《What The End Looks Like | ✓》14: lacey

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Dean had woken me up when he and Linc had to go to work. It was a good thing they did because I needed to get home to say goodbye to Ruth before she left. On top of that, I still had to go to work today. However, I would have preferred they didn't wake me up at two a.m. but it was nice to sleep in my own bed after all the puking I did.

I've been avoiding thinking about last night because I know I said some very questionable things to Dean, not to mention he saw my scar which opens up Pandora's box. Oh and I threw up in front of the guy after he saw me in only jeans and a bra. Why the hell do people drink for fun?

Ruth was in better spirits before she left which I couldn't say for myself thanks to the tremendous hangover I had. I've been sluggish all day. I also wasn't prepared for the conversation Grayson and I had today.

"Lacey can you come in here please?" Grayson called out, and I stood up slowly trying to run all the paperwork I've done in the last week I could have potentially messed up. I don't think I've messed anything up though because I make a conscious effort to double check everything before I give it to Grayson.

"Whats up?" I ask trying to maintain the smile on my face.

He looks up from his computer and shuts it, "I just wanted to run something by you and see if you would be interested."

I relax a little, taking a seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk. "Sure."

"I know I told you that I only needed your help for six weeks, but Marcie asked if her maternity leave could be extended another four months. You've been doing a great job and you work hard so I thought I would check with you to see if you could stay longer. I understand if that's too much because I don't know what your plans are, but you've been doing a great job."

First, the shock hits me. Then its excitement. The final emotion is dismay. Four months is a long time. This was supposed to be temporary. Temporary. Everything is temporary.

"Lacey?" He prods, waiting for an answer and I try to articulate the right words so he doesn't think I'm ungrateful for the chance he's given me by allowing me to work here.

"Um, Mr. Taylor, I am so thankful for the opportunity to work here. I wish I could stay until Marcie is ready to come back, but the longest I can stay is two more months. I'm sorry." My hands are shaking from where I have them clasped together and I can see the confusion on his face. Then, he laughs.

"First of all, I don't think I've ever heard you call me Mr. Taylor. Second of all, you don't need to call me Mr. Taylor. I thought we were on a first name basis. Is there anyway I can persuade you to change your mind? I'd hate to lose you and I know that Will's secretary is looking to retire soon. I'm be happy to recommend you for the position."

I can't help the smile that appears on my face because it's always nice to get validation that I'm doing a good job here. "I'm sorry Grayson, I'm afraid the longest I can stay is two months."

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Grayson smiles sadly at me, "I do hope I can change your mind."

"Is that all you needed? I do need to get back to filing the paperwork for the motion you filled out earlier."

"Actually, Tessa got tickets to a new exhibit at the Met. It's just a small event that's an excuse to dress up and she told me to give you a ticket and a plus one. She says I'm working you too hard."

I stammer out a quick response because that's another thing I didn't expect him to say. "Thank you."

I'm pretty much deceased at this point. Turning down a job I happen to like and am actually good at sucks a lot more than I thought it would. I got a call from my mom today that I missed because I had to go talk to an intern that is working with Grayson on his latest case.

I know she was not so subtly calling to see how my weekend with Ruth was. I only hope that Ruth was able to keep her mouth shut because there's a chance. I haven't received a death sentence yet. I'm just on the path to it.

Isn't everyone on the path to death? If you really think about it, every breath we take could be our last and we would have no idea because we'd be dead. Every day we live is a day closer to dying. It's morbid, but true.

When I walk into my apartment, I'm relieved to find that Quinn isn't home from wherever she works yet. It's that or she went out with her friends. I swear that girl doesn't have a friendly bone in her body yet somehow she is always with other people. Maybe it's just me she doesn't like?

I don't have the energy to begin to sort through the meaning of life and whether or not my roommate likes me.

I shrug out of my sweater and skirt to lie on top of my covers as my bed welcomes me with open arms. This is the best bed ever.

*********

The soft brush of a blanket is enough to stir me awake. My eyes blink open lazily and from the light of the hallway, I make out a tall figure. "If you're here to kill me just get it over with," I mumble pulling the blanket over my head.

I recognize Dean's deep chuckle, "You're lucky it's just me or you might actually be getting murdered. Go back to sleep Lacey."

He doesn't need to tell me twice, but if he's here unannounced then it probably means he wants to talk about something. I sigh and pull the blanket from off of my head just in time to see him opening the door.

"You don't need to leave. What's up?" I ask, yawning as I sit up letting the blanket fall because I forgot I'm only in my underwear. Seems like I've been in this position around Dean a lot the past few days.

To give him credit, he doesn't look at my chest from the time the blanket fell to the time it takes for me to pull it up. "You're exhausted, I'll check in on you tomorrow."

I can tell from the sound of his voice that he's exhausted too. He would have just come off of shift. "Just get over here," I say, scooting over to make room for him on the bed.

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He slips out of his shoes and sits next to me. I'm too tired to give a shit about my lack of clothes. At this point, I have nothing left to be embarrassed about because Dean's already held my hair back while I puked my guts out, carried me to his apartment, and then covered me in a blanket after checking up on me after a shift.

I lean into him and he wraps an arm around me, "I know we're just friends, but it's kind of distracting that you're not wearing any clothes right now."

"Guess you're going to have to get over it because I'm not getting up to put clothes on."

"What happened to the Lacey who was terrified to ask me out?"

I close my eyes and rest my head on his chest, "She got used to being around you."

"So you were going to ask me out," He muses and I hit him weakly.

"Do you have something better to talk about? Like the reason you came here at god knows what time?"

"Oh I came to see if you wanted to go bull riding?" I feel my face flame at the reminder of what I'd told him the previous night. Dean chuckles and shifts around to find a comfortable spot, "I'm kidding. I came to check on you. You had a rough night last night and I felt bad getting you up in the middle of the night so we could go to shift. It's only three a.m., I'm normally too wired after shift to sleep right away, but goddamn is your bed comfortable."

"How did you get in? Is Quinn home?" I ask yawning again and choosing to ignore the bull comment.

"I didn't see her, but you really should start locking your front door. Didn't your parents warn you about the big bad city?" Dean teases and I scoff.

"If you ever meet them, please just forget that I ever left my front door unlocked. They'd kill me before you could even finish the sentence."

I can hear his heart beating clearly and strongly. It's comforting. "How come you never said anything about the hole in your heart? We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to; you know me, I'm a little curious."

Doesn't he know that curiosity kills the cat?

I swallow the lump in my throat, hoping he doesn't notice how unbelievable my lie is. "It never came up. I didn't really see a reason to tell you. If it makes you feel better, I don't tell very many people. It happened a long time ago. I didn't think you would care." I don't tell him that the reason I don't have to tell many people is because everyone back home already knew. It was a known fact that I have heart problems.

He strokes his fingers over my back in a repeated motion that's doing a very good job of putting me to sleep. "Of course I care. I know I haven't known you for that long, but I have this strange level of comfort around you almost as if I've known you forever." Dean chuckles again and I close my eyes. "I don't know how to explain it, but with Cass being so distracted by Maddox, you're the closest thing I have to a best friend. I'm not a good friend. I'm actually quite terrible at it. I'm going to say stupid shit that I hope you'll be able to get past when it happens, but I'll listen to anything you want to tell me because I care about you."

And there's the words that remind me of exactly where I stand and where he stands with me. Friends. All we've ever been and all we'll ever be. And strangely enough, it's exactly what I need.

"I care about you too."

"What's something I don't know about you?"

I pause to think for a moment, "Have I told you that my birthday is in March? March twenty-fourth. I'll be twenty-four."

"It's your golden birthday, we'll have to go all out for it."

"If you want. I don't really celebrate my birthday. It's just weird that I'll be twenty-four."

Dean sighs, "You're really good at making me feel old. If it makes you feel any better, I never did much on my birthdays growing up. My dad cheated on Maddox's mom with my mom, resulting in a love child neither ever planned on having. My mom had a really hard time being the other woman who broke up a marriage. She dropped me off at my dad's one weekend and never came back."

Even though it's pitch black in my bedroom, I still lift my head to look at Dean; to see his brilliant cerulean eyes and the emotion that's always swirling in them. I can't but that doesn't mean it isn't there. "I'm sorry she left."

"Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if she hadn't. Except I'm sure I'd still be the pompous spoiled rich boy I was growing up, but I hope she would have kicked my ass before letting it get that far. I think about her and what she's doing now. If she regrets leaving me or if she ever thinks about how I'm doing. I don't need her approval or anything, but my mom does cross my mind sometimes."

I curl my fingers into his shirt and rest my head down on his chest again. "Everything happens for a reason. I'm a firm believer in that." My hands are so cold, they're always cold, but Dean has this bubble of warmth around him that sucks me in. I think that if she knew the man I know, she'd be extremely proud of him and would most definitely regret leaving him.

He continues talking about every detail of his childhood. How he saw Maddox every other week and how he wanted nothing to do with him until they both realized they liked all the same things. Kind of hard to ignore a kid that lives in the same house as you half the time. Dean mentions the fire that broke out and how the firefighters came and saved him after he was forgotten. It's why he wanted to become one. So no one would be forgotten by him.

Being forgotten is a terrible feeling.

However, everyone gets forgotten eventually.

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