"She's beautiful," Sarah cooed over her niece. Alessa is almost three months now. She's becoming more aware of people and her surroundings. I'm ready for her to be a big girl. I smiled at my goddaughter in her own world.

Ella is definitely a big girl now, she's crawling all around the nursery and using the toys and chair to help herself stand. She'll be one in a week and I can't wait for the extravagant party her mother will throw.

"She looks like your brother," I rolled my eyes. Of course she's beautiful.

"How're you guys?" She asked with concern written all over her face. I haven't spoken to her about anything so Alessandro must've confided in her.

"Good," I simply said. We had sex about a month ago and we haven't since. As a couple, we're good. Almost back to normal but me, I'm not okay. I just can't shake this depression. I'm at the stage where I'm acknowledging it. Some days I don't even want to feed Alessa, I'll pump into a bottle and have Dro do it. Some days I don't want to hold her because I get these flash backs and I can't stop thinking about that day.

"How're you?" She asked then sat in the rocking chair making faces at Alessa. Alessa's little hands tried to pinch at her face each time she got close to it. "You trying to pinch me mama?" Sarah laughed which made Alessa make a noise.

"Did she just try to laugh?" I asked with humor laced in my words.

"I believe so," Sarah smiled. "Don't ignore my question, how're you?"

I sighed. "I'm not okay," I answered honestly. I began telling her everything and watched as her facial expressions changed.

"He made you kill her?" Her nostrils flared.

"He gave me the option, Sarah. I could've said no but I grabbed his gun and told her I'll enjoy it," I shuddered at the memory.

"Grace," Sarah sighed.

A small smile appeared on my face and I began laughing. "Me killing her isn't the reason I'm depressed. I'm depressed because that bitch forced me into labor and tried to kill me. I'd kill her again, Sarah," her face twisted. "And I'm sorry if you knew her and she was a friend of yours, but I'll kill her again,"

"Grace," She sighed. "I understand why you did it and I don't hate you for it. I'm glad you did. I'm just shocked,"

"Grace," His deep voice called out, his accent laced my name.

"Yeah?" I looked up to see him standing in the doorway in normal clothing, not his usual suit and tie. "Where are you going?"

He nodded his head away from the door to let me know to follow him. "I'll be right back, Sarah," I excused myself as she played with the baby.

"Is everything okay?" I asked him as we got to the kitchen and he looked at me for about a minute. Is he going to say something or continue to search my face?

"I want you to meet someone," He slowly said and his hands rested on my lower back. A short woman appeared before me with a suit on. "This is Dr Kelly Montoya, she's a therapist and she's going to help talk about your postpartum,"

What the fuck?

"Who dah fuck yuh tink yuh be?" I asked in utter surprise. I'm so mad I couldn't even stop my patois from spewing out of my mouth. Why would he do this? Yes, it's kind to get me help but for one I have a guest and for two I'm not ready to talk to a complete stranger.

"Uh," Dro froze. "Babe, I'm trying to help you,"

"By doing this?" I gestured to the doctor standing in front of us. She shifted on her feet and I could clearly see she was uneasy. "I apologize for snapping but I'm not ready for this. You don't just spring this onto someone and think I'm just going to jump to the idea. I'll figure this out by myself. What's she going to do for me? What's she going to ask me that I haven't asked myself?"

"Baby," He calmly said. "Just try,"

"No," I simply said. I can see the frustration in his face but I quite frankly don't care. He could've talked to me about this but no he found someone that I don't even know if I want to talk to.

"It's okay, Mr. Colombo," The doctor interrupted with a smile. "Everyone heals at their own time, just let me know when you're ready Grace," She smiled at me and I just mugged her.

"Thank you Dr. Montoya," I walked away from them and back into the nursery.

Steam must've been blowing out of my ears because the minute I stepped foot in the room, Sarah had concern thrown across her face.

"Is everything ok?" She asked and I nodded.

"Just peachy," A sarcastic smile appeared on my face. "Your brother decided to ambush me with a therapist,"

"Grace, do you need one?" She asked me and I just shrugged. "Don't be so mad at him, he's doing it because he loves you. He wouldn't get the actual help if he felt like he could do it himself, I know being blindsided isn't cool but he's doing this for a reason please don't give up on him because of it,"

"I don't want to seem like I don't appreciate it but I'm not ready. What can she ask me about the situation that I haven't asked myself? Or spoken about already?" I sighed.

"He doesn't want to see you turn into harming yourself or even further. He's scared," She was cut off by her phone ringing. "Where the hell is my phone?"

I laughed at her but got down to help her find it. "Here, it's ya husband," I joked with her. I took Alessa out of her hands and placed her in the swing, definitely don't want a hand baby around here.

"Hey baby," She answered the phone after sticking her tongue out at me.

While she spoke on the phone I went to check on Rico. My baby is honestly so big now, he's such a big help. He'll bring diapers, wipes, changes of clothes to me when I'm changing her if I need the help. During her bath time he's always trying to help me and calm her down since she gets freaked out sometimes by the water. When she is awake, he tries to play with her and distract her from me making a bottle so she won't cry.

He's going to be turning 5 soon and that means school after the summer passes. We still have another two months until school starts but I'm already freaking out. He's been in preschool but this is school school. Alessandro wants him in a private school where he'll be safe and I agree but I feel bad that he won't get a normal child public school life because of the type of man I chose.

"Rico," I called out for him in his room.

"I'm in here," He called back from the back room. Dro has transform one of the bedrooms into a painting studio. The lighting in here is beautiful so I see why he did it. He loves to draw and paint and I love watching him do it and teach Rico his techniques.

"Why?" I called back and headed down the hallway to see him and Dro painting together. A smile appeared on my face. "I see why now," I walked over to him and kissed his cheek, his bright eyes glistening with happiness. This is all I ever wanted for my sweet boy, for him to be happy.

"What're you guys painting?" I asked them but Dro ignored me. Whatever.

"Just a sunflower field, since you love them so much," Rico responded to me. His painting wasn't bad at all, you can tell that young hands did the work but not the hands of a 4 year old.

"It's beautiful," I gave my honest answer then turned to Dro. "I'm sorry for yelling at you for trying to help me. I shouldn't have snapped, however I don't apologize for how I'm feeling about the situation,"

Alessandro looked at me but didn't say a word. "I know Grace and I'm sorry too," He finally said after we stared at each other for a few minutes. He's petty but I'm just as petty too.

"Seeing you like this is just scary to me," He put his paintbrush down and got up. He towered over me before taking my hands, walking me to the bathroom. "Rico doesn't need to hear this," He shut the door.

"Babe," I slowly said. What's he doing?

"My mother has four children and not three, when my mother visited from Italy the first you were upset that she mentioned something and I never told you. You've probably since then forgotten," He started off. My heart pounded because I don't know what he's about to say. What does he mean four children?

"I have a sister named Alessia, which is why I didn't want you to name Alessa, Alessa," He paused. "It pains me to think about her so I really try not to. She was the sweetest person you'd ever meet, she meditated, played instruments to orphanages, volunteered her time, she'd cook feasts and use our men to deliver the food to shelters. She was a complete saint," His face grew red the more he spoke.

"This life that we grew up in can become a lot. She suffered with depression, the sweetness of her was the genuine her but we've seen a lot, Grace. Especially her, she's been through some shit I can't even speak about to anyone. She took her own life due to it and the depression and that broke me more than anything. That's why I had to move in with my dad because I was a mess without her and the way I lost my sister," Tears poured out of his eyes like a river. I've never seen him cry so fast before, it's usually gradual with him and even then it's a rare occasion of him crying.

His body began to shake as tears poured down his face. I pulled him into me and squeezed him into the biggest hug I could imagine. Just hearing my man hurt makes me wanna cry and take away all his pain.

"Grace, I've lost so many women in my life that I loved. I won't lose you. I won't let your mind engulf you and one day your overdosed in the bath tub with slits down your wrist. I love you too much to see and image like that ever again. It scares me that I could lose you to and not at the hands of someone else, but at your own hands,"

I couldn't say a word. I could only hold him as he spoke and cried on me. For him to open up to me and cry on me, really weighed his words heavier on my heart than they already did.

"Baby," I didn't know what else to say. I cried with him, held him, rubbed his back. "I'm sorry baby,"

After about five minutes, he let me go and looked me in my eyes. "Grace, I will not lose you under any circumstances. If I had known you'd change my life like this I would've approached you years ago when I first saw you. I will do anything to protect you and my children, anything. Just please protect yourself for our family. You have to get your mind right,"

"Okay baby, okay," I nodded at him. He walked over to the sink and washed his face with cold water. "Dro," I called to him as he opened the bathroom door.

"I love you," I softly said and the familiar big grin appeared on his face.

"To amo piú di quanto tu possa mai sapere, mia Grazia," He smoothly said before stepping back into the room with Rico.

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