《Finding Sunshine (Sope)》43

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Hoseok pulled his legs close, his knees against his chest. Wrapping his arms around his knees, he rested his chin on them as he breathed a heavy sigh through his nose. His mind felt crowded and heavy as he struggled to relax in the hot water of his bath. It happened when I called... he thought to himself. A panic attack... He couldn't stop thinking about this. It was taking over his mind the more he wondered about it.

He had not known that Yoongi had panic attacks. Why had this never come up during the time that they had been dating? Was it a secret? Is he insecure about it? Hoseok thought that was a possibility. This was such important news to him. Why hadn't he thought about this sooner? Of course Yoongi had insecurities. Everyone did."I'm so stupid..." he mumbled quietly as he pouted.

With these thoughts, Hoseok couldn't help but mentally beat himself up. I didn't tell him about my insecurities because I was afraid of letting him down. This was making so much sense to him now, and he wished he had realized this sooner. I was so worried about my own insecurities that I didn't realize the fact that he has insecurities too. Why had this taken so long for him to realize?

"I should have known..." Hoseok sometimes made a habit of talking to himself. This was clearly one of those times. He even spoke a little about his insecurities on our second date. He thought he wasn't good enough. He thought there was something wrong with him. Those were signs. It was all clicking into place in Hoseok's brain.

Tears stung Hoseok's eyes as he thought more about this. He felt like crap. I broke up with him because of my insecurities, and that probably just made his own insecurities worse... Then came the start of a quivering lip. I didn't want to let him down, but I let him down by leaving... His breaths became a little shaky. How can I face him now?

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Hoseok thought back to their second date. He said he thought he was better off alone. Something about him kept driving people away. He was on the verge of crying as he thought about this. I told him he hadn't driven everyone away because I was still with him. His chest hurt, and the feeling of an oncoming sob ached in his throat. But I left...

So here Hoseok was, realizing his mistakes and crying in the tub."I'm so sorry, Yoongi-hyung..."

---

Jimin sighed softly as he peered out the passenger side window of Namjoon's car."I hope you know that you're going in there too." he said as he kept his gaze glued to the world outside.

"Yeah, yeah, I know." Namjoon resisted the urge to roll his eyes. That wouldn't be a good thing to do while driving."You've only told me a million times."

"Three times." Jimin corrected with a slight huff."I need to speak with Jackson-hyung, and you need to speak to Jin-hyung."

Namjoon knew why Jimin needed to speak to Jackson since Jimin had told him, but he really didn't want to talk to Jin."Why do I need to talk to him?"

Finally, Jimin pulled his gaze away from the outside and looked over at his friend."You should apologize for the bad date."

"Do I have to?" Namjoon didn't really see a big point in doing that."I mean, I know it was bad, but it was just one small date. It didn't really impact his life that much, did it?"

"Hyung, please just do this." Jimin really wanted to make everything right. This was part of that. Besides... "You said you want to do better, right? This is a good first step."

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With a sigh, Namjoon gave in to his friend's reasoning."Alright, fine. I'll apologize for the bad date, but I hope you know that he and I aren't going to give it another try."

"That's okay." There was no way Jimin was expecting Namjoon to try to get another date with Jin to try again. No way. He just knew that Namjoon's apology would be a step closer to setting everything right. He would feel better, and he knew this would help Namjoon and Jin both feel a little better too."This is going to be good for all of us. You'll feel better after this. Jin-hyung should feel at least a little better too. And maybe Yoongi-hyung can finally forgive me."

"Oh, right. Yoongi-hyung and Jin-hyung are friends, right?" Namjoon remembered that Jimin had told him that before.

With a nod, Jimin knew that was an understatement."More like brothers. Those two are so close, they're practically family. I really screwed up when I tried to use Yoongi-hyung's best friend as a blind date for you. I should have known that was stupid."

Stopping at a red light, Namjoon reached a hand over to turn on the a/c."Yoongi-hyung got mad at you for that? I guess that's understandable."

"Well, it's not just that." Ready to talk about this with his trusted friend, Jimin fidgeted with his fingers a little."At the time, there was something important that I didn't know. Jin-hyung had a big crush on me. I didn't know until recently. I must have upset him so much by asking him to go on that date with you."

"Well, shit." That seemed like the only appropriate response to Namjoon. He didn't really know how else to react to that."He liked you, but you asked him to be my blind date. I see."

As the ride continued, Jimin got quiet for the next few minutes. When Namjoon parked in front of the cafe though, Jimin could feel himself growing a bit nervous."Are you ready, Namjoon-hyung?"

"Well, we're already here." Namjoon said as he shut off the engine."I kind of have to be ready, right?" He got out of the car and looked ahead, able to see through the large windows of the cafe."He works here? Must be nice to smell the coffee all day. It's such a soothing smell."

Jimin got out of the car as well and rolled his eyes."Let's just go inside. You can enjoy the smell of the coffee while we're in there."

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