《a silent cause》fourteen
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"Thanks for meeting me again, I know you're busy with your song and everything." You smiled, and Jennie shook her head to reassure you it was no problem. "Have you finished it, by the way?"
"Yeah, pretty much." She nodded. "They're gonna review it and let me know, but it's pretty much perfect to me. Then we're gonna film the video."
You raised your eyebrows, "Everything happens so quick, huh?"
Jennie chuckled, pulling her knees up closer to her chest and leaning her chin on it, "Tell me about it. I don't even know if I should be debuting my solo right now. It's clear they don't want it."
"Who?" You tilted your head.
Jennie bit her lip, her eyes scanning the view ahead of her before responding, "The fans." Her answer was short, her voice tight. You knew it meant that it was getting to her, all of the hate, but you knew denying the existence of it wouldn't do anything for her, and sensing that she didn't want to discuss it at that very moment, you took a deep breath and nodded instead.
The both of you were sitting on a hill that was just a few minutes away from your apartment. It was near a hiking trail which you'd decided to try out one day with Si-young. You failed miserably at it, already out of breath before you even reached halfway, but you found that the view was beautiful and you knew you'd wanted to take Jennie to see it. You'd also told Si-young about your kiss with Jennie on this trail, so it reminded you of it. From there, you could see where the festival was from a week ago, where the two of you shared that kiss.
"Have you told anyone?" You asked quietly. When Jennie looked at you curiously, you specified. "You know, about... the kiss."
Immediately, a playful smile appeared on Jennie's face, seemingly contagious as you felt one on your own face too. She let out a cute laugh, letting herself lean back while her hands held her up from behind her. "The kiss," she whispered, mocking how secretive you sounded when you said it. You rolled your eyes, eliciting another laugh from her to come out. Finally, she shook her head. "Mm, no, I haven't, though."
That made your smile falter a little bit— well, no, a lot. It wasn't the fact that you thought she was hiding it because she regretted it, but you thought maybe she didn't want anyone to know, and you'd already told not only Si-young, but Sana and Nara too, who were over the moon about it. Of course, they weren't going to go telling anyone about it, but still.
As if reading your thoughts, Jennie reassured you. "Don't worry, I don't mind if you said anything. I just haven't gotten around to it."
You sighed in relief, though you decided to prod a little more. "Haven't gotten around to it? Was it that little of an event in your life?"
"You know that's not it." She rolled her eyes at you. "I've just been busy. And I don't wanna give Rosie the satisfaction she's been waiting for— actually all of them."
"The satisfaction? I mean, I know Rosé probably knew, but the rest of them?"
"You know, you're really more oblivious than you think." She smiled, "Of course they all know. You think I get so upset over just anyone, Olgy?"
The thought made you blush, and you averted your eyes from her because you physically just couldn't stand how she made you feel. It was one thing to be around her, but to be around a her that openly admits she likes you is a whole different thing. "No, I guess not.." You muttered, struggling to keep the ginormous grin from coming out. In your attempt to do this, you thought of Nara, which prompted something she had told you to come into your mind. "Hey, Jennie?"
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"Yeah?" She asked, her voice sweet.
"Did you ever notice that Nawtie kind of sounds like naughty? Like, naughty or nice kind of naughty?" You asked, looking back towards her. Jennie stared at you straight faced for a few moments, before she suddenly burst out in laughter. You didn't particularly find it that hilarious, but the sound of her laughing made you laugh with her anyway.
"No, I haven't." She giggled. "But I'm glad you caught it before you called me that in public."
You smiled, "Yeah, that would've been pretty bad." Jennie nodded in agreement, before releasing a small sigh. "Everything good?"
"Yeah, no, it's fine." She shrugged. "I've just been thinking... you know, when we were together dancing that night. You cut off David from speaking." You tensed a little bit, knowing where this was going. "He was gonna mention someone, right? Someone you didn't want him to."
You considered denying it for a second, but ultimately decided against it, nodding to confirm her suspicion.
"Why?" She asked, not in an accusatory way, but in a genuinely curious way. "Who was it?"
You pursed your lips, thinking of how to say it right. "An old friend of mine." You finally muttered. "We don't really talk much anymore, that's all. It's not really worth mentioning."
A while went on without her responding. For a second, you thought she'd completely zoned out or something or was actually somehow frozen in time, but then she nodded. "Okay," Jennie said softly, "you can tell me when you're ready."
Tell me when you're ready, meaning, you can trust me, and I want to know about your life.
Though it wasn't a subject you really wanted to talk about, it still warmed your heart, incredibly so. You sent her a small smile.
"Thank you, Jennie," you said, "I will."
Jennie sent you a smile right back.
The two of you had gone on talking about anything random: how she got new clothes for Kuma and Kai, how she wanted to go to Paris, if you kept the octopus hat you two had gotten at that store, how nice it would be to smoke weed (though you two never made any moves to get any) all until the sun was going down. Once it had, you could tell the mood had sort of changed, and Jennie had been a little sadder than she was all day.
The walk home was quiet for the most part, Jennie sticking so close to you that her arms brushed yours every time you guys took a step. You thought maybe you should hold her hand, but you also decided against that. Next time, probably. Once you two got to her doorstep, you could see her face twist in a way that made it clear she was conflicted.
You put a hand on her shoulder, the touch making her flinch just ever so slightly, "Jennie? What's wrong? You alright?"
"Yeah," she replied, "sorry. I'm just a lot... happier here. I don't wanna go back."
You knew the right thing would probably be to say, 'sorry, but you do have to go back now,' but instead you'd found yourself inviting her to come in for a drink, to which she obviously accepted.
Your apartment wasn't exactly the place to stay and have a drink, seeing as you only had water and lemonade in your fridge. Nara had always complained to you about never having coffee, which you countered by saying too much coffee was bad for you, to which she countered with too much silent yearning for someone (Jennie!) was even worse. It wasn't so silent anymore, you thought to yourself as you walked over to Jennie with two glasses of water, smirking in victory to yourself even though Nara wasn't anywhere near you.
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Jennie noticed, taking her glass with a curious smile as she watched you sit down next to her. "What's got you so happy?"
"Huh?" You asked, "Oh, nothing. I was just, um, thinking about something Nara told me."
Jennie hummed in response, taking a sip of water. You watched her as she did, not in a creepy way, but in that same silent yearning way you always have. She was wearing a green sweater with matching green sweatpants, a set that she'd told you some company gifted to her. Her hair was tied up very comfortably, half up half down, like a lazy hairstyle that you knew with Jennie, was anything but. She'd put no makeup on to come see you, and you thought she looked beautiful. Truly. There was no one more beautiful.
"What?"
It was your turn to flinch, her voice taking you out of your thoughts. "Huh?"
Jennie had a shit-eating grin on her face, but even in the dark you could see that she was blushing. "You just said there's no one more beautiful."
"What?! No I didn't!" You denied it, eyes wide in embarrassment. "You- you- I.."
"Relax, y/n, calm down!" Jennie laughed, setting her glass down and taking yours from your hands to set it down too, afraid you might spill some on your floor. Once you had sat there silently, cheeks red just like hers (though for different reasons), she had let out a deep sigh, a small chuckle coming through at the end. Finally, she looked at you again with an amused expression. "No one more beautiful? Really?"
You groaned, your hands coming up to cover your face. You were being dramatic, but you also must've had a talent for never being smooth, you thought. With a breath of courage, though, and the sound of Jennie's laughs replacing embarrassment with joy, you took your hands away and smiled shyly. "I didn't- I didn't know I even said that."
"That much I could tell." Jennie nodded, the same big grin on her face never leaving. The two of you stared at each other for a few seconds. There it was again, you thought, our staring contests! You found you actually missed them, even when you thought they were scary back then. Scary and nice. Then, Jennie spoke in her softest voice. "There's no one more beautiful than you, too."
It was hard for you to say you were ever truly rendered speechless before that moment, but right then and there you physically could not speak. Your heart was going at 100 miles a minute, and you could actually feel your cheeks heat up, and the butterflies in your stomach fly around like some kid had come running through them, and you just would not form any words. The only thing you said was, and after some time too, "I... uh..."
To anyone else, it probably would've been weird. But Jennie only laughed, reaching out to pinch one of your cheeks, snapping you out of your stupor. "Aww," she teased, "I still have that effect on you?"
"Okay, okay." You rolled your eyes, the blush still visibly on your cheeks. "Let's move past it."
"Why?" Jennie asked, genuine. "It was sweet. No one's ever told me that before."
You squinted your eyes at her, "I honestly doubt that. Blinks?"
"Well, that's obviously different." She said, in a tone that implied you should already know that. "I mean, people in my life. I guess one guy told me, but..."
Her voice trailed off at the end, her eyes looking down at her hands. You bit your lip, not exactly wanting to pry but you felt concerned that someone had hurt her, and you scooted a little closer. "What?" You asked quietly, encouraging her to continue.
"It's not really a big deal." She sighed, fidgeting with her hands. After you'd just looked at her, though, she relented, knowing that she wanted to tell you about it at some point, anyway. "Just, when I was a trainee... it was sort of hard for me. Obviously, I had Jisoo, Rosie, and Lisa, but we were all going through the same thing. It was hard for me to lean on them or go to them for everything, since most of the time I was just tired or scared and they were too. And I knew the other trainees too, but it's the same case with them. So, I was desperate for some sort of person to care for me. I was pretty young, so I'd known all the relationships from TV and stuff, and I wanted that. And one day, I found this guy.
"He was cute. He was working in the company, so by default, he was older than me. I was, what, sixteen? He was around twenty. I wasn't stupid, but if I wasn't so desperate for somebody, I would've realized that that was a big red flag from the start. Anyway, him and I were fine. Obviously, we'd meet up in secret, but I didn't even care. I don't even know if I realized. He would offer me comfort and he just liked being with me. He'd compliment me, tell me I was the best out of everyone, that I was the prettiest girl in the world, all that stuff. He said he'd make sure I got through. I guess it wasn't fair, but I don't think he ever actually did anything to get me through. I was the best, he was right about that. I didn't need any help." Jennie continued. "I don't want you to be worried, y/n. He didn't do anything to me. But, long story short, he did try to. I had trusted him a lot, and one day when he tried to take it further, I'd closed off. I told him I didn't have time for that now, all the risks and everything, and it was even more banned than just dating. He'd immediately taken back all of his compliments, saying that I was nothing, that he'd only ever liked me for the chance of getting in my pants. And he'd threatened to kick me out, too, but I didn't throw my hands up and surrender when he said that. I'd just said, 'Fine, I don't care!' even though I really did care."
Jennie paused, placing a hand over your hand on the couch. You'd looked at your hands to see that you were clenching your fists. Slowly, you unclenched them, giving her a small smile to let her know you were just getting a little upset, but it was okay for her to continue.
"Well, there's not much else. I was scared, obviously, and I'd actually told the girls about this at the time. They were scared for me too, but Jisoo looked really determined once I told her. She stayed up all night, I think. I was tired from crying, so I fell asleep." Jennie said. "The next day, he was out. One look at Jisoo, and I knew it was because of her. She had this smile on her face when she came out and saw he wasn't there."
You parted your lips in surprise, "What? Seriously? What'd she do?"
"She snuck into his room and found weed in his bag." Jennie laughed lightly. "She knew it was a big offense to have drugs in YG. I mean, we know that." You chuckled, nodding. "He had lots of bags, apparently, which wasn't surprising. So she took just one and went straight to the main office, where YG was. She got lucky, because by then he was usually in his room, and I have no idea why the guy I was with wasn't in his room. She would've found some other way, though, I'm sure. Anyway, they did search his room, and they found everything else. So they kicked him out that night. Apparently they told Jisoo to go to her room, so she has no idea about what they said or what he said to them, and they made her sign a contract, but it worked. Nothing happened to me. I've always been grateful to her because of it."
You nodded slowly. "I'm sorry, Jen, that you went through that. You know, it's not your fault. Doesn't matter if you were desperate or not."
"I know that." She smiled softly. "But of course you don't leave a relationship like that with nothing from it. I guess... I don't know, I guess it's the reason I'm sort of closed off. I just... I know all the things he said weren't true. But to let someone in like that and have them hurt you so badly, so young, takes a toll on you."
"Of course." You assured her. "You don't... have to explain anything to me."
"I wanted to." She said, her voice shy as she turned her gaze away from you. "I know... that you'll never do anything like that to me."
"Of course not!"
"I know." She nodded. "I took so long to really open myself up to you because I was scared of getting hurt like that again. Honestly, I... I didn't feel for him what I feel for you."
You felt your stomach do flips, but you kept yourself collected and nodded.
"Like, I didn't mind him, obviously, but I more liked what he could give to me, I guess. Like I said, I just needed someone who wasn't a trainee, but with you now, it's different." Jennie paused to look at you, subtly scooting herself closer to you. You didn't move an inch, letting herself take up the space that distanced you two previously. She opened her mouth to speak, and after hesitating for a second, she dropped her voice so that you could barely hear her, even so close. "I like you a lot."
You gulped, embarrassingly loud, but she didn't seem to mind, or even notice. Jennie's eyes kept flickering between your eyes and your lips. You weren't gonna let her initiate it this time. (Nara had scolded you on that already.)
"Can I kiss you, Jennie?"
Jennie smiled, nodding, and with one motion you placed your finger under her chin and pulled her towards you, closing whatever distance was left between you two.
Just like the last time, it was sweet. Slow. Her lips were just as soft as you remembered, the feeling of being attached to them something you'd been replaying over and over again in your head ever since your ride on the ferris wheel. One of Jennie's hands reached up to cup your cheek, keeping the two of you together as much as possible. You'd let your hands fall to her waist to get more comfortable, the two of you naturally in sync with one another. Not before too long, and you thought too quickly, Jennie pulled away slightly. You opened your eyes to the sight of Jennie with her eyes still closed, her bottom lip stuck between her teeth as she smiled, her chest heaving small breaths.
"You really are the most beautiful girl in the world," you whispered.
Jennie opened her eyes at that, her hand still on your cheek. She gently caressed it and gave you one last peck on your lips before standing up. Your hands slid from her waist and you naturally stood up too.
"It's getting late, huh?" She said with a sad smile.
"Yeah."
"I'd stay, but I'd probably never stop kissing you, then." She confessed, no trace of a joke in her statement. You were in disbelief 24/7 these days, but you let out a laugh to stop yourself from dying right then and there and you nodded.
"Well, I wouldn't stop you."
Jennie laughed, her feet nearing the door ever so hesitantly. You both were clearly trying to move as slowly as possible, but you eventually made it there, and you opened the door with a certain irritation, like the door should've just disappeared and it was purposely staying there just to ruin your life. Jennie stepped outside, turning around to say goodbye to you one more time.
"So, will I see you again soon?" You asked.
"Of course you will." Jennie assured you. "Just text me."
"Right, sure." You nodded. "It's so weird... like, texting you. I don't know."
"You know you've always had my number, y/n." Jennie said quietly. "Sometimes I wish you used it back then. Even to get mad at me."
"Well, aren't you glad I didn't? If I had, it probably wouldn't have gone like this."
Jennie thought it over for a second, then nodded. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I liked seeing you in person. Even if I pretended to hate it."
You tilted your head, "Could've fooled me."
"Not enough, apparently." She giggled, and you playfully hit her in the arm before she took a step towards you. "I should really go now."
You nodded, not feeling like you exactly had the right to ask her to stay yet. "Okay. You want me to wait with you?"
"No, it's alright." She shook her head. Without a moment's hesitation, Jennie leaned in, capturing your lips for another short kiss. It took you by complete surprise, but you quickly adjusted and kissed her back. You could so get used to this, you thought. Jennie abruptly pulled away at one point, taking a step back and waving at you, "Okay, bye now!"
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