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RETURNING A SMILE DOESN'T HURT ANYONE. :)

TW: MENTION OF SUICIDE.

I somehow spent the night.

It was difficult for me. TV or laptop didn't appeal to me. Even a bit of affection in the documentaries had me bawling.

I guess I needed help, a major one.

The next day I woke up and was free of IV for some time. They kept the routine the same for the next 8 days.

I gained a bit of weight and felt a bit of vigor and energy. I was happy.

I didn't see him at all in those 8 days and I was numb to that. I felt nothing. Nothing.

I didn't know if he was fine or hurt. I didn't know if I was being a burden or not.

I didn't know if he genuinely cared about me or not.

I just hoped he'd be fine and not hurt.

In those 8 days, I got no call from Caroline. She didn't for once ask me to come to the office. I doubt she cared about me, but she cared about the work.

No one contacted me.

The meds helped me. The doctor and nurses helped me.

At points, they'd come and talk to me. The guards would check on me constantly, but their boss, nope.

I was now getting fresh when I opened the door of the bathroom and saw a figure.

Him.

The door opening made his ears perked up. He looked up at me and sprinted towards me.

He held my face in his hands and kissed my cheek. His hugs and kisses were something I yearned for.

Now I wasn't feeling anything, though.

The thought of him leaving because I was an unwanted distraction made home in my brain.

I didn't know if it was right or wrong, but I couldn't push it out of my head.

I zoned out of his words. I didn't hear them, didn't reply to him.

I was overreacting maybe, but I couldn't help it.

I wasn't looking at him.

My mind was blank.

I soon dozed off. I couldn't care less.

When I woke up, my body was hurting.

My whole body was tense.

He caressed my cheek and looked into my eyes. The intense gaze had me pinned.

"Carwyn, I need help. I can't do this. I can't handle this loneliness anymore." A tear fell from my eyes and soon many followed.

"I need help. I don't want to be more of a burden on people. I-I want someone," I expressed.

This did not embarrass me. Not even a bit. I had bottled up these things for so long. For once I wanted to share, to feel wanted, to not have the feeling of killing myself.

I wasn't ashamed of myself. I felt so strong that I finally asked for help.

There are people who need help but say nothing. They can't. Feeling of being burdened and making their emotions seem unreasonable doesn't let them.

It's never too late to accept what you need. What's good for you and your health.

I wanted help and if it made my life easier and happy, sign me up.

He hugged me as I cried in his arms.

This is what I needed. Someone's embrace to be in.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry," he said, stroking my back.

"I have a therapist. We'll contact her? I'll help you with this, okay?" he asked sincerely.

I didn't trust myself, so I just nodded. He took my hand in his.

"I'll help you. I won't let you feel like this anymore. I'm here. Always" his thumb caressed my knuckles.

"We'll do this together. I promise," he held out his pinky.

"I don't do that," I said, looking down at my lap. It brings terrible memories.

"You'll do it from now. I will never break it," he said and nodded towards my pinky.

I linked our pinkies, and he kissed it.

"I'll ask for your leave and home assistance. Is it okay with you?" he asked.

"I don't know" I seriously didn't.

"I mean, the hospital environment might have an effect on you. They'll have everything at my place. You'll stay there." he added.

"Like forever?" my eyes wide.

"You don't want to?" he asked.

"What?" I was shocked and confused.

"When you get better, you can move back to your place," he explained.

"That's better," I smiled softly.

"I'll ask" he gave me one last kiss and went off.

Did I make the right decision? I hope I did.

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