《Finding Sunshine (Sope)》45
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Namjoon glanced over at Jimin, who had stepped away from the table to give some privacy. He didn't really know how he was supposed to talk to Jin. However, he did know that he needed to say something. He needed to take the first step in being a better person, someone who would make Yongguk proud. He wanted to get an actual boyfriend or girlfriend and go on a double date with Yongguk and his wife, as Yongguk had suggested as a possibility. Yongguk wanted him to be happy. Namjoon wanted to be happy. Really, a decent relationship would be great."I was scared."
"Scared?" Jin had not expected those words to come out of Namjoon's mouth. On that awful date, Namjoon had seemed so confident. Why would he be scared?"Of what?"
Keeping his gaze down, Namjoon twiddled his thumbs. He was much more nervous than he thought he would be. He had thought that talking to Jin would be easy, but it wasn't. He had treated this man so disrespectfully, and yet, Jin was giving him a chance to speak. There wasn't even much judgment in his tone. What a nice guy.
"Namjoon, I know we had a bad first encounter." Jin could easily see that Namjoon was unnerved."That doesn't have to affect every encounter we have."
"You're right." Namjoon knew that he couldn't let himself be stopped by this. He needed to get past this if he wanted to make Yongguk proud. He also needed to do this in order to move forward and be proud of himself.
Jin felt a slight smile tug at his lips when he saw Namjoon finally lift his gaze to look at him."So what scared you, Namjoon?"
It needed to be said. Namjoon needed to be honest about this."I've been scared of forming a connection with anyone in a romantic way. I didn't want to get my heart broken again."
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"I understand." Jin placed his hands onto his lap and let out a soft sigh, like he was relieved to hear Namjoon's words."You were just protecting yourself, weren't you? The way you acted toward me during that train wreck of a date, that wasn't you. Not really, anyway."
"It was just a, uh..." Namjoon tried to think of the right word."It was a persona, I guess."
A light chuckle slipped out from Jin at the use of that word."So you're an actor now? Putting on personas to deceive us all?"
Namjoon already felt just a little more at ease. Maybe it was Jin's way of speaking, the way he chuckled instead of letting seriousness loom over them."I must be one hell of an actor. I even deceived myself for a while."
"You know, you remind me of someone." Jin straightened himself up a little in his seat."You remind me of Yoongi."
Well, that was unexpected."How do I remind you of Yoongi-hyung? He and I are completely different." This made zero sense to Namjoon. From his very small interactions with Yoongi, he saw no similarities between the two of them.
"You put on a persona to protect yourself. Yoongi did that too." Jin could see the similarities. There weren't too many, but they were there."You pretended to be a super confident player. Yoongi pretended to be a rude outcast who didn't need anyone." Jin explained."You got your heart broken and wanted to avoid that feeling again. Yoongi, as I'm sure you know, also got his heart broken. But you both have found desires to become better people. That desire came from another person's influence. Am I right?"
"I guess you're right. My desire to become a better person came from my ex." Namjoon lightly poked his cup with the tip of his index finger."He said that he wants me to be happy. I want to be happy, and I want to make him proud. And, well, Hoseok wants me to settle down."
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A soft smile spread across Jin's lips as he listened. This made plenty of sense. Of course Namjoon would want to make his ex proud if he still had feelings for him. Or maybe that meant that there was a chance for Namjoon and his ex to return to being friends. That was a nice thought."You live with Hoseok, am I right?" Jin had heard that before."You must be a sweet, patient person on the inside to be able to handle living with a blind friend. Many other people might get frustrated with him."
"Yeah, that's right." Namjoon knew that other people could get frustrated and impatient with Hoseok because they weren't used to dealing with someone who had a disability."Hoseok's one of my best friends. I'd do anything for him. His disability isn't his fault. I'd have no right to get frustrated with him for it."
"You know, I think I can understand your behavior." Jin's smile widened just a little."I forgive you for our bad date. It'll never happen again between us, but I don't see any reason for you and me to not be friends." Feeling at ease with this conversation, Jin had just one more question to ask."Do you have anyone in mind for a possible dating experience?"
Namjoon gave a small shake of his head."No, not at the moment." For just a second, he glanced across the crowded room at Jimin, who was patiently playing on his phone. Then, he returned his attention to Jin."How about you? Got anyone else in mind since things aren't happening between you and Jimin?"
Jin took this chance to glance over at Jimin as well. He wasn't fully over the shorter guy yet, but he accepted that they would never be together."I don't know." Lowering his gaze down to look at his hands on his lap, he knew that there was something he had noticed but chosen not to acknowledge."There is someone who likes me though. I just haven't sorted out how I feel about him. Since I was so interested in Jimin, I didn't really give much thought to this other guy's feelings."
"Another guy? Well, I'm not surprised. You are handsome." Namjoon would never deny that. When he had first seen Jin, he remembered thinking that the older guy was very handsome."Who is it, if you don't mind me asking?"
"Another one of Yoongi's friends." Jin didn't know how to feel as he thought about this."His name's Taehyung. I'm well-aware that he likes me, but I've never given any thought to my own feelings toward him. I don't know if we should remain as just friends or if I could actually like him enough to date him."
That was understandable to Namjoon."Don't give it a try if you aren't sure. Dating shouldn't be tried like a trial period. People aren't demos." he advised."Give it some thought. If you don't think you can like him as more than just friends, let him know. On the contrary, if you believe that something stronger can grow between you two, go for it."
"That's really good advice. Thank you, Namjoon." Jin stood from his seat and smiled warmly."It has been nice speaking to you, and I hope we can chat again soon."
Standing as well, Namjoon held a hand out to Jin."Thank you for being so patient and understanding." After a small handshake, Namjoon watched Jin walk away to get back to doing his job. He felt so much better now. He felt...lighter. It was like the heavy persona he had worn for so long now was lifted away from him, revealing the better person who had been hiding beneath it.
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