"Which one is next?" I ask, taking a handful of popcorn as I look over at Ruth. Dean is asleep, yet is still holding onto me tightly. I think one of his love languages is touch because he's always holding onto me.

The last two days since I got home have been filled with movies. Well, movies and morphine. I giggle slightly at the thought of that becoming an ad campaign some day and Cassidy gives me a weird look from where she sits diagonal from us in the arm chair.

"It's up to you," Ruth says, passing the remote over to me.

We're watching a lot of older ones because they have a timeless feel to them. We just finished Sleepless in Seattle and I'm trying to think of other Meg Ryan movies. I've always wanted blonde hair like hers, but sadly I'm stuck with a mousy brown instead.

"What about When Harry Met Sally?" I ask, right as Boo sneaks up and steals a few pieces of popcorn from my hand. I sigh defeatedly and drop the popcorn onto the floor for him to eat.

Dean took him to meet with the potential adopter, but she decided that it wasn't going to be the right fit. I scratch him behind his left ear and his tail wags quickly.

"Sounds good to me." Cassidy says and I click start before leaning back into Dean.

His arms tighten around me again and he mumbles something in his sleep, or at least I think he's still asleep. For all I know, all my moving around could have woken him up, but he can sleep through almost anything. "Love you Lacey."

I raise my eyebrows in shock because he's never said those words before. It wasn't I love you, but kinda close if you think about it?

One look at Ruth tells me that she didn't hear anything so I can't ask her for confirmation.

Dean's been pretty great and has done his best to make this all normal. It's hard going anywhere when I'm more tired every hour and that I need to stay hooked up to the cannula. I got sent home with a portable one and an array of medicine for hospice.

But do I love Dean?

I feel... complete when I'm with him. Like everything is going to be okay. I've always felt that way around him and I certainly haven't always loved him. Dean's infuriating and so indecisive that I want to tear his head off sometimes.

Except I've never not been able to rely on him. He took care of me the one and only time I've been drunk, he's staying by my side through all of this. I can't think of a time since I've met him where he hasn't been there.

Dean makes sense. I think I do love him.

I trace circles on the back of Dean's hand as I try to focus on the movie. As much as I wanted to refuse taking the cannula home, it really does help me breathe easier. I still struggle to take deep breaths so I've resigned to more shallow breaths to support myself.

It's frustrating.

My parents are out getting groceries now to busy themselves. Ruth and Xavier are staying indefinitely, as are my parents. Xavier is in the kitchen working to keep up with what's going on at the office. Everyone in Bristol knew I was sick and that Ruth is practically my mom's other daughter so her work told her to take all the time she needed. I guess that's the perks of coming from a small town.

I'm being selfish thinking this but Dean's suspension from work really couldn't have come at a better time.

Mom has instructed that my phone be plugged in at all times and the ringer be at full volume so if a heart does become available, we'll know. I'm not holding out hope. Hope is dangerous and I've accepted it. They haven't yet.

I've been so tired, but I'm terrified to sleep because what if I close my eyes and then I never open them again. Usually the point of exhaustion wins over when it comes to sleep.

The drugs make me loopy and I'd rather not take them so after much discussion, Mom has agreed to give me a lower dosage until I go further downhill.

"Lace? You okay?" Ruth asks and I look at her confused.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

She shakes her head, "I couldn't tell if you were breathing or not."

Oh. "Sorry, I didn't realize."

"Do you still want to watch the movie?" Cassidy asks and I look at the screen, realizing that we're already thirty minutes into it and I haven't paid attention one bit. Had I really zoned out for that long?

"Why don't we make cookies instead?" I suggest, needing to do something more than lay on this couch. Yes, I'm in Dean's arms which makes the scenario better, but still.

I'm not dead yet.

I move his arms, but he fights me even in his sleep. I turn and poke Dean's cheek a few times before he opens his eyes partially. "Yes?" He asks sleepily.

"We're making cookies and I need you to let me go so I can get up."

He smiles and tightens his grip slightly, "What if I don't want to let you go?"

"Dean let the girl get up. Maybe she has to go to the bathroom and doesn't want to tell you," Cassidy suggests and I start to laugh because it works.

I start to follow but I start to get dizzy so I lower myself back to the couch for a moment before trying again. Dean rests his hand on my arm to try and help me but I don't want help. I can get up and go to the kitchen all on my own. I pull my arm away from him as I walk slowly to the kitchen, wheeling my oxygen tank behind me.

When Dr. Odell told me the percentage my heart was functioning at, I stupidly still thought I could move around like I did before.

The truth is that I can't.

I sit at the counter as Ruth and Cassidy chat like they've known each other their entire lives. Cassidy doesn't mention Maddox at all, not that I'm surprised. She does seem to be doing better though. More calm and steady. Dean was right; she just needed more time.

I wasn't quite sure after everything that happened after Maddox's time in the hospital. I'm glad that he was right though.

That makes me feel better. Everyone will all be fine with time. Some might need more than others but with time, everything will be okay. I have to believe in that.

I pull my cardigan around me as I shudder, getting the chills. Dean shoos Cassidy out of the way because she apparently isn't measuring the sugar correctly. Whatever that means at least. I thought she was doing fine.

Ruth laughs and throws a dash of flour at Dean. I smile watching them all interact with each other. They designate me the taste tester and even though I don't have much of an appetite, I still eat the small bites they give me.

I'm glad to be home.

Home is where the heart is and my heart is here with all the people in this room.

*********

I smile into the kiss as my knees hit the back of the bed and Dean lowers me back onto the bed. I slip my cannula off and he frowns, "Leave it on, please."

I roll my eyes and throw it on the floor, "It'll only get in the way. I'll be fine if you're kissing me." He hesitates and I shake my head. "You promised me normalcy. That stupid cannula is not normal."

"You'll tell me if you need to stop right?"

Absolutely not. "Yes."

Dean doesn't believe me one bit, but leans over and kisses me anyway. I pull him closer, feeling his lips move slowly against mine.

Perfect synchronization.

I regrettably have to take a breather, much sooner than I'd like. But I don't let him ask if I'm okay before I kiss him again. I twist my fingers through his hair as Dean slips his warm hands under my shirt.

Dean pulls away to lift his shirt off, except when I touch his chest, he flinches. "Damn Lace, your hands are freezing."

I smile weakly fighting the urge to cough, "Well you're burning up. Opposites attract," I joke, not wanting to discuss the reason my hands are cold is because of the poor circulation.

"Yin and yang," Dean says, referring to the gift he got me and grips my hip, slanting his mouth over mine. I'll never get enough of this. We stay like that for a while, just exploring each other in depth. It's not rushed and it's not slow. It's comfortable.

I wasted so much time thinking that we were just friends. Friends don't look at each other the way Dean and I do. My only regret in all of this is that I wasted the time I had with him.

The next break I get is when Dean pulls away to catch his own breath and presses his forehead against mine, breathing heavily.

I have to pull away almost immediately, turning my head the other direction. I need to cough and I'd rather not do it straight into his face.

My coughing fit lasts close to a minute and in the middle I roll over so he can't see. I don't want Dean to remember me like this. God, I just want to kiss him without coughing my lungs out. I want to have sex with my boyfriend and not have to take into consideration that my heart will fail in the middle of it.

"I'm sorry," I wheeze, trying to catch my breath. Dean rubs my back and hands me the goddamn cannula. I know I need it, I just thought I'd make it longer than ten minutes.

"Don't apologize. It's okay."

I'm not sure if hearing Dean tell me that it's okay I can't be with him the way I want to be with him is the reason I start to cry, but I can't stop the onslaught of tears that escape once I've started. "It's not okay. None of this is okay. It's so fucking unfair," I whisper and Dean pulls me into him.

"Lacey you need to breathe. I know this is unfair and I'm so sorry." He says and I feel my chest constrict.

"I know I need to breathe. I just can't. I don't want to leave you and I don't want to leave Ruth or my parents. I want to stop living in fear of when I'm going to die."

Dean strokes my hair and I pull the cannula out because it's not doing me any good with a stuffy nose. "I wish there was something I could do or say that would make this better."

"You can't. It sucks and I'm trying so hard to be positive and upbeat about all of this, but I'm so tired. I'm so tired and I'm so afraid that if I let myself go to sleep then I'm not going to wake up. I'll just be drifting into oblivion forever. Dean, I'm so tired of hanging on." I admit and I feel something wet hit my neck. He's crying for me.

"When it's the right time, don't be afraid. You don't need to hang on anymore." His voice is thick and shaky. I hate this so much. I try to pull away as I start coughing again, mainly because of how much I've worked myself up, but Dean holds me tight to him. He's not going anywhere. That's what that tells me.

I have nothing to lose. Today was my last good day or maybe my birthday was. Regardless of which day it was, Dean made it okay. You never know it's the end until it is.

"Thank you for giving me the best last good day I could have asked for. I know it's cruel to say this, but I-I love you. Thank you."

"I love you too Lacey. Anything for you." He says, and I smile as the tears run down my cheeks and my lungs struggle more with each breath. "I'd do anything for you. I know it's crazy, but I think you're my one in a million. I never saw you coming and I wish I'd found you a long time ago. It's okay Lacey. It's okay."

I was wrong before.

Th-This is what the end looks like.