I didn't know what was worse. The fact that Trevor had been refusing to talk to me for the last two days or that we were going to go into winter break not speaking. I didn't want to spend the holidays like this. I had tried to talk to him yesterday but he walked away before I could even make out a hello.

I knew why he was mad, I had walked out without even a word. I shouldn't have done that but I knew if I had stayed things would have only gotten worse. I couldn't see the argument resolving at that time.

"He's still giving you the silent treatment?" Cait asked.

"Yeah." I sighed.

I didn't know what to do. How the hell was I suppose to fix this if he wouldn't even stay long enough to actually have a conversation?

"Just give him time. He will come around and when he finally wants to hear what you have to say make sure those words are amazing. Don't mess this up." She told me.

"I don't plan on it."

If he wanted space I would have to respect that but that didn't mean that I wouldn't try one more time to get him to talk to me before break. If he still isn't ready I'd give him the winter break to breathe.

—

"Trevor!" I called out to him as he made his way out of the building.

He didn't even slow down, it was like he didn't even hear me.

I continued to chase after him. It was an unfair race, Trevor's legs were way longer than mine and one of his strides were like three times the length of mine.

"Trevor will you just listen to me?" I reached out and grabbed his arm.

"What do you want?" He snapped.

"I want to talk." I tried to catch my breath.

"I think it's best if we don't." His face was stone cold, I couldn't read a single emotion off of it.

"Please you don't have to say anything just listen to what I have to say."

He just stood there, this was my chance to finally say the words I had been wanting to say all week.

"I don't want to go into the holidays like this. Hell I hate not talking to you, these last couple of days have been complete torture. I care about you and I don't want to fix you. I'm sorry if that's what it sounded like but that's not what I meant." I told him.

He didn't say anything but he also didn't walk off. I was taking this as a good sign.

"I'm sorry I walked out and didn't stay and fight for you. I was overwhelmed and I didn't want to keep fighting. I shouldn't have left." I sighed.

"But you did leave. I said that if you couldn't accept all of me then you should leave and you left. I think I got the message Ella." He frowned.

Fuck, that's not the message I was trying to send.

"I didn't mean it like that I just knew it would keep getting worse if I stayed." I tried to explain.

"But you leaving made things way worse than they would have been if you just stayed and we finished talking."

"We weren't talking, the second I told you what I was thinking you got defensive and shut down." I sighed.

I didn't want to fight again.

He took a deep breath. It seemed like he was trying to stop himself from blowing up.

"I don't want to keep doing this." He shook his head.

"Doing what?"

"This." He signaled between us.

"So you want to break up?" I felt like my heart had just shattered into a million pieces.

"No, I don't know. I think I just need space." He confessed.

I could do that. I'd give him time, I would take a step back and let him have all the space he needed. I didn't want to lose this and if that's what I had to do then I'd do it.

"I can give you space, I just really want this to work."

"It's just a break, we will come back together when we are both ready and we can talk everything through." He said.

"Just a break?"

"Yeah, spend the holidays with your family, enjoy your time and I'll see you after." That's all he said before he walked off.

This seemed to end more peacefully but I knew there was still a lot for both of us to figure out before things can just go back to normal. I hated this, I had just gotten him and now I felt like he was slipping through my fingers.

It was just a break, a little bit of space. I had to remind myself that. I couldn't help but feel like it was an end. I had to shake the thoughts from my head. We would be ok. I knew we would figure something out.

This was just a minor bump in the road. Once we got past it the rest of the road would be much smoother.

"So is it an ice cream filled night or what?" Caitlynn asked when I met her in the parking lot.

"Ice cream would be great right now." I tried to calm myself, I didn't want to cry.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked from the passenger seat of my car.

"We are on a break." I told her.

"A break?"

"Yup he needs space so we are taking a break." The more I said those words the more it felt real.

Me and Trevor were on a break. Was he even my boyfriend? Could I text him when my family dinner went to shit? Could I spend the evenings at his apartment to try to escape my life?

Nothing was the same but I told myself it was going to be ok.

It was just a break, just a little bit of space.

We were going to get through this.