I'm vaguely aware that what Michella has just said is supposed to be ringing some kind of alarms in me but instead I'm just sitting there playing with my hair.

I need another beer, I reach for another beer that's placed on the kitchen counter and down it in two gulps.

It tastes much more bitter and I glance at it realising that it was something far stronger than beer.

Well good for me.

"Are you really going to do this now?" Jake asks,"On the speaker in front of her?"

I have really cool hair.

"Oh please she's so drunk that she won't remember anything tomorrow." Michella says,"And getting answers out of you is next to impossible."

"I know, she has a habit of forgetting things when she gets drunk." Jake says dismissively,"And tuning out too, but that doesn't make this okay."

"I'm not doing anything unless you tell me the truth." Michella shoots back.

It's all blonde and curly. Ooh, that's so cool it looks yellow.

Wait do I like yellow?

"Spencer told her." Jake says,"Are you happy now? Or do want me to lay out a red carpet out for you to a screening of the exact details of what happened? Just fucking get her home."

"So you didn't tell her anything?" Michella asks.

"No." Jake sighs,"I didn't, she found out. About everything except you,as far as I'm aware."

"Then how did she know-", Michella looked at me and started to smile,"My my sis haven't you gotten better in bullshitting."

"Why can't pigs fly?" I ask, I'm not sure what she's talking about but the matter in hand is much more important. Pigs had every right to fly so why didn't they?

"The pink ones can't fly." Jake says softly I think he's laughing slightly,"The purple ones can."

"Ooh purple." I say,"But I haven't seen any purple pigs."

"Exactly." He says. I smile contend with the answer and proceed to think if pigs would look better with neon yellow or neon green polka dots.

"You're good with her." Michella says,"You actually got her to shut her mouth I-"

"Michella get her home now."

"Your concern for her is absolutely touching." She says,"Jake Henderson in love. It sounds so fucking bizzare it laughable and the funniest part you chose the squeaky clean girl out of them all but then again she's not that way anymore is she? You've screwed her up pretty bad."

"Which just tells us she must be head over heels for you." Michella states staring over at me,"I never thought she knew about just how deep you were into this shit. I always thought she would go running back to Alec when she found out just how damaged you were."

"Thanks for the compliment Michella it's always an absolute delight to know what you think." Jake replies,"So get her back home, now."

"No this is exciting finally finding something to get back to you with. Never thought it would be my little sister, we both know you can do much better." She says,"It's absolutely flipping fantastic how you ruined her though. I mean who would have thought miss perfection here would get so screwed by you?"

"In New York it didn't take much to see that you were purposely using here to avoid me." She says,"Because I know my little sister and it's always been Alec Evans for her and you... Well know one was ever going to get through to you."

Hmm, neon green looks far better on purple. But what if they were light purple?

"So I slept with Alec for fun." Michella shrugs,"It always got to her before so why not give it a chance. He's dumb as a doorknob though and at that time completely smitten over her. I thought she'd go running to him, It's funny how similar they are to be honest it's uncanny how perfect the both of them are for each other."

"But that day she didn't say anything." Michella says,"Instead she went to you."

No, neon green. I'm sticking with that, now the question of how many polka dots they have.

"During New York after you so politely upped and left, I thought you did screw her over for good. What I didn't know that she let herself get screwed over by you even after she knew everything. I don't know which one of you is more pathetic."

"I always thought she'd be the one of us who'd have the perfect chapel wedding with Alec, get dad's company and yet... She's here sitting on the counter at a frat party drunk out of her damn mind." Michella says,"Just shows us your ability to screw the best of us over. Literally and figuratively."

"Don't try to act like a martyr." Jake says,"You were the one who dragged yourself into this and pulled me back in with you."

"You resent me for your mistakes?" She says,"That's just pathetic considering that I was just trying to help you."

23 polka dots, that seems acceptable, but then would they all be big or small?

"And I helped you." Jake shoots back,"We are done, now get her out of that damn party now."

"Why her?Jake, you had me-"

"We are not having this conversation here, not in front of her, not ever in fact." He interrupts,"I'm in half a mind to send you back to New York and make sure you come nowhere near her, unfortunately my mother told me why you're here and I can't believe I'm actually saying this but she actually needs you and I swear to god Michella you do anything to hurt her I will bury you."

"Id warned you." Michella says,"We could have-"

"We couldn't,we both know that you and I have absolutely no feelings for each other you were just using me and it was vice versa."

What about rainbow stripes instead of polka dots , they would look much better.

"You knew." Michella states.

"It doesn't take a lot to guess and Spencer and keep her mouth shut. I knew from the beginning."

"And did you tell Clara?"

I look up when I hear my name and say accusingly,"Were you talking about me?"

"Nope." Michella replies smoothly,"Go back to your flying purple pigs."

"They are not just purple they have rainbow coloured stripes and you don't need to be so rude." I say and then go back to counting how many stripes that would make.

Hmm What was twenty three into seven?

"Get her home-"

"Did you tell her?" Michella persists.

"I don't want to do this here not when she can hear everything." Jake says,"Would you rather not do this face to-"

"Oh please we both know you won't tell me anything." Michella cuts him off,"So tell me Jake, did you or did you not tell her?"

Could seven even be multiplied with twenty three? Hmm multiply what a strange word. No you know what was a strange word?

Moist.

"I didn't." Jake responds,"I did tell her how you got yourself kicked out of Harvard but I never told her about this, it was never my secret to tell but if you don't get her back home safe then I swear to god I won't care who comes to know your dirty little secret."

"You wouldn't." Michella says tightly.

"Take a good look at the girl in front of you." Jake responds,"And get one thing very clear, you know I'm not the good guy and when it comes to her I don't care what I have to do, consequences be damned. When it comes to her I don't play fair."

"So Michella go get her home now before I swear to god I do something that I probably won't regret but you'll probably have to suffer for your whole life."

Mooooiiiisssst.

"She's the reason you're coming back to New York aren't you?" Michella finally says,"Spencer knows about her so I can only guess that Eric does too and since now you're practically untouchable I can only guess what he's using to get to you."

"Get her home Michella." Jake sighs,"I'm done having this conversation with you. We both know that under your bitch exterior you have something that resembles a heart so use it for once won't you."

"If the roles were reserved she'd probably leave me here to rot."

"Ah but you would have most probably deserved it." Jake says,"But she wouldn't leave you here and you know it."

She sighs,"Yeah I know."

_________________

"I should get drunk more often." I say as she drags me out of the front door,"Because I literally become an absolute goddess when it comes to my comebacks."

Michella mutters something underneath her breath and shoves me into the car making me tumble into the passenger seat.

"Ooh. Shotgun." I say as she sits down next to me.

"Put the seat belt on." She commands and then starts to back.

"Why you're not drinking and driving are you?" I slur,"Because that's bad so very very bad."

"Absolutely nothing is worth this." She says as the car starts ahead and I'm shoved slightly forward.

"Why are you doing this?" I ask,"Wouldn't you rather see my lying dead on the side of a road. To be honest as of now I'm not sure who wouldn't prefer that."

"I'm driving you home because I made a deal with Jake." She says,"You know the boy who you've somehow got wrapped around your little finger?"

I hold both my hands in front of me and scan them,"Nope I'm sorry nothing wrapped around any of my fingers."

"I don't know how you managed to keep my fooled for so long." She says and then I realise something.

Michella is not drunk.

This is how Newton must have felt when he discovered gravity.

"Why aren't you drunk?" I ask,"I remember how you used to get smashed in these parties. And your bitchy moods afterwards used to defy laws."

"Why thank you." Michella says.

I frown,"I don't think that was a compliment but then again you're probably not used to hearing people say nice things about you too often so I understand the confusion."

"God you're a real bitch aren't you?" She snaps.

"I've learnt from the best." I say grinning,"Anyways blondes vs gingers what's your opinion? I'm thinking of turning my hair red and-"

"You're a real sharer aren't you?" She snaps,"Considering no one asked."

"Sharer. I'm literally lying to everyone." I say blowing on a lock of hair that had fallen on my hair,"I'm very very good at keeping secrets."

"You didn't keep mine." She mutters,"You told grandma."

"Oh my god." I say,"Is that why you aren't drunk because you got pregnant again? Is that why you came back so that mom doesn't find out?"

"I didn't get drunk because I learn from my mistakes." She states.

I stare at my palm keenly and she sighs,"What are you doing?"

"Nope. Nope." I say and then put my palm forward,"I checked my receipt, I didn't buy any of your bullshit."

She gives me a fuck you look and I smile to myself.

See? Absolute goddess.

We stay in silence for sometime. I try to peer out of the window to see if there are any purple pigs flying about but the sky is absolutely dark much to my dissapointment.

Well at least I know that the flying pigs don't glow.

"You know." I finally say,"I hate myself for telling grandma that you were pregnant?"

"I don't want-"

"You know I was actually trying to throw it away and hide it from her?" I keep on saying,"I didn't know she was at home and she kinda caught me."

"I told her it was mine I'm order to cover it up." I giggle,"Granted it was a bit of a stretch considering I was fourteen and I was me but I tried to convince her none the less."

"I didn't think she would force you into an abortion." I say,"It's just not like her and I felt terrible for weeks. I would have probably felt even worse had you not become a total and complete bitch to me after that."

"But you know the worst part about all of this, it's probably my fault that you turned out like this." I say,"Because of my absolutely dumb mistake I made you-"

The car stopped abruptly and I was pushed against my seat belt. She was lucky that we were in a deserted road or else I could very well be visiting the hospital again for completely different purposes this time though.

"Let's get one thing straight." Michella says turning around towards me, she looks beyond angry now and I'm about to remark how she may just spontaneously burst into flames but thankfully I manage to keep my mouth shut.

"Not everything in this world is about you." She says,"Not everything that happens is because of something you did."

"But you were nicer-"

"Will you shut it?" Michella says.

I mimic zipping my lips and throwing the key away as she rolls her eyes.

"Grandma didn't force me to do anything." She says,"I had planned to abort it the second I saw the test. And I went through with it."

I look at her gape mouthed.

"She may not have told me me to abort it but instead she gave me her support to raise-" Michella breaks away.

"I don't even know why I'm even telling you this." She says and starts the car.

"Wait." I say,"Then why have you hated me so much?"

She looks at me for a second as if she's contemplating to tell he truth or not before turning away,"Because I don't like you."

And that was the end of it.

_____________________

By the time I reach home I've counted exactly three hundred and four flying purple pigs.

Grandma was sleeping already.l when we finally reach. My sister simply slammed the door of her car and marched towards the door of the house.

I followed sluggishly shutting the door behind me and making my way straight to the liquor cabinet.

My grandmother had always an very respectable liquor cabinet, which was stocked up all the time. I grab the the first thing I see and head upstairs.

That's when I see a light switched on in the room next to mine.

Alec's light, it's on.

I fumble for my phone as I set myself on my window sill, letting my legs dangle.

Need to talk, can u come to ur window?

I press send before taking another sip of my beer. I peer over the window, the drop is quite a bit but it's not enough to kill me.

How very tragic.

The window opens and it takes Alec exactly two seconds to asses the situation with me swaying on the small ledge.

"Clara, get back in you'll fall."

I lift my head to get a better looks at him. He looks much better than yesterday but he still looks tired and he's barely meeting my eyes.

"Alec!" I squeal in delight but ending up slurring the end.

"Oh god are you drunk?" He asks.

I raise the beer bottle and then turn it upside down but nothing falls. I giggle and shake it,"Oops I think I just may be."

"Clara go back inside." He sighs.

"Why?" I say,"You did this all the time and you never fell." I tip closer to the edge.

I sway slightly and start giggling again. This was so funny, Everything was so funny now days.

"Clara-"

"Why won't you look at me?" I ask,"Are you shy? You don't have to be you know? I'm not Medusa, I promise I won't turn you into stone, I'm just a teeny tiny bit of a bitch."

I stop and shake my head laughing,"Okay I lied,I'm far worse."

"Clara, hold on I'm coming."

"No please don't." I say,"I need you to stay there, okay? pretty please?"

He stops but his eyes are still not meeting mine. Hmm it's possible I'm medusa, my hair was one step away from being a pile of snapping snakes anyway.

Snapping snakes, what a fab alliteration, I'm so damn smart at times.

"Why are you drunk?" He asks. I'm still thinking about how smart I am but there is something in his voice that strikes me with the fact that there is actually unsurity and a hint of fear in his voice.

"Well I'm drunk for a number of reasons."I say,"But it's mainly because of you and that damn idiotic brother of yours. Step brother or half brother? It's all so confusing."

Damn so much for being smart.

"You guys nicely almost got yourselves killed." I say,"And you're back to hating me and he's back to being an absolutely confusing bastard and everything's back to normal for everyone and everybody is flipping fantastically happy except me of course,because I'm the ultimate killjoy."

"If I had a superhero name it would probably be Kaptain Killjoy and the Captain would be spelt with a K." I say,"No wait- that would mean I would probably be a villain. Hmm that wouldn't be too far out to be honest, Clara Wilson killing and taking joy out of the world. Everyone hates me anyway-"

"Clara stop doing this." Alec says,"Nobody hates you."

"You do." I say,"And with good reason."

"No I don't."

"Look me in the eye and tell me that." I say.

"Clara-" he looks away though not being able to hold my gaze.

"We are over." I say and then laugh,"Oops sorry that was blunt, but it's true, isn't it?"

"Clara, listen to me, you're drunk-"

"No you listen to me." I say,"I'm drunk because I can't say this out loud and I-"

"Cla-"

"No, just let me." I say keeping my voice steady. Kaptain Killjoy had to do her work,"You don't need to pretend that this thing between us is actually working. That I didn't actually fuck up so epically. You know that this the right thing to do, you want to do this to but you're too nice to and I-"

"Clara don't do this." Alec says quietly and I promptly stop.

He's finally looking at me and he looks pained,"You didn't fuck up. I-I-"

He stops once again looks away. A pang of hurt makes me reach for my disappointingly empty bottle.

"It's okay." I say,"You don't need to be nice about this. We both know that I cheated on you. And that's just- god I can't even stand myself right now so I seriously can't ask you to."

He's leaning over his window clutching the ledge so tightly that his knuckles were turning white,"I-I-"

He seems to be at a loss for words and he's trying to say something but I shake my head,"It's okay, you don't have to say anything, we both know this is the best thing for you and-"

"I was wrong." Alec starts,"I was so damn wrong and I'm so sorry."

"Why are you apologising for my mistakes?" I interrupt,"You don't-"

"No Clara I get it." Alec says,"I finally get it. I finally get why you keep on going back to him and- I fucked up so bad. He's not-"

"What are you talking about?" I ask and his head snaps up in shock.

"They didn't tell you?" He asks.

I give him a what in the name of flying purple pigs with rainbow stripes are you talking about look.

He must have read my confusion on my face and he slumps back and muttered to himself,"They didn't tell you."

"Tell me what?"

He shuts his eyes and opens his mouth as if he's trying to say something but he doesn't.

"Did you tell Jake about-" my voice trails off as he shakes his head.

"No."he says,"I won't either because you're right he's-" Alec gulps,"He's a good guy Clara."

I look look at him unblinking my gaze was finally starting to clear,"I know. It's why I love him. It's why I love you too. Which is why I need to get away from both of you, it's just-" I gulp,"It's just that it's me who has been ruining it all this while. If it hadn't been for me, you guys could have been friends, you guys would actually agreed on things-"