《a silent cause》fifteen
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It hadn't really occurred to you that a day with Sana was what you needed, but as you sat in front of her and listened to her tell stories, you had the realization that it was. The two of you had picked a random open restaurant to talk in, sitting at a random table towards the back of the place. Sana had put on sunglasses to avoid being recognized, but she'd also mentioned she didn't really care if she was, hence the lack of a better disguise.
At some point in her rambling, Sana had turned the attention to you, letting out a deep breath to signify the end of her talking session. You didn't have much to say, really, other than Jennie, of course. So, you began to talk about her.
"She kissed me again last night." You informed her, and Sana gasped quietly in surprise, a grin on her face that almost made her seem more excited than you. "I was in total heaven, I'm telling you! I don't even know how it turned out this way if I'm being honest. And before that, we were on this hill maybe... eight to ten minutes from my apartment if you walk slowly, and she, uh... asked me about who David mentioned at that dance place we used to go to."
"Right, yeah, I remember you mentioned he said something about that," Sana nodded.
"Well, I kind of said I didn't really want to talk about it." You shrugged. "It was before you came, obviously, and told me what you did like twenty minutes ago, but... I guess I should tell her, right? I mean, trust is important in something like that. She told me something very personal about her life, so I feel like, y'know, maybe I should too."
"I absolutely agree!" Sana exclaimed, nodding proudly. "Plus, it's a great step in acknowledging that Tzuyu exists again."
You laughed, rolling your eyes. "I never stopped acknowledging she existed. If anything, maybe I acknowledged it too much, you know?"
"Not really," Sana tilted her head,"I mean, I don't even think you ever spared a glance at her. She might be in your mind, but acknowledging is something of an action, don't you think? I might think I love you, but until I say it and admit it, I'm not really acknowledging it."
"Oh," you exhaled, "do... you love me, Sana?"
Sana scoffed at you, "No! It was just an example!"
You laughed, amused by the way her cheeks went red at the insinuation, "Speaking of love, what about Dahyun? You completely stopped updating me on that."
"Oh, right." The other girl nodded, her fingers stirring the drink in circles with her straw. "I mean, there isn't really much to say. She didn't return the feelings, but I guess it didn't affect me that much. I got over it quickly, really. All that mattered to me was her friendship."
"Wait, hold on," you let out a short laugh, "What? How did you not tell me she didn't return the feelings? How did you not tell me when you confessed, either?! I thought we were best friends!"
"We are, but I got over it so quickly, it wasn't even worth mentioning!" Sana defended. "I mean, who knows, it could've just been a burst of affection for me. You know me, I'm a very loving person."
"I do know that, but..."
"Besides, your thing with Jennie was much more important." She added, her voice losing its excited edge and becoming slightly quieter. "I guess... I didn't really know when to bring it up? I don't know. I get a little preoccupied when it comes to you."
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A sudden wave of guilt washed over you at that. "Sana, of course not," you enforced, your brows creased in confusion, "your thing is just as important as mine. Why would you think any differently?"
"I mean, did you ever really ask me about it?" Sana asked softly. You opened your mouth, ready to say 'yes, of course I did!', but all that came out was a defeated sigh, because no, you hadn't. Her eyes didn't hold any anger at it, and she shook her head to reassure you it was fine. "I understand, y/n. You really had a lot going on, and truth be told, I really didn't think about my issues when I listened to you. So, don't feel bad, okay?"
You nodded instinctively, but as Sana began to sip her drink in silence, you decided to apologize, "I'm sorry, Sana."
"Y/n, really, it's alright-"
"No, it's not." You insisted, your face a certain kind of serious that Sana knew not to interrupt. "You... you've been there for me like crazy. I mean, the fact that you didn't even think about your issues when talking to me shows how selfless you are. Just because I had things going on doesn't mean I can just disregard you, so... so I'm sorry. I can only dream of being like you, but I promise I'll try from here on out."
"I know you will. Thank you," Sana nodded, "but, you know– and just let me speak here– there will come a time where I will have so much going on in my life that I'm gonna need you there with me. And through all that, it might not even occur to me to ask you about an update in your life, and you won't be angry with me, because that's what friends are for, right? Thank you... for promising to try from here on out, but you can only help me because you're in a much more stable position. I'm not expecting to lean on a rock that's about to fall apart. How many times before this have you been there for me? So really, it's okay. "
How thoughtful Sana was had always surprised you, but that time it'd almost brought a few tears to your eyes. With an airy laugh to prevent yourself from embarrassingly shedding those said tears, you leaned forward, cupped Sana's face, and placed a kiss on her forehead in thanks. Sana squealed excitedly, laughing as you pulled away with a blush. You really weren't a kisser like that, but it was the least you could do, and you smiled at how happy she looked.
"I'll pay for the drinks," you offered, feeling like you had an unlimited amount of generosity to share, "and better yet, I'll even get you whatever you want at whatever store you want. Just to say thanks."
"Oh my," Sana giggled, already getting off her chair, "lucky for you I already have the store in mind! Let's go, quick!"
"I still have to pay, though!"
"Oh, right." She paused, before sitting back down. She cleared her throat and placed a few strands of hair behind her ear, "We can wait, then."
After paying (not much, seeing as you two basically only got drinks), the two of you drove around for a good twenty minutes. You even began to think Sana had forgotten the store she had in mind, but eventually you two arrived at a place you couldn't even pronounce the name of. One glance and you could tell your slightly wounded pocket was going to be hurt even more. With Sana's happy grin, you knew it would be without a doubt.
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You weren't much of a shopper. You usually just stuck with the same clothes you already had, and if you found something you thought you really liked, you went and just ordered it online. Going in person was too much of a hassle, and this– Sana knew about you.
"I won't take my time," she reassured you as you two strolled through only the third aisle of the store, "so you don't have to worry."
You nodded, though you recalled the times when Sana would drag you to go shopping when you two were younger, and you suddenly found it hard to take her by her word. You two would spend hours together, you just dragging your feet behind her as she found more and more things she liked. It was the same here, only you two were much, much older now. The parallel brought a smile to your face, at the very least.
At some point, Sana had told you that you didn't have to follow her, and you could look around yourself. It's not like you had anything in mind, but you decided it was worth trying since you had nothing else to do. The area with the rings caught your eye, and you strolled over, marveling at the pretty jewels on top. You weren't one for flashy clothes, but you could appreciate it on jewelry.
Unable to help it, your mind went to Jennie as you peered over all the different types of rings. You wondered which ones she would like the most, internally picking out a few that you thought you knew she would. And then you couldn't help it when you thought about what it would be like to marry her. It was such a big, ridiculous thought that you outwardly shook your head to try and stop thinking about it, but if anything that only made it harder. How would you propose? What would she even like? Maybe in Paris, you thought.
"Hi there!"
You looked up, slightly startled by the loud voice. It was what could only be one of the employees, hence the name tag reading 'May' on her shirt, but she looked a lot younger than you. Sixteen, seventeen at most? She had brown, short hair, and a very bright smile. "Are you looking at the Diamond Fantasy ring? I've always wanted that one, but I don't have the money."
You laughed softly, "Oh, no, neither do I. I was just looking around here."
"Huh, really? You looked pretty deep in thought there." She inquired, tilting her head. "Well, if you're not interested in this one, I can recommend some other cheaper ones. Is there someone you're buying for?"
"No." You shook your head. "Not really, I guess."
"Hm, okay..." May hummed, "How about for yourself then?"
"For me?" You blinked. "These all look like engagement rings, though. They're a little too fancy to just wear normally, don't you think?"
"Well, you're in the engagement ring section, ma'am." May giggled. You furrowed your eyebrows before glancing down at the sign inside the glass below you, which in fact did read: Engagement Rings. You hummed in acknowledgement, wondering if you subconsciously knew you were in this area. May cleared her throat. "Y'know, I have to say, I don't really believe you when you say you're not buying for anybody. Is that unprofessional of me to say?"
You looked up at her, pausing slightly in embarrassment. "Uh... I mean, I don't..."
"Y/n!"
You turned to see Sana somehow already right behind you despite not knowing where she was a second ago. Her gaze shifted from you to May, smiling a sweet smile at her before looking down at the rings. You immediately knew what she was thinking as she read the Engagement Rings sign and she gasped at you, asking you with your eyes if you were really going to propose to Jennie so soon.
"No!" You refuted the idea, and Sana sighed in visible relief. "We've kissed a total of two times, how fast do you think I am?"
May looked between the two of you before nodding, "Oh, you're the girl she's thinking of? You're pretty!"
"Uh, no, she-"
"Oh, thank you!" Sana blushed, "You're so pretty too! I swear, this girl doesn't compliment me as much as you should compliment your girlfriend. Have you ever had to deal with that?" May nodded enthusiastically, seeming to share sympathy for Sana. You rolled your eyes at her antics, and upon realizing Sana seemed to have chosen her clothes you decided to tug on her arm to signal your leaving.
"Okay, we're going," you chuckled, sending a wave to the sixteen year old employee, "and she's not my girlfriend. You ever had to deal with a liar?"
Sana hit your arm, and after that you paid for her clothes.
The drive home didn't consist of much talking for almost the entire way through. Sana let you play the music, and she'd commented on how your taste was constantly changing. It's true, you'd always gone through phases throughout your life where you'd be completely obsessed with a certain artist or genre before moving on. When you were younger, you thought it was the definition of being noncommittal.
As you neared your apartment, Sana lowered the volume slightly. You waited for what she was going to say, but it took a good minute for anything to finally come out. "About Tzuyu," she started carefully, "I think that you should go see her sometime this month."
"This month?" You asked. "Don't you think that's kind of soon?"
Sana shook her head, "Not really. It's not like she knows I told you to see her."
You pursed your lips, sinking into your car seat. When you didn't reply, Sana looked at you with an expectant expression. "What?" You laughed, feeling under pressure. "Okay, I'll think about it. Is that enough for you?"
"Yes, I'm pleased." She giggled, turning into the parking lot as you guys arrived at your place. "Maybe you could even bring Jennie with you."
You laughed as you both got out of the car, "Oh yeah, I'm sure she would love to see me with another girl the first time we're back."
"I don't mean she'd come and talk with her, but a little moral support wouldn't be bad, right?" You shrugged, nodding. I guess it wouldn't be so bad, you thought, she has been wondering about her for a while now. When a light breeze hit you, you realized it wasn't very hot anymore. Some clouds had settled in by this time and it was a weather you liked much more. Then, Sana made a small noise, as if something surprised her. "Hey, isn't that...?"
You followed her line of vision, and immediately your heart skipped. Speak of the devil.
"Jennie?"
At the mention of her name, Jennie turned to see you, her expression full of surprise. "Oh, y/n! I was just coming to stop by, but you weren't there."
"Yeah, sorry, I was with Sana." You nodded, walking towards her. You pointed to the girl next to you. "This is Sana, by the way." You were sure she knew who she was, but, common courtesy.
Jennie seemed to stand there for a second, her eyes looking between the two of you as if she were trying to figure something out. Then, as if realizing how rude it was, she put on a polite smile and shook Sana's hand. "Jennie."
"Oh, I know who you are, don't worry." Sana smiled. "What with y/n going on and on about you..."
Ignoring what she said, your eyes glanced over to the black car she was standing in front of, and you grinned excitedly. "Oh, did you get a new car?"
Jennie opened her mouth to respond, but she was cut off by the sound of the car door opening. Outside her car, you didn't recognize the guy that stepped out. He quickly made his way over to you, his hand reaching out to introduce himself to you. Wait, you thought, is that..?
"Sorry I didn't step out as soon as you got here," he apologized. "Nice to meet you. I'm Kai."
You smiled and shook his hand, "I'm y/n." Sana did the same, the both of you visibly a little bit confused. You liked a few of EXO's songs, so you knew who he was, and it's true you had no aversion to him, but why was he here, at your apartment? To be honest, you hadn't even been aware that he and Jennie were friends.
"Y/n," Jennie said, calling your attention back to her, but when you looked at her it seemed like she didn't really know what she wanted to say. You raised your eyebrows at her and smiled comfortingly, encouraging her to continue. The sight made her lips quirk up into a small smile for a second. "Um... can we come in?"
"Oh," you nodded, "yeah, of course, sure! Sorry, I don't know why I didn't offer."
"No, don't be," Kai smiled, "it's us that's imposing on you, right?"
"No, not at all. I don't have anything to do today." You reassured him, all of you walking up the stairs together. As you pulled out your keys, you smiled at the pretty girl next to you. "Plus, I like having Jennie over."
Jennie laughed softly, and you could see Sana duck her head down from the corner of your eye, undoubtedly trying to hide the smile on her face. The moment everyone stepped into the room, though, you couldn't help but feel a bit of awkwardness. Sana felt it too, not really sure what to do. After all, you two had no idea what they were doing there. Kai and Sana made themselves comfortable, sitting down on the couch, but Jennie had simply stood there, looking at you.
Clearing your throat, you spoke. "Did you guys want something to drink?"
Jennie looked at the guy sitting down, "Kai?"
"No, I'm okay!" He raised his hand up slightly to refuse the offer, "Thank you, though."
"If you want some, it's just in the fridge." Jennie told him, and you nodded in agreement, almost feeling like this apartment wasn't yours, but hers. You wondered what their relationship was. She seemed to look out for him, but you assumed maybe it was because he was just unfamiliar with you. "Is it okay if I talk with you?"
"Of course." You agreed. You felt a bit nervous at her demeanor. She seemed a little serious, like there was a lump in her throat. After Sana nodded at you to reassure you it was fine, the two of you entered your room, and you closed the door as quietly as possible, like you were trying to not wake something up.
Jennie sat at the foot of your bed, and when you didn't move, she gestured for you to come sit next to her. The small action gave you small butterflies. The effect of beautiful women was a very real thing, you thought you were kind of a weakling when it came to her.
"What's up?" You asked gently. You hoped the tone of your voice would soothe whatever was going on somewhat. Jennie scooted a little closer to you, trying to minimize the space between you even more.
"What if I say I just missed you?" She said softly, a small, teasing smile suddenly appearing on her face. The grin that appeared on yours after hearing that was immediate, and you chuckled so that a schoolgirl-like squeal wouldn't come out instead.
"Well, I wouldn't be mad about it." You quipped, making the other girl giggle. The same solemn expression followed quickly after, however, and you knew that wasn't it. Moving your hand slightly, you reached out your pinky to touch hers. Her eyes followed the action before she slid her hand further below yours, and you squeezed her hand gently. "What's going on, Jennie?"
"I had a talk with YG." She sighed deeply. You resisted the urge to scoff at the mention. You didn't even know what he did this time, but the question of if he ever did anything right came up again in your mind. It seemed he only made the girl next to you unhappy. "He wants to maximize connections for us and stuff, so he called me in to discuss a plan they had for me. He said it'll benefit me too, with my solo coming up, so I'm guessing they're planning to reveal it at some point, but I wanted to tell you first."
You hummed, "Okay."
Jennie looked at you, a nervous expression on her face, "They want me to be in a relationship with Kai."
Wait, what?
You froze for a small moment. So, that's their relationship, then? You definitely didn't expect that to be what she was going to say. You felt a kind of wave of embarrassment wash over you for a reason you couldn't quite put your finger on. Maybe it was that you must've been foolish to think a relationship with Jennie would work out. And to put it simply, Kai was an attractive man, even to you. In what world could you compete with that? And there he was right outside, sitting on your couch!
On the outside, though, you regained your composure, verbalizing some of your questions to her. "Is it like... a PR relationship? Like, you have to do it?"
Jennie bit her lip, "I think... something like that. They actually want me to get to know him, even if it's technically fake for the moment."
"For the moment." You repeated. "So, it will become real later?"
"It might," she nodded, "I mean, that's what they want."
It might?
"How... how do you feel about it?" You asked quietly. "How do you feel about him?"
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