"Grandma? Grandma?" I knock frantically on her door trying to wake her up.

"Grandma it's me can you please-"

The door swung open revealing my grandmother standing in her nightgown,"Clara what's wrong? It's the middle of the night."

"It-It's Jake and Alec." I start sputtering out,"They-they're-"

She carefully wraps her hands around me resting her chin on my head,"Clara darling calm down, breathe and tell me what's going on."

"They-they were in an accident.The-They-I-I-can't lose them." I say stumbling miserably over the words.

"Do you know which hospital?" She asks calmly and I force myself to think straight remembering the name of the hospital,"Kingsley Memorial."

"Okay." She nods,"Give me a few seconds I'll be right down. We'll drive down, Okay darling? Just be brave and wait I'm sure they are going to be all right."

I manage to nod as she goes back into her room. I stand in the silent darkness trying to steady myself but I can't.

I'm panicking thinking of everything I said and if I lost them, if they....

Oh god. Oh god.

No stop it!

Enough is enough!

Pull yourself together Clara, for godsake.

They are all right.

I take a deep breath and try to think of what Rebecca had told me. It still made no sense as to how they got into an accident or what exactly had happened.

She didn't know how either of them were, nothing was really being told to them.She was in the hospital with Jeremy and few of the football players who were on their way from the party.

Okay, they're okay.

They have to be okay.

"Clara, come on." My grandmother says taking mg hand and leading me down,"Let's go. Have you taken your phone, in case you get more calls?"

I nod wordlessly.

She grabs my hand and then gives me a small tentative smile,"Then come on sweetheart, let's go."

My grandmother doesn't say anything else as we sit in the car. Kingsley Memorial is at least a forty five minute drive. They must have gotten into the accident while coming back from their game or after party or whatever.

But how did they both get into one? Were they in the same car?

"Clara sweetheart, they're going to be okay." My grandma says softly,"Don't cry, they'll be fine."

I hadn't realised that I had been crying. I wipe my tears hastily and nod,"I know. If either of them died I'll kill them."

My grandmother smiled just a little bit and looked ahead.

And that's when I realise just how done I am with this, whiny I can't decide because I love them both versions of me.

It's because of her, that my last words to either of them were lies, it's because of her that both of them hate me.

God I hate me.

And I'm so done being that.

They are both going to be okay because when I reach the hospital I'm going to beat the crap out of them for scaring me.

I look out of the window into the trees trying to think of ways to distract myself. I refused to let myself to go back to that state of panic.

"I think Mc Donalds should become a religion." I say over my large chessburger.

Jake laughs,"I don't mind worshipping any resturaunt as long as I don't have to taste the crap they make us eat back in camp."

"Yeah." I nod, not really paying attention to Jake anymore but my beautiful burger, "That kind of food is only good for throwing at someone else's face."

He looks at me curiously and smiles and I raise an eyebrow and say,"You're doing the creepy smile thing."

The smile falls and he rolls his eyes,"It's not my fault that you secretly find it absolutely pant dropingly gorgeous."

I throw a fry at him and glare,"First of all, eeew. Second of all we are fourteen and third-"

I don't finish my sentence as he gives me a very pointed look.

"I thought you'd drop the good girl act after breaking out of camp." He says.

"It's not an-" I huff,"You know what fine, what do you want to do?"

"Twenty questions."

I roll my eyes,"That's the lamest game ever."

Jake shrugged,"Well it's either you telling me those things or me finding out those things."

I raise an eyebrow,"Finding out?"

He smirked,"I have my methods."

"Fine." I say,"But I'm only doing this because you've reunited me with my one true love."

I take a big bite of my cheeseburger as if to prove my point.

"I thought Nutella was your one true love." He points out.

"Fine I have two one true loves okay? So let me cheat on Nutella in peace right now. " I confess and he gives me an incredulous look and then starts laughing.

"God Car, how do you do it?" He asks still grinning.

"Do what?" I say suddenly conscience about myself under his keen glance. Was there something in my teeth.

He leans over the table wiping off a bit of mayonise off the side of my lips.

He stares at the bit of the mayonise on his thumb and then looks at me, once again with that same unreadable, spine tingling look,"How do you manage to be so -so" He struggles for words,"Different. "

I blush and look away. This was ridiculous, I was forteen and currently obsessed over my guy best friend. This wasn't some kind of ridiculous book.

"So favourite book?" He asks and I'm taken aback by his sudden change of topic.

"Are we telling the truth or things that are socially accepted? "

He smirks,"My my Car you've been reading some kinky shit haven't you?"

"No." My cheeks flame up.

"Liar. Let me guess Fifty Shade-"

"It's Captain Underpants, okay?" I whisper yell,"With Harry Potter coming in as a tie."

He starts laughing once again and this time it's so hard that he's actually leaning back on the seat making the everything vibrate.

"Okay fine." I say regretting telling him the truth,"What about you?"

He still doesn't stop laughing and I glare at him,"Fine I'm leaving if you keep on doing this. And if I get kidnapped in the dark it's on you."

The jerk is still laughing as he says,"Why don't you get Captain Underpants to save you?"

I flip him off.

"Okay fine, fine." He says raising his hands in a manner of surrender,"I'll stop."

He takes a dramatic deep breath in and then says,"I like the Harry Potter series too, if our little banter during the first day of camp didn't give it away."

"Whats your favourite scene?" I ask him.

He looks up thoughtfuly,"I don't have a favourite scene but I do have a favourite thing."

He stops and I urge,"Go on."

"The Remembrall." He says,"I'd like that you know? An object which reminds you that you've forgotten something but doesn't tell you what. It's kind of like a challenge in a way."

"Wow, you make it sound like it's only when you forget something special." I say,"What if you just forgot your homework?"

"Well then, I guess it just depends on what you are trying to remind yourself of." He says quietly and then shakes his head,"What's your favourite color?"

"Purple." I say.

He looks at me curiously,"Why purple?"

I shrug,"I don't know I guess I just like it."

"Why not red or pink?"

I scrunch up my face dramatically,"First of all just because Im a girl I don't have to like pink and anyway I absolutely despise those colors. You try being born on 14th of February and deal with all the crappy gifts that seemed to only come in those colors."

Jake smirks,"You're born on Valentines day?"

I ignore him, that was one discussion I hated having,"What's your favourite color?"

He looks at me curiously and then finally says,"Greyish blue, the kind the sky gets when it's about to rain. It's unpredictable because you don't know wether it will clear out the next second or its going to get darker."

I raise an eyebrow,"Sounds dreary."

Again that same curious look before he smiles and leans back,"Not dreary, just different."

"Clara do you have Ashley's number by any chance?" I look up stunned and confused at my grandmother.

She looks at me patiently,"Sweetheart she needs to know so she can inform their parents if they haven't been already and my phone is at home."

"W-who?" I ask my head so muddled up that I can barely remember my name.

God I really need to pull myself together.

But I'm actually incapable to do so, so with whatever sense I have left I hand over my phone to my grandmother wordlessly who nods.

"Okay I'll stop for a few seconds while making the call, okay? Hang on we'll reach in another twenty minutes or so."

I nod.

She pulls over to the side and stops the car.

They are going to be all right.

"Grandma, I-I'm just stepping out for a few moments." I manage to say,"Tell me when you're done?"

She looks at me concerned for a few seconds before nodding. I must have looked as bad as I felt because she sensed my desperation.

I step out and close the door behind me marveling at the fact that my feet were actually holding me sturdy.

It's eerily calm on the road with nothing in sight and for that one second,that one second I let myself think the worst.

And I almost immediately puke my guts out at the side of the road.

People are scared of a lot of things.

Most are scared of the usual, ghosts, monsters, dying, etc. Then there are those who are scared of things like heights or confined places or maybe even something like snakes, too an extent that it's almost a phobia.

But the one thing that scares everyone, no matter who you are, if you really love someone the absolute worst fear of yours has to be losing that person in a way you can never ever get them back.

Four.

That had been my cardinal number.

My grandmother.

Alec.

Rebecca.

Samantha.

And then Jake came and it became five.

Those were all the people I really had. And I'd lost Samantha, adding her to my parents, Natalie and my sister.

And maybe eventually I'd come to terms with it, or maybe I would go to her breaking down into tears and apologise.

But I'd have a chance. I'd have a chance to get her back.

But them, specifically the both of them if I lost either of them like this, while the both of them hated me more than anything, I would fall to pieces.

And no matter what I would try, I would never be able to glue myself back together.

"Clara." My grandmother calls and I go back inside taking a deep shaky breath. She is staring at me worriedly.

"The glove compartment has a small water bottle and some mints." She says starting the car once again,"Just close your eyes and relax, okay?"

I take the mints and do exactly as she intructs closing my eyes. But I'm not even close to being relaxed.

"Damn it!" I yell,"I'm hopeless."

"No you're not, you just have to relax." Alec says and as if on queue I slam the brakes again making the car jolt forward and then stop completely.

I put my head on the steering wheel and the horn blares out loudly and I groan.

"I'm such a loser."

He smiles this time,"No you're not, you're just vehicularly challenged. "

I laugh at that but it does nothing to help me get to terms with the fact that my driving skills are absolutely zero.

"Clara you have got to stop being so hard on yourself." He says,"You can't expect to learn in a day."

"But then I won't ever learn." I say,"I mean who is going to be there to teach me?"

He looks hurt,"I will be."

I look at him, my heart fluttering. I know he means it, that he will be there to teach me but I've seen this happen too many times to even think that there is a possibility that he will actually live up to it.

He's busy, he's got his own life and I don't expect him to just drop everything for me.

I had hoped for it way too many times to know that it wasn't real.

"Alec you can't be expected to babysit me." I say,"This is not your job : to teach me driving. And you have a life, football practice, a girlfriend and your friends."

"You are my friend." He says.

No I was your friend. Now I'm just the girl who is so hopelessly in love with you that she can't think straight when she's around you.

I'm the girl whose sister you are dating and she's only doing it to flaunt you in front of me.

I'm the girl whose worst bully you dated for an entire year.

And I'm the girl who still loves you despite all of that because despite all odds because she hopes that you'll finally notice her.

"Yeah I know." I say finally looking ahead. There wasn't much on the road, it was pretty much empty apart from the streetlights lining it.

"Hey, hey." He says grabbing my face in his hands and then turns my face so that he's just a few inches away from me,"I promise that I'm going to stick until you learn driving properly, be it a week or a month, okay?"

Im too dazed to even process what he's saying because of his proximity but I manage to nod and he breaks out into a grin.

"Good." He says pulling back and despite myself I let out a small sigh.

"Okay give it another shot won't you?"

And I take a deep breath to reach for the keys but stop.

"I don't think I can." I start rambling,"Is mean if I crash the car I'm not the only one whose is going to get hurt, maybe this was just a bad idea."

"No it wasn't." He says,"And nothing is going to happen, okay. I won't let anything happen, ever, okay?"

I nod.

"Okay first things first you need to relax." He says,"So think of something happy and relaxing."

A memory filters through my head. It's a memory that I didn't think I would ever want to remember and yet it was there.

I scowl immediately.

"Wow that doesn't seem too happy." He laughs.

"It's not." I say,"I guess I really don't have one."

He looks at me stunned,"Of course you do."

I shrug and he shakes his head,"Okay wait, do you remember the day we met?"

"Yeah I called you Alex." I say laughing,"And you refused to leave me alone."

He was smiling, "Yeah, and I spelled my name on your hand."

"Yup you did." I say,"You said it's Alec, Alec with a C."

"And you were Clara with a C." He says wistful, "You still are."

We stay silent for sometime when he finally says,"Can you believe how long back we go? We've known eachother forever."

I think about it all the time.

"Yeah." I say,"We have."

"Good now then trust me when I say, that you've got this, okay?" He says,"And I promise nothing is going to happen? I'm not going to let anything happen, not to you."

"What about you?" I ask and he smiles.

"I'm promise nothing is going to happen to either of us." He says,"Because we are going to be together for a long long time."

And at that moment, it was one of my happiest memories.

"Clara?" My grandmother says,"We are here."

I stare blankly at the looming hospital building which is still lighted up despite it being beyond two at night.

They are in there.

"I-I don't think I can do this." I stammer,"I can't do this- oh god grandma what if I've lost them? What if- what if-"

I'm on a verge of a panic attack that I've held at bay up till now because I know that once I lose it, it's going to take me a while to get my shit together.

But stepping into that hospital- I can't delude myself. Because there is a very high possibility that the both of them or at least one of them maybe-

Oh god.

"Clara." My grandmother says firmly and grounds my wild thoughts,"You're going to be fine because they're going to be fine."

"But what if-"

"None of that, okay?" She says,"You're going to get through this and you're going to have to help them get through this too okay?"

I manage to nod.

"So now put your brave face on and go and face whatever waits for you on that side of the door." She says.

"I can't pretend grandma I can barely-"

"Clara I'm going to tell you a secret, nobody in this world is brave, nobody really can be brave. Which means that the best anyone can do is pretend to be brave, pretend that they are strong enough to beat our fears because that's the only way we have."

"So Clara you're going to go inside and you're going to be the strong girl I know you are, okay?"

I take a deep breath in,"I'm going to be strong."

I'm not going to let them down.

I am not going to break down.

God how I wish my pep talk actually worked.

The walk to the hospital from the parking lot was one of the longest I've ever had.

When the doors slide open Rebecca is standing right there. She looks like a mess, her hair in a half ponytail her hands gripping onto a plastic coffee cup tightly and dark circles lining her eyes.

Her eyes widens as she glances at me and then she looks over to my grandmother and the both of them share a look.

I come to a stop in front of Rebecca trying to will myself to ask her something, anything but I'm not really sure I can.

I'm not really sure that I'm ready to hear what she had to say.

"Hey." Rebecca says carefully,"Come with me to the bathroom?"

I look at her startled.

"The bathroom? Wha-"

"Clara it's okay, I'm sure you can go with her." My grandma says in the same careful tone.

And I realise that they've planned this. I don't know when they talked but it was clear that they had some sort of understanding.

And then I finally got it.

They wanted me to be away from everyone else, so if I lost my shit which I already pretty much was losing then I would have time to do it on my own.

Alone.

Because it was that bad.

Maybe they just wanted me to fix my hair cause-

No Rebecca's expression told me enough.

I look at my grandmother and I know that it's non negotiable, that she's doing it for my sake.

She's giving me alone time to fall to pieces.

So I nod at Rebecca who in turn loops her arm around mine and guides me across the sterile white hallways of the hospital.

The two of us walk silently side by side each other not saying a word.

A million questions race through my head but one stands out:

Are they all right?