Indirect Confession Pt. 2

For the first time since I had met him; I Tripp.

And the worst part was that there was no solid reason to truthfully hate him, because he hadn't done anything wrong. There was nothing wrong with what he said. So what if he liked, possibly, definitely, loved somebody?

It wasn't like Tripp couldn't see someone, we had both dated plenty throughout high school. I dated a lot more than he did. But somehow, the idea of dating in college, aside from seeming like an upgrade, seemed like a lot more commitment. And the idea of Tripp not only being in a relationship, but being more committed to them sent a punch of pain straight down my throat.

For some reason, knowing that Tripp is bisexual, made that hurt more. Because now there was a possibility of him actually, potentially liking me. That would never happen though, Because it would damage what we had. It would —

We would grow apart.

My back bowed as Tripp started petting me, rubbing his hands in an up-and-down motion against my spine. The tears had stopped, leaving me a sniffling, hyperventilating mess against his chest, a budding headache thumping against my forehead.

Tripp shifted beneath me, his other hand combing itself through my hair. "Why don't you get some rest. . .?"

I whined at the implication of sleep and separate rooms, clinging to him. "I don't want you to leave."

"I'm not leaving." It was this again. I knew it was the same thing. Over and over. I knew it, I knew it. He would get tired of it, tired of repeating it, and then it would be on me. Because I'm the one doing this. I just—

"Yes you are."

When I woke up later that day, I was alone. I shifted on my bed, eyes shooting towards the clock on my desk that always seemed to taunt me. . Time was something that had been escaping me lately, I was doing good in my classes but whenever I had nothing to do, thoughts would come and drown me, and time would simply fly by, without a care in a world to my pain. To the self-worth that I didn't seem to hold for myself.

I blinked,

Want . . . Tripp.

There was a lot more to that. I want Tripp to be my best friend, to continue being my best friend. I want Tripp to like me, as a friend, and maybe as more than a friend. I want to be okay with liking Tripp as more than a friend. Because, truthfully, it is okay, I just hate myself.

Another shutter of eyelids and Tripp was standing by the door, sending me a small smile as he sat down on the bed next to me, placing a tray of food on my nightstand. He then leaned forward, placing his right, calloused hand on my cheek and running the rough pad of his thumb against my cheekbone. My eyelids fluttered shut as I instinctively leaned into his touch. It was warm, it had never not been warm, Tripp had always been keen on sharing his warmth with me. And I had always been keen on taking it.

"How are you feeling?" Something about his voice screamed 'too close', and as I opened my eyes a gasp tore itself from my throat because there he was, centimeters away from me.

I held his gaze, willing myself not to look at his lips. "Good,"

He hummed, probably unconvinced, as he grabbed an additional pillow from my bed, placing it over my lap before then placing the tray of food over the pillow. "Alright. Well, let's start off with you getting some form of dinner before you start talking."

Start talking? I gulped, "Start talking?"

There have only been a handful of moments where I've had the privilege of seeing Tripp serious. Privilege because, looking back on all those moments now, it was hot as fuck seeing Tripp serious or worked up about something. He had done it many times before. High school teens were devil spawns, even when we were also a part of them and Tripp was usually able to shut them up with one tense stare. But having that same tense stare directed at me only made me shrink in size against the bed, it was worrying.

"You're going to tell me about what you've been hiding."

Someone come shoot me.

With a slow nod I focused on my food, chewing each mouthful of food slowly. Tripp's eyes narrowed at my movements as he left the room, he returned soon thereafter with his own plate, settling on the edge of the bed. He clicked his tongue and my eyes snapped upwards just in time to see Tripp forking a piece of strawberry, pressing the fruit against my lips. The action and taste of the fruit soothed some part of the nerves going haywire inside me.

But there was still a large chunk of them left. Because what would I tell him? How could I possibly word my feelings in such a way that wouldn't make him freak out? And, aside from all that, what would I tell him about the self-defense fight from earlier today? That his classmate, David, the person who I envied for liking Tripp and being broad about it, tried to sexually assault me in order to get his way— How would I —

"Baby," I jolted as I felt his hands on mine, which were shaking without my knowledge, I met his gaze again, blinking away the tears from the memories as I took in Tripps concerned features. Taking him in was like a breath of fresh air, because between classes and trying to avoid him like my life depended on it, I hadn't actually looked at Tripp for a good week and a half. And it seemed like he had gotten more attractive than before, how was that possible? "Do you not trust me anymore?"

The truth was that our friendship revolved around not pushing one another. But even when that is the case, I knew that Tripps patience towards me had come to an end, and that made a summersault of butterflies invade my stomach.

I placed the now empty tray on the drawer next to me, waiting till he discarded his own tray before grasping his wrists and tugging him closer. Tripp understood my silent message, climbing in under the covers next to me. "I'll always trust you."

He huffed, "Then?" He pouted cutely, and I held back the want to coo at him. "You seem distant Logan. I hardly see you throughout the week and when I do you scurry off to your room, locking yourself in. I miss you."

I miss you too, I miss us. But what would we be if I confessed? I inhaled shakily, "Don't you hate it though?"

"Hate what?"

I chewed the inside of my cheek, trying to look for the correct way to word my next question. I had never been good with words. In fact, I was terrible at them, I was also terrible at my emotions. Between me and Tripp, he had always been the more in-tune one. "Don't you hate it when I depend on you? I already live with you, don't you want to, I don't know, go out with someone?"

The someone you like? Love, possibly?

Tripp let out a loud scoff before throwing his head back and laughing at my question. My cheeks blazed red and before I could run off of the bed and out of the room, his arms were wrapped around my torso, hauling me to his side.

"Wait, no, I didn't mean to laugh." His chin nudged my shoulder apologetically. "I don't mind you depending, or relying on me, Logan. I would never mind it."

Ignoring my second question, I see.

I huffed, "Why don't you mind?"

A pregnant pause and I felt my heart hammer against my chest, worried that I might've asked the wrong thing. I looked over my shoulder, catching his piercing blue eyes. He smiled, almost fondly, and combed a strand of my hair back, tucking it behind my ear.

"I'll tell you once you tell me everything."

I whined, "Don't tease me, babe."

"No teasing baby," He grinned. "I promise, on my boys scout honor."

"You're lucky you actually were in a boys scouts."

If it was possible, his grin widened. "Had to make my mom proud, love."

I elbowed him, effectively shutting him up with a wheezed laugh. I slumped against him, enjoying the feel of his hands on my torso as I recalled the events. "The fight was all self-defense. There's this asshole in my class, well, really it's this whole group. Some of them aren't even in that class, they just hang out at the door before and after class. They're real loud, and are always bugging those in my class. Somehow, one of them started liking me. Obviously, it was all physical because I had never met the guy in my life - not really anyways. And today he asked me to meet him after class."

A heavy sigh, I inhaled deeply as I decided to continue. "And like the idiot I am, I agreed. But when he finally told me, I rejected him and then he started making advances towards me that weren't entirely appropriate." I winced as I felt the tip of Tripps fingers dig into my sides. The action made me relax further into him, taking advantage of his closeness.

Because I missed it.

"You are not an idiot Logan. No one could have ever guessed what he had in mind. He- he didn't manage to do anything, right?" I shook my head furiously.

"No, after he kissed me aggressively, I fought him off. Then rushed here without a second thought." I rushed to you, and when I saw you waiting for me, I wanted to jump in your arms. That's all I wanted.

Tripp gripped my waist, turning me over his abdomen so that we were facing each other. His forefinger reached beneath my chin, lifting it, "What's his name?"

I held his gaze, gulping at the anger and concern simmering in his eyes. "You know him."

That seemed to make everything click. In a second, his eyes widened in understanding before narrowing in disdain. He sent me a firm nod, hands digging into my hips as if to send me a silent message in affirmation. I tried lightning the mood, punching his shoulder playfully. "Now it's your turn."

He hummed beneath me, "But you haven't told me everything."

Another wave of anxiety, "What's everything?"

"Tell me why you've become so distant lately and don't say you haven't."

An easy lie, honestly. "I've been trying to get ahead of my classes. So I've been putting in more hours towards my studies."

Tripp narrowed his gaze, "Okay, now what's the truth?"

Holy fuck, please give me strength. I gripped his shirt, leaning closer, practically mewling as he fingers reached upward to caress my jaw. "No leaving?"

He smiled at me as though he had already predicted the question, "Logan, I've told you a million times, I'm not planning on leaving you."

"I know, I just," I gulped haphazardly, opening my eyes to look at him, I'm scared. "I hate myself."

Tripp blinked before frowning, "And why is that?"

"Because I'm disgusting," I mumbled, looking away once more.

"Oh Logan, you aren't disgusting. Not at all." Another tap to chin. I understood, locking my gaze with his. "Aside from being the most beautiful man I've ever laid my eyes on, you're also so talented, and driven, and strong—"

I cut him, "You wouldn't say that if you knew."

His eyebrows furrowed above the bridge of his nose, "Knew what?"

It was now or never, there was no reason for me to keep it hidden because there was no other excuse to use. Tripp already knew how to read me, we knew how to read each other. There was nothing we didn't know about each other. Years, days, long summers and cold winters spent together led us to knowing the smallest things about one another. Like, I knew that when Tripp was lonely, he sucked at using his words. Instead, he would simply push his entire body flush against mine, nose nuzzling into my skin until I gave him attention. I knew that when he was sad or stressed, headpats were the way to go and that nail taps were his most hated pet peeve.

And despite knowing all of these things there were still things I didn't know. Because if I knew everything I wouldn't be this hesitant to tell him about my feelings. But I had to, it was now or never. And pushing it back only brought forth the idea of Tripp feeling unworthy of my trust.

"Logan—"

"This is the reason why I've been distancing myself from you." I cut him off, gathering all of my remaining courage as I pressed myself closer to him, surging forward to connect our lips.