As a person who got used to my father's cold demeanor, I never thought that he'll be able to make that kind of expression. I know that in this life many things changed about him but loving someone is out of the question.

That's why seeing him like this... gave me a little fright.

In fact, it gave a bitter taste to my tongue. The fact that I can still remember his unreadable expression as he watches my death in my previous life... It still haunts me.

How can you give Gabriella that kind of expression?

It is warm...

So warm to make me believe that you're not the father that I used to know.

I can still remember the way you are in my previous life. I know that I shouldn't compare anything from this current timeline to my previous life, but I can't help but to do it.

Because you're not supposed to be like this.

"My Lady! What have you done?" Butler Jonas, my father's loyal butler told me as soon as he heard the news. "The news from the Imperial palace? Tell me that it's not true... You... you did not harm the Crown Princess again, do you?"

I quickly averted my gaze as I glanced at my shaky hands, I frustratingly grabbed my hair as I clutched my body in fear and guilt.

I'm so scared and I can't think straight. I always knew that I am not a kind person or a saint, I always knew that I am a terrible person trying to win someone else's heart. I hurt Cheska because of Ian...

...But how could I kill?

No... W-what have I done?

I'm so scared.

"Butler Jonas..." I mumbled in a shaky tone. "Will my father defend me if I killed someone?" I asked the most ridiculous question. "What will happen if I killed someone?"

I feel so pathetic, I am searching for a way to escape my gravest sin. Have I always been a terrible person?

Maybe this is the reason why people hated me since I was a child.

"My Lady...?" Butler Jonas responded in a dumbfounded tone. "W-what are you talking about?"

Was I wrong to pursue love?

The first person who showed me little kindness?

Perhaps I did it wrong? But no matter how much I wanted to reflect on it, I won't be able to change the outcome of my stupidity.

"Jonas... I killed a life," I mumbled in my shaky tone. Anyone who could hear it will notice the fear, and frustration in my voice. "Jonas... I killed a life. I killed a baby... JONAS I KILLED A BABY!" I shouted.

Someone told me that my life will be better if I hang on...

But it seems like even 'that' person is lying to me.

I'm scared.

I WAS SO SCARED!

And the only person that I can call 'Family'... I am hoping that can hold onto him just for once...

"That's right! Jonas, Father will help me, right?" I mumbled with an anxious tone. I desperately groped the Butler's clothes. "Father will help me, right? Jonas?"

But all that I received from Jonas was a frightened expression. I noticed how his body started to tremble as he placed both of his hands on my shoulders.

"My Lady... What have you done?" The Butler asked me. His voice was shaky and frightened, but I can hear the pity in his voice. "You harmed the Royal family... Even the Duke cannot..."

I pushed the Butler as I gritted my teeth.

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANTED TO HEAR, JONAS!" I shouted at him. "FATHER! My father... Will he get out me of this? I promise I will change; I will not harm anymore again. I-I can live in the Countryside if you want me to!"

"My Lady---"

"What do you think you are doing, Maria Eleonor?" A familiar frigid and harsh voice suddenly called me. Butler Jonas glanced at the person who was walking towards our direction. "Why did you harm the Royal Family?"

I don't know...

I was calling out for him...

But the moment I heard his voice, the moment that I heard his heavy footsteps. Instead of feeling relieved, I felt frightened.

Is it because I know that he won't be saving me?

"A-are you going to help me?" I asked him and I was shaking, anxiously waiting for his answer. "Will they punish me? Are you.... are you going to help me?"

Father remained silent for a moment.

He opened his mouth, but it looks like he was hesitating. It was my first time seeing him hesitating like that, my father was a very cold man, I can't tell if has any emotions in him...

But I only know that I've never seen him make any emotions.

I know that he cannot love anybody.

"The prince had already entered the duchy," My father mumbled in a low tone. "You have harmed the Royal family."

My legs wobbled as I hugged myself tightly, I glanced at my father once again. He was staring at me intently, I can't seem to understand what he was thinking.

This is it, right?

I am going to die.

I'm going to be punished, my head will be decapitated...

"This is your responsibility, Maria Eleonor. I have warned you about messing up with the Royal family. The King, Ayan, might not bat an eye about this issue, but the prince will be," My father told me.

"I'm going to die..." I mumbled.

Jonas who has silent after my father's arrival decided to finally step up. "What are we going to do, Your Grace? We cannot let this happen to My Lady..."

"I won't be able to do anything if the prince asked me for Maria Eleonor," Father cuts off the Butler. "

He suddenly turned back on me, as if stating that I had nothing to do with him anymore.

Tears fell into my eyes while watching my father to walk away from me.

In the end, he never really cared for me... just a little...

Even a little...

If you don't love me, then why did you even take me in?

You should've let me be killed with my mother...

I was about to lose hope when my father suddenly stopped walking. Father remained silent for a moment until he opened his mouth.

I don't what's the reason, but my father told me something that will leave me confused in this lifetime.

"There was a hidden tunnel in the kitchen that will take you outside of my duchy," He mumbled stiffly and coldly "You are on your own now."

•••••••••••

The moment that I heard that from my father, I immediately ran to the kitchen with Butler Jonas. I was desperate to save my life, I don't want to die.

I know that I made a grave sin for harming the royal family, and for killing a life, and I can't help but to feel guilt with every step I take to reach the kitchen, but...

I still want to live.

I am scared of dying...

I still want to live...

"I don't want to tolerate your wrongdoings, My Lady, but I cannot take to send to your end either," Jonas told me before handing me a case that was in his hand. "I am hoping that you'll live on the right path as soon as you leave the manor, Lady Maria. You are... On your own now..."

I stared at Butler Jonas who had a soft expression on his face. I can't help but to bite my lips as soon as I receive the case that he gave me.

When I opened it to look at what was inside the case, I teared up. What was inside was money, food, and the necessity that I needed to survive.

I was frustrated and angered.

"Why are you still kind to me?" I asked him as I clenched my fist. "You should curse at me... And hate me like my father."

Butler Jonas was one of the people who never saw me as a hateful being.

"Your father never hated you," Butler Jonas replied.

"If he didn't hate me, then why did I end up like this?" I asked him in resentment. "If he didn't hate me, then why was I hated by everyone? The man that I love? By everyone in this manor? By his people?"

Jonas took a deep sigh as he patted my shoulders. A sad smile appeared on his face.

"" Jonas mumbled. "He--- we always wanted to apologize for the hell that we brought upon you. If you can escape in this manor, you should never look back, go away and live with a different identity and forget everything bad that happened in this manor..."

"It will be hard to forget that I was a criminal," I mumbled as I turned my back on him.

My eyes went to the secret passage that on the kitchen before taking a gulp. With courage, I took a single step before glancing back at Butler Jonas who was watching me go away.

I closed my eyes as I continued to walk into that tunnel. I never looked back after that, I didn't dare to look back because I was scared of what will happen if I did. I just continued to walk away with this heavy guilt and fear inside of me.

I am a coward.

If I accepted the hand of that Lady... Can I change everything?

Can I change my terrible deeds? Can I change the terrible pain that I inflicted on Cheska and on the man that I loved?

If I took her hands, can I erase this guilt and disgust?

I regretted my decision on that day...

I should have accepted her hands...

"AH--" I shouted when I accidentally bumped into something. My body fell to the ground as the pain crawled to my body.

"Who the fu--- Who is this woman?" I suddenly heard a voice. I quietly raised my head as my body trembled in fear. "Do you know her Leonardo?"

Dark eyes...

Midnight...

This man resembles midnight.

"If my guess is correct, I think this is the daughter of the Duke," another voice replied to the man. A man with oceanic blue hair emerges from the darkness. "She's a criminal. The royalties were looking for this woman for accidentally killing the crown prince's child."

I alerted my senses and glared at the two males who were both looking at me. The man with black hair suddenly raised his brows.

"A criminal, there must be a bounty on her head," The man spoke with a smirk. "What a waste, she looks prettier than my sister."

"What are we going to do with her? Should we turn her in?"

The black-haired man glanced in my direction. I am scared that he might bring me back to the manor and turn me into Prince Ian, but his eyes were so clear, I was drawn into it.

The man stared intently at me before he avoided my gaze.

"No, don't mind her, and just continue walking. We are here to talk about business with the Duke, not to catch a prett-- a criminal," he said as he walked past to me. "And if we turn her in, we might get tangled with the royalties. I don't want that to happen."

Does he know my father?

What business are they talking about?

"I see... Your sister won't like that to happen," the blue-haired man said. "She doesn't show it, but she hated the king to the bones."

"I know," The man replied. "Anyway, what's the woman's name?"

"Woman's name, I beg your pardon?" The man named Leonardo asked confusedly.

The black-haired man pointed his fingers at me. "Her, I mean, what is her name?"

"Oh, it's Maria Eleonor--- wait, do you have a thing for criminals? I didn't know that your into this kind of kink..." Leonardo whispered which made me frown. "Or maybe she's just your type. She'll only bring you trouble tho.."

I gritted my teeth.

How dare this insolent...?

"Shut the f*ck up, I don't want your opinion," the black-haired man replied. He suddenly returned his gaze to me before raising his brows. "And you, Maria Eleonor was it?" he suddenly called me.

"What do you want?" I asked fiercely.

"Imperial guards have already surrounded this manor," the black-haired man told me. "If you want to escape, you should hurry."

"What do you mean? Are you trying to help me?" I asked as I stand up from the ground. "I don't know who you are but I don't need your help."

The black-haired man laughed in amusement. "I'm not helping you because I want to, Lady," he said with a smirk.

"You have a lot of pride, but to me, you look pitiful."

Pitiful?

"How dare you?!" I shouted in anger.

The man shook his head before shrugging his shoulder. "If I were you, I won't waste any time. Just hurry and escape if you don't want to regret it in this lifetime."

After saying that to me, the black-haired man continued to walk away with his companion. I watched him disappear with a dumbfounded look on my face.

You know...

I should have listened to the black-haired man. I should have hurried my way out of that place. I should've run away like a madman.

But perhaps it was all for the good. To repay for my sins, and to erase this guilt and fear in my chest.

Because I failed to escape.

And without any trials, I was sentenced to death.