《a silent cause》two
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The performance went perfectly.
The look in Jennie's eyes as she scanned the crowd at the end could be described as nothing less than exhilarating, both to her, and to you. Her energy from the very first line, as her voice boomed through the stadium with their tagline, was contagious. You meant it when you said she was special. The realization only hits you more with each new performance, but tonight was special. Tonight they won.
You weren't a crier. But when Jennie cried on stage and asked Jisoo to speak for her, you thought you might just become one. The effect spread throughout all the staff. Maybe you were the one who got to see Jennie in a calmer state— in a more open state— but everyone knew how hard she worked. Everyone knew how many more hours she put into practice than the other girls. It was almost excessive. Unhealthy. But you knew Jennie didn't regret it, especially as she walked backstage with the brightest smile you've ever seen on her face. That gummy smile was rare to see, but it was lovely when it came.
She bowed in thanks to everyone as they all congratulated her, giving gentle pats on the back and endless praises as she walked by. When Jennie's eyes met yours, her grin became impossibly wider, her eyes almost closing shut at how big it was. The happiness radiated off of her, and you were sure you looked like the proudest girl in the world.
You were surprised when she took your hand, dragging you through the halls of the building and up the stairs. You questioned where you were going but she didn't answer you, only tugging at you to quicken your steps. You instead turned your focus on not tripping and embarrassing yourself. Eventually, you reached your destination, which was on the roof. It was Winter, so it got darker early. It wasn't pitch black– more of a dark blue. Your favorite.
She pulled you to the edge of the roof and turned to you with a smaller smile, but with the same amount of joy held in it. You chuckled, "Not that I'm not happy to be up here, but is there a reason we're here? Alone? I mean, everyone's celebrating down ther-"
"I believed in myself."
You tilted your head, "What?"
"I believed in myself, just like you told me." She repeated. "I don't know if that's what made us win tonight.. but I did. And I wanted to thank you."
"Oh, of course, Jennie." You said sweetly. You gave her hand a squeeze. A natural motion, but you weren't exactly sure that was what you were supposed to do. She looked down at your hands, then gave you a look that told you it was okay before letting go of it. You missed the contact, even if she didn't lace her fingers with yours or anything like that, but you understood that though you were friends, you weren't really friends.
The both of you leaned on the railing just like you did at the hotel the night before. There was no weed this time, but the mood was even better. No stress. She was just enjoying it, and that's all you wanted.
"I took you here because I know you like it, by the way." She said softly. "It's your favorite time of the day. I see why. It looks pretty."
You felt your heart swell at the thought of her thinking of you like that. She could be celebrating with everyone else, but she made time for you. You tried to tell yourself it didn't mean anything, but the romantic in you felt what it felt. "Thank you."
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She hummed in response, and you two leaned there in silence for a few minutes. When you were younger, you had always gone outside when it was around this time. It changed as the seasons went by, but you always caught it. It helped you relax. The blueness of it calmed you. It was always your favorite color. Even as you stood here now, you felt like the stress of being successful and being perfect seemed to momentarily wash away as life took a pause. You hoped Jennie felt the same way.
Out of nowhere, a scoff slipped from her lips.
"I can't believe I cried." She muttered. You turned to face her to make sure she wasn't getting insecure about everything again, and thankfully she wasn't. Her cheek was pressed against her folded arms as she rested on them, looking at you contently. "That's so embarrassing."
You laughed lightly, "No it's not."
She shrugged.
"I almost cried too."
"Really?" She gasped, "I didn't take you for an emotional one."
"Yeah, neither did I." You chuckled. She lifted her head up, signaling for you to elaborate. "I dunno, I was just proud, I guess. I know how hard you work. I was even planning on getting you some weed tonight when I saw how stressed you were before the performance, but I think you're already high enough on happiness." She laughed softly at the comment. "That's all I want for you, you know."
She bit her lip, her eyes almost studying you. "I do know."
You nodded, "Good."
Jennie kept her eyes hard on you, and you realized just how intense her little staring contests were. They'd seemed to be happening a lot lately.. but then again, lots of big things were happening for her. She probably was feeling more emotional than usual. You couldn't help but feel sucked into it, too, your eyes searching for something in her own. You just didn't know what.
Her voice once again snapped you out of your trance. "You always talk about me when you talk about hard work." You nodded. "We all work hard, not just me."
"Yeah." You agreed. "You just work harder. It's not a bad thing."
Jennie opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. She knew it was true. "It's not that they don't care as much as me, y'know." You nodded. "They're just not as scared to lose it."
You frowned. "You won tonight, Jennie. I don't think you're gonna lose it anytime soon."
"Yeah, tonight it feels like I won't." She said, "But god knows it does every time I don't get a big victory like this, which is unrealistic, but hey... that's just how I've always been."
It made you sad, but you understood. "My dad was like that. He always believed something would go wrong whenever something good happened. Like he didn't deserve to be happy."
She nodded.
"I hate that I think these things." She sighed. "I'm really happy right now, trust me. I'm proud. But I wish I could just believe in myself all the time the way that I did tonight."
"I could give you that same pep talk every night, then." You joked.
She giggled, "That kinda speech is a one time thing."
"Why's that? I believe it every day."
Jennie rolled her eyes, "If you weren't working for me, you'd totally be trying to woo me right now, wouldn't you?"
You blushed at the implication of you wooing her, the unusual playfulness catching you completely off guard. You hoped the dark hid it as you kept your cool and shrugged. "Maybe."
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Too much?
"Naughty." She smiled.
No.
A strong breeze passed through, and the both of you shivered at the feeling. You felt stupid as you realized that she was still in her performance outfit while you were wrapped in a fluffy jacket and you didn't even offer it. You were quick to take it off your shoulders and place it over her, "Here. Take this."
"Oh, no, it's okay." She protested, but she didn't do anything to stop you. Once it was on her, she held it together with her two hands and breathed out cold air. "Thanks."
"It's all good. It's my job to take care of you." You assured her. "We should get back. Not to ruin the surprise but we prepared small gifts for you, and I think you'll like yours."
Jennie gasped happily at the mention of presents, "Why didn't you tell me that before?!"
"When would I have told you that? When you were being nice and telling me you brought me here because I liked the view?"
She laughed, "Okay, whatever, let's go!"
You let out the same genuine laugh as you watched her sprint down the stairs. You followed close behind, having no idea how you didn't trip once as you made it back. You lightly jogged over to where everyone was to see Jennie already unwrapping her goodie bag.
She squealed in delight when she took out the gift. Every bag was specialized to each member with mini gifts, and you knew she would be happy when she saw the Toy Story keychains.
She looked up at you and held them up for you to see, showing them off to you. You giggled at her happiness and nodded. "I'm glad you like it!" You said, your voice raised a little since many people were talking.
"Of course I like it! Who picked it out?" She asked, inspecting the keychains as if there was a little detail she missed.
"Uh, all of us did."
That was a lie. You did. Nobody knew what to get her because nobody really knew what she liked. It's not like you knew every single fact about her, but in one of your smoke sessions she had made a Toy Story reference so you assumed she liked it. Clearly and luckily, she did.
"Well, I love it." She put the keychains back in the bag and pulled out the next thing, which was a handwritten letter from all the staff. You hadn't been able to write a personal message which you hated. It had to be a general statement coming from all the team.. so all it said was "...Thank you, Miss Jennie for always working so hard. We wish you the best and congratulations... how sweet."
"You probably deserve more than that."
"I don't even care," she put the card back in the plastic bag and twisted it up. She wrapped the small band around it to seal it before handing it to you, which you took confusedly. "it was honestly sweeter than I would've expected from them."
"Hey, I'm part of the staff too!" You teased.
"Please," she scoffed, "you're not them."
You mentally scoffed at yourself. Were you really getting butterflies at that?
"So did you want me to take this back somewhere?" You gestured to the goodie bag.
"Yeah, just put it somewhere in my room if that's alright with you." You nodded, telling her it was fine. She smiled at you. "Thanks, y/n. I'm gonna go talk to the girls.. you can stay if you'd like."
"With you?" You asked. It was a genuine question, but Jennie seemed taken aback by it and you immediately felt embarrassed. "Uh, I just meant.. I thought that's what you meant but.."
"It's fine." She chuckled awkwardly. "I just meant you don't have to leave because I'm leaving. But, maybe another time, okay?"
"Uh, sure. See you, Jennie." You wanted to jump off the ends of the earth. It probably wasn't a big deal, but you felt like the biggest embarrassment ever. Now she was gonna think you were dying to hang out with her. And it's not like she was gonna actually invite you to a trip with them.. so you knew those were just pity words.
You mentally cursed Sana. She must've been the reason you were letting that small interaction eat you up. And speak of the devil, she stepped in front of you on your way to the elevators.
"Hey, y/n!" Sana greeted.
You sighed, "Sana."
"Woah." She laughed, eyes narrowed curiously at you. "What happened, sweetie?"
"You happened!" You exclaimed, then dropped your voice low so no one could hear. "You got me thinking about how I feel about Jennie... and now I'm overthinking small things with her! And it's gonna make me lose focus!"
"Oh my gosh, so you admit it!" Sana squealed while you rolled your eyes at her enthusiasm. This wasn't fun. "Oh come on, y/n, it's not the worst thing in the world. It makes moments prettier!"
"How does it make moments prettier if I have to keep myself at an arms length?"
"As if you keep yourself at an arms length. You get her weed-"
"Shush!"
Sana huffed. "Look, now that you're aware of your... very cute feelings.." it was your turn to huff. "..every time you're proud of her or happy for her it only intensifies it. Just like me with... y'know."
Spotting who 'y'know' was in the corner of your eye, you smirked. "With who?" You significantly raised your voice, "Dahyun?"
Sana was about to confirm but Dahyun quickly came over once she saw who said her name, wrapping her arms around you. You hugged her back, sticking your tongue out at Sana in the meantime, who was glaring at you.
"It's so nice to see you!" Dahyun cheered and pulled away. "Did you like our performance?"
"I loved it, you did great. All of you." You said truthfully.
"I'm glad," Dahyun nodded, then looked at the blonde girl in front of you. "what were you guys talking about? What about me?"
"Oh, I'll let Sana explain that one." Sana's eyes widened. "I have to go.. but I'll see you guys soon, okay?" You were already walking away as Dahyun waved at you and Sana begged you with her eyes to come back, but you were long gone as you turned the corner and the wall blocked her pleading stare.
When you got back to the hotel you were ready to head straight to your room and sleep. Then, you remembered you had to go to Jennie's room with her gift, so after sitting there contemplating if the trip was really worth it, you got off of your bed. As soon as you entered her room, you knew exactly which bed she slept in, due to it actually being made and the other one with the blankets all thrown around and twisted. You laughed at the recollection of Rosé trying to quietly scold Lisa for her messy habits though the whole staff heard since she was so irritated. She'd found Lisa's vibrator on the bathroom floor, so you weren't surprised that drew the line. It made you giggle a little more as you remembered her telling Lisa that she hoped she wasn't using it after leaving it around like that because of hygiene.
You set it down on the drawer next to her bed, and your eyes fell on the back of what looked like a photo booth strip. You knew you shouldn't touch her things, but your curiosity got the better of you and you flipped it over. It was indeed a photo booth strip; a set of four photos of her and the girls in each one, doing silly poses and faces together. She looked so happy and it made your heart pound. You were quickly coming to realize that if you ever needed your heart to start pumping again, all anyone had to do was get Jennie to smile, because boy did it get it going. And you also realized, not for the first time, that through all of this, what kept her going and grounded were her group mates. She loved them. That's why she felt so much responsibility and pressure, because it wasn't only her success, it was theirs. And you said it yourself, she loved hard.
You sighed and walked away from the picture, making sure to flip it over before leaving so it wasn't obvious you looked at it. But as you were nearing the door, you heard the sound of the key card being placed in the door, and the buzz signifying that it was opened. Your breath hitched as the door widened to show Jennie, but she screamed when she saw you.
"Oh my god!" She yelped, jumping back. She held her hand out to stop it from closing on her and you quickly grabbed the handle to hold it open. "You scared me, jesus christ!"
"Sorry." You said sheepishly. You knew she got easily scared, but there wasn't much you could do about it.
"It's fine." She exhaled, walking in and nodding at you to close the door. You were about to leave, but you did it anyway.
"What are you doing here so early? I just left like ten minutes ago." You asked.
"Actually, I came for you."
The tone obviously made it have a different meaning, but your brain still identified the double meaning that it could have.
"Oh?"
She laughed teasingly, "No, it wasn't because I changed my mind on your offer to stay with me."
You groaned, "Maybe we can forget about that?"
"Okay." she giggled. "But, I just wanted to return your jacket to you."
"Oh," you watched as she slid it down her back and off her arms before handing it to you. "you could've just done that tomorrow."
"Yeah, but I'm going out with the girls tonight and didn't wanna get it dirty." She shrugged, "And I didn't want to wake you late in the night either."
"Well, thank you." She hummed in acknowledgment. "Going out? Are you even allowed to do that?"
She shook her head, "Not after a certain time, but we'll be going past that anyway."
"Rebellious." You joked. "Sure you should be telling a staff member that?"
She leaned a hand against the drawer under the TV, a playful smirk on her face. "Aren't you the one who gets me weed, y/n?"
You chuckled, "Touché."
She laughed with you, and you both stood there in each other's company for a moment before you decided you had to go. It felt a little too comfortable being alone with her in her room. Like you could get used to it. And you didn't need that happening.
"Okay, well I should go." You said, and she nodded. She pushed herself off of the drawer and walked over to open the door for you. "Very chivalrous!"
She flipped her hair with a smile, "I just do what I do."
"Using my own words against me."
"That's usually said when it's in a situation you don't like." She said, "Me being chivalrous to you isn't one of those moments, is it?"
You stared at her with your mouth open for a second. "No, s'pose not."
Was she flirting? No, that would be crazy. You shook it off.. as it seemed you did many other feelings that night and walked out into the hallway. "Well you have fun tonight. And be safe." She nodded at your words. "And.. I guess call if you need anything."
She smiled at you, "Have a good sleep, y/n." Then she closed the door.
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