"Are you all right?" It was Alec who voiced the question at me.

"I'm fine." I snap at him even though he doesn't really deserve it and it shows in his surprised and slightly hurt look. I'm just so pissed with the fact that I couldn't get anything on my plate because my hands kept on shaking and dropping everything.

"Do you need help?"

Its Jake this time.

"I said I'm fine."I snap at him this time trying to get the bloody potatoes on my plate and mentally telling my hands to stop shaking.

Jake doesn't seem to be too effected with my hulk mode and Jake being Jake decides to ignore me and snatches the serving spoon out of my hand and neatly piles the potatoes on my plate.

"There." He says going back to his food and ignoring everyone else.

I stare at the potatoes suddenly loosing all my appetite thinking that I should have just gone home. After walking out of that kitchen with quite a bang my first thought was that I should just go back and say,"Psych! I was just kidding."

My second thought was to make some excuse and just get out of this god forsaken dinner or whatever it was. My mom had made it clear that I was not part of the family with the Christmas presents that she had asked me to return so then what was the point of me faking smiles and formalities with them?

But then again I was done running away from my problems. Its about time that I just suck it up and face my problems and for once just be brave and stop running away from everything.

So that's what made me put on the calmest face I had and sit back at the table where conversation continued like nothing had happened.I tried my best to look composed but my stupid hands betrayed me as they shook every time I thought of what came out of my mouth.

She deserved it.

Not the way you dropped it.

She ratted me out.

Doesn't an eye for an eye make the whole world blind?

She is the reason I lost Natalie as a friend and she is the reason that my life has been hell for the past four years.

And you are the reason that she lost her baby.

I bit my lip and look down at my potatoes in defeat. Its pretty clear that whatever excuse I made up to convince myself that what I had done in the kitchen was not a total bitch move, would never be true.

But you can't blame me, I broke. I had to break sometime and let it all out. She had punished me enough for my mistake. Enough is enough. The truth had to come out maybe not in the way it came out but it was going to sometime and its better now than never.

"Clara?"

I snap out of my reverie and look at Alec who is now using a careful tone with me.

I give him a tired smile in an attempt to push away my thoughts,"Yeah?"

"Are you really all right?"He asks.

"Yeah, I'm sorry I snapped. I've had a long day."I reply back,"And I must look like hell."

"No." He says looking at me earnestly,"I think you look pretty fucking gorgeous."

I blink looking at him. I am shocked at his choice of words and just how upfront he is about it. I don't know how to react to it.

"Well, good for you."Jake says in a tone that is snappy and jealous.

I actually let out a real smile then somewhat revelling in the fact that Jake is kind of green right now.

"Thank you Alec."I say.

He gives me a grin back,"So what's with the new look? Not that I'm complaining or anything. "

"Once I rearrange your face and give you a new look we will see about that."Jake mutters under his breath.

I laugh out loud at that.

Only Jake.

I instinctively reach for his hand under the table but I hesitate. In the end I just decide to go for it. His hand feels warm against mine and Im pretty sure my hand is sweaty and clammy. I almost instantly pull it back thinking how disgusted he must be but his hand has a firm grip on mine.

"I just felt like doing something different you know?" I say glancing at Jake who is looking at his plate with a blank expression.

Alec is about to reply when my mom and Michella finally come out of the kitchen. Michella has her head down and is staring at her shoes so no one can get a good look. My mother on the other hand has a blank expression that betrays nothing. My hand tightens around Jake's as it starts shaking again. He gives me a slightly confused look but doesn't let go.

Just looking at how blank and cold my mother is makes me feel a bit guiltier. But Michella needed to get her act together and this was the best way possible.

Okay may be not the best way.

Michella walks out and my mom looks at Jake's mother who is looking concerned.

"Michella is feeling a bit under the weather so I'm going to take her home."She says her tone cordial and polite,"Thanks for the lovely dinner I'll try making it back."

Then her attention turns to me.

"Clara please come home straight after your sleepover with your friends tomorrow morning."

What sleepover?

But the message is clear that she wants me out of the house for today night and I'm all too happy to comply.

She then turns and gives a small smile to my father and everyone else on the table and walks away.

"Dear me I hope she is all right." Jeanine, Jake's mother says.

"Maybe you are pushing her too hard." Alec's father says jokingly which gets him an eye roll.

My dad is back to talking to Conrad Henderson like nothing happened. Wow adults really knew how to ignore things and live in their selfish little bubble, but then again didn't we all.

"So anything new on the college front?" Alec asks.

I raise an eyebrow at him trying to figure out his obvious lack of concern for my sister. Don't get me wrong but aren't you supposed to care about the person you are sleeping with?

"Still on the fence."I say,"I'm giving the SAT at end January. Maybe a little too late but I wanted as much prep time as possible."

"I know." Alec says,"I could barely get you to look up from the flash cards during the summers."

I roll my eyes,"Oh please most of time during the summer was spent trying to babysit you after you got drunk."

I do it playfully with a hint of seriousness but Alec ignores that.

"You wouldn't have to babysit me if you had come with me." He states,"And I begged you like a hundred times."

"Really with you and Melanie?" I asked,"Are you really sure that would have been a great idea?"

He laughs at me,"Okay may be not."

I'm surprised at how easily we are talking. We sound like friends and for the first time I don't feel like I have to watch what I have to say around him. Like I could talk like a normal person without cringing at every word I said.

A phone rings loud and clear and I see Jake taking his out. His hand lets go of mine and he turns visibly pale looking at the caller ID and excuses himself and picks up the call.

"So what-"

I interrupt Alec not looking at him and looking at Jake who has disappeared,

"Give me a moment."

I get up from the table following Jake who is leaving the house.

What the hell?

I stand indecisive for a moment but then grab my coat, I'm not making the same mistake thrice by forgetting my coat. I close the door softly behind me just as the fire escape staircase door slams shut.

I would have probably raised an eyebrow as to why on earth would Jake take the stairs from the 20th floor but I know how claustrophobic and clammy he gets in an elevator. I press the button and the elevator comes in no time as it was just two floors below.

I press the lobby button and the door shuts and I have time to think. I'm alone. The elevator is annoyingly slow the silence is almost deafening, My mind flutters to what happened upstairs and how I completely lost it.

I'm going to deal with one problem at a time. And right now that problem was Jake.

I've always been a curious person. But that's with people who are only close to me. Its been a habit of mine to cover up the shit people do especially since they mean something to me and since there aren't a lot of people really close to me, defending them means even more to me.

I have been doing it for Alec with the parties he sneaks off too and I always covered for him in front of his dad and the rare slip ups he had during school.

Rebecca on the other hand had strict parents who expected her to be a perfectionist and Rebecca was anything but. Whenever Rebecca went on a shopping trip or just wanted time out from her parents I used to be the one always going up to them and making an excuse. In fact the only reason her parents had allowed her to come was because I vouched for her.

I didn't mind doing it though. Most people would give me a look and say stop being a pushover and covering people's messes but if there is one thing I have learnt is that I cannot let go of people. Once they manage to get inside my shell I make sure they never get out.

Except Michella and Natalie.

Michella and I had been close. Not too close but we could actually have a decent conversation most of the times. But after I found the positive pregnancy test in the bathroom, I panicked.

When I was friends with Natalie my grades weren't that great. I was an average student at best because lets face it Natalie never really studied and I didn't either but managed to scrape up a B in almost everything without even trying. Michella on the other hand used to work her ass off.

All she ever wanted to do was get out of town and become successful. When I had come back from camp Michella had changed drasticallly.She had become bitchier and meaner. I never figured out what had happened especially after Jake had pulled the stunt by making her hair green and she had taken it out on me. I saw Michella's determination to get out of town actually falter and when I found out why I knew I had to do something.

But that was the one mistake I made. As much as I try telling myself that Michella when I had found her test in the bathroom during sophomore year and gave it to my grandmother I was trying to help her, it was a lie. I needed her to get out of town, to get away from Alec really more than anything.

The elevator dinged open and I broke out of my thoughts. The lobby was fancy almost over the top with its almost blinding marble floors and a chandelier. I mean you know the people living the building are pretencious when they have a chandelier in the fudging lobby. Along with potted plants that were the size of mini trees and a doorman who wasn't asleep.

Because I had taken the elevator I reached before Jake. I'm not Jake's keeper I mean seriously what the hell was I even thinking coming down. What was I trying to achieve? Getting answers? From Jake?

Who was I kidding?

I am about to go back up but then something more like someone catches my eye.

What the fuck is she doing here?

Spencer stands outside the building in all her pink glory talking to the boy from the ice rink. Eric. They were arguing about something and Spencer looked like she was about to throw her pink bag on his face. She in her signature pink barbie doll look complete with a pink hairband.

I always hated barbie dolls.

The fire escape door opens and I fling myself behind the tall potted plant just as Jake rushes past throwing the lobby door open. Spencer's attention snaps from Eric and she looks at Jake smiling. I seriously want to smack her on the face or preferably throw her in front of a car that I was driving.

I edge closer to the door keeping to the corner as from where I was standing they had a perfect view of me through the glass door.

I quickly go hide behind another plant.

I feel kind of like a spy in a way although the receptionist's confused and awkward look is ruining it.I can't hear a word they are saying through the thick glass door but Jake looks incredibly pissed.Eric looks almost as angry as him and Spencer looks like the only calm one. Mostly because she is looking straight at me and smiling.

Jake's back is turned towards me and Spencer glances at him smiles and tells him something.He shakes his head and Eric says something and Jake's fist clenches behind his back and slowly nods. The both of them slowly walk away but Spencer stays rooted looking at me and giving me an amused smile.She says something to Eric who shrugs and leaves with Jake. She turns her attention back towards me. She slowly beckons me and I raise an eyebrow.

I make a decision to go out.

"You're an interesting one aren't you?"

I raise an eyebrow.

"And you glow in the dark don't you?" I retort.

She laughs tauntingly and I feel like punching her. I scan around for Jake but he seems to have disappeared.

"I'm curious." She says,"As to what you could possibly have on Jake to have him wrapped around your finger so tightly."

I look at her taking in her brunette barbie appearance. She is pretty I have to grudgingly admit.

"And who exactly are you, except for some washed up wannabe ex?"

I'm not even surprised at what I say. Maybe Clara Wilson two months ago would probably have her jaw on the floor right now but the girl whose mouth these words had come out from had done a lot of things Clara Wilson from two months ago hadn't.

"And I thought you were just one of his spineless sex toys." She says making sure every word is like a slap across my face.

I'm so angry that I can barely say anything.

"But clearly I was wrong." She says walking closer,"I mean you certainly have a mouth on you.But I get why Jake doesn't want you to know anything."

I look at the concrete pavement. What had happened with Michella up stairs was bad but just being near this girl made me want to puke.I still remember the encounter I had with her outside Jake's room with his lips swollen and his room trashed. It's funny how easily I forgot about that.

How easily I just chose to ignore all the bad things when it came to him.

Well, at least most of the times.

"You know what miss barbie." I snarl,"I suggest take you're sparkly little pink shoes out of our fucking business."

Suddenly I'm pushed against the wall by Spencer and her barbie doll act has vanished.

"Let's get one thing out very loud and clear miss goody two shoes." She says,"Just because your daddy is the owner of some company that makes more money that you can handle and the fact that you think that you have Jake Henderson-"

"He is not some property that I own." I say pushing her away from me,"And neither do you. So let's get one thing very straight. Your half ass perception about me is right. I am miss goody two shoes and yes my parents are rich. But there is one thing I learnt today that is very important."

She narrows her eyes.

"Do you want to know what that is?" I ask tauntingly,"It's to never ever underestimate me. Trust me it backfires I saw that today because given the motivation and the fact that I'm smarter than you I can probably ruin you."

I take another step and I am a good four inches taller than her and give her a smirk.

"Do not give more motivation."

I look at her as if daring her to say more .

She laughs.

"Well, I can't see why he likes you." She says,"I've known Jake for a while now Clara."

She throws my name at my face.

"And out of all the girls he has been with including me." She says,"I have never seen him so attached to anyone. In fact I have never heard him utter the word girlfriend with regard to any other girl. So you see why I am curious."

That makes me halt.

"You look surprised as if you actually doubt his feeling for you."

I look at her unbelievably confused with a million questions running through my head.

His feelings for me? Does that even make sense?

My mind unintentionally wonders back to the kiss in the lake and then to yesterday under the mistletoe.

It then rewinds to the time in his fathers office.

She is the one good thing in my life.

I am serious about her.

I do fall, sometimes harder than I want too.

"Lost in thought are you?" Spencer says smirking breaking me out of my trance.

I narrow my eyes.

"I don't need your advice on my relationship." I snarl,"And I don't doubt anything."

"But you do." She butts in,"Well don't I can give you a personal reassurance that that one of the reasons that I want to slap you and you're perfectly pretentcious blonde curls off your head is because it's blatantly obvious that he is completely whipped over you."

I look at her confused as to wether I should be offended or just stand there trying to process what she just said.

"But what I don't get is that how you blatantly trust him." She says,"I mean his eyes no doubt do a number on you but I don't believe for a second that anyone can think that boy is as put together as he portrays he is."

My mind flicks back to his almost shattered green eyes a look he tries to hide. A look I ignore because I'm scared that if I acknowledge it that every single wall I've put up against him will also lie on the floor shattered.

"But you choose too." She says,"Clearly because if you really knew who he was. If you truly did then you would run in the other direction. But then he is hiding something from you and you know it. You may think that you are unpredictable but you are an open book."

I know there is no point with arguing her because she knows she is right and I know she is.

"I may be an open book." I say,"But I still don't get what gives you the right to stand in front of me and read the chapters."

"I don't need to read them." She says,"I know them by heart because I was you. Maybe the difference was that it was one sided then."

I look at her in a loss of words.

What did she mean by, I was you?

"But let's face it Clara you may think you can ruin me or whatever but you have no idea who you are dealing with." She says in a low tone,"You don't know me or Jake but I know everything about you Clara Wilson, most probably the valedictorian of your class in Seaview High where you get a perfect 4.0 GPA which is a miracle because you are almost failing gym but your clubs-"

"How do you know this?" My voice shakes a little,"Did Jake tell you?"

"No, he is quite reserved when it comes to you but let's just say that I do my homework." She smiles slightly,"What I'm trying to tell you is that you seem like a girl who overthinks everything. But still you are almost blind when it comes to Jake especially since the boy you are in a relationship with hides so much from you."

"But you know what I'm feeling especially nice." She quirks,"So how about this I give you an insight on Jake."

I snort,"Do you honestly believe that I will listen or even consider anything that comes out of your mouth."

"I don't doubt that you won't." She says,"But I'm sure you'll believe it when I show you what he is involved in and how I fit in the puzzle and just how wrong you were about it."

"Like I'm actually going to come with you."

"Oh you will." She says,"You are too curious to not."

I keep quiet.

"See?" She giggles slightly as if she finds it amusing,"I'm right.I'm always right."