The knock on my bedroom door interrupted the movie and I quickly hit pause as my door swung open.

"Hey girls, I just finished dinner." My mom smiled.

"We will be right down." I told her.

She turned and walked down the stairs.

"Damn I haven't been here for dinner in what feels like forever." Caitlynn said.

"Well I'll warn you parents haven't gotten any better."

She nodded seeming to understand what I was saying.

I got up and she followed me downstairs.

"Where's dad?" I asked looking at the empty seat he usually occupied.

"He will be home any minute." My mom said setting down the plates and food on the table.

"It smells delicious Mrs. Winters." Caitlynn complimented.

"Aw thank you Caitlynn you are so sweet."

"Are we waiting for dad?" I questioned sitting down.

"No he will join us when he gets here." My mom waved me off.

We all sat down and started dinner without my father. I was used to this, my family rarely ate together.

"Wow Mrs. Winters this is amazing." Caitlynn said.

"Thank you." My mom smiled.

It was good, my mom was a great cook.

The sound of the door opening and closing alerted us to the arrival of my father.

"Hey dad how was your day?" I asked.

"Good." He said and grabbed his plate off the table. "I'll be in my office."

I watched him watch out of the kitchen and sighed.

I looked at my mom and her face fell.

"He's just busy." She tried to convince herself.

I nodded and looked over at Caitlynn to see her mouthing a sorry. She knew how hard it has been for me to see my parents slowly grow distant. The only thing my parents came together on was my brother. It seemed as though I had been pushed aside most of the time.

My mother stood up from the table and gave us a forced smile.

"I'll be in my room if you girls need anything."

I watched her go not missing her quick grab of a glass and bottle of wine off the counter.

"I didn't know it had gotten this bad." Caitlynn sighed.

"Welcome to my life." I pushed the food around on my plate not really having much of an appetite anymore.

"Does your dad still-,"

"Sleep on the couch and pretend that he just fell asleep watching tv? Yes." I finished for her.

I had first noticed my dad sleeping on the couch when I was ten. I remember I couldn't sleep that night and so I thudded down the stairs super early one morning to see him knocked out on the couch. Back then it wasn't every night, it was just maybe twice a week but now I don't think I ever see him sleeping anywhere else. I had stopped asking why he was sleeping there when I was twelve. I had figured it out all on my own that it wasn't just because he had fallen asleep watching tv too late.

"Hey you need to not let this stress you out. You know it's not your responsibility to keep your parents together."

Caitlynn knew how much time I had spent trying to get my parents to fix their relationship. I used to try and get my mom to set up date nights and I'd try and get my dad to sit and eat with us more than like once a month. Those efforts I had long since given up on and just decided to watch as their relationship slowly crumbled.

"When I see them going out to be there for my brother I just can't help but wish that they did the same for me."

I never told anyone that. I never bothered to express the fact that my parents took my brother out to dinner in order to have some time to talk with him hurt me. I wanted to be given the slightest bit of attention every once in awhile but that seemed to never happen.

"Ella-,"

"Cait it's fine I don't want to talk about it anymore." I ended the conversation.

"Ok." She nodded and finished the last bit of food on her plate.

"Can we just go and finish the movie?" I asked.

"Yeah." She agreed, I cleaned up the table and then went up to my room.

The rest of the movie we just sat in silence watching each scene with focus. Caitlynn didn't want to spark conversation knowing that I wasn't in the mood to talk and my head was still spinning with all the thoughts that had been weighing me down for years.

"Can I ask you something?" I broke the silence.

"Yeah anything." She said.

"Did you like Holden when I dated him?"

She seemed taken aback by the sudden talk about Holden, the guy I told her never to talk about again.

"I mean yeah, I thought he was a good guy back then. What is this about?" She questioned.

"I was just thinking about things." I shrugged.

"You don't just think about Holden." Cait looked at me with caution and concern.

"Well I was thinking about how I didn't like Tyler and I wondered if you had the same feeling about Holden or if he really fooled both of us."

I hated talking about Holden, a part of me still hurt even after a year has gone by since we broke up.

"You need to stop going down this path. The past needs to just stay in the past. You are only going to hurt yourself more if you keep digging it up. Holden was just as big of a douche as Tyler was he was just better at hiding it. You need to let go of all that hurt you hold onto and move the fuck on."

It was hard to hear that from Caitlynn, I knew what she was saying was the truth but it was still hard to hear. I think I have just been hiding away from the fact I had gotten hurt. I didn't let myself deal with it, I just ignored it until it went away but it never seemed to fully disappear.

"Thank you Cait. I think I needed to hear that. I just have been ignoring the fact that Holden ever existed and that has done nothing to help me be able to move on from that."

"Ella you need to take whatever part of you still is still stuck under Holden's curse and fucking throw that shit into the trash. You got an amazing guy sitting and waiting for you to realize he is right in front of you. Don't mess it up or I might have to slap some sense into you."

"I know I got an amazing guy and trust me I don't plan on messing it up." I smiled.

I needed to let go of the past before it ruined the possibility of me having a future with Trevor.