I stare at her blankly.

"I don't believe you." I say.

"You do." She says,"Even you know just how-"

"I don't believe you." I say but my voice shakes.

"Face it Clara-"

"No!" I yell as tears threaten to fall,"He wouldn't do that. He would never do that and lie to me about it."

"He's Jake Henderson-"

He's Jake Henderson. Of course he is. He's Jake Henderson and I'm Clara Wilson. Why wouldn't he lie to me? It was what we did to each other, we lied.

"- that's what I'm trying to stop you from doing." She says,"Stop ruining your life over a-"

"No." I say,"Don't even try to tell me you did this for me. That you threw this at my face now because this was for my good. That this was some twisted way of you trying to convince yourself that you are trying to be my a sister and protect me from a boy."

"Anything in your life that doesn't have Jake Henderson is for your own good." She says but there is something unconvincing about the way she's saying it, like it's a half assed attempt to convince herself,"You know it."

"He's not-"

"I'm telling you this now because you were ready to throw away your dream for the idea of a boy who doesn't even care." She says,"Trust me I've seen all there is to see behind those green eyes of his and there is nothing."

"Fuck you." I spit out,"I don't believe you. He would never lie to me."

"You know that's not true." She says,"Jake Henderson lies. You've known that since day one."

"Stop Michella, please just stop." I say.

"Tell me that you don't believe me." She says,"Id seen you the next morning during New Years. Id seen your face Clara. You know what he can do."

But he'd done it to protect me.

But he'd lied to me.

He'd lied to me so so many times.

So why couldn't- wouldn't he lie about the truth about his relationship with Michella?

He'd told me that there was nothing going on in between them. There never was anything going on in between them. It had been once and it was a mistake.

But Jake Henderson lies.

"I don't-"

Michella grabs me by my shoulders,"I did it for you Clara. You can't choose Jake. You need to-"

"Leave me." I say,"And go take your damn trash somewhere else. I don't care anymore. You can-"

"Listen to me Clara." She says, her grip on me tightening on my hand digging into my fading bruises and I hiss in pain,"You can't go. Not when it will mean you'll have to leave-"

"Get your hands off her Michella, now."Jake says calmly, I don't know how he found us but he was standing a few feet away, his green eyes blazing as he looked at Michella. Although his tone was calm the warning in his voice is clear,"You're hurting her."

Her grip on me loosens and I shove her away rubbing my wrists.

He looks at me worriedly,"Are you all right?"

I don't respond. I can't even get myself to look at him. But Michella was lying. She was most definitely lying. She had to be.

"Michella what the fuck did I tell you about laying a single finger on her?" Jake starts.

Michella's gaze on Jake is almost pleading as she says,"I told her the truth."

Jake gives her a confused look,"What?"

"Tell me that you didn't get Michella pregnant." I blurt out desperately.

"What?" He asks looking so shocked it could almost be funny.

Almost.

"Tell me that it wasn't you who got her pregnant." I plead,"Please tell me it wasn't you."

"What are you talking about?" He asks again and his gaze moves from me towards Michella.

"What did you tell her?" He asks,"What are you-"

"She was choosing MIT." Michella says carefully looking at Jake with a peculiar expression,"So I thought I would tell her the truth. So that she realised what a stupid choice she was making by going so far away from here for you. All despite the fact you can't be together."

"So I had to tell her the truth." Michella's voice shook slightly and there was a tone in her voice that I just couldn't place,"I told her the truth that you were the one who got me pregnant. So that she stays. So that she doesn't have to make a choice between-" she hesitates as if she's struggling to find the correct words,"She doesn't have to make a choice between what she actually needs to do and the idea of you."

Jake holds her gaze for just one moment and there is a silent agreement that passes between the both of them that I can't quite understand.

And then he breaks away from her gaze and turns towards me.

The look in his eyes is something I would never forget, a kind of helplessness that I've never ever forget. It's crushing and hopeless and Jake quickly ducks his head down clenching his fists.

And when he finally, finally looks back up his eyes held something of a calm acceptance as he says,"I should have told you."

No.

No.

"No." I say,"Y-You can't-"

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about it before." He says,"I-I didn't know how."

A part of me so desperately wished that it was all a lie that it took everything in me not to just fall to my knees onto the ground and cry for over a century.

But I couldn't.

And I wouldn't.

Because I was stronger than that. I was stronger than letting Jake Henderson rip my heart into pieces again.

Or so I told myself.

"Why?" I ask but Jake ignores me and turns towards her.

"Michella leave." Jake says, I know he's put up a wall up again but even then I manage to get a peek at what was going on with him every time the wall cracked the slightest bit.

Utter defeat.

He'd given up.

And I think I had too.

"But-" She starts

"I won't." He interrupts,Michella,"Leave now. I know, okay? I won't. I just need to talk to her alone."

And then there is that look on Michella's face again, one mixed with relief and admiration but she nods and backs away. She gives me one last look and it's can almost be called apologetic but it vanishes just as quickly and she turns and walks away.

"Clara-" He starts and moving forward and I immediately shrink back, away from him.

"No." My voice comes out low and strangled,"Don't you ever touch me again."

He stops immediately rooted to his spot, staring at me with this sort of helplessness that makes me want to yell, I don't care what you've done, I'll forgive you for anything but I don't.

Because I'm better than that.

And I owe it to myself to believe that I deserve better than that.

"This is where I should start congratulating you." I say,"For making me fall for you again. For ruining me once again. For giving me just enough hope by lying to me and then tearing it down along with whatever was left of me."

He doesn't say anything and continue,"Do you enjoy doing this? Watch me break over you every single time you screw up? Do enjoy watching me cry over you again and again-"

"No I don't." He says,"Seeing you like this, it kills me but I-I can't, I-"

"You're the only one who can." I say,"When it comes to you I always lose. I can't seem to live without you and yet every time I let you near, I let myself believe that we have hope you manage to ruin me in a way that no one else can."

"I'm leaving-"

"I didn't care." I yell,"I never have. You know I would have followed you everywhere and anywhere and for you I would have found a way. Damn the consequences. As long as I loved you, I don't fucking care if you moved to the damn moon, I would have followed you."

"And I told you not to." He says,"I told you to stay away. Id told you from the beginning that we-"

"Then why?" I yell,"Why make me fall for you? Why do all those things for me? Why act to be something you're not?"

"You know why." He says,"It's because I lo-"

"Don't you fucking dare." I interrupt,"Don't you dare throw those words in my face as a reason. Not when it means nothing to you. Because you're a liar and you are a coward."

He clenches his fist tighter.

"You're leaving because you know that it's the truth." I say,"You're not leaving for me. You're leaving because you are fucking terrified of facing yourself."

I wipe my tears off hastily and look at him,"I should have told you to leave the second you came into my life, because I knew that this is exactly where this would lead. You're a liar and yet for some reason I believed everything that came out of your mouth. Did it mean anything you?"

He doesn't say anything.

"I believed that you actually cared this time around,that I wasn't some game for you." I say,"Nothing has changed since camp, for you I'm still the girl whose feelings you played with, the girl who would be stupid enough to fall for your charms, the naïve girl who wore her damn heart on her sleeve just so that you could snatch it-"

I can't complete the sentence and I stop a sob escaping my lips despite myself.

"You know I'm not worth the tears."He says quietly,"Because youre right I'm a coward and a liar."

"Then why do I still want to forgive you?" I say crying,"Why does the fact that despite the fact that you've got me scattered into a million pieces do I want to forgive you?"

"No you don't." He says,"You have every right to hate me."

"I hate you so much and yet I can't stop loving you. It hurts." I say,"But I shouldn't. I shouldn't love you. Every bone in my body tells me that you're a mistake but at the same time everything tells me that this what I want. That loving you is as right as it is wrong."

"But I can't trust you." I say,"I never should have trusted you."

"You played with my feelings, you played with my sister's life. It's no wonder she hates me so much." I continue,"She hates me because not only did I make her lose her baby but I took you away too."

"And you- you." I say stammering,"You flaunted me in front of her. That's why you'd agreed to help me with Alec in the first place didn't you? So that in turn you could cruelly throw me in Michella's face?"

"Yes." He says, his voice hollow,"That's why."

He's not fighting me anymore, he's not even trying to defend himself. It was as if he was so utterly done with everything.

He'd given up.

"How?" I say my voice breaking,"How do you expect me to ever forgive you for that?"

"I-I can't fight for you Jake." I say closing my eyes and just saying those words are crushing me, how true everything is,"I-I just can't do this anymore. I can't keep killing myself trying to figure out if I can trust you or not. Because in the end the correct answer will always be no. You'll always lie. And yet when it comes to you I'll choose the wrong one. Because I want to believe the best in you even though we both know that there is nothing redeemable left in you."

"Everything between us was a lie. It was always a game for you and if I do this again, If I let myself even hope for the idea of you I'll go down this road again. And I can't. I don't have it in me for you to break my heart over you again and again. Not anymore because I'm not going to be able to survive it."

"I know." He says his tone soft and calm. He's retreated back behind his wall and I don't even try to figure out what's going on behind it.

"So you did win." I say,"You managed to destroy me once again.You found me, you fixed me and then you shattered me."

"But the joke is on me because I knew you were going to break my heart, I knew you were a terrible person right from the start so shame on me for believing you. For thinking that I could change you. That in the end you really were different. That for you I was really different."

"You were." He starts,"You've always been. You know that."

"No. I don't. " I say,"Because everything that comes out of your mouth is a lie. This is a lie. And you're still lying to me Jake. Because I don't know what's the truth when it comes to you. What new skeleton you're going to dig up from your closet that manages to break my heart again."

"I know." He says,"I shouldn't have come back. I shouldn't have come to you that night in the rain. And I shouldn't have fallen in-"

"No." I say,"I don't want to hear you lie. Not again. Not about that. Because you don't know the definition of love Jake. You've never loved anyone, or anything and I feel sorry for you."

"Because if you did. If you really did love me. You wouldnt throw it at my face to cover up for your pathetic lies." I say," You wouldn't mess with me and Michella's feelings, especially when it involved her pregnancy. I was the reason she lost her baby. And then I went with you to just rub her face in it."

"Everyone is right about you in the end. Beneath the act you put up you're still just a cold hearted coward. And no matter how much you try to convince otherwise you are just like your father."

Jake's face goes slack immediately and he pales. His eyes are a dark shade of murky green so opaque that it looks black.

"So leave Jake." I say,"If you cared about us, even the slightest bit you're going to leave like you promised and you're going to stay away from me, and never ever come back. Because we are done. I am done."

I turn around to leave and take a step forward before he grabs my wrist and pulls me towards him.

He opens his mouth to sag something but he shuts it again as if he can't get the words out.

"I'm sorry." He finally manages to say and lets go of my hand.

"Don't." I say,"You owe it to me not to lie to me. You owe it to me to leave me alone. And you owe it to me to get out of my life so I can pick up the pieces. And I can't do it with you. Not when I know what you did. Not when I know why you set up that whole fake dating thing anyway. I can't forgive you for that Jake and I'm never going to."

With that I turn and leave.

And this time he doesn't stop me.

___________

I think I made it through the reception with my head down.

Thankfully we had been far enough from the reception so that nobody heard us or seen everything that had gone on outside.

I weave my way through the crowd, with the singular purpose of getting as far away from here as possible.

I'm lucky I don't run into anyone and pretty soon I'm out on the road. I don't know where I want to go and what I want to do.

I just feel so lost.

I manage to make it till Rebecca's car, at the end of the road before I broke down.

It was crushing and all consuming and it felt like someone had just ripped my heart out.

He lied.

He lied.

He lied.

Go away and never come back.

It's because I lo-

And then suddenly Alec appears in my field of view who bends over slightly looking at me with concern.

"Clara, what happened where did you-" Alec starts but I don't hear the rest because everything has blurred into the background and I was a crying, sobbing mess who could barely stand.

I couldn't breathe and neither could I stop crying for long enough to actually get a hold of myself and at least start my desperately useless attempts to convince myself that Jake wasn't worth it.

"It's going to be okay." Alec says and I realise that he had his arms wrapped around me and I had been crying into his shoulder.

This who I should have chosen.

This is the boy who had always been the right choice and yet-

"What the hell happened?" Rebecca stood in her high heels, arms crossed, a few feet away taking the scene in.

I don't know how it must have looked, me crying like there was no tomorrow and Alec's arms around me keeping me up but at that moment I didn't care.

"What the hell did you do to her now?" Rebecca marches up glaring at Alec. She puts her hand on my shoulder and tugs me away.

"Shit Clara." She says,"What happened?"

"J-Jake h-he-" I manage to hiccup out before I start sobbing again. Just saying his name sent me toppling over the edge.

"Is it because he's leaving?" She asks gently,"Because you can get him back Clara. I know you can. You-"

"N-no." I try saying helplessly,"H-He- I-I can't-"

I just can't get the words out because I can't tell her what happened. I can't tell her about Eric. I can't tell her about Michella and I can't tell her how Jake Henderson once again broke my heart and left me shattered in a million pieces.

"I'm going to kill him." Alec mutters starting ahead but Rebecca stops him.

"You've already given that your best shot haven't you?" She says icily,"So shut up and don't move."

Alec instantly stops, his face going pale.

I'm still crying trying to stop desperately so that I can get two words out to say that it's okay, I'm fine and I'm crying because I was stupid enough to fall in love with a boy who had lied to me the entire time.

I was stupid enough not to choose the boy who was nearly perfect and the one who was always the right choice for me.

"What did she tell you?" Rebecca demands and Alec shrugs.

"I don't know I found her like this."

She turns her gaze back at me,"Clara I can't do anything unless you tell me what's wrong. Do you want me to get Jake, do you-"

"N-no." I shake my head through my tears. I can't see him.

Not now.

Not ever again.

"Why?" She asks,"What happened?"

I want to tell her something but I just can't.

"Alec if you had anything to do with this."Rebecca threatens,"I don't care, I'm going to kill you."

"I didn't do anything." Alec says,"I would never let her cry like this. Jake that bastard did-"

"I hardly think you're in a position to call him that considering what a class A asshole you are." She says,"Coming here scavenging for her the second she's weak and alone."

"S-stop." I manage to say but she doesn't listen.

"I don't know how you even have the audacity for asking her to give you a chance." She says,"To start over.How naive-"

"Rebecca stop." My voice is sturdier now but Rebecca carries on.

"-you think I am, to let you screw her all over again after-"

"Rebecca." My tone is enough to cut her midway.

"Look let's go sort this thing out with Jake." She stars,"I'm sure it's just a mis-"

"Why are you so hell bent on doing this?" I raise my voice,"Giving me hope over and over again. Making me go back to him over and over again. I'm done with him. I-I-"

I falter and then take a deep breath,"I have to be done with him."

Even saying that makes me want to cry all over again.

"So you go back to Alec." Rebecca says,"You know better than-"

"It's my fucking choice." I say getting angrier,"Alec has always been the right choice but you, you've always pushed me towards Jake. Why? Just because it's like some movie to you? It's my life and I can't suit it according to you just because you can't stand Alec for some reason."

"It's because he isn't who you think-"

"He is." I explode,"Goddamn it Rebecca, he hasn't lied to me. He hasn't left me and he hasn't hurt me. He would never do that to me because he cares about me, he doesn't think that I'm some kind of you that can be tossed. Alec has always forgiven me and he is nothing like Jake because he's not a liar. He's better than me and and I don't deserve him."