"Not in front of my son! Please!" I pleaded with Andre. Rico stood there quiet as a mouse watching his father pull me through the living room to the bedroom.

"Nasty ass bitch!" He began punching me and I tried to hit him back. He wrapped his large hands around my throat and squeezed. I couldn't breathe and I got light headed. My fist flashed out and tried hitting him. One of the hits must've worked because he let me go. Gasping for air and coughing, I slid down the wall. "Bitch look at me!" I looked up after he kicked me on my back. His nose is bleeding from my hit.

I rolled my eyes at him. "You're gonna respect me!" He started yelling and kicking my back and my stomach. "Where's my money?" He grabbed me by my hair and banged my head against the wall.

"Ahhhh!" I sobbed. It's sad to say that this isn't the worse I've gotten.

"Baby where's my money?" He yelled in my face. I tried to muster up energy to answer him but my throat croaked. "Take off these scrubs," he ordered and I did as he said.

"Turn around," he instructed and I cried. He thinks that I enjoy him having rough sex with me but I hate it even more than I hate him.

"My God," he groaned as he stroked me. I wanted to throw up at this. After he was done he pushed me against the wall. "I said no fucking friends!" He punched me repeatedly in my stomach then moved towards my face and I ducked and his fist went into the wall. Shit, now I have to pay to fix it.

"Why don't you love me, Grace?" He asked. "I gave you a kid, I give you good sex, why don't you love me?"

I didn't answer him because he's completely wrong. I love that he gave me a kid but I don't love him. I do everything! I pay 1600 dollars a month from the 2000 I get from being a CNA. I work at the club for extra money to pay for light, gas, water and things for Rico. Then thank God I have food stamps for groceries but I also send money back to my mother and siblings in Jamaican so they can live comfortably. I have no money left over for foolishness. But he takes it and buys drugs.

"Answer me!" He muttered in my ear but I didn't answer. I know I'm making it worse but I can't. "Fuck!" He yelled and began slapping my entire body and punching me everywhere. No where was off limits for him.

He went into my bag and took the only $40 I had left and stormed out the house. I crawled to the bathroom and as much as it pained me to stand up I did. According to my reflection in the mirror, my entire body is full of bruises. My body shook as I cried and tried to make it to the shower without falling.

"Mommy?" Rico asked through the cracked door.

"Yes baby?" I said and he came in.

"I love you, and think you pretty," he smiled at me and his blue eyes sparkled. He brings so much light into my life, he has no idea. He can't be around this anymore. I need to put his passport to use and send him to Jamaica to live with my mother. He's not in a positive environment and this can fuck his head up.

"I love you more," I kissed his cheek.

"No possible," he giggled.

"Don't put your dirty lips on my son," I heard Andre say. I quickly got out the shower that I was sitting in and wrapped a towel around me. "Sucking everyone in Brooklyn's dick and trying to kiss my damn son,"

"Andre I think he should go visit my mother," I said quietly.

"For what?" He turned around with white powder all over his nose. I picked up Rico and hugged him. He won't hit me with Rico in my arms.

"Just to visit," I shrugged. He stared at me for a while then nodded.

"Yeah, we need some alone time," he smirked. Ruffling Rico's head he left the apartment again. I don't know why and I don't really care.

"Mom?" I called. I haven't spoken to her in a year because Andre wouldn't allow it.

"If you didn't send me money, I would've thought you were dead," she sucked her teeth.

"Rico needs to stay with you for a while," I said to her and she made a noise.

"Fi wah?" She's obviously upset I haven't called her in a year.

"Mummy! Please now is not the time for bullshit!" I sighed after I yelled at her. If I was in her face she would've kicked me. "I'm sorry, I'm stressed. Please,"

"Your aunt is coming back tomorrow. If you can buy a ticket then sure," her thick accent showed as she spoke.

"Thank you, I love you," I hung up before she could say anything else. I know my mother hates Andre and she hates that I'm still with him but I can't hear the "I told you so" right now. Using my phone I bought a ticket for Rico, that's most of the money I had in my savings account but it's worth it.

"Wanna see grandma?" I asked and he cheered. "Go get your suitcase so we can pack clothes," he ran to his small room and I heard banging noise as he tried to get his small suitcase. I threw on a loose dress and headed to my sons room.

•

•

"I need you!" Andre yelled as I finished packing Rico stuff.

"My aunt will be here soon to get Rico. Can it wait?" I pleaded and he pushed me out of his way.

"Bitch," he spat at me and then muttered words in Spanish that I don't understand. Almost an hour later my aunt Claudette showed up at my door.

"What happened to-" I shut her up.

"Just take Rico and take care of him until you give him to my mom," I handed her his suitcase and him. "Here's my number," I handed her a paper.

"Mommy! I love you," Rico said in his sleep.

"Love you too baby," I began tearing up. I've never been away from my son before but I'm glad he's getting out of this environment. "Thank you auntie," she shook her head and left.

"Baby," Andre rubbed my butt and kissed my neck. None of this arouses me and none of this is going to make him different.

"Andre. I need to sleep so I can go to work," I pushed him away and headed to the room.

"Oh! But you let everyone else hit it?" He chuckled and kissed me. "Lets cuddle," we laid in bed together with his arm wrapped around my body. His breathing is shallow and his heart beat fast. That doesn't add up but that's what crack cocaine will do to you. I didn't sleep for the next two hours. I just laid there, my body got rest but my mind ran wild.

I got up and got ready for work. This time I had to wear a jumpsuit to cover the bruises on my legs and arms. Only problem is that my back is out but I'm hoping the dark scenery of the club will help with that.

"I'm leaving," I said to a sleeping Andre. It's now a routine. I used to take the bus before über became a thing then go to work, come home to cook and clean, get my ass beat, shower, sleep wake up and get ready for class/work. I don't know when I stopped fighting back but in a way I'm glad I did. Those were the worst beatings I've ever got in my life. Trust me I want to leave, I just can't.