There is a point where your life gets so ridiculous that it becomes almost unbelievable.

I was at that point right now as I stare at my sister from my spot on the floor gape mouthed.

No. Just no.

This was so not happening.

"You know you don't have to look at me like the grinch on Christmas, sis." She says lightly stepping over me.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I say my eyes narrowing. Well on the bright side I wasn't depressed or mad anymore, I was just flat out furious.

"It is my house too, you know?" She says and I finally get to my feet. I'm almost tempted to poke her to make sure she's real and not some apparation of my tired brain.

"Close your mouth sis." She says,"I know you're in awe at my presence but there's no need to show it. It's a terrible look on you."

Forget poke, let me just slap her and see if she's real or not. Oh wait a second she's all fake.

"Why are you back Michella?" I ask again.

"Because I want to be." She says her eyes narrowing and then she takes a step forward and another so that she's just a few inches away from me, towering over me with her heels.

"You want a lot of things Michella." I reply,"Doesn't necessarily mean you'll get them."

She raises an eyebrow,"You've become even a bigger bitch than last time."

I laugh bitterly,"Right now I'd probably give you a run for your money. But I'm not interested. So get out of my way, I'm exhausted."

In the past few months if possible I'd become worse than Michella.

No, that wasn't possible. Michella was just a whole new level of bitchy.

But then again I was the bonus round of bitchy.

She steps out of my way and looks me up and down,"Why you look worse than usual."

I want to slap the living daylights out of her, kick and scream take out all my anger frustration and despair on the one person in this town apart from me who actually deserves it but I instead I simply go up the stairs and slam my bedroom door hoping that when I next came down I would realise that she was just a bad dream.

________________

She wasn't.

I had honestly thought that when I woke up the next morning Michella would have disappeared without a trace and I would convince myself that she was a bad dream.

And yet when I came down she was sprawled in front of the TV munching on popcorn watching Greys Anatomy.

I stopped on my tracks.

There were many many things wrong with that scene.

First of all in all the years she had lived here I had never ever seen her actually in the living room on a Sunday morning. She always was out partying the previous night which meant either she was getting over her hangover in her room or at some friends house or already at the mall.

Second of all Michella didn't eat popcorn. To be honest Michella was the biggest health freak out there, take it from me the person who was always put on grocery duty.

And thirdly Michella Wilson would never ever be caught dead coming back to this house after she finally escaped this god forsaken town.

And yet there she was siting and watching television, almost looking normal. Obviously her make up was completely done up and she was wearing her mini skirt and heels at home but still it was a sight to marvel at.

Or preferably question your sanity as to if you were certifiably going crazy or not.

"Hi sweetheart." My grandma called from the kitchen and I reluctantly turned my head towards her,"Had a good nights sleep?"

Nope. It was terrible. I barely slept at all feeling a mix of nauseous and dizzy, constantly tossing and turning.

I was even more unsteady on my feet now and I was tripping over seemingly everything and nothing.

"I slept perfectly." I say giving her a smile and settling into the seat next to the kitchen counter where she sat with today's newspaper.

There was no point in worrying her over something that was probably stupid. I hadn't been eating a whole lot and the fact that the last two days had seemingly been the worst days of my entire existence I was probably a little stressed.

A little stressed.

Yeah sure why not let's call it little stressed.

My grandma nods seemingly happy with my response and goes back to reading the paper. I look at her unsurely and then glance at Michella who is on the couch.

"Umm grandma." I clear my throat,"This may seem strange but do you see Michella currently siting on the couch?"

She looks up to me confused for a second and then breaks int a grin,"Yes sweetheart I'm so sorry I forgot to tell to you she was back. I thought you'd met her yesterday when you came back?"

I nod and dig into my pancakes, although my appetite wasn't at its peak, they were still pancakes.

"Do you want to go the hospital today?" My grandma asks and immediately my stomach is thrown into knots.

I wanted to see Jake again, but I was too scared because Jake was leaving and instead of pulling myself out everytime I saw him I fell deeper and if I don't pull myself out of this hole I was falling into soon enough, I would definitely shatter on impact.

"No." I say,"I'm not going to go today."

My grandmother gives me a curious look but in turn nods standing up, "I'll be upstairs reading, I feel like having a quiet day in. You'll call me if you need me?"

I nod and turn to glance at Michella who was eying my grandmother and biting her lip deep in thought.

Her gaze then turned towards me and she rolled her eyes and went back to watching Greys Anatomy.

It was absolutely fantastic to have her back.

______________________________

"Book shopping?" I raise an eyebrow when Rebecca calls me,"When the hell did you go start to go book shopping?"

"Well ever since I ran out of cheesy romance novels to read." She responds.

"And what do you need me for?" I already know why she's doing it to give me an out from everything I've been going through but at the back of my mind I can't let go of the fact that I have to talk to Alec.

For the past few hours I've gone through endless amount of maths sums, to staring and my phone to simply throwing things and round because I was so angry and trout seemingly everything.

"I need advice as to which looks the cheesiest, most clichèst novel ever." She says.

"Oh well that's easy." I say,"Buy the book based on my life."

She laughs.

"Although spoiler alert the ending would probably be something along the lines that I end up alone because I realise I'm allergic to cats."

She laughs through the phone and says,"We'll see, now will you please come down already , I'm waiting."

"You're already here?" I ask, surprised.

"Yeah well duh!" She says,"It's cute you thought I was actually asking wether you wanted to come or not. You have no choice."

I roll my eyes and quickly put on a pair of jeans and a plain white top. I grab my cardigan and run down hoping that I wasn't going to encounter Michella.

I was wrong.

Well I didn't exactly encounter her, I more like heard her.

"You're going to have to tell her at some point." She was saying,"She's going to hate you for keeping this from her."

I don't hear a response so I assume she's on the phone. I probably would have been more curious as to who she's talking to and what about but at that moment I didn't give a damn.

I open the door and shut it behind me and run to Rebecca's car, or her parents car more accurately which is parked right in front of my driveway, with her in the drivers seat looking furiously at her phone.

I'm about to shout out to her but I hear the door behind me swing open so I stop and turn around.

Michella is standing there, her hair perfectly bunched up in a high ponytail her bright blue eyes staring down at me wearily.

Looking at her I remember how jealous I used to be of that bright blue colour. I'd always gotten the dreary eyes, not quite blue, not quite grey.

Took you four years to figure out what my favourite colour was, huh?

I smile. I remembered the days when Michella had been dating Alec just how much I wanted to be her. To be that smart, to be that pretty, just to be her.

And now staring at her, I realised I had become her in a way, just not the way I had wanted to be because in all the ways that really counted I was always better than her.

Too bad after it's only after I had screwed up that part of me that I realised it.

I was playing with two boys and I was being a complete bitch. I had completely trampled on my friendship with one of my best friends again over a boy.

And I was done being that girl. I'm done being this despicable character who can't let go.

I'm going to let them both go. I'm giving this up.

"Yes?" I ask her and she's staring at me cautiously as if she expects me to say something to her.

It occurs to me then that she probably thinks I've heard her oh so important conversation.

"I didn't hear anything." I say answering her questioning look,"I don't care whose life you're planning to ruin, just remember if it's mine, I'm going to make sure that I bury you to the ground."

She raises an eyebrow as if she's amused,"And how do you plan on doing that?"

I smile,"I'll find a way."

Her gaze slips past me to Rebecca and she smirks,"So you're still hanging around with your riff raff best friends huh?"

"This fight is between you and me." I say,"I don't why you're back but you're going to stay away from my friends."

"What about your two boyfriends?"

If looks could kill I Michella would have been dead already.

"I'm not you." I say,"I don't have two boyfriends at the same time."

I sit on a throne of lies.

Eh, I've done things worse than lying.

"Keep telling yourself that." She says,"Besides I'm not interested. I'm known to give my used toys to the less fortunate."

The nerve of this bitch.

"Well good for you, you actually managed to score at least two boys who you don't deserve." I say,"Because otherwise, let's face it, I have shoes with heels higher than your standards."

I'm about to turn around but I stop," Oh did I forget to mention I only own flats?"

The glare she gives me is so deadly that even medusa would have turned to stone.

Once again her gaze lands on Rebecca and she smirks,"I think you should go to your friend, sis. I'd be careful you have so few friends anyway."

I smirk,"Well sis. At least my best friend is a real person, Tell the pole in the nearest strip club I said hi, won't you?"

And with that I turn around smiling making my way towards Rebecca who had completely forgotten her phone and was currently staring at Michella and I, her eyes wide as saucers.

I open the passenger side door and hop in.

"Was that-"

"Michella?" I finish,"Who else?"

"W-why?"

I'm still smiling,"Who cares?"

Rebecca looks at me raising an eyebrow,"Why are you smiling so much?"

"Because I forgot how good it felt being a bitch when the other party actually deserves it."

I stop for a second before looking over to Alec's house for a second.

"That and the fact that it's nice to be around someone whose even more despicable than I am."

____________

"You know if you really want to see someone with relationships more screwed up than yours we can always go watch fifty shades of grey."

"Ugh." I say,"That's by far the worst suggestion you've given."

We were just walking around the mall after Rebecca had gone and picked up a years worth of cheesy novels.

"I know." She says,"I've already seen it. Jeremy slowly died while seeing that movie, I swear."

I stop,"What? You actually saw it? With him."

"I had my eyes closed for most of it and I made us leave after the first few scenes. But at least that proves Jeremy's undying love for me." She says,"Who wants a guy to follow you to the ends of the earth when he can take it one step further and follow you to see a fifty shades movie."

I shake my head.

Only Rebecca.

My heart does sink when I hear Jeremy's name but she looks so happy as she says it I can't get myself to regret not telling her.

Besides if he stepped even an inch out of line, I would dig his grave right beside Michella's.

"He makes you happy doesn't he?" I ask her and she nods.

"He does." She says,"It sounds cheesy and all but it's true, he does make me really happy and I love him."

"You know what I love?" I say changing the topic,"Coffee."

"I can name two other things that you love." She says.

"Kit Kats and Nutella?" I ask hopefully.

She gives me a look.

"Well sorry." I say,"You said things I got confused."

She gives me another look.

"Do we have to talk about this?" I ask.

"No." She says slowly,"But I think it will help."

I pause for a moment regarding what she had said. I had been doing do well until now, being happy carefree and light, like normal likeable people were.

I didn't want to become a whiny mess again.

I just didn't.

But I couldn't lock it all away and keep it there forever.

"Well for starters let begin at how I'm a complete bitch." I say,"I'm playing with the lives of two boys just because I'm too selfish to let either of them go."

I pause for a second,"I've decided it's time to end things with Alec."

Rebecca stopped so dramatically that it looked like she had literally frozen in mid-step.

"You're doing what?" She seems so shocked it's almost comical.

I shrug,"He's going to do it anyways, I'm going to make it easier for him. The only thing that's probably holding him back is that he's too nice to say it to my face."

I know Alec won't tell Jake. He won't tell Jake anything because he wasn't that kind of person.

"Nice to say it you your face?" She says looking incredulous as of I've said something totally stupid,"You should kick him in the face more like it - and how do you know?"

"Huh? Know what?"

Her expression freezes. She looks like she's a deer caught in headlights.

"What are you talking about?" She asks.

"The fact that Alec has almost completely broken up with me because I cheated on him with Jake. I kissed Jake. Okay I kissed him twice but he already hates me so much that he can barely look me in the eye- which basically tells me that he's going to end things."

I almost bite my tongue whilst rambling utter nonsense at supersonic speed but Rebecca had always been well versed with my ramblings and she says a soft,"Oh."

She looks ahead thoughtfully and then says,"I mean how do you know that he doesn't want to be with you? Has he actually said so out loud?"

I look at her confused. Her sudden mood swing had left me stunned but I let it slip.

She was hiding something, but then again I was hiding a whole lot of things so I wasn't one to judge.

But to be honest I didn't want to find out. I had learnt from my own personal experience that curiosity does not just kill the cat, it totally destroys it.

I sometimes just wished that the day Spencer had come and taken me to the club to tell me about Jake I had just gone back up to the awkward Christmas dinner and back to Alec.

Then I would never find out the mess Jake had gotten himself into, I would have never found out about Conrad Henderson and I would have chosen Alec and lived happily ever after.

That one mistake had cost me so much and yet I knew that even though it was a mistake I would do it all over again even with a wish.

Because Jake was worth all of it in the end. He was worth the heartbreak.

"Earth to Clara?" Rebecca waves her hand in front of me.

"Huh?" I say dazed and she gives me a what do I do with you look:

"I was asking why you think Alec is breaking up with you?"

"For starters he can't look me in the-"

"Yeah, yeah." She waves me off,"That can be because of a number of reasons."

"There is the fact that he asked for a time out and this what he said, Just because you can't figure out your feelings stop fucking with mine." I sigh,"And since it doesn't seem like I'll ever be able to figure out my feelings I've decided to stop fucking with his."

Rebecca looks like she's going to kill someone but once again she recovers quickly.

"So you've finally decided?" She asks,"You're choosing Jake."

She doesn't add the word again.

"There is no choice Jake is leaving, he's made it very clear that this is it for us."

She looks at me flabbergasted,"B-But you love him and you're breaking up with-"

"We have a lot more going on than my feelings for Alec." I deadpan,"And I'm not choosing anyone I'm letting them do whatever they want."

"No wait." She says,"So basically you're giving Alec a chance- and letting Jake go- god Clara what are you doing?"

"This is becoming ridiculous." She continues,"You're just siting there and crossing your fingers hoping that everything sorts itself out."

"Nope." I say,"I'm just siting there and watch everything fall apart because I don't have it in me to try to fix this mess, mostly because I can't."

"Of course you can!" She says,"You're telling Alec that you're not in love with him and you're choosing Jake. You tell Jake to stay and-"

"I'm still in love with-"

"Stop lying!" She yells and then takes a deep breath in.

"It's at the the tip of your tongue Clara." She says,"You know it. You're trying to make a choice between a guy you're supposed to be with and a boy you are meant to be with-"

"It doesn't matter." I yell,"I've lost both of them. Alec hates me and Jake is leaving."

"He's only leaving because he thinks you're in love with Alec. If you just tell him-"

"No, he's leaving because he's in love with me." I say,"he's leaving me because he knows that if he stays I will-"

I break off shutting my eyes,"I lost him Bex and I have to come to terms with the fact that we are over and he's-"

"Clara I don't know if you saw yourself yesterday." She says slowly,"I know you think you're this broken toy who can't do anything. But you're the strongest person I've ever met. You took all of Natalie's shit, you took your sisters shit and you stood right by Alec's side helping him every time he fucked up. I don't know how you did it Clara, but you never broke. You stood there, taking it all."

"You were like that for years Clara. You were indifferent and unattached." She says,"You just stood in your own little bubble."

"And then Jake came." She says,"And do you know the first time I saw that indifferent shell of yours crack. You were mad, you were excited and you were happy."

"Those years before I knew you, you were a robot, Clara."she says,"You would behave normally with us, but all your laughs and smiles were this half assed attempt that you used to put up trying to convince yourself that yeah, you could smile that you could show some sort of emotion. The only time you smiled was when you talked about Alec."