"We can take a break if you need to," Grayson says after the coughing fit I just recovered from. It's been growing more persistent.

I shake my head, "No. I can't keep putting it off. I need to get this done. What's next."

He glances down at the paper, "Who would you like to appoint for your power of attorney?"

I've thought a lot about this. My mom could never do whatever needs to be done and I'd hate to put her in that position. Ruth would feel guilty if any decisions were up to her; I don't trust any of my friends from back home to make the right call either. "I'd like it to be you. It's pretty simple. I don't want any surgeries or operations of any kind. I just need you to advocate for me."

Grayson makes a note of that and passes it towards me to be initialed. I sign the little box next to it and hand it back to him. "Do you want any of the following kinds of end of life care? Ventilation, resuscitation-"

"No. None of it. When I'm done, it's over."

"Are you sure?" He asks hesitating before checking the box on the piece of paper that dictates everything after I die.

"Yes. I want my body to go to medical research too. My condition is rare and if there's anything that can be learned from me living this long then I want to help other people."

The sympathetic look Grayson has on his face is okay. It's the same look I got from my parents after they went back to Bristol.

He clears his throat and looks back down at the paper, "We need to discuss what you want to have happen after. Your apartment, any assets you might have, wishes you have for how things are handled."

My fingers play with the curls at the base of his head and I realize how soft they are. Dean's mouth is moving against mine hurriedly and I'm struggling to keep up.

"I wrote these out and the names are on the envelopes if you wouldn't mind getting them to who they belong to." I say, reaching into my bag and pulling out a short stack of envelopes. Mom, Dad, Ruth, Xavier, Sam, Dean, and there's one for Grayson too. "They're not to be read until after I-I'm dead."

There's another packet for Ruth that I pull out entailing all the details and instructions for the bucket list, along with enough money inside to cover everything. I've been putting away money for years; a dollar here and five dollars there. After I started working for Gray, I had more than enough to cover my rent and to put more away at a time than I did working at the diner.

"I don't have much, but I want everything I have left to cover a service and medical bills. I had a short term lease that was set to expire in September. Cassidy can have it if she wants it."

His lips are everywhere and like a drug; I can't get enough. My hands start unbuttoning the top of his shirt, feeling the warmth of his skin seep through the coldness that always surrounds my hands. This is better than I imagined when I first met Dean. He's really good at this.

"I think that covers everything." Grayson says softly, signing the bottom of each of the papers dictating how things are going to go. I've always known that everyone else's lives were going to go on after me, it's just never felt as real as it does right now.

I reach across the desk and rest my hand on top of his. "Thank you for helping me with this. I know it's not an easy thing to deal with, but I appreciate it. I also know that there's a lot going on and what not with Tessa's family's company, and you still took the time to help me."

He smiles at me, "Of course I'd help you regardless of what else is going on. It's not an easy thing to think about because I've really enjoyed getting to know you. You're a great person and I'm sorry that this is happening to you. You're also Dean's best friend and that makes you family."

I feel tears start to collect in my eyes because it does suck. What hurts even more is knowing that they consider me family and how I'm going to leave them all behind. And Dean? I don't even know where we stand.

I'm leaning against a wall with one leg hooked over his hip, my dress is getting pushed up in the process. My hands are clutching at every piece he's letting me have of him and he's tracing the length of my jaw with his lips. "Dean," I whisper, trying to wrangle my thoughts into a functioning sentence.

He silences me again by pressing his lips against mine again.

And again.

And again.

This is good. This is really good. Better than Chase. Chase. Oh my god. Oh my fucking god. Chase.

"If you ever need anything, please let me know. Time off, someone to talk to, anything Lacey." Grayson says firmly and it causes me to laugh.

"I will. Thank you."

I push him off, stumbling as I become untangled from him. Dean's shirt is hanging open from where I unbuttoned it and I stare at him with open eyes, covering my mouth in horror. "Oh my god."

He runs his hands through his hair, closing his eyes and turning away from me. "Fuck."

"W-Why did you kiss me?" I ask, feeling how swollen they are and I attempt to fix the way my dress lays. It's a dumb question. The better one should be why was I kissing him back?

He shakes his head quickly, "This didn't happen."

I don't know how to pretend this didn't just happen. "So what? I'm supposed to lie to Chase?" Did I just cheat on him? Can it be cheating if we aren't dating? Just seeing each other?

"I don't know. I have to go." He says, scrambling to grab his jacket from where he took it off earlier.

"Are you doing alright? I mean it obviously isn't a great time, but how are you doing with all... of this?" He says, motioning awkwardly with his hands.

I pick at the cuticle of my thumb, "It depends on the day. Some are harder than most physically and mentally. I've always known that this is inevitable. It just sucks thinking of all the people I'm going to leave behind." I worry about Dean. A lot. It's crazy how close you can get to someone in such a short amount of time. I'm not quite as worried about Ruth since we've always known this would happen. But I'm worried about Dean.

"Have you thought about talking to someone? It could make it easier?" He suggests and I smile because he's trying to help. I know that.

"I saw someone in high school. Mixing an angsty teenager and a life threatening condition leads to quite the hormonal mess. It helped for a bit and my therapist helped me understand that I can't control it so I should live every day like it's my last."

Grayson smiles, "How did that go?"

"Well about as well as one can expect when a teenager has their own credit card and is told to live every day like it's their last. I maxed out the credit card on a shopping trip to Nashville with my best friend when we skipped school." I admit laughing and Grayson looks at me in shock.

"My parents would have killed me," He says in disbelief.

I shrug, smiling at the memory of how fun that day was before I got home and had to face the consequences. "Oh mine wanted to. I had to take everything back the next day and then the credit card was taken away from me."

"As it should have been!"

I sink to the floor for the second time tonight at the exact same time the door shuts behind Dean. What just happened? No. This wasn't supposed to happen. Dean and I are not supposed to happen. He's not in the right head space and I shouldn't even be considering having a relationship right now. I'm on the last chunk of my hourglass and I'm kinda sorta with Chase which is cruel to him in a different way.

"What can I say? My parents think I walk on water and I honestly think I can say that was the last time we fought. Other than when I wanted to move to New York." I say softly, "They weren't too pleased with that."

Grayson leans back in his chair, "Why did you come here? My family and I don't have the best relationship, but if I were on my..." He trails off unable to say it, "I um, I'd want to be home with friends and family."

I glance at my lap because he's right. I should be home with them. It was selfish of me to leave. I've been pretty selfish lately. "I don't know. I thought it would make it easier on everyone. Help them learn to move on. My best friend got into an Ivy League our senior year of high school and my health plummeted and she deferred for a year incase things went badly. When it was time for her to go, I had my first heart attack. Ruth went to the local community college and never left Bristol. She's happy, but there's all those missed chances. My parents have given up so much too."

He looks at me with what I think is... respect. I can't tell though. I'm not the master at reading people, that appears to be a Benson trait. "Instead of thinking it as them losing chances, think of it as them being afraid to lose life chances with you. You have people that love you."

I rub my forehead and look out the window in Gray's office. "I think it'd be easier if no one loved me. Then I wouldn't worry so much." I can't look at him after admitting this because it's not an easy thing to say. How funny is it that I've been more honest with Grayson than I have in years with anyone else. I hear him get out of the chair and I look at him in confusion as he pulls me up and into his chest for a hug.

I stand there awkwardly for a moment trying to figure out what to do and Grayson laughs subtly, "It's a hug Lacey. Stop thinking so much and hug me back."

I let out my own laugh and I wrap my arms around his torso. It's kind of weird being this close to Grayson. He's my boss but also my friend. "Thank you."

He steps back releasing me, "Stop thanking me. Seriously. It's the least I can do, I've been running you around like a work horse the past few months without any idea you were sick."

I shrug, "That's kind of the point. It won't be like that for long though. Don't worry about it, life's too short."

"It's definitely too short," He agrees and I start to turn away to leave his office.

However, the question that's been haunting me for weeks bubbles to the surface, "Grayson?" I should be asking about telling Chase, except he's not the one constantly on my mind.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think I'm doing the right thing? By not telling Dean?"

"I know you and Dean aren't together, but I think he loves you in the best way he knows how to. Other than you, Cassidy and Sephine are the only people he's actually let close to him. The choice is yours Lacey, but if it were Tessa, I'd want to know."