It's been three days since Lacey died. It happened faster than any of us thought it would since she was only home a week, but it happened too slow for her. On her last day, each breath she took sounded agonizing. She was in more pain than she let on, but she never spoke. Lacey's eyes stayed shut and I wish I could believe she went in her sleep, but the truth is that I think she was too tired to open her eyes.

So since then, I've been following her instructions. Ruth and her parents have been going through the apartment and the boxes she'd packed up. Dean has taken full custody of Boo. Her body was taken away to be donated for medical science an hour after she died in her bed, surrounded by the people that love her.

It's all been going exactly the way she wanted it to.

The only thing left to do is deliver the letters she wrote for everyone.

Thus leading me to the current moment where I stand outside her apartment, waiting to go inside and hand her family her last words. Tessa is waiting patiently next to me because she knows it's better to say nothing and just be there.

I was supposed to wait three days to give them time to accept what happened. It coincidentally falls on the same day as her service. They wanted to have a small private one here for the people that knew her before her parents have a larger one back home. I don't know if I've even accepted what happened. When my dad died last year, it didn't register until Tessa and I had left the cemetery after the funeral. We were on our way home to our apartment and I couldn't breathe.

Now I wonder if that's what Lacey always felt like.

We worked late so many nights and I had no idea. I know that was the point because she didn't want anyone to know, but she worked so hard. I should have handled things differently after she came to me about Tessa's family company problems, and I'd take it back in an instant if I could.

"Gray we don't have to go in if you're not ready for this," Tessa says gently, taking my arm.

I shake my head and clutch the envelopes in my hand. I had to open and reseal Dean's to slip in the paper she gave me the day after the hospital let her come home.

"I'm fine. I can do this for her. It's the least I can do."

I open the door and walk in, immediately spotting Dean talking to Cassidy. Lacey's mom is in the kitchen preparing more food even though there's plenty on the counter. Her dad is talking to Ruth and her boyfriend. There's a few others milling around that I recognize from the party, including Linc.

They all look as good as one can expect.

Who do I approach first? The best friend, the boyfriend, the parents? I don't even know who Sam is. I left my letter at home; I haven't been able to bring myself to open it yet.

Tessa squeezes my arm tightly, "You got this. I'm going to go talk to Cassidy. I'm here if you need me."

I lean down slightly to kiss her forehead; she's so damn tall that it doesn't take much effort. It certainly saves my neck. "Thanks Bella."

I take in a deep breath before approaching her mom. Her letter's on top so it might be best to get the hardest one out of the way. This could really go either way. Every interaction we've had before this have not been pleasant. She needed to blame someone for what was happening with Lacey and she couldn't blame Lacey.

"Um, Mrs. Edwards, I know that I'm probably the last person you want to talk to. I'm so sorry for your loss. Lacey was...she was great; I wish I'd known her longer." I say softly, hoping to do this quietly.

She rests her hands on the counter and takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I haven't been very nice to you and all you were doing was what Lacey wanted. I'm sure it wasn't easy for you, especially with me fighting you the entire time. Thank you for everything you did for her," She glances over at me with a hint of a smile but a flood of sadness in her eyes.

"I understand. Please don't apologize. I can't imagine what the last few days have been like for you so please, don't. Lacey gave me this to give to you. She wrote it a few weeks ago, but I wasn't supposed to give it to you until now."

She gasps, seeing Lacey's loopy handwriting on the envelope as I hand it to her.

"This is from her? From Lacey?" I nod and to my complete shock, Mrs. Edwards hugs me. "Thank you."

"Is everything all right?" Mr. Edwards asks and Mrs. Edwards pulls away, smiling with tears in her eyes.

I shuffle through the short stack to find the envelope for him. "Sir, this is for you. I'm sorry for your loss. Lacey wanted you to have this."

He stares at it in shock before taking it for me. Mr. Edwards starts to laugh and shakes his head, "She really had everything planned out. Oh Lacey."

This is a moment for them and I silently excuse myself. It went better than I hoped and I look at the names of the people Lacey cared enough for to leave words when she couldn't speak them.

God this all sucks. Lacey should be here. It's not fair.

I've only talked to Ruth a few times and her boyfriend maybe once. I know Dean. I've been to family dinners with him and I've seen him grow from this immature kid to the kind of guy that stepped up when Lacey needed him.

I'll give Dean his later. I don't know what they said, but I do know how much Lacey cared for him. That much was evident. I keep replaying the conversation we had where I warned her about him.

I shrug, motioning for Lacey to follow me out of the office and to the elevator. "He's a nice guy, but I don't know much about him other than what Hayes has told me. Dean is a partier and a play boy of sorts. Just... be careful. You seem like a nice person so I'd hate for you to end up hurt."

She falls quiet until right before the elevator opens, "I think Dean just wants someone to notice him."

I don't quite know what to say after that because she could be right. I know that him and Maddox haven't had it easy. I get it because Jared's always been the golden boy. What if Dean feels the same way I always have when it comes to Jared?

"Ruth? Xavier? Could I talk to you for a minute in private?" I ask, noting the red surrounding her eyes. He looks tired and sad. Of course they're sad. Lacey was their family.

She nods and gets up, adjusting the dress she's wearing. "We can talk back here. Follow me."

We end up in Lacey's old bedroom. The rest of her stuff that Lacey hadn't already packed is in boxes, stacked in the corner. I can't help but stare at the empty bed, thinking of how Lacey was laying in it only a few days ago.

Ruth is staring at the bed too and Xavier rests a hand on her shoulder. I just need to rip the bandaid off. "These are for you."

"What?"

"Lacey left these for you. I don't know what's in it, but I do know that she left these for you." I say, handing the envelopes and Ruth's package over. "I have one for a Sam too, but I don't quite know who that is if you wouldn't mind passing it along?"

Ruth opens it quickly, and then looks at me in shock. "She did this?"

"She wanted you to be happy." It's simple, but the truth.

Xavier puts his into his pocket and after I hand it to them, it's none of my business what they choose to do with it. I'm just the messenger.

Ruth sits on the bed, reading the letter on the verge of tears and I leave the room without saying anything more. There's nothing I can say that will make them feel any better.

I feel like I'm the wrong person to be doing this and it's exhausting. I'm not even doing anything though. I'm just handing people letters. It shouldn't be this taxing, but it is.

I find Tessa who smiles when she sees me and I thank god that she's here with me. I wanted to come by myself, but she wouldn't let me. She's been such a blessing. There was a time where I used to think I was fine being by myself.

And then I met this tall dark haired beauty in a club and I took her home without knowing her name. Thank god.

She's talking to Dean who is holding a water bottle in his hand. It's good that he's not drinking. He needs to be sober for all of this.

"Hey guys," I say, wrapping an arm around Tessa's back. She leans into me, resting her hand on my chest. "How are you doing Dean?"

He forces a smile, "I'm doing alright. It's been a hard few days."

It feels wrong to be holding Tessa in front of him. Knowing that he just lost Lacey. I'm selfish though. I'm afraid of losing her because she's everything to me.

"I'm sorry. I know it all happened out of nowhere, but she cared for you."

He closes his eyes and shakes his head. "It's okay Grayson. You don't have to do this. The polite small talk. She loved working with you. We don't need to do this."

I reach into my pocket for the last of her letters. "No. You're right, we don't, but I need to give you this."

If Dean's confused, he doesn't say so. He just takes it and places it in his own pocket without saying another word. There's nothing left to say.

*********

"Let's have a baby."

I snap my head quickly to look at him from my seat to find Grayson staring at me with sadness on his face. He's been stressed. Marcie came back early because of how stressed he was. Gray didn't want to admit that he needed the help with Lacey being unable to work and Will had to call her because he wouldn't.

"What?"

He tucks my hair behind my cheek before resting his hand there, "Bella, I love you so much. I know we've talked about this and you don't want to, but please. Please do this for me."

I lift my hand up to rest it on his, "We don't have to decide this right now. You're hurting and going through a lot. That doesn't mean we should have a child. They require love and affection and time."

"We can do that all of that. You have one of the biggest hearts I know and you'll be a great mom."

"Gray, I have no doubt that we'd be great parents. I love our life and I love you. We don't have the time for a child, nor is this the time to make any decisions. This isn't about that; this is about Lacey. You shouldered her illness and kept it from everyone. That is going to crush you if you let it."

His face breaks before my eyes and he closes them as he drops his hand from my face. "I thought I was doing the right thing. What if she'd gone back to the hospital? The LVAD? She would have had more time to wait for a heart. I wanted to do what she wanted, but what if I didn't?"

Oh Grayson. "She picked you because she knew you would do what she wanted. I've been doing some research and she could have died years ago. Lacey lived a lot longer than nearly everyone with her condition does. You did the right thing."

"Then why do I feel so horrible?"

I wish we weren't in the car right now so I could hug him. "Because it sucks. It really, really sucks."

He takes a deep breath and leans back against his seat. His face is still as handsome as it was when I first met him. He's grown so much as a person though. When I met him he was angry and took the weight on his shoulders. Grayson's a fixer. We've had our problems, but we work through them all. He's great at fixing everything and everyone except himself...and now Lacey. Gray couldn't fix Lacey.

And then I ask him the question he asked me so long ago when I was at my lowest. "What do you need from me to make this better?"

"I need to know you're not going to leave me. Please stay, always." He says and I hold up my left hand where a thin and simple gold band sits on my ring finger.

"I'm not going anywhere. No matter what. I promise. This is that promise."

I know I've said the right thing because Grayson smiles over at me. "I remember when you used to run every time things got hard."

I shake my head and laugh because this is so not the time to bring up the way I used to react to hard situations. "We grew up. We're not the same people we were back then."

"No, we're not."

I rest my hand on his knee, "I know that nothing I say is going to take away what you're feeling right now. But please let me shoulder the weight you're putting on yourself. That's why we're married. Because we love each other."

"You're right. Thank you," Grayson says, starting the car. "Can we talk about kids for real? Not today, but soon?"

I look at him and I see a possibility I never thought I'd consider after everything that happened. "If you want one for the right reasons, then we can try." For Grayson I would. I'd do anything for the man that does everything for me.

His eyes are still sad, but I know the smile on his face is real. "Trying is the fun part, Bella."

"Let's go home."