First, I was confused. Then, I was afraid. I don't want to lose my best friend because of a stupid kiss. Now, I'm angry.

"Dean, I swear to god if you don't open this door, I'm going to call the bloody fire department to break this door down. I have your Lieutenant's phone number and he will come open this for me." I yell, knocking incessantly on the door.

This is why you don't have guy friends. Sure, you can be physically attracted to them, but that doesn't mean you're going to kiss them. Kissing ruins friendships. The friendship he was clear all he wanted.

Men suck.

"Dean!"

I'm pretty sure his neighbors think I'm a crazy lady, knocking on his door at nine p.m. on a Friday night. Except I know he's home and ignoring me. He's been off shift since this morning so he can't even use the excuse that he's exhausted. I know him well enough that he would have slept all day. There's a chance that Dean is at the bar, but odds are he's here.

Cassidy has been doing her best to be Switzerland, but I never told her what actually happened and she never asked. Dean probably told her, yet I also know that he's great at keeping secrets.

"Yo-You asshole," I swear and the door finally opens to reveal a half-naked Linc.

"Who is an asshole?" He asks quite confused and I storm past him.

"Your roommate is an asshole."

I walk quickly across the apartment, ignoring the fatigue I feel from all the knocking, yelling, and now this. Fatigue doesn't get to control my anger right now. "What the fuck is wrong with you," I say, opening Dean's bedroom door with zero hesitation.

Probably would have been a good idea to hesitate because he just got out of the shower and has a towel tied hanging very low on his hips. "What are you doing here?" He asks in shock. Don't look, stay on track, yell at him!

"I'm here because you don't just get to kiss me and blow me off! You jackass!" I yell, firmly putting my hands on my hips.

"Can I have a second to get dressed before we hash this out?"

"No. Maybe I would have given you a second to get dressed if it hasn't almost been a fucking week since we've spoken or even seen each other."

He looks at me and shakes his head, "Suit yourself. Enjoy the view."

"Excuse me?" I ask dumbly and then he drops his towel to get dressed. "Dean what the hell!" I exclaim, covering my eyes quickly with my hands. Didn't exactly plan on seeing Dean in the nude tonight.

"You were the one that said you weren't going to give me a chance to get dressed. Deal with the consequences."

My jaw drops because all I do is deal with consequences. I do nothing else, he just has no idea. "You are a literal child," I grumble waiting until I'm certain he has to be dressed.

"Really? Who is the one barging into rooms without knocking?" Dean asks, pulling a shirt over his head.

"Because you're an asshole who thinks it's okay to kiss someone and then avoid them like the plague until they barge into a room without knocking. Maybe I would have knocked if I thought you'd answer the door."

"Will you stop cursing at me?"

"Will you stop fucking avoiding me?"

I honestly cannot remember the last time I was this angry at someone. Maybe I haven't ever been this angry before. I also don't think I've ever swore this much in a ten minute span. I watch how Dean's jaw clenches, "Lacey what do you want me to say?"

What do I want him to say?

I take a short breath, "I want you to explain. You can't just say that you don't want to be my best friend and then kiss me out of nowhere. Zero explanation was given when you fucking walked out the front door of my apartment."

"Why don't we talk about how you kissed me back? Or is that why you're so pissed? Because you wanted me to kiss you and you're afraid of that." He says matter of factly and I run my hands down my face.

"Of course I'm afraid Dean. Your nickname at the station is Barbie. You have a revolving door of girls that like to throw themselves at you! Hell I was one of those girls! How do I know that I'm not going to be another notch on the bed post if I want you to kiss me which is a very big if." I stare at him refusing to back down like he thinks I'm going to. Even after his face changes into something resembling regret.

"If you're so worried about that then why are you here?" Dean asks somberly and I think my head is going to explode.

What a disaster this is. "I don't think I should be here. I've got enough shit going on in my own life to have to worry about my supposed best friend kissing me." Shouldn't have said that; too late.

Hurt flashes over his face, "Don't call me that. I can't be your best friend. I don't know how to just be your friend Lace."

"And I don't know what to tell you. You were seeing Paige up until two weeks ago and I'm seeing Chase now. You're going to have to fucking get over it if you want me in your life."

Maybe it's best if I leave and never see him again. I'll save him the misery of watching me die.

I take a long look at him sitting on the edge of his bed, waiting for him to tell me differently. That he can get over it. That whatever he's feeling can disappear. I need it to disappear because I can't feel for him the way I think I can feel for him. It will break my heart into pieces if I start to love Dean.

The only road it leads to is pain.

He deserves to not have anyone else leave him.

I turn away from Dean, ready to leave. This is for the best.

And then the door is shut before I can completely open it and I'm pressed hard against the door. Dean's hands are on both sides of my head, trapping me in. "Don't ever tell me to fucking get over it again. There is no getting over you because you've bulldozed through every wall I've tried to put up. I figured out that I couldn't wholly be with Paige because you see me. I thought Paige saw me, I really did. But Lacey, you see me in a way that no one has ever. I can't fucking get over this and it's not fair of you to ask me to."

At this close proximity, I can see the honesty in his face. He means every word of what he's saying. Those words are exactly why I should walk out the door. But they're exactly why I stay.

Life chances. That's what Grayson called it.

Dean's eyes search my face looking for any inch of reciprocation. A sign to tell him how I'm feeling and what's going on in my head.

I lick my lips, almost relishing in the way it captures his attention, "I hate it when you do that."

His eyebrows knit in confusion, "Do what?"

All my adrenaline from how pissed I was at Dean has dissolved, "You like to study my face. It's like you want to see everything going on inside my head. I hate that."

"I'm sorry you hate it, but I don't think I could ever stop looking at you. Lacey Edwards the enigma." His voice falls to a whisper and if I weren't so close to him, I wouldn't have heard it. "My enigma."

I surprise myself by bringing my hand up to caress his cheek before dropping it to rest on his chest, "Dean."

He leans forward and gently brushes his lips over mine in a teasing manner and he might as well have stolen all the air out of my lungs. I can't think straight. My knees feel weak and I'm glad I'm leaning against the door so I don't fall.

I angle my head upwards to fully capture his addicting lips. Life chances. Dean is a once in a lifetime chance.

And then he stops, pulling away with a smirk. I can't help but pout because I kind of really would like to keep kissing him.

"This might not be the right time but I kinda miss our dog." He admits, smiling easily and I can't help but laugh.

"Well maybe if you hadn't avoided me all week, you would have gotten to see him," I say, completely aware of the position we're still in.

His eyes grow sad and I don't like seeing it. "I avoided you so you could be with Chase. I told him to go for you because I was too stupid to see what's in front of me. He likes you a lot," Dean says and it starts to make more sense to me. He was avoiding me so I could try to make it work with Chase.

"And how do you feel?"

"I would like to think I've made that crystal clear."

The weight I've felt on my shoulders all week is slowly lifting, but the weight on my heart has stayed. I need to talk to Chase. We're not dating, but it's something he deserves.

"I think you should try again. I don't think I got the message the first time."

Dean smirks and takes his sweet time before kissing me again. Totally worth the wait.

*********

The wind is billowing my hair around me. I came back to get the clarity this place gave me the first time. The sun is slowing appearing beneath the horizon and I pull my phone out of my pocket.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, especially after everything with Dean and Chase. Grayson's advice was good, but he can't speak from experience.

I pull up Sam's contact and press call before I can chicken out. I know it's early, but I'm going to take a chance that he's awake. Sam might be a little angry I'm calling this early, but I don't know if I could have worked up the courage any other time.

The line clicks open and Sam's groggy voice comes through, "Hello?"

"Hey Sam," I say, shifting my feet as I watch the city slowly start to become alive before my eyes.

"Lacey?"

I chuckle hesitantly, "Yeah. It's me. How are you?"

"It's literally six thirty in the morning. Why are you calling me this early?"

"I wanted to talk to you. Ruth told me that you've been asking about me. I guess I just wanted to talk to you." I say, starting to think this was a bad idea.

I hear some shuffling on the other end and then a sigh. "Are you okay?"

"Yes. Well, no. It's all quite confusing right now. I need a transplant and I'm probably not going to get one. And this is the real kicker that will make you laugh. Maybe not laugh but it's the dumbest thing I could have done. I'm falling for a guy that's perfect for me. I haven't told him either." I breathe out, pouring my heart out to Sam who has always gotten it. He's not Ruth, but he's known me since freshman year of high school when he moved to Bristol.

"Lacey-"

"No Sam. This sucks so incredibly much. I know it's not fair of me to call and tell you all this. We haven't spoken since we broke up last summer. But how did you do it? Date me even though I'm dying."

"It was hard. You're such a bright and captivating person that I couldn't help but be around you. You drew me into the orbit of your life from the second you sat next to me in Geometry. I thought letting you go would make it easier, but I regret not trying to be friends with you again."

A broken laugh escapes from me when I think of the gangly kid with glasses too big for his face sitting in the back of Mr. Levi's classroom. "We were never not friends. I just distanced myself because I thought it was what you needed. I was hurt when we broke up, but it was for the best."

"I'm sorry. How long do you have?"

The sun's a little higher in the sky, casting pink and orange tones over the horizon. It's a truly beautiful sight. "I've got a little less than three months at the most. You have nothing to be sorry for. I understood. I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to be with Dean because it feels cruel."

Sam yawns on the other end, "No one knows how to do it. You're doing the best you can. That's all you can do."

I run a hand over my face, brushing my hair out of my face. "Do you wish you never knew? Would it have been easier to not know?"

He falls silent for so long, I almost think he fell back asleep. It is early after all. "Sam?"

"Hold on, I'm thinking. This isn't a simple question you're asking and it also happens to be really early in the morning."

"Okay."

I stand up from the bench I've been sitting on to stand closer to the fenced in edge. It's really beautiful up here. Dean was right. All my problems seem so insignificant.

"Let him enjoy it. I don't regret our relationship, nor do I regret knowing, but it always felt like there was a guillotine hanging over your head. It was scary. Don't tell him yet and let him enjoy it for the time being. You should enjoy it too. I know you loved me in some way, but you never talked about me the way that you're talking about him. Let yourself feel everything you need to feel with him. You deserve to be happy."

I absorb everything he's saying. I did love Sam, but it was always more as a friend. "Life chances," I murmur because I can't get it out of my mind. The thing I absolutely never ever wanted to cross of my bucket list was falling in love. Dean is my once in a life-time chance.

"Huh?"

I shake my head seeing the sun make it's appearance over one of the other skyscrapers, "Something that one of my friends here told me. I do have a favor to ask you if you don't mind."

"Anything."

My eyes hurt from staring at the sun for so long, "Check on Ruth every now and then after. She is going to need people in her corner."

"I've always been in both of your corners. That hasn't changed. It was good to hear from you and I hope I helped."

I smile at the art in the sky, "You did. Thank you Sam."

"Goodbye Lacey."

"Goodbye," I whisper, knowing this is probably the last time I'll talk to him.