His brother.

Oh god could he know- did Alec tell him?

Alec wouldn't. He couldn't have.

Could he?

I look at Alec who looks just about as confused as I am. The colour had drained from his face and he was staring at the doctor in shock.

"Me?" He asks,"Why would he want to see me?"

"Well he asked for an Alec Evans and I suppose that's you?" The doctor said unsurely,"His brother- I mean step brother or whatever, I'm not sure."

"Yeah that's me." Alec says looking unsurely at me.

I stare at Alec gulping down my fear who gives me the slightest shake of his head.

But it tells me enough, Alec didn't tell Jake a thing.

I don't say anything but simply sink back into my chair trying to fight the sense of relief.

Jake didn't know.

Jake was okay.

Alec was okay.

They were both going to be alright.

Thank the gods.

"But why me?" Alec asks and he's mainly looking at me as of I somehow magically have the answer to his question.

I don't care.

I don't care who asked for whom and why. As long as both of them there are okay I wouldn't care if Orlando Bloom came in front of me wearing a dress made of Kit Kats.

Maybe if there was no dress whatsoever then...

I move forward and grab Alec by the shoulders and hug him. And I breathe out.

I really breathe out.

They're okay.

Both of them are okay.

"Thank god you're alright." I say burying my head into his shoulder.

He's rigid at first but he relaxes and wraps his hands around my waist.

I pull back hesitantly and give him a smile. It's small but for the first time I realise it's genuine. It's not a screen that I'm putting in front if him because I'm afraid of messing up or saying something in front of him that will make him hate me.

Because I've already done that. I've screwed up with him as much as one could possibly and I was going to make things right between us.

He looks at me unsurely his eyes barely meeting mine and my heart sinks.

He still hates me.

"I hate to interrupt." The doctor says,"But we really need to get started, so if you're-"

Alec cuts him off by nodding and slowly getting up. I try helping him up but he immediately pulls back and stand up, his eyes not meeting mine.

He actually hates me.

I'm still standing frozen in my spot as Alec starts moving forward towards the door. I want to call out to him and ask him what's wrong but I can feel my grandmothers gaze along with Ashley's and Rebecca's on me.

No I was not going to lose it.

Not now.

"Clara?" Alec says faintly turning back and looking at me,"When I come back, will you still be here?"

I nod thoughtlessly,"Of course."

"Okay." And then he leaves with the doctor.

I stare after him trying to form words but Ashley speaks breaking the absolutely heartbreaking silence Alec left behind,"I think you should go too, I'm sure Jake will want to see you."

I'm still staring at the doorway realising that Jake would be just like Alec. He would still hate me for everything I'd done and how I'd made sure to wreck everything.

"No." I say finally,"I'm pretty sure I'm the last thing he wants to see."

_____________

When the newly wed Evans finally arrive it's almost noon. I'd sent my grandma home with Rebecca a while back, both of whom who looked incredibley worn out.

Neither of them looked happy about it but when I begged them to and Ashley assured them that she would be there all the while both of them left.

After all even though it was Jake and Alec who had gotten into an accident they had mainly stuck around to handle the train wreck; me.

So they left and I waited patiently with Ashley siting next to me. Now that she knew Jake was okay she had a content smile and she couldn't stop talking.

I think she mainly did it to make up the lack of conversation from my part as I stayed silent trying my best to nod and smile at the things she said but nothing registered.

When Alec finally came back down, he fell asleep instantly. The doctors had said he was alright lucky in fact because he got of easy with only bruises but that didn't make him any less tired. He was worn out and slept soundly as I sat across him on the chair.

But I couldn't get myself to look at him.

Because everytime I did Jake lying on that bed listlessly came into mind followed by the thought that Alec could have been like that.

And both of them are equally horrifying, that Jake had been like that, that Jake had almost slipped through my fingers in a way that I would never be able to get him back and now Alec was slipping away too if he hadn't already but in a complete different way.

And that was all the wake up call I needed to get my shit together.

So eventually before I certifiably started losing it again I went and sat in the waiting room asking Ashley to tell me immediately if Alec woke up.

When the Evans finally arrived, Jeanine, Jake's mom was frantic while Mr Evans was much calmer.I don't think she even noticed I was there siting in the corner. I couldn't blame her, I'd been nearly the same. Even I hadn't noticed who had been in the waiting room during my initial arrival.

And it was worse for her because..... she was family, I was just some girl who was hopelessly in love with two boys.

One she couldn't have that other one who she shouldn't have.

Alec and Jake were my family but I wasn't their's because despite everything they had one of their own. One that actually loved them.

I briefly wondered what my parents would have done if I was the one who had been in the accident.

Well they wouldn't have picked up the phone, probably caught up in some meeting or another.

My grandmother though, I let myself smile a little bit at that, she would have freaked out enough for the both of them and probably would have personally gone to New York and drag them here.

After the Evans came things started moving more smoothly. Maybe it was because the doctors were more comfortable because they were family or maybe it was because of Jeanine's effortless manipulation and Mr Evans calm authority but all the tests were done in a jiffy and thankfully Jake cleared all of them.

He'd gotten off surprisingly well considering the extent of his concussion. He had no memory loss and or any side effects. None the less they would have to keep him under each for at least a few more days.

Alec on the other hand was totally cleared and could go home as soon as the discharge papers were taken care of.

And then there was the police. They had come to take a statement from both Alec and Jake.

Although I didn't hear what either of them had to say because I was still frozen in my corner in the waiting room half terrified the other half too tired to face either of them Ashley came and told me what had happened.

They were in Alec's car, coming home from the party, Lions had won 21-7 (i don't know how she knew that) and Jake was driving. Apparently it had drizzled for a little while and the roads were slippery so he lost control of the car and well the rest was history. The police had checked Jake's medical report he was perfectly sober which meant that neither of them were at fault.

I heard the story trying not to point the obvious flaws. Why on earth would Jake and Alec be in the same car together?

And why would Jake be driving Alec's car?

Different scenarios jumped through my head but I couldn't figure out why it couldn't be perfectly believable.

As to why I was questioning this horrible thing when all I should do is try to forget it.

I don't know when I fall asleep but when I wake up to Jakes mom softly nudging me awake with a cup of coffee in her hands.

She smiles, she looks exhausted but every bit as beautiful. She doesn't look anything like Jake her hair coffee in comparison to his jet black color. While her eyes are hazel in color once again matching nowhere near to the intensity of Jake's green ones.

And yet despite the fact that Jake looks almost like a photocopy of his father, he looks so similar to his mother that it's almost uncanny.

It's because of the way she smiles, I realise with a start, it's exactly how Jake looks when he smiles. His eyes light up washing away the hard edge it usually had and there is a slight crinkle in his eyebrows which he couldn't have gotten from anyone but his mother.

"Clara." She says handing me the cup which I accept. I'm faintly aware that I haven't eaten for quite sometime now and the coffee would do me a world of good but I can't bring myself to actually take a sip in the fear that I would probably throw it all up the minute an image of Jake just lying listlessly flashed through my mind.

"You don't have to wait-" She begins but I cut her off.

"I'm sorry I was just waiting for Alec to finish up." I start,"I must have fallen asleep and-"

"I know." She says,"Ashley told me. I actually wanted to ask a favour, which I really shouldn't considering all that you've already done."

And for the first time in the entire day I want to laugh.

All that I've already done?

You mean singlehandedly ruin both your son as well as stepson's life?

"I was wondering if you could go and meet Jake before you leave." She says and my mouth quite nearly falls.

"I-I really don't think he wants to see me." I manage to say,"I don't think it's a good idea."

Mostly because I'm afraid that if i go back to that room I'll probably burst out into whatever little tears I had left.

"I don't think I've had a better one." She says and then sighs,"I know you still care about Jake because I'm pretty sure I don't have a daughter who is a tall blonde, who somehow magically appeared as Jake's sister."

I turn my gaze to the floor and she says,"I'm here to actually thank you for that Clara. That you became the family he needed when I was doing such a poor job of it. I wasn't even here when he-"

She breaks off and I want to say something reassuring to her but I ran out of optimism a long time back.

"Jake wants to see you." She says determinedly,"He's won't say it out loud Clara but it doesn't take a lot to figure out that the bracelet he's clutching so tightly in his hand and absolutely refusing to let it go has something to do with you."

My heart stutters.

"The morphine probably kicked in and he's most likely to be sleeping but if it's not too much I want you to go and see him." She says slowly,"It helps."

And that's that. I can't possibly say no. Because despite all my fears that he would probably hate me, I want to see that he's alright.

I need to see he's alright.

I find myself standing in front of Room 559 in no time staring at the particularly ordinary wooden door.

For a second I think of backing down but before I can even thinking of going through with the plan I find myself stepping into the room.

I close the door behind me taking a deep breath in. It's the second time I've done it and once again I don't have it in me to open my eyes because I'm afraid that when I open them I'll see that this was all some elaborate prank and Jake was still like that, pale and unmoving on the bed.

"Clara?"

Relief floods through me as I hear his voice strong as ever and my eyes flutter open to see Jake sitting upright leaning against his pillows looking straight at me.

He's pale but much better than before and the cut above his eyebrow looks like is an angry red gash against his complexion. But despite what he's gone through, it's not managed to take away the light out of his intense dark green eyes which are currently fixed in my directiom, with so many emotions running through them that I can't possibly keep up.

He's still alright.

He's still alive.

"Clara?" He starts again but before he can finish I'm already on the ground my knees curled up into my chest.

He almost immediately leans forward panic flashing through his eyes but winces and is pushed back into the bed due to the various wires connecting him to different machines.

"Clara? Are you-"

"I thought I had lost you." I say my voice was barely coming out,"And all I could think of was just how stupid I was. How I could even think that I could do this, that I could let you go and not fall apart into pieces."

"Clara, I'm fine." He says gently and my head snaps up.

"Goddamnit I know you're fine." I more or less shout at him,"If you weren't do you think I'd be even-" I swallow trying to take in a breath.

"It's okay." He says again.

"No it's not." And once again for the hundredth time I find myself crying. But it's a good kind of crying the kind where my relief is mixed with my terror as compared to the utter despair from before.

And I'm okay with it, I'm okay with looking like a broken toy who is on repeat in front of Jake because he's the only one who I can't seem to hide the fact just how damaged I really was.

Because he saw through my act

Every single time.

"I'm okay." He repeats gently

"I'm not okay. I'm not fucking okay and I don't think I'm ever going to be okay so for god sake will you just keep your mouth shut and let me cry over the fact that you almost died?"

His lips curve into an amused smile and I manage to sniffle slightly as I say,"This is not amusing."

"I know." He says, still smiling.

"You can't possibly Jake." I say my voice shaking,"I thought that- that I'd never see you again. And the last things I ever said to you would be-" I take a deep breath in,"You may not have died but I swear to god I did. I couldn't breathe- I couldn't think I-I-"

My voice cracks horribly in the end and I once again burst into tears. Everytime I close my eyes I see him like that and it just breaks me all over again.

I know its horrible that I can't stop crying but I can't help it. It's always been a habit of mine to hold out till the last possible moment refusing to let myself to break but when I did, no amount of glue could put me back together.

"Clara" He sounds tense but firm,"Look at me."

And I do.

"Nothing is killing me right now. " He says slowly,"Nothing except watching you break down in front of me and me not being able to do anything about it."

And then before I can even think what doing I'm on my feet and my arms are around him.

He still smells like honeydew and his heart is steadily beating as I lay my head in his chest. I'm a mess, I'm sobbing, I'm crying, I'm sniffling and I hadn't even been in the accident.

God I'm pathetic.

I'm clingy to a whole new level.

And to be honest I don't give a flying fuck because he's all right.

He holds me through it all and I know he's probably hurt and I'm not doing anything to help, holding on to him so tightly but I'm afraid, that if I don't then he will slip away through my fingers.

He's okay.

He's here.

"I can't let you go." I cry,"Don't let me so this, don't let me let you go. I don't care if I'm being selfish. I don't care about the consequences, just please-please-please don't leave me. Not after-"

And I'm probably pathetic and he's going to leave me anyway after whatever I had said but at that moment I didn't care. I just needed to say it out loud.

"Don't say anything." I say calming myself and pulling away,"You don't have to say anything, I know but just let me hope, okay? Let me hope..."

I sigh turning away.

"Let me hope that I'm not such a screw up." I say slowly,"That I didnt just almost lose the both of you when you hated me so much."

"Let me hope that this time when I tell you to stay that you'll say that you will promise me that you won't go anywhere. " I say,"Let me hope that when I tell Alec what a huge mistake I made by agreeing so quickly on being his girlfriend when I knew that I was still not over you. And now I've messed it up so royally that he hates me and you hate me and he's going to leave too just like you-"

"You need to understand this, Clara." He says gently taking my chin between his fingers and pushing my head up slightly so I'm looking at him,"You're strong, you're beautiful and you're independent. And if a person is just sticking around because he can kiss you, it's not worth it. He's not worth it."

"Alec's worth more than I deserve." I say.

"That's not true." He says gently,"You deserve someone equal to you. But you're the moon, Clara, and since there is no one else that shines as bright at night you're going to have to settle for the smaller twinkling stars."

I smile,"You somehow always know the right thing to say to me to pull me back from that edge I'm always dangling over."

"I knew a girl once again who'd done the same for me." He says,"I'm just returning the favour."

I give him a small smile but it fades away.

"You're still going to go to New York aren't you?"

He gets a far away look in his eyes,"You know I have to."

"I know you do." I say,"That doesn't stop me from wishing."

"You shouldn't waste your wishes on me, Clara." He says,"Some things are just impossible change."

"It's don't know how we went from being bad for eachother to being impossible for eachother." I say quietly.

"He isn't a bad guy you know?" He says,"As much as I hate saying it he's perfect for you and he loves you very much."

"So this how it's going to be, us being friends?" I ask,"You giving me crappy relationship advice when we both know I'm going to screw up either way because unlike you people don't take very kindly when the person you're supposed to be in love with is also in love with someone else."

"Oh I want to bash Alec's face." He says cheerfully, "It's just that I have exceptional acting skills."

I raise an eyebrow subsequently giving him a look,"How much morphine are you on?"

"Definitely more than I should be." He says,"I mean I don't sprout so much of cheesy shit on a regular basis. Besides I would have a lot more control over my damn mouth and tell you to leave because that would be the right thing to do."

"Since when does Jake Henderson do the right thing?" I ask.

"Ever since he met Clara Wilson." He says sincerely.

I look at him wordlessly trying to connect my mouth to my thoughts but I'm failing miserably.

Oh Jake, how am I supposed to fall out of love and just let you go to New York when you say things like that?

"Come here." He says patting the empty place next to him.

"Don't be ridiculous you're hurt-"

"Clara." His voice leaves no room for negotiation and before I know it I slide into the bed next to him, my head resting on his chest, right above his heart.

"Does this hurt?" I ask him.

"When it comes to you everything hurts." He says,"But nothing compared to when you're not there."

And that's when I realised just how much the morphine had kicked in. It had broken through all the layers to show a part of Jake that was innocently childish and brutally honest.

The kind that he hid from everyone, the kind if I stuck around for longer I would get to see.