The car drove slower the further down the road we went. Before long we were practically stationary.

I was watching Lilly worriedly because I knew how hard this was for her.

"I really need a job," the blonde stated out of the blue. "I have no money." There was a short period of silence as I tried to work out the best way to approach this situation.

"Babe, I don't think hiding from this will help you." I made sure my tone to be calming and gentle. I didn't wish to run the risk of her getting angry at me. While I understood it wasn't particularly fun for either of us.

"I have no experience, though." My girlfriend completely ignored me. "Do you think anyone will employ me?" Her blue eyes met mine pleadingly; pain poorly concealed just below the surface. I found it difficult to refuse her this distraction.

"I don't know, sweetie." I took her hand in mine; which wasn't unsafe as we were driving slower than I could walk.

"You sound like my mum," Lilly chuckled softly. The noise sounded unnatural and it was obviously forced. "I'm fine, Laura. There's no need to worry."

"You don't need to lie to me. Or your family. We all care about you and they're going through the same thing as you. Facing things alone is the worst thing to do." I was being a complete hypocrite but Lilly didn't need to know that. I would speak with her when she had gotten through her difficult time. "Thought I was over this bullshit." I muttered to myself whilst automatically tightening my grip on the hand I held.

The woman beside me luckily didn't hear. She was consumed by her own thoughts and demons.

"Why is it so hard?" Lilly asked, gazing at me. She looked completely lost, her eyes swimming with unspilled tears. I had never seen her look this way before. When Anne miscarried she'd been very upset but never had this look of complete hopelessness crossed her expression. I'd never seen this part of my girlfriends life. It was upsetting but I was also happy she trusted me enough to expose such raw emotions to me. "I hate this." Lilly was crying heavily now, her anguished sobs breaking my heart.

"Baby," I drew her towards me; somehow lifting her and placing her in my lap as well as turning the cars engine off.

The blonde-haired woman curled up as tightly as she could and I wrapped my

arms protectively around her. Her entire body shook as I simply held her and waited. There was nothing I could say to make this any better and I believed it was better to let everything out. It makes you feel better.

Although, yet again, that was completely hypocritical as I was containing my own emotions as I sat there. I suspected I had been all these years, somewhere deep inside. There is simply no way to get over some things. I wanted to confide in Lilly but I had decided to wait. Right now she had enough to deal with, plus I was pretty sure she was falling behind with her school work; which definitely came first.

I began stroking Lilly's back but still remained silent. We remained that way for a long time. I just stroked and stroked and stroked, while she sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. After some time I glanced in the rear-view mirror. To my surprise a line of cars were stalled behind us. But of course they were, we'd stopped in the middle of the thin road.

"Lilly," I whispered into my girlfriends ear.

She looked at me. Her eyes were red and swollen, her cheeks shining with wet tears. It was a good thing she hadn't been wearing any make-up or it would've been all over her face. "We need to move, people are waiting behind us."

Lilly wiped her cheeks and nodded.

"Okay," she whispered, her voice hoarse and ragged from crying.

"I'll drive," I told her quietly, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead then manoeuvring out from under her and (with all the grace of an elephant) sliding across to the driver's seat.

I blew my hair from my eyes before turning on the engine and moving off down the road, raising my hand to the car behind as a form of apology.

At the end of a road was an area of concrete to park on and a small grey bricked building which had a larger, more modern building attached to it and if I said they melded seamlessly into one another I'd be lying. It looked... wrong. So very very very wrong. But I guess when people are dead you don't care what buildings look like.

I parked the car.

"Would you like to get out?" I asked, trying hard not to do anything which might make her cry again.

She shook her head and replied lowly, "not yet." I nodded and shifted into a more comfortable position; I had a feeling we could be here a while.

I kept a careful eye on Lilly. I wanted to make sure she was okay as well as be able to instantly comfort her if I saw her become more distressed. For the time being she was lost in thought as she stared out of the front window. Her eyes had glazed over and she was anxiously chewing on her thumb-nail. I didn't say a word; not daring to break the silence. It felt like a safety blanket right now - protecting us both from the world.

A long time went by.

"I think-" Lilly's voice cracked slightly and she cleared her throat. "I think I'm ready."

I jumped out of the car and raced round to open her door much too quickly. "Were you that bored?" She smiled. It was tiny but it was a real smile. I shrugged and took on the role of an obedient servant holding out my hand to her and bowing as she climbed from the vehicle.

She rolled her eyes but I saw the corners of her mouth curl upwards.

I was proud that I'd managed cheer her up slightly and clasped her hand tightly in mine.

"It's gonna be okay," I kissed her cheek.

"I hope so."

And she led me to her brother's grave.