Laura leaned in and kissed me gently, her tongue sliding across mine. One of her hands held me against her while the other trailed across my back, eliciting tingles that made me shiver. I was surround by her delicious smell and I felt light and happy.

Then she ended the kiss, pulled back and stared at me.

"What is it?" I asked, my chest rising and falling rapidly.

"Don't say anything," she said, her tone harsh. Her face turned dark and I knew this would not end well.

We sat in silence for a while, with me not daring to say a word.

Suddenly, without any provocation at all Laura was shouting at me. Yelling and screaming for no reason, her eyes ablaze with hatred.

I shrank back, pressing my body against the arm rest of the sofa.

All I could hear was her, her anger so loud it drowned out everything else. She shouted so loud my ears actually hurt and I couldn't hear proper words, just vague sounds.

I grabbed a light blue sofa cushion and held it against me, squeezing it tightly, needing the small amount of comfort the action gave me.

I started to cry softly but she wouldn't stop shouting, spitting mindless, hurtful words at me like a machine gun. Her beauty had disappeared, twisted by her rage and turned into something ugly and terrifying.

And I was terrified.

I sat in silence, crying soundlessly and staring down at the cushion, determined not to show my weakness.

Minutes passed and I wondered why she wasn't calming down and if she would ever stop. I dared a glance up, to see if she showed any signs of weariness, and she slapped me.

Full across the face, with all her strength (which was a lot due to the karate) and a glare on her face.

Pain shot through me and the world turned bright and full of light, hurting my eyes, and suddenly I was in my bedroom. Lying at home wrapped in my own sweaty bead sheets, tears pouring down my face.

It was a dream... Just a dream.

I breathed out slowly, trying to stop the tears and tell myself that it was okay, and she didn't really hate me and that it was all just a bad dream.

Then I remembered. It hit me like a train.

My tears came faster and I wrapped my arms around my body. I had to keep myself together somehow. I tried to drag in a breath of air but it caught in my throat. I tried to keep my gasping and sobbing to a minimum so my family wouldn't be concerned. I just couldn't stop.

I ran out of tears in the end but remained in my bed, feeling sorry for myself.

I could not face getting up. What was the point anyway? There was nothing to get up for.

I lay in silence, not even thinking after a while. I took to listening to everyone's footsteps, imagining what they were doing.

Mum making someone toast or a drink. Anne trailing about the place, not sure what to do with herself. Little Tara going from person and person to spread smiles. She was an amazing child.

I wondered what everyone was planning to do today. Then I remembered that Tom and Sarah were coming over, for a family lunch. I knew I'd probably be forced out of bed but I didn't care. I didn't care about anything.

***

"Lilly!" My mum shouted, knocking on the door ferociously. "Open this door right now! You have to join us for lunch!"

I groaned and rolled over onto my front, burying my head under a pillow.

"Get up Lilly! Last chance!"

I groaned again, more loudly and pulled myself out of bed.

I didn't look directly in the mirror but I could see, from the corner of my eye, that I was a state. My hair was a rats nest and my eyes were swollen from crying. My pyjamas were crumpled and I looked as though I'd been dragged through a hedge backwards. It wasn't a pretty sight, but I didn't mind.

I stood in the shower for a while, not even feeling the water on my body. I washed my hair but didn't bother to shave. What was the point?

I changed into some jeans and a hooded jumper and made my way downstairs.

I didn't look at anyone when I entered the dining room, just shuffled over to my seat and slumped down.

I could feel everyone's eyes on me and looked up. They were staring, every person in the room looking concerned.

"What?" I asked, unable to conjure the energy to even sound annoyed.

"Are you okay?" My dad asked.

"I'm fine," I replied, then looked down again.

"Are you sure?" Tara asked, making me look up instantly and smile at her.

"Of course," I forced a bright grin and scanned the table. "Lets eat!"

Lunch was long and I ran out of energy halfway through and sat in silence, not touching my food.

"How are you and the hot teacher then?" Tom smirked, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and squeezing.

"Get off," I complained, pushing him away.

"Come on," he messed up my hair, "we want details!"

"Details of what?" I asked, genuinely confused.

"You know," he waggled his eyebrows at me and I glared as I cottoned on.

"Shut up."

"You've got to share," he told me, "it's practically a law!"

"Shut up!"

"But-"

"Enough," mum intervened and Tom sighed and made a face at me.

I looked back down at the floor, feeling annoyed and more angry than I should. To make it worse I wanted to cry but couldn't, not in front of everyone.

"Lilly," Tara whispered softly, standing beside me. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing sweetie," I told her, pulling her into my lap, "I'm fine."

"Okay," my little sister smiled at me. "I don't like you being upset."

I brushed her brown locks out of her face and smiled, "I know honey. I don't like you being upset either."

She grinned and cuddled into me. I held her tightly and felt selfish for the first time.

Here I was wallowing in self pity, thinking only of my own pain while people, like Tara, were busy worrying about me.

Firstly I didn't have the right to be thinking of myself when Laura was probably at home, feeling ten times worse.

Also by being upset myself I was hurting more people, and that's not okay. I knew how it felt to be constantly worrying about someone, about how draining that could be and I'd never wanted to repeat that. No one in my family should have to go through that again. If I could prevent it then I would do everything I could to make it so.

I sat up straighter; with new-found determination; and tuned into the conversation, still holding Tara tightly in my arms.

Jarrod was speaking, saying he planned to go over to America to see if he could find her there. He wasn't having much luck here, although he'd been away for the previous couple of week in London, and in Manchester before that.

"When do you want to go?" Dad asked.

"Anytime is fine," Jarod said, "as long as it isn't too expensive."

"Money is not a problem." Dad smiled.

"I know, but there's no need to waste it."

"Ah, my children. Always so concerned," dad laughed and mum smiled with him.

"It's better than being selfish," Tom stated and Jarrod nodded his agreement.

"You raised us well," I added, and Tom turned and smiled at me.

"Got over your huff?" He asked teasingly and I rolled my eyes.

"I'll still hit you."

"You couldn't take me," he said, puffing out his already muscular chest and we all laughed.

***

Much later - after Tom and Sarah had gone home, and my other siblings were asleep - as I lay in my bed, there was a knock on the door.

I heard my mother answering it and conversing with someone. Then the door closed and two pairs of feet started back along the corridor, she had apparently let someone in.

"Up there," I heard her say and listened more closely.

"Thank you," the mystery guest said and I deduced that it's a female.

The footsteps got closer and closer to my door and I had the feeling it was someone for me. And there was only one person who would appear at that time of night.

There was a light knock on my door and I sat up, not even contemplating not answer.

I opened it, my heart racing, hoping it was who I wanted to see.

"Lilly," she gasped, pulling me into a tight hug, "I'm so sorry. I felt horrible all day."

I pulled away and moved over to sit on my bed.

"Why didn't you come over earlier then?" I asked, feeling a bit hurt that it had taken her so long to appear.

She sighed, "I had to get my sister to drive me here and she couldn't come over until now. If she had I would've been here much earlier."

"Okay."

She came over and sat down beside me, wrapping her arm around me. She tried to kiss me but I pulled back.

"What?"

"I still haven't forgiven you, you have to explain first."

She released me and dragged her hand through her hair.

"It's hard Lilly," she said, "I don't like talking about stuff like this."

"You have to though," I said, gripping her hand and forcing her to meet my eyes. "It's a relationship babe and if you want this to work you have to tell me what you feel."

"My mum came over," she said, not quite meeting my eyes, "we had an argument."

"About what?" I asked and she sent me a desperate look.

"Please, not now. I'll tell you tomorrow, I promise, but for now can we just... Not... Please?"

"Okay," I smiled and pulled her back into a hug, "you'll stay, right?"

She chuckled and walked her fingers up my side.

"You want me to?"

"Mmm," I pretend to think and she frowned, "well you're pretty comfy so I think I'll keep you around."

She glared at me, "I thought you were serious there."

I laughed and gave her a quick kiss.

"I've forgiven you so no worries."

She grinned again and pulled me in for another kiss.