In the next few weeks, you'd managed to make a lot more progress in guitar than you thought you would. Granted, you didn't really have much of anything else to do. You were sent your last paycheck from YG, which you wouldn't lie did sting a bit, but you had accepted it and not thought about it afterwards. You needed to look for a job, but the money would sustain you, so instead you spent all of your time strumming the strings of the acoustic guitar in your lap.

You were extremely intent when playing guitar. You wanted to make progress and you felt like you had wasted time all these years, but even that focus couldn't keep your attention away from the girls. As much as you tried to tell yourself you weren't thinking about it, you were. The hours until they were going to be in Seoul had been approaching you quickly. And Nara didn't exactly make ignoring that any easier, constantly texting you about meeting up and touring her around.

You weren't opposed to it, thought you weren't sure how she would get away from her job. You had missed her. It didn't matter your standings with the girls. You'd done a fairly good job at not seeing their faces, and you were nervous to see them again. You'd probably cry, and you'd somehow managed to not cry so much since the time you talked with Si-Young in the café. You didn't want to break that streak for you.

You were trying to distract yourself from what was coming later by playing a song for Sana on facetime... or attempting to. Your fingers kept slipping and picking at the wrong strings. You'd done so well before these past few days, but you'd looked like a nervous mess from Sana's side of the screen.

As you groaned for what sounded like the hundredth time in your efforts to play, Sana chuckled in pity. "Maybe you should just take a break."

"No, no, I can do this!" You insisted, your fingers immediately playing the pattern you'd been trying to play for ten minutes. You thanked God Sana was a patient person, but even that seemed to wear too thin as you missed the string another time.

"Y/n, y/n," she called to you, and you looked at her with a. defeated look, "slow down! I'd rather hear it at a slow tempo if it meant I could actually get through the first two seconds of it."

"Hey, I'm trying!" You exclaimed.

"I know!" she defended, "But clearly it's not a good time. And can we talk about why you're so nervous?"

You bit your lip, looking down at your hands. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Come on, we both know you're nervous to see the girls again." You rolled your eyes at her comment. She paused for a moment, then pursed her lips. "Or maybe just Jennie...?"

"No!" You rejected, narrowing your eyes at her. When she gave you a knowing look, you just shook your head. "No— well, yes I'm nervous. For Jennie, there's no denying that, but I haven't seen any of them in a while... like not even on a screen."

"Really? How? Aren't they big in Seoul?"

"Yeah, but when I'm dedicated to something I can do it." You shrugged, and the statement brought your attention back to your guitar, which you disappointedly laid on the space next to you on the couch. "It's true for my guitar too. I'm just..."

"Of course," she nodded. "Besides, I know you're good at guitar. Remember our nights at the beach?"

You blushed. "That wasn't any good."

"To me, it was." She smiled, "Y/n, anything you did or will do now is amazing to me, okay? I admire you. So don't be nervous about seeing them, you'll be just fine. I know you."

You were apprehensive to believe her, but you smiled anyway and thanked her. As you made your way to the venue, you tried to hold on to her confidence in you. Sana had never tried to hurt you. If she thought you wouldn't have been able to go see the girls, she wouldn't have encouraged you. You believed that, strongly.

It was obvious that you had tried your best to place a bit of distance between you and Nara over the weeks. Sana had texted you to tell you to stop doing that, to which you acted dumb about. You knew that Nara probably knew why, but it still hurt nevertheless. You hoped to make amends when you saw her again, but you were just scared. The conversation would ultimately lead back to Jennie. Maybe you could bear watching them perform, but to talk about them— about everything that you had been missing in the weeks since your firing; it was just too much.

Mr. Yang confirmed that when he sent the pictures to you. He apologized for the delay and said that it was due to him being extremely busy, and of course editing the photoshoots that actually mattered, including Blackpink's, which had come out a few days before he emailed you. He'd asked you to let him know if the girls had any particular opinions about it. You were already in a new month, yet you still didn't have the heart to confront the fact that you could never ask them that. You hoped to ignore that fact. So, you told him you would, and two nights later told him that they liked it.

You were sure they did anyway. Nara probably would've told you if Jennie had something to say about it, and she would be the one, always loud with her opinions.

Almost as loud as the crowd outside. The area was buzzing with conversation and excited squeals. Your eyes trailed over the long line of people waiting to be let in. You'd seen on Twitter that Blackpink had already been rehearsing hours before, and you saw a short, low quality, zoomed in clip of it. The sight of them in such casual clothing made you smile slightly. Only seeing them in their outfits to perform made you feel like just a fan, but this reminded you of all the behind the scenes memories you made with them in the mornings and in the very late nights.

As you exited the car you were in and thanked the driver, you shot Nara a simple message to let her know that you were there, and you'd like it if you could see her backstage. Maybe a part of you knew what you wanted more than a reunion with your friend was a chance to see the girls again, but you didn't pay that part of you any mind. Nara texted you almost immediately after you sent yours, excitedly letting you know that you would be allowed backstage if you just said her name.

You weren't far from the venue at all. The walk seemed painfully long, and yet also too quick. Their songs were blasting from the stadium, every beat hitting your heart with a wave of sadness, trepidation, excitement, nostalgia; everything. You noticed as your feet started to pick up its pace a little.

You probably sounded nervous as you said Nara's name to the security guard. He looked you up and down suspiciously and was so hesitant to let you in that he had to call Nara to come and confirm it was you. She thought it ridiculous, but you didn't blame him. You were practically vibrating in nerves where you stood, and you didn't even know if you were going to see them at all.

Nara immediately hugged you once she saw you, and the nervousness had been pushed back to your mind for a small moment as you hugged her back, the wide smile on your face making you question why you made yourself keep any distance from the smaller girl.

"I can't believe you're here, I'm so excited!" Nara cheered, holding onto your hands for dear life. You smiled just as sweetly as she was smiling.

"Me too," you agreed. "But I can't really... be seen."

"What? Why?"

You arched an eyebrow, "Did you already forget what happened to me? I'm not allowed near any of the girls or YG again."

"Well, you're not with the girls, you're with me." She corrected, though you knew that difference probably wouldn't mean anything if you saw Hyun Syuk again. Still, she snapped you out of your thoughts and dismissed your worries. "Stop thinking about it. By YG, he probably meant the company building."

"And if he didn't?" You asked.

Nara rolled her eyes, suddenly pulling you with her to wherever she had to go next. "If he didn't, then he's stupid to think that he can stop you from seeing your actual friends."

Actual friends. You didn't dwell on it as you let Nara lead you, but the memory of Jennie assuring that you two were not friends more than once coming up wasn't the nicest feeling.

Nara only let go of your hand once she had to talk to someone, telling you to wait one second until you got back. You nodded, and you immediately missed the warmth of her hand in yours, the comfort of physical affection in a friendship always being something you basked in. You couldn't have gotten through your childhood without Sana's countless hugs or tender caresses, and work was much more bearable with Nara's cuddles and high fives. It was something you were eager to experience again before you reunited with your old co-worker.

You hung your head down low as you waited for her. She was probably right. Nobody here was going to reprimand you for being there, in fact, none of the staff were probably going to even recognize you or care to stop long enough to confirm that it was you. Your friendships with everyone else was mostly a professional one, never leaving outside of work, so you didn't have anything to worry about. But still you were scared. Of being caught and being reported to the police? Maybe, though in the weeks of solitude and Lee Si-Young being the person you confided in, you'd come out of your irrationality and realized that though up to five years in prison was definitely something you wanted to avoid, being reported wouldn't imprison you for life.

But of the girls being notified that you were even in trouble at all? Yes.

In the months that you got to know them, you'd come to the conclusion that you'd never met a sweeter group of girls. They genuinely cared about the staff. Even Jennie, who was too busy caring about the other girls to show it to everyone enough, but she'd shown it to you. Jennie thanked them when needed to be thanked. You knew from your late night high talks that she was grateful, and you even learned that she memorized everyone's names in the first week out of respect for them.

So, with that knowledge, you knew if you got in trouble, they would feel endless amounts of guilt. All the girls got along, but in the night you got fired you saw the way it took a small hit to Lisa and Jennie's friendship. You heard it from Jennie herself how she could feel everyone's judgement towards her. It wouldn't break them, but you didn't want them to bend. At all. So you kept your head down, and you went on your phone, and you really did your best to look small and insignificant.

It wasn't good enough.

Your head couldn't help but snap up when your name was called from across the room.

"Y/n?"

The voice made your stomach dip, and you felt nervous as more than just Jisoo's head turned to you. Your eyes scanned the room, and when you didn't recognize anyone, you smiled softly at the other woman, sending a small wave. She laughed in disbelief and walked over to you, her arm extending out to touch you. You naturally indulged her and she took a gentle hold of your arm, that being her own version of what Lisa's tight hug would be in that situation.

"What are you doing here?" Jisoo asked, pleasantly surprised by your appearance.

You chuckled nervously and shrugged, "Honestly, I don't really know..."

Jisoo's eyes flickered over your face, and in less than a second her smile had carried a bit of sympathy within it. She was always good at reading people. Instantly, she had rubbed your arm with her thumb lightly, the repetitive motion relaxing you a little.

She nodded, "I'm glad you're here, y/n."

Your eyebrows creased in relief at the sweet admission, "I'm honestly very glad to hear that." She smiled in understanding, and you felt a contentment at just being with her again. Your eyes looked over her outfit and there was soon a proud smile on your face. "You look good."

"Ah, thank you!" She giggled, retracting her hand from your arm and placing it over her heart in flattery. "I got to style it myself, with the help of Jennie."

"I love it." You told her truthfully, and you couldn't help yourself at the mention of the girl's name. "How... is Jennie?"

"She's fine." Jisoo responded plainly, "Probably worried about the performance now."

You knew she had made the conscious decision to be vague about her answer, but you still prodded. "Does she talk about me?"

She blinked at you, the gears almost visibly turning in her head. You were concerned by the secrecy. It was just a yes or no question.

"Y/n," Jisoo knew it was more than that, "I don't know what to say."

Was it so obvious the way you felt for her? Despite the lingering feeling that stayed with you since the start, you'd only paid so much attention to it in your last week of working with them. You'd thought you'd hid it well, but there Jisoo was, walking on eggshells as so not to hurt you.

You sighed, shaking your head, "I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?" She tilted her head, her hand returning to smooth over your skin. You didn't answer, just frowned. Her expression clearly pitied you, and she gave her own sigh. "I don't know what to say because I don't know how she feels. I don't think she knows either."

"She seemed to know at the airport," you tried to insist.

"But you left." Jisoo continued, and suddenly you realized what a mistake you had made. Your lips parted as you searched for some sort of justification, but Jisoo didn't need it. "You had to, y/n. Please, don't beat yourself up over it."

Your lips were set in a tight line, both guiltily and in a way where you were trying to not let your emotions overtake you. Your time being so irritatingly cut short, Jisoo's name was called. People were filling the seats and their performance would be starting soon. She looked back at you with a concerned smile, but you waved her off, telling her it was okay to go.

"It was nice to see you again," Jisoo said, "and don't worry. I won't tell Jennie."

You smiled in thanks before she left. As if on cue, Nara had appeared in front of you again. She wore a slightly confused expression.

"Was that Jisoo?"

You nodded, and she pouted her lips in surprise, eyes following the member as she rushed to her dressing room.

"Huh, I guess you were going to see the girls, you were right!" she said before returning to you with a smile. "Either way, are you going to watch from back here or do you have a place at the front?"

"I have a place, but it's not at the front."

Nara scoffed. "As if I'm gonna let you be anywhere but the front. Let me get you a badge that says you're allowed to be in the staff area, so you have a good view—"

"No, don't." You protested.

Nara knitted her eyebrows. "What? Why?"

"Just don't." You pleaded, the scene all too familiar to what happened in Osaka at the restaurant. "I think it'd be better if I was from afar, y'know, out of the girls' sight."

"I told you," Nara sighed, "no one is gonna report you. Especially the girls. They love you."

Love, maybe not anymore, you thought. "Just listen to me for once." You groaned. "Please, it's not just them. I don't want to see them, I can't—"

You took a deep sigh, and Nara nodded. "I can't have Jennie see me."

"Okay." Nara said. "I get it, of course. But go to your seat already, it's almost starting and ever since you left, I now have to go check on them."

Releasing a breath, you thanked her and affirmed that you would text her after the show was over to meet up. You watched as she rushed into their dressing room, though, and your heart skipped a beat when you saw the girl you'd been non stop missing for weeks standing in front of the mirror. She looked to be fixing herself, just one last time before the show to make sure everything was okay. You got a clear view of her face when she turned to Nara, who had asked her a question. You couldn't take your eyes away. She looked like a real leader as she nodded and confirmed everything with Nara. And she looked beautiful.

You could feel your feet twitching slightly. It wanted to walk right up to her. Suddenly you remembered how Jisoo said she didn't know how she felt about you since you left her at the airport, and the need to apologize increased tenfold. You took a step. What were you doing?

As if the universe was asking you the same question, its impatience wanting to snap you out of whatever trance it was, Jennie's eyes skipped over yours.

Your breath caught in your throat, and so did hers when she looked back to confirm what she thought she saw.

You stilled as a mix of emotions washed over her face. Surprise, first of all. Even if she had had some hope to see you another day, she wouldn't have imagined it really being at one of their stages. Hell, you figured she didn't even fully know you lived in Seoul.

Nara must've sensed her alarm as she turned her head to see what she was looking at too. She hadn't expected you to still be there, and when suddenly her face seemed alarmed as well and she looked back at Jennie, who had hesitantly moved a foot forward as if to walk towards you, you had finally walked away. Or, jogged away.

Whether that was a jerk move considering what you had felt guilty for in the first place or not, it didn't come to mind to you. As you got to your seat, you honestly wanted to go back just to tell Nara to move you to the higher sections. You weren't at the front, more the middle, but you thought that may be a little worse. Luckily it was dark, seeing as they were the last performance of the night, but you just hoped that she wouldn't see you again.

Loud conversation was happening all around you while you sat there, slightly anxious at what was to come. Surely your presence must've affected Jennie a bit. You saw it in her face, but you prayed it wouldn't affect her performance. Their performances in Seoul were important to Jennie, and the image of Blackpink in general, and you knew that.

It seemed to be a feeling you felt recurrently; the feeling of time slipping by you far quicker than you wanted it to. It was only a matter of time before the screen turned on and played the usual intro to any Blackpink performance, introducing the names of each of the members. Your ears were ringing from how loud it was and you could already feel the vibrations in your heart from the speakers.

That same heart fluttered when Jennie's face appeared, displayed largely on the screen and beautifully, her name soon following, plastered in bold white letters. The streak of blonde made her look innocent and cute, something that had long since been gone.

Slowly, the floor seemingly opened up as the girls rose from the ground, their figures posed fiercely and their expressions excited yet focused. To your relief, Jennie looked as she usually did in a performance, as if nothing could deter her. Not even you. You thought perhaps she had learned to believe in herself a little more. You hoped. You hoped there was still some good associated with you in her mind.

From the sound of the crowd cheering for them, you knew that the other groups who had performed before them mattered little to the people here. It was clear the large group of people you had seen when you first arrived had just come to see Blackpink. This was their show, and you could already see the girls feeding off of that energy.