One Month Later.

"Is it true that he slept with you and then dumped you?" I turned to glare at Sally who currently had a smirk plastered on her face. I looked past her and saw Natalie looking straight at me with a coy smile and I knew in no time who had set Sally after me.

I may have been lying low for the past few weeks but honestly she has no idea who she is dealing with anymore.

I had been avoiding people in my school in general, giving everyone the excuse that I was prepping for my late SATs. True to my word for the past three weeks from my return from New York my head had been buried under flash cards and differential problems. But now I had no excuse since they were over which meant that Rebecca dragged me into the cafeteria for lunch.

I wouldn't have had such a problem with it had it not been for Sally Timberlake who pounced on me first thing asking me about my juicy personal life. Before I would have simply run the other way or ignored her.

In fact for old times sake I tried, I promise I tried to ignore her but when I realised that the Queen Bee Natalie herself was involved with this I just couldn't let the opportunity pass up.

So I stand up on the cafeteria table nearest to me sending a few of the kids scrambling off in different directions.

"Hi guys can I have your attention?" I call out loudly and everyone who already wasn't staring at me was surely doing it now.

"So Sally here had a few questions for me." I say pointing to the shocked newspaper editor in front of me,"Since they were all about my totally exciting personal life I thought you should get the details since all of you have a right to know about what's going on in my life."

Everyone was quiet, shocked at what I had said while a few of them shifted uncomfortably in their seats.

"Sally, go on." I say sounding encouraging,"Don't shy away now."

Sally cleared her throat,"Well what exactly happened between you and Jake Henderson?"

I put on the best smile I had,"We dated and then we broke up."

"Who broke up with whom?" She asks jotting down everything in her notebook.

"He broke up with me." I say keeping my voice even.

"He dumped you after you slept with him didn't he?" She asks haughtily.

I looked straight at Natalie her eyes were narrowed at me,"Yes of course he did but that was only after he found out I'm with child."

That got a collective gasp and murmuring from the entire crowd.

"Just kidding.My bad. Shouldn't spread false rumours, now should I?" I say,"See I have the uncanny talent of being able to talk to boys with my clothes on, shocking isn't it? If you wanted to know about second I suggest you go to Natalie Anderson. Trust me she will give you a blow by blow, Pun intended. She lost it when she was fourteen, good for her right? In fact she is so good she had a boyfriend who was in college when she was only fifteen. But you may have trouble finding him, the last I saw of him was when he was in the hospital with-"

I pause for dramatic effect taking in every bit of Natalie's horrified expression.

"Chlamydia."

And with that chaos breaks out and I smile to myself getting down from the table.

I turn towards Sally looking at her straight in the eyes,"Let's get one thing straight Sal-Sal can I call you that? You leave me alone and I promise you that you won't have to find out just how much I'm related to Michella Wilson."

Her eyes narrow and she raises an eyebrow but gives me a small nod.

"That ought to get Sally Timberlake out of your hair." Samantha commented drily looking at the editor as she was headed towards Natalie's table,"Natalie on the other hand is going to kill you."

I shrug turning my attention back towards my lunch,"No way is she going to be able to catch me in those heels."

"Yeah but I'm pretty sure she's had practice throwing them." Rebecca says laughing at the crowd gathered at Natalie's table,"You are getting screwed."

"So might as well enjoy it while it lasts," I say. I'm about to say something but my eye catches a flash of a certain blonde haired boy and I know it's my time to get out of here.

"I need to go help the committee set up for the Valentines Day ball." I say quickly getting up,"See you later?"

I don't wait for an answer as I dump my tray and run out to the hall.

Please, please let me make it.

"Hi." Alec says cutting in front of me and I stop in my tracks knowing that I was more or less trapped. I glance around here and there

I give him a small strained smile,"Hi. I'm in a hurry actually the valentines day ball, I'm on the committee..."

I trail off and his smile fades a bit but he nods,"How about I walk with you."

Oh god please no.

But I give him a curt nod,"Sure."

It's awkward at first mainly because all I want to do is run away from him. Run away from the fact that he's a reminder of every mistake I made.

Stop thinking about it, Clara.

"So that was some show, huh?"Alec comments nonchalantly and I flinch thinking about how I must have looked to him. Maybe that's what Alec's MO go after the biggest bitch.

"That was a nasty rumour you just set out."

I clench my fist heading towards my locker,"They maybe nasty but all of them are true.Besides Natalie loves being the center of attention and Sally finally has something to write about so everybody is happy."

"But you're not, are you?" He says and I freeze,"I'm fine."

"Stop lying." He says,"You should know better than assuming that I'll believe you. I've known you for a long-"

"I know." I say harshly,"And I'm saying its fine."

"You have a tell." He says looking at me scanning my face,"Over the years I've noticed that whenever you lie, you have a tell."

I turn my attention towards him finally but the minute I look at him a wave of guilt, regret and everything in-between overwhelms me and I quickly look away.

"Stop lying to me, Clara." He says coming closer to me and everything in my body screams, RUN!

"I need to go." I mutter shutting my locker as quickly as possible and walking away in the other direction.

"Why won't you talk to me?" He asks and I stop,"You've been avoiding me-"

"Fine." I say turning around,"Let's talk. Let's talk about how I made the stupidest decision in my life. Let's talk about how Iooking at you reminds me of how I broke your heart, of all the mistakes I made. Of the person I've become and the person I was. Looking at you reminds of everything I've lied about and everything I'm not-"

I break off realising what I had almost let slip and immediately shut up.

I look at him for a moment biting my lip. He holds my gaze with an almost determined expression and his face is unreadable.

"I don't hold it against you for choosing him, you know that." He says softly,"You know I forgave you the second-"

"Don't." I say my voice almost pathetically breaking,"Please don't forgive me, don't make me feel worse."

He looks at me for a second as if he wants to say something more but stops.

"So the pep rally is about to come up." He says randomly and for a minute I'm so confused I give him a,"Huh?"

He laughs,"Pep rally? The thing we have before the start of football season?"

"Yeah I heard, Rebecca has been going on all about it." I say my voice still sounding slightly baffled,"Your first game is next Friday, right?"

"Yup straight after the pep rally." He says he then looks at my expression and then smiles,"What we can't talk about normal things anymore?"

"Uh we can?" I say sounding like a total idiot.

"Good." He says giving me his usual easy going smile as he starts walking,"Are you going?"

"No not really." I reply , walking along with him.

"What? Why?" He asks and I raise an eyebrow.

"I'm not the best with crowds." I say.

"Really you seemed pretty comfortable back in the cafeteria." His tone is teasing, not accusing and I smile.

"Fight or Flight situation, Alec." I say giving him a small smile,"I think I just got tired of tripping while running away."

"Figures." He says,"But if you'd just ask me to tag along I would have probably saved you. My armour is getting rusted. There is no point being a knight in armour, the shining part is important."

I actually laugh at that loudly and start walking ahead with him. I forget to feel guilty for that second and actually that things would be normal.

"So this is me." I say stopping as we reach the council room. It wasn't really a special council room, it was just an empty classroom that had become the meeting place of the council so much so that it had been nicknamed, the council room.

"Well, I'm not going to push it." He says,"So I'll see you later?"

I keep quiet and train my eyes on the ground looking at the tiles beneath my feet. No matter how much I laughed with him, I couldn't do this to him. I had broken his heart and got mine shattered as a consequence so it was only fitting that I left him alone and dwelled in my own misery.

"Well, wether you like it or not I'll see you, if worse comes to worse I'll do naked push ups in my room." He says and my eyes sputter.

"What?"

He smiles and shrugs,"Just checking if you were listening"

I blush dark red.

"See you later." He says with a small smile as he walks away.

I stare after him shocked and beetroot red. I'm about to call out to him to say something, anything but then a wave of guilt so strong passes over me along with anger that my mouth snaps shut.

Yeah well you deserve it.

I did deserve it. I I deserved every bit of what I got.

The higher you fly the harder you fall. It hurts a lot more when the person who gave you the wings burns them himself and then watches you fall and does nothing about it.

Stop thinking about it!

I angrily shake my head and open the door and then slam it shut a whole lot harder than I should have.

____________________________________________________

Conrad Henderson's funeral was no small event. It had hundreds of people, reporters gathered mostly whispering as to how co-incidental it was that he died in a sudden car accident almost immediately after his ex-wife's marriage. Newspapers would have focused on it more had it not been for the fact that the new heir of the empire had literally vanished of the face of the Earth.

Wild theories flew around but still no one seemed to figure out where exactly Jake Henderson had gone. Where he had gone, so much so that he couldn't even attend his fathers funeral and support his mother or even tell his girlfriend where he had gone off too.

Ex- girlfriend.

I flinch at the very thought of it even though it had become nearly one month. In that one month I hadn't even stopped to think about Conrad Henderson's death. I didn't feel particularly happy or sad but it was still an important event in my life.

The day he died was the day my heart broke.

After Jake left I was in shock.

Forget angry, forget upset, I was numb.

I stood there watching him walk out on me trying to comprehend as to what had happened. My first thought was that I had probably had too much to drink or something and this was all some wild crazy dream fuelled by my serious trust issues.

I don't know how long I must have sat there just staring blankly ahead trying to wrap my head around the fact that what had happened. One moment we were fine , happy and then..

And then I noticed my clothes lying on the floor and I vaguely recalled how willing I had been, how high and drunk on him I had been. Then I saw his bow tie lying at the corner of the room where it landed after I flung it across the room.

And that's when I just broke.

It takes a lot to make me cry, surprisingly. After years of putting up with Natalie, my sister and my chronic abandonment issues I hadn't cried in years. But that day I burst. I don't know why , really. I mean it was clearly an overreaction considering the fact that there were more important things going on and I was just there weeping dramatically for myself like some sad pathetic little girl.

I don't know how but it was Alec who found me first. I remember when he had opened the door and seen my state he knew exactly what had happened. I didn't know how he would react really laugh, give me a look of pity or simply say I told you so but he didn't do either of those things.

I somehow reached my room and after that things were a blur. I always thought that the stuff they show in the movies were bad. The girl crying and weeping over the guy as if he was your everything and acting all melodramatic like her life had stopped just because of some guy.

But real life was much much worse.

Real life was a whole lot more painful, a whole lot more messier.

Maybe it was partly because I didn't believe that he had meant what he had said. I had it in my head that this was another one of his twisted plans to try to keep me safe, so I went to meet Spencer in the first night in a blind panic thinking that something happened to him, but she informed me rather smugly that Jake hadn't been there.

After a while realisation kicked in as I kept on replaying his words in my head,

That's not my problem.

That was the point that I realised that he had gone away, disappeared because he had nothing to keep him here. He had gotten what he wanted with me after all. He had slept with me, made me fall in love with him and then shattered my heart.

Maybe he deserved what he got too.

Maybe like he really was like his father, cold, detached and selfish. Maybe he was destined to die alone, caught up in all the secrets and lies.

Maybe I was too.

At least that's what I told myself. That he didn't deserve me, that I was a fool, that he was someone who was never genuine. I tried telling myself that it was all fake.

But I couldn't. I couldn't blame him for anything all I could do was dig a deeper hole for myself and crawl into it and tune everything else out. To tune out the fact that everyone was right about him, the fact that he was broken beyond repair and the fact that maybe because of him I had become like that too. I tried to tune out the fact that because of him and the fact that I was so caught up with him that I might have lost my one chance of happiness with Alec.

And maybe somewhere down the line I had lost myself too. I was never the brave girl. I was the quiet girl who was meant to be the side character to someone else's story and I was stupid to think otherwise.

I would have probably stayed a lot longer like that, drowning in self pity had it not been for Samantha.

It was the day after Conrad Henderson's funeral then we were supposed to be returning back home that Samantha told me to get my ass out of bed and come with her.

"So what do you want?" Samantha asks me as we reach the Starbucks next to our hotel.

"To go back." I say in a flat voice.

"Hi I'm Kelly." The perky brunette behind the counter announces,"I'm going to be taking your order, what will you have?"

"I want a salted toffee latte with extra cream." Samantha announces and the girl gives her a once over as if thinking that she doesn't need the extra calories.

"And you?" She says turning towards me. Almost immediately I know that she recognises me. After all I had been all over the news while they were flashing constantly about how the young henderson had taken a hiatus after his fathers death.

"Hey aren't you the-"

"I want a coffee." I say in my same flat tone glaring at her as if challenging her to say something.

She nods clearly wanting to say more,"decaf or-" She looks over at me and then smirks,"Decaf it is."

"Actually I'll take the number of the doctor you got that boob job from." Samantha says and the girl goes completely red.

"Excuse me, wha-" The girl starts to stay but the couple behind us interrupts her by telling her to hurry the hell up.

"Sorry." She says plastering the same fake smile on her face as she quickly starts the coffee machine and tells us to take a seat.

"She's probably going to spit in our coffee, you know?" I say sighing.

"Her face was still totally worth it." She says grinning,"I think asking her about the lip job would have been better though."

"Then she would probably pee in our coffee." I state and Samantha laughs, I manage to crack a small smile too.

"That's what it takes you to smile?" She says,"Peeing in someone's coffee?"

I roll my eyes,"You're treating me like I'm a robot with no feelings."

"No feelings?" She snorts,"You have too much of them but its like you're set on maximum sad and mopey."

My smile immediately fades and I look out of the window.

"Stop it." She says suddenly,"Seriously stop acting like it's the end of the world."

"Will you believe me if I say that I'm trying to but failing?" I tell her and she shakes her head.

"No way." She says,"Look, I'm super picky about my friends. I don't become friends with just about anyone, have you wondered why I came and sat next to you the day Natalie very publicly dissed you?"

I vaguely remember that day during freshmen year and shake my head.

"Well, it was because I was very grudgingly impressed." She says finally,"She probably did enough to make any adult cry and yet you stood in front of her and didn't say anything. You didn't argue with her or even say anything back. You stood their listened to her and then got up and sat on the end table and started eating your lunch as if nothing happened."

"I don't see how that's impressive." I state.

"You always say that you run away from things that you are not brave." She says,"I always thought you were some airhead follower but that day you didn't cry or run away you just accepted it and moved on."

"And that's why I'm your friend." She says,"Thats why I think that its useless to walk on egg shells around you because you can handle it. You've been handling it all your life but you've never complained about your parents left you, about Alec,about anything."

"Yeah that's gone great for me so far."I mutter.

"You burst Clara."She says,"It's not your fault. Maybe it could have been on better terms but now you have to move on."

"You don't understand there was a lot more than-"

"There always is." She cuts me off and for the first time I realise that she was speaking from experience. I never really stopped to really think about what Samantha had gone through when Rebecca had started dating Jeremy. She had lost her virginity to him because of a stupid mistake she had made.

Sounds familiar?

"Do you remember what you had told me that night?" She asks as if almost reading my thoughts.

"Yeah." I say my voice hoarse,"It will hurt at first but you will get over it but the only way you will is to stop punishing yourself."

The coffee finally arrives and she holds it in her hands examining it,"I got over it, question is how long will it take you to stop punishing yourself?"