《Finding Sunshine (Sope)》21
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"So..." Namjoon cleared his throat quietly before asking the question that was on his mind."Did you get laid yet?"
Hoseok sighed and slumped his shoulders."No."
This caused Namjoon to groan."Why not?" He plopped down onto the couch and put his feet up onto the coffee table.
"I don't think it would be right, Namjoon." Hoseok carefully made his way over to where he knew there was a chair and seated himself."I don't know what to do."
Namjoon leaned back a bit and folded his hands together on his stomach. He was wondering what could possibly be wrong with Hoseok. His friend had been frowning ever since he picked him up from Yoongi's house. He had hoped that Hoseok finally got laid since he had stayed the night with Yoongi, but that apparently didn't happen."You don't know what to do about what?"
"About Yoongi-hyung." Hoseok had enjoyed sleeping in Yoongi's bed again last night. Yoongi had slept beside him, but it had been awkward. Their time together had been so enjoyable, but Hoseok felt like he closed himself off from Yoongi once it was time to sleep."Namjoon, he loves me."
"And that's a bad thing?" Namjoon was confused. How could that possibly be bad? Didn't Hoseok want to be loved? He wanted a successful relationship, right?"That guy is so whipped for you, Hoseok. If only you could see the way he looks at you. I saw it when I picked you up. Yoongi-hyung didn't want you to leave. He was staring at you with full-blown heart eyes."
"But that's the problem." Hoseok whined as he leaned back and slouched in the comfortable chair."Last night..." He couldn't get it out of his head."Yoongi-hyung said he wants to make love to me."
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Namjoon instantly sat upright."And?"
Cocking his head a little to the side, Hoseok pursed his lips for a second before continuing."Well, we made out a bit, but that's it. I think it would be nice to have sex with him, but..."
"But what? Hoseok, you're killing me." Namjoon had no idea what was stopping Hoseok from having sex with Yoongi.
"Namjoon, you don't get it, do you?" This was frustrating for Hoseok."He doesn't want just sex. He wants to make love."
"Oh." Now Namjoon understood."You don't love him. Am I right?"
Just hearing those words made Hoseok feel like crap."What should I do? He means so much to me. He's such a sweet boyfriend, even though he often fails at portraying his feelings. I just...don't want to hurt him."
Namjoon shifted his gaze to the side, not really knowing what Hoseok should do. He had never been in such a situation himself. But he had experienced something similar, from another perspective.
"I must be a terrible boyfriend..." Hoseok whined, his voice coming out shaky.
The unsteady tone caught Namjoon's attention and caused him to snap his gaze back to Hoseok."Hey, Hoseok, it'll be okay." Getting off the couch, he rushed over to squat down in front of his teary friend."Don't cry. The sun doesn't cry."
"I'm not the sun..." Hoseok tried to push Namjoon, but one hand missed while the other made contact with his face."Sorry..."
Namjoon rubbed his nose a little."It's fine." He knew Hoseok hadn't meant to hit his face."But seriously, Hoseok. You've always been everyone's bright sunshine. Don't let some bad thoughts ruin that."
"Maybe I don't want to be everyone's sunshine..." Hoseok sniffled as a few tears trickled down his cheeks."Maybe...Maybe I want someone to be my sunshine..."
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With an unseen smile, Namjoon gently pushed some hair behind Hoseok's ear."Someone is going to be your sunshine. Just give it time." He cupped Hoseok's cheek and sighed softly."Yoongi-hyung clearly loves you. Maybe someday, you'll love him too. But you need to decide what you should do for now."
Hoseok tried to hold back his need to cry, but he couldn't. He felt like he was being unfair to Yoongi."But what can I do..? I don't want to hurt him, Namjoon..."
"No matter what you do, there's a chance that he'll get hurt." Namjoon wasn't going to lie about this."Your decision will only change how he gets hurt and how much it will be."
"What are my choices..?" This felt like it was going to be the hardest decision of Hoseok's life.
Namjoon moved his hand down to Hoseok's knee and gave it a small squeeze."Before I tell you the choices, I want to tell you a secret. It might help you understand."
"Understand what..?" Hoseok was confused. As he cried softly, he just wanted to know his choices, so he could try to pick the one that would hopefully hurt Yoongi the least.
"Your choices and the impact they might have." Namjoon cleared his throat, embarrassed about what he was about to say."Hoseok, I haven't always been the type to sleep around. I had a great relationship once."
Well, this was news to Hoseok."Really..? With who..?" he asked with a sniffle.
Namjoon's thumb rubbed Hoseok's kneecap soothingly."A guy named Yongguk. He was a true hunk. Handsome, smart, sweet, funny. I wanted to be with him forever. We dated for over a year, and I thought we were pretty serious. I loved him."
"But what happened..?" Hoseok had a really bad feeling about this.
Namjoon's lips curled into a sad smile."He finally broke up with me. He said he knew how much I loved him, but he couldn't return the feelings. He kept dating me for that long because he hoped he could grow bigger feelings for me, but it never happened."
"So that's why...you don't want to try to date someone again..." Hoseok felt like he understood that much."You're scared of getting hurt again..."
"Yeah." Namjoon didn't want to get attached to someone again."So your choices with Yoongi-hyung are...You can break up with him if you think you won't develop stronger feelings for him. Or you can stay with him, hope your feelings grow, and risk hurting him worse later on if the feelings don't turn to love."
Hoseok's heart felt like it stopped. Were those really his choices? He could break Yoongi's heart by breaking up with him. Or he could stay with Yoongi and risk making it so much worse later on if things didn't work out."Namjoon, I..." He didn't know what to choose."I..."
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