notice it.

You're going to have to tell her at some point, she's going to hate you for not telling her.

The day Michella had come back, that's what Michella had said and if I had been paying attention, if I had just been listening instead of....

And Jake. Jake knew about it too. But he didn't tell me. Instead he..

Instead he lied. Lied, so that I would hate him, so that I would hate Michella so that I would stay here. And I....

Oh god what did I do?

No. No

This wasn't true. This can't be true. This wasn't happening. This can't be happening.

My grandmother, Jake, my sister, oh god.

I don't know how I ended up on the floor, my knees must have buckled underneath me. I couldn't breathe as everything from today crashed over me each dragging crushing a different part of me until I had nothing left.

I would take the lie that Jake was the one who got Michella got pregnant over the fact that my grandmother was sick any day of the damn week.

And they knew it. They both knew it. And that's why they had done it.

Because my grandmother wasn't going to tell me. Of course she wouldn't.

Why would she? She had seen my reaction to Jake and Alec's accident.

She didn't tell me.

She didn't tell me because she didn't think I could handle it.

And I probably couldn't.

But didn't she think that I at least deserved to know it?

Didn't she ever think that I at least deserved the opportunity to try to handle it? To be there for her?

I was leaving because I didn't know any better but if they had told me, trusted me enough to make the right decision I would have stayed in a heartbeat.

But they didn't.

Instead Michella made sure to tell me the one thing that would make sure I was going to stay here.

And Jake had made sure to go along with it, to drive it in so I wouldn't leave my grandmother.

And in turn I had returned the favour by slamming his mistakes on his face and calling him a monster and comparing him to his father.

I stare at my computer blankly looking at the screen. And then I'm on my feet grabbing the laptop with one hand running up the stairs.

I throw open the door to Michella's room not giving a damn if she was asleep.

I needed her to tell me that this wasn't true. That I was wrong. That I was so utterly wrong about all of this. That this was all a huge misunderstanding and I was overreacting.

Yes, that's exactly what I needed to hear. That's exactly what she would tell me, that I was being a drama queen who was just making a big deal out of everything. That none of this was true.

None of this was really happening.

But one glance around the room is enough to break whatever is left of my false hope.

Because the room was empty.

The room was empty in every sense of the word, her walk in closet door thrown wide open with not a single article of clothing inside, her furniture draped hastily with cloth and her bed perfectly made.

Nothing was out of place. It was like Michella had never been here in the first place.

Now way.

She couldn't have gone.

She couldn't have just left. Not now.

I look hopelessly praying to find something, anything that would tell me that she was still here. That wasn't really gone.

But the room was empty. It was painfully and utterly empty. There was nothing in the room it was-

I don't know it happens but the laptop in my hand is flying across the room as I throw it with all my might. It explodes into a million pieces as it shatters against the wall next to the bureau.

I breathe heavily and my hands are shaking terribly but there is something oddly satisfying about seeing something break so suddenly and violently and it's even more satisfying to see something shatter into pieces that wasn't me.

Maybe I was acting like someone who was currently having a mental breakdown but I deserved to have one. I deserved to throw things around. I deserved to act like a mess.

Although the laptop had made a pretty big bang no one comes rushing. Michella's room is huge, it's entire length draped with a thick black carpet. It was also furthest away from my grandmothers bedroom which meant that I could have my psychotic break in peace without waking anyone up.

I wasn't ready to face my grandmother. I don't think I would ever be able to face her.

My hand reaches for the beautiful white ceramic lamp that was set on Michella's bedside table. It was a pretty lamp, extremely delicate with tiny daffodils drawn on its base.

And then it's flying across the room just like my laptop before it shatters in contact with the wall.

I look around the room desperately searching for something else to throw when my eye catches unto a black box neatly set on top of her bureau with a post it stuck on top.

I stare at it blankly trying to comprehend what was placed in front of me.

It was a box.

It was a gift.

It was something I had forgotten.

It was wrapped neatly in black paper. It didn't look like anything special but it was.

It was the gift Ashley had handed over to me on my birthday when she found it lying around in Jake's room addressed to me.

It was just a plain black box and yet seeing it was like someone had taken a sledgehammer and hit me with it.

Because it wasn't about the box or who had given it to me. It was about how I had forgotten about it.

How I had never opened it.

Jake's gift.

Jake. Jake.

His name is like a prayer on my lips and I'm already sprinting downstairs, barefoot with the box in my hand.

I'm out on my driveway before I know it but I can't get myself to take a step forward after that.

The huge house was dark and I knew just by looking at it he wasn't there. That he was long gone, and that he'd never be coming back.

In the end all of this picking choosing had been so pointless. Because it ended with me losing them both. Me losing a boy who I had never really known in the first place and a boy who I never had a shot with.

It was all so pointless. It was all so dumb.

I wish it just hadn't taken me this long to give up, to let go, to realise all of this because then I would have been able to minimise the damage. So that I wouldn't blow everything in my life to bits because of my inability to let go, to stop feeling so sorry for myself all the time.

Everybody had lied to me but it was me who had repeated the biggest lie of all and forced myself to believe it even when I knew the truth, the cold harsh truth that I was too much of a coward to face.

And because of that lie that I had kept on repeating, I had broken the hearts of the people who had mattered. I had pushed them so far away that there was no way I would get them back and I'd pushed them away in way that I didn't deserve to get them back.

Because of that lie I couldn't see what was in front of me. What was staring me right in the face.

All the going to bed early, staying in her room and barely coming out, if I had just been smarter and less selfish I would have seen it.

But instead I hadn't.

Instead I had fucked up my life royally by officially losing everybody who remotely mattered.

I wasn't even heartbroken anymore, it was because I realised that at that moment what hit me the hardest was probably the fact that I had no one to go to. No one's shoulder to cry to, no one to tell me that it was going to be okay.

There was absolutely no one.

And what could I do? Wake my grandmother and demand as to why she lied to me? The one person who I thought I would always have, the one person who I could trust no matter what.

It's a hole I'd dug for myself by being a terrible selfish human being who couldn't look past her own problems.

And to be honest I couldn't see a way out of it.

I think I must have sat on the curb and stayed there in the cold with my head buried in my knees for what must have been hours because the next thing I knew it was morning and the sun was out its light shining unnaturally bright.

No wait it wasn't morning. Those were headlights.

The car stopped in front of me and although it looked familiar for the life of me I couldn't figure out who was in it.

Until she rolled down the window.

"You know pneumonia is probably the most pathetic way to die right?" Natalie commented,"You can do so much better. Or you could have just asked me."

I stare at her gape mouthed and squinting at the girl in front of me.

"Do I want to ask you what you're doing out here on the curb, crying pathetically?" She says and then glances at the house behind me and her mouth forms an O.

"So you chose the ice prince in the end, didn't you?" She says,"Shocking though I always thought that you'd chose Alec the knight."

"He not a knight." I manage to bite out.

"Yes we all knew that." Natalie says,"Never thought you'd catch on though."

"Why are you even here?" I say.

"I'm just coming back from a rather interesting conversation with someone." She says,"True it ran a little late but then again it did start with her punching me in the face."

I don't respond because I stopped listening ages ago. It's then I realise just how cold I am and the fact that I had been shaking all over and I hadn't even realised it yet.

"Why are you siting out here in the curb?" She asks.

"Because I can't go back in my house." I manage to respond,"I just can't."

Something flashes in her eyes and she gives a tiny shrug,"You can come to my house you know? If it's really that bad."

My mouth drops open in shock.

"I'm not going to kill you or anything." She says,"But then again it's your choice. Pneumonia or me. Although I may be a bitch I'm not going to kill you."

"Why would you help me?" I say,"You owe me nothing."

"That's true" She says,"But I owe someone who genuinely cares about you."

I snort,"There is a shortage of those people currently."

"You'd be surprised. Get in the car." She says,"Take it as me trying to be nice."

I look at her,"You don't have to be nice to me."

She sighs,"Okay look. I know what it's like to hit rock bottom. And I get it whatever you're going through must be terrible. Now I can't do anything about that but at least I can stop you from giving up."

"Giving up is for losers." She says,"Don't just give up. It means I was right about you all along."

"You were right about me all along."

"No I wasn't." She says,"Plus the fact if you give up that means I was taken down by an absolute loser and my ego can't handle that. So get in the car."

And for some reason that gets me to stand up. I open the door to her car and I get inside immediately grateful for the warmth.

Natalie doesn't say anything she simply rolls her windows up and slides the car down the lane.

Although the ride is less than a minute long since she lives right down the lane, it's painfully awkward.

My mind is a blank unable to keep up with everything that's happened in the last hour and I've retreated into numbness and as we get out of the car I start to contemplate wether this was all some twisted dream.

Natalie bends down and moves a potted plant on her porch to reveal a key.

She takes it and opens the door to her house and then in turn he gently shuts the door behind me after we enter in.

"You know where the guest rooms are." She says,"Pick one and I'll get you something that doesn't have grass stains on it to sleep in."

And just like that she disappears up the stairs.

It's true I know the way to the guest room. As kids we used I have tons of sleep overs here which is why I had this place memorised.

I find the rooms easily enough and pick the first one I see. It's relatively small but it's got everything.

An LED TV, a small couch a table with a computer on it and of course a bed.

It's then that I realise that I'm still holding the gift in my hand, my knuckles white from holding it so hard.

For a second I think of doing it again. Putting it out of sight and do my best to forget about it but I decide against it.

I was tired of running away and hiding my problems.

I unwrap it carefully to see that there were exactly were two things in it, a plain black spiralbound book and a pen drive.

The pendrive was marked with a large number one followed by the book which had a large two on top.

The book I recognise as the one I had seen in Jake's room all those months back just lying on his desk.

"Here you go." Natalie enters the room holding tshirt and sweatpants.

With a start I realise they were mine. They were mine from all those years ago when I used to come here so often that there was an extra set of clothes just lying here.

"I saved those for a museum." She says,"Proof that people could have a fashion sense that bad. Who knew it would actually get used one day."

I look at her too shocked to actually say anything until she asks,"Is that what was in the box?"

I nod.

"Can I use the computer?" I ask and she shrugs.

"Sure." She says and turns to leave when I blurt out.

"Thank you." I say,"You didn't have to do this I know you hate me."

She turns around for just a moment,"I strongly dislike you Clara. Probably will always strongly dislike you. But I don't hate you anymore."

And with that she leaves.

I stare after her unable to string together the jumble of words in my mind to form one coherent thought.

My gaze falls to the pen drive and book in my hand and for a second I'm to scared to do anything. To open the book, to plug in the pendrive.

But the next moment I'm already in front of the computer connecting the pen drive to it.

It has two videos labelled one and two.The first video has Jake on the screen looking sheepishly towards the camera and my heart painfully twists in my chest.

I can't make out what the other one is exactly so I click the first one.

"Hi." He says looking nervously into the camera. Jake is siting in his room his back to his messy bookshelf his hair half wet. He's got a small bruise forming underneath his chin and I unconsciously reach for the screen before pulling my hand back when I realise what I'm doing.

There is a date at the bottom of the screen which shows that it's mid November of last year. With a start I realise that it's the day after we kissed in the lake. The day he got into the fight with Kevin in school.

And yet I was just seeing it now.

"So this probably the worst idea I've had in a while but I've decided to go through with." He smiles a little and then says,"So you just left my room a few minutes back, granted we didn't exactly meet since you were hiding underneath my bed hoping to God that I didn't see you."

I turn red at that memory.

"But I did." He says,"It's become kind of impossible for me not to notice you."

He winces,"Shit I sound like such a creep."

"I'm hoping to give this to you right away. Apologise to you for being such a dick in the morning. Apologise for getting drunk and picking a fight at school and apologise for lying to you. Basically apologising for being such an overall asshole."

"But let's face it. When it comes to you I have no balls whatsoever. Even now I feel like I'm a fourteen year old boy with a crush on the super smart girl who is too good for me."

"You've always been too good for me, Car." He says,"But I'm selfish that way. I don't care if you deserve far better than me, it doesn't stop me from wanting you."

"So I'm doing this like a coward by recording this entire thing because if I actually do this face to face I'm going to become a nervous wreck and it's not going to be pretty."

He pauses for a second.

"Nah let's face it I'm going to be adorable either way."He says,"I'm mostly doing because there is the very large chance of you impaling me with your stilettos and trust me you stepping on me with them was enough. Besides-" he stops and points to his face,"This is far to pretty to be damaged."

I laugh out loud rolling my eyes and in the video he grins.

"You're probably rolling your eyes right now but hey, we both know it's true."

Keep telling yourself that.

"So if you haven't figured it out yet, this entire let's fake date so that you can make Alec jealous is a sham." He says,"As smart as you can be sometimes Clara I swear to god you can be so damn dumb about these things."

He snorts,"Seriously Clara, Natalie Anderson? It was laughable that you think I like her. I'm sure she's a nice person somewhere very very deep inside but she is not my type."

"Lately I've realised that my type is basically narrowed down to smart unpredictable blondes with greyish blue eyes and absolutely no sense of balance." He says,"Till now I've only found one of her though."

"Unfortunately though she's in love with Alec Evans. The douchebag with the attitude problem, really? You can do better. Maybe better doesn't cover me, but it's certainly not him either. And over my dead body I'm actually going to help you get him."

"I'm not going to lie. When I saw my opportunity that night I kind of jumped at it." He sighs,"It was selfish, it was stupid and probably an even worse decision than apologising to you over a video but I couldn't help myself. I saw this entire fake dating thing as a sort of way to.. I don't know win you over. I agree it was stupid. I mean I should have just manned up and told you the truth.I mean how hard could it have been? Clara Wilson,I like you, Alec is a douchebag and I've had a crush on you since I was fourteen. That's all I had to say."

"But I couldn't. Because when it comes to you I don't know how you will react. I can't read you. You're absolutely unpredictable and it's fucking terrifying." He says,"But I'm pretty sure you hated me up till now which is kind of understandable considering how badly I fucked up in camp."

"But yesterday at the lake." He takes in a sharp breath,"You kissed me back."