━━author's note: this was the first time I wrote for woman!character, I hope you like it ;)

━━warning(s): swearing, drinking, brief mentions of making out

━━word count: 1,872

What is love? A feeling, a sensation, something so powerful it can make you do crazy things. Muggles called it a chemical; a chemical that induced euphoria. You wondered whether there was even such a thing as the state of complete and utter bliss. So you craved to feel it,to drown in it and to live it even for only a moment. A moment, the feeling of the so called love making you work till the world’ end just to see the special someone smile.

You sighed, remembering what happened moments ago, your legs feeling weak beneath you.

Tears prickled your eyes as you tried your best to not let them fall. You blinked furiously, pressing your nails hard against your palm until it hurt. David had been a great boyfriend, but there was something, something always missing. You quite well knew what it was just that you refused to acknowledge it. You thought this would be easy, you really did but it wasn’t. Not one bit. David had fitted into your life seamlessly. He was a great friend and supported you know matter what. You really didn’t think you would lose him completely after the break up.

You didn’t know David would start blaming it on himself.

“David, it’s not your fault. I’m sorry, so, so sorry. I just-“ you took in a shaky breath.

“Why?” he croaked, his neutral expression quickly melting away.

“I-“

“You’re in love with someone else, aren’t you?” he said as you felt the air squeeze out of your lungs. You looked down.

“Get out,” he whispered as you looked at him. “I SAID GET OUT.”

You finally let the tears fall, moving out of his house. Wiping your tears furiously, you walked towards the nearest place to apparate.

Your head whirled before you finally saw a familiar door appear. You sighed, entering quietly. Placing your heels on the shoe cabinet, you smiled a little as Edward (your owl) flew and seated himself on your head. You offered him your hand as he perched himself on your wrist. You moved your fingers through his head, scratching it as he appreciated your ministrations by purring a little and letting his eyes droop.

“You’re here!” a voice came as you looked up to see Lily in her pyjamas smiling at you. Your lips turned upwards involuntarily.

“I am.”

“Are you alright?” Lily asked furrowing her brows, “You look sad.”

“I broke up with David,” You said in a small voice, making her eyes widen.

“Honey, I’m so sorry,” Lily said coming towards you as you took a deep breath.

“You did nothing wrong,” You murmured as she shooed Edward away, forcing you to look at her.

“Movie? We can have pizza, and then hot cocoa with marshmallows?”

You gave her a warm smile.

“I’d like that.”

***

You calmed down after a long shower. Or at least the best you could. You got the comforting scent of pizza, wafting throughout the living room and you stomach grumbled a little as you imagined eating a huge slice.

Lily and you had decorated it together when you first moved in. She loved comfort while you were always into geometrical designs. The room was the perfect blend of the two. A large red linen sofa complete loads of catchy pillows the two of you collected over the years, a wheat coloured edgy table, and a TV right in front. Lily decorated the space with small olive green plants around.

You saw Lily bent over the table placing pizza and butterbeers, you were sure she had spiked with some whiskey. You smiled. She always knew just what you needed. Lily looked over at you grinning. It was going to be a long night.

And it was. Lily held you as you cried. Laughed along with you, watching Mr Bean’s antics. You loved her, always had, perhaps not in a way she believed you to. When? How? You didn’t know. It crept up on you so slowly, you didn’t even realize it until you were drowning. Lily and you were close too- so close that people assumed you were dating. She’ll hold your hand through the crowds, kiss you on the cheek, cuddle with you whenever you’d watch a movie together. Sometimes you almost believed she liked you too. Almost.

“Lily, no!” you tried to say as she continued to tickle you.

“I’m not stopping, Y/n. Not until you agree I’m better at duelling!” she huffed through her giggles, her face as red as her hair.

“Not. Fair. Stop! You’re killing me!!” you said laughing as she continued her torture.

You picked up the pillow, throwing it at her. She moved away laughing as you took a big cushion in your hand, running towards her. She slipped on and fell on the sofa haphazardly, and pulled you down with her. Your breath hitched as she laughed widely, making her eyes crinkle. She stopped, noticing the position the two of you were in, getting away awkwardly.

You tried to get over her, you really did. You dated other people, concentrated only on your work, but nothing, nothing could change the way you felt about her. You ended up comparing everyone with her. She had spoiled you for anyone. You had broken up with David for the same reason too. You couldn’t date him when your heart beat for someone else. It was fair for no-one.

***

You lay your head over Lily’s shoulder, feeling calm at last. You were still a little giddy from the rum hot-chocolate. She was going on about, this movie she just saw, gesturing wildly about the characters, but you couldn’t concentrate on that. Not when her voice was something you could listen to all day long.

“Y/n! Are you even listening to me?” Lily asked, giggling.

“Yes?”

Lily rolled her eyes, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you closer. Your heart skipped a beat.

“How are you feeling now?” she asked as you sighed. It had been a long day.

“Better. Roy had been a great friend, Lils. I’ve lost so much by losing him.” Lily hummed. The two of you fell silent as Lily continued to caress your arm softly.

“I never quite liked him though-” She said after a while.

You let out a laugh.

“You never like anyone I date!”

“So not true,” Lily scoffed.

“Okay, name one person,” You challenged. Lily removed her arm and sat up straighter. You almost whined at the loss of contact.

“I did like Shane…” Lily prompted as you rolled your eyes.

“You literally never came out of your room whenever he was around.”

The more time she took, the wider you smiled. Lily glared at your smirk playfully. She really did look cute like that.

“I can’t hate everyone,” she said as you let out a laugh, moving a bit to face her.

“But you do,” You said gently interlinking your fingers with hers. You looked at her as she smiled tenderly at you.

“Well, you’re sweet, and I can’t have you be with someone who doesn’t deserve you,” She said placing a strand of your hair behind your ear. Your heart thumped.

“Who is then?” you whispered, not sure where this was going.

Lily leaned a bit as your eyes flicked to her lips. You saw her doing the same. Your breath hitched as she pressed her lips against yours, cupping your cheeks. She moved them slowly against yours and you felt like you were high. You sighed as she pulled you closer, further deepening the kiss. She pulled back abruptly as you took in deep breaths, refusing to open your eyes.

“I’m- I’m so sorry.” You heard her whisper, feeling her get up. Your heart fell as you looked at her. Why did she always do this?

“I’ve had too much to drink and I-“

“Lily…”

“I didn’t know what I was doing, and it just… happened. I-“

“LILY!” you shouted as she finally met your eyes.

“It was my fault too. I don’t know why I always hope we ever have a chance. We don’t,” you said, taking in a shaky breath and moving towards your room. Lily followed.

“What’s that supposed to mean?“

“IT MEANS THAT I AM IN BLOODY LOVE WITH YOU!” You shouted, moving into your room and slamming the door behind you. You dropped on the bed squeezing your pillow as tears finally fell down. Why were you in love with the one person you couldn’t have? You looked at the ceiling as your brain forced you to remember every painful moment you spent with her.

Lily’s mouth was hot on your neck as her hands moved all over you. Your head still banged with the amount of firewhiskey the two of you had.

“Lily, what is this?” you whispered as fingers played with the hem of your top. She kissed you again.

“One-time thing,” she murmured as you repeated the words over and over in your brain. Something between the alcohol-induced state of your brain and the on-going tension between the two of you made you agree.

There was a knock at the door which shook you out of your reverie. You gulped, waiting.

“Why didn’t you say anything, Y/n? I always thought that you didn’t feel the same way. As much as I want to, I don’t regret kissing you. Not at all.” You heard her take a shaky breath as your head thumped.

“Yeah, I don’t like you dating anyone else. I hated seeing you with anyone else. What was I supposed to do?”

“Tell me! You could have said something.”

“I could have said the same for you,” She said as you both fell silent.

“We’re idiots, aren’t we?” she joked after a while.

“Date me, Lily.”

“What if it doesn’t end well, Y/n? I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you”

“You’ll lose me more if you don’t. I love you, Lily. I want to date you, to hold your hand. Fuck- I want to cuddle with you without any restrictions, I want to hold you close, and . I want a goddamn answer, Lily.”

There was a beat of silence. You felt like your heart would burst, thumping so loudly as it was right now.

“Would we still simp over hot guys together?”

“Yes,.” You croaked.

“Would I still get to tease you when you do dumb things?” she said as you sniffed, smiling to yourself.

“As long as I get to tell you that you look like a cute little chipmunk when you get angry.”

“Would I get to kiss you whenever I want?” she whispered as you tried to breathe.

“As whenever and much as you want.”

“Would you let me come in and hold you, if I say yes?”

“I would,” You said, sitting up as she slowly opened the door and came in. Her eyes were red and her nose was tinted pink. She engulfed you in a bone-crushing hug which seems to convey everything she wanted to say.

“Promise me, that you’ll always say what you feel now,” you said, softly, as Lily kissed your forehead.

“As long as you do too,” She promised.

━━P.S. How did I do?