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Those messages–once they used to make you blush, make you smile, they used to make your heart swell, make you feel special, make you forget about everything that's happening in your surroundings and generated this weird-but-good feeling inside your heart.

But now?

You cry rivers when you see the same messages.

You can't prevent your heart from sinking deeper and deeper.

You can't stop yourself from feeling lifeless.

You can't help but feel empty without their presence in your life.

You can't help but recall all the good times you spent together and sulk over the fact that you can't be like that with them again. Because it is clear to you that it is not possible.

So you choose to let out all your emotions with each tear that slips down your cheeks making its path down to your chin and falling at your phone's screen. And then you stare at your gear until the screen goes black.

Has it ever happened to you? The more you reread them, the more the emptiness of your heart increases. The deeper you go, the hollow the hole in your chest becomes–the hole that is a picture of how alone you are without them, how incomplete you are without them, how much you depend on them and how much you need them.

The conversation between me and Carter, once made my cheeks go red with this giddy feeling inside me. But now when I accidentally came across one of our conversations, I couldn't stop the tears from leaving my eyes. I couldn't keep myself from letting out multiple sobs at how much I missed him.

How much I missed blushing like that. How much I missed having that giddy feeling in my heart. How much I missed smiling like a lunatic at the screen whenever he texted me.

I opened Carter's number and tapped on the edit option. I had saved it as 'Farter ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️'. Yes, his name was accompanied by four hearts. But my fingers moved and added more hearts to his name until more hearts stopped showing on the screen. Sighing, I saved his number like that, my eyes not getting dry yet.

Now there were more hearts accompanying his name. I realized that after all of this my love for him was not affected. Not even a bit. I tried. I tried hard to forget him, to fall out of love with him, to fall In love with someone who I had to spend my whole life with, to move on but the opposite of that happened.

My love for him increased. It increased like nothing else. I had started to love him with not just my heart but the whole of my body. And it ached, being aware of the fact that I was hurting him ached. It pained me to think of how my life was going to be in some days.

And no matter how much I cried, the pain and heartache wouldn't leave. I switched my mobile phone off, laying back on the bed as my mind drifted back to the events of the other day.

The day when Lia and I fought. Again. At any point, things in my life couldn't be more messier than they were at that moment. I felt like giving up, again. I didn't want to fight all those tortures. I didn't want to live at all.

I never imagined things at Lia's house to turn the way they did. I was certain, after I explain things to Lia, she'll be her old self again and stop being so bitchy to me. But she wouldn't stop blaming me. She wouldn't stop calling names to me.

"I deserve to be happy, okay? I can't handle all of that again, please. Sophia I'm sorry if this is hurting you but Jack is always talking about you. I thought something was going on between you guys but whenever that thought crossed my mind I would brush it of by reminding myself of how much you hate him."

"But then you calling on his phone. . . . I don't know Sophie. I don't want to doubt you, but I can't help these feelings. I can't make myself believe that there nothing between you too after I hear my boyfriend discuss you every time we meet. Sophie. . . Just explain things to me. I- it's driving me crazy-" a sob escaped her lips interrupting her rant.

I walked towards her hugging her as tightly as I can. She let her head drop on my shoulder and cried. "Lia, it's just you who's overthinking. Every guy is not like Isaac. Every guy won't take you for granted. And trust me Jack loves you. He has his eyes set only for you. So first of all, do not doubt him. And to explain me calling your boyfriend earlier in the morning was because of you. You didn't pick up your phone, so I had to make sure you were okay. That is why I called him. Because even if you were avoiding me, your boyfriend would know about your well being."

I felt like I shouldn't explain it to her. Because she should know I would never do that. She must know that I'm not that kind of a person. Yet I started explaining everything to her, I started justifying my actions. Because no one knew it better than me that how much a friendless life sucks. No one knew the importance of having friends like I did.

And I wanted her to stay. I understood that she was possessive, but friends trusted each other, friends have faith in each other, friends do not doubt each other.

"Lia, it is sad. I mean, I understand that you are possessive of Jack but you should at least have this much faith in me to know that I would never involve in such things. If not me, then have some faith in your boyfriend. He would never betray you."

"And about Isaac, he didn't deserve you at all, so stop sulking over him. He was a sick bastard and is gone. Cherish what you have. And stop doubting every move of his. This will build walls between you guys which is never good in a relationship. If you feel like that, talk to him, let him know and he will wash all your doubts away," I continued, sighing as I shook my head at her.

She apologized. I forgave her.

But she had lost that position in my heart. I had erased her from the book of my heart earlier but she drew herself in it once again. But now? Now that book was closed. And she couldn't draw herself again because now all of the pages of that book were burnt.

If I used to complain about bullying and being neglected, I didn't think that things will turn more torturous ahead.

I didn't think I would fall in love which looks like a lovely fantasy from above but when you actually fall, you're trapped. You can't escape. There's no way back.

I didn't think I would make friends. Friends who would turn out totally different than you ever imagined them to be.

I didn't think my parents would return. I didn't think they would return with the bulldozer, crushing every little happiness in my life.

I heard a knock on the door, my eyes popping up as I snapped out of my thoughts. Before I could stand up to open the door, the person outside entered in. Victoria appeared, her mouth curving upwards as she smiled. Those wrinkles near her eyes proved the genuineness of her smile. It was the last chance I was giving to her. After hearing her, I felt like she needed one chance. And I decided to give it to her. To let her be a mother to me. And I decided to let myself be a daughter to her.

I smiled back. "Did you sleep well?" She questioned, coming to sit beside me on the bed.

"Did you?" I answered her question with one. Silence fell over us. My gaze was fixed at her, trying to gauge any reaction from her. A moment later she smiled. It wasn't an I'm-happy-smile. It was a sad I've-nothing-to-say smile.

"I didn't sleep at all." She shut her eyes while answering. I knew she was like that because of Richard. Richard never returned to home after that day. And neither did Victoria make any move to find out where he was.

"I didn't either," shrugging my shoulders, I replied. There was a sad glint in her eyes as she looked at me. Her lip quivered, her eyes watching me intently, like she was studying me.

"Why are you so nice to me?" She spoke, looking at me with her interrogating stare.

"I don't know, because you're my mother?"

"But you hate me," she presented as if it was the realist fact.

"You're still my mother no matter how much I hate you. And I'm still your daughter," I stated, my eyes lingering on the carpeted floor.

"Sophia, after all I have done, will you forgive me?"

"I already have, Victoria."

"After all I have done do I deserve to be called Mom? Do I deserve to hear you call me Mom?"

"Yes, Mom," a smile lighted up her features. Her smile was so wide, I felt like her lips would tear up in half.

"You know, you're not like me. You're not like Richard either. You're really different. Different in a good way. Though I was not there to bring you up, I'm glad I wasn't. I'm glad I wasn't around you. Because now you're not a bitch like me. If I were there, you'd have been just like me– bitchy."

I stayed quiet, not knowing what to say.

I didn't know this side to her ever existed. I had always seen my mother yelling, threatening, blackmailing, scolding and pressurizing me. Her sweet, motherly side was admirable. It was so affectionate, I forgot the bad side to her ever existed.

At least something good came out of all of this. A mother. A real mother. A sweet, loving mother. A mother I yearned for.

"I'm really sorry, Sophia."

"I'm okay, Victoria. It's really okay," trying to get her mood better, I assured.

"No it not okay at all. I had been a really bad mother all those years. I barely ever talked to you. I never asked how you were. But believe me, sometimes I got this feeling; when I felt like I was missing out on something, like I was wrong treating you like that. But I was blinded by love. And I regret it now. I know it's not easy to forget all of it, but can you please forget the past? And now truly forgive me. Do not just say it so that I don't feel bad. I know I was wrong and I want to seek your forgiveness." She ended up with tears welling inside her eyes.

"Victoria, I've really forgiven you. Just don't ever be your old self again, please."

"You know what, Sophia?" She asked all of a sudden, a mischievous look possessing her features. Gone was the regret, the sadness and the pleading look from her face.

"What?"

"I will not let you marry Lucas. First, why would you destroy your life for no gain, second, no way am I letting anything benefit that fucker– Richard. Wait, what was the name that you gave to him that day?"

Confused, I ran the memories through my mind arriving at nothing. "What wor-" it struck me before I completed my sentence. "Dickard?"

"Yes, that. I'll do all in me to stop your marriage. I'll do anything it takes. I'm not ruled by that Dickard anymore," the determination-filled voice of her stretched my hopes up but then I remembered the date.

"It's in five days Mom. What will you do in such little time?" My voice cracked as I reached to the end of the sentence.

"I'll do whatever I can. I'll try my best to not give you the life that was given to me. I'll try my best not to let you go through that torture like I had to."

* * * * *

Walking in the garden gave me some peace. And ever since I learnt about my marriage, I yearned for peace. The peace nature provided was not enough but it made me feel better. It made me feel like I was still alive and not just breathing. It made me feel like I was living, not just surviving.

It made me feel less lifeless.

This had become a habit of mine. To stroll in the garden, smelling the sweet sensational scent of nature and finding comfort in it. To stay there until the sun disappeared.

I did that to forget about everything that was running through my mind. I did that stop my mind from thinking. I did that to get relaxed. I did that to give rest to my mind.

That day the unexpected happened. I never thought I would see Carter approaching me. Rubbing my eyes, I focussed my vision and stared ahead to find no Carter there. A sigh left my mouth because I didn't have it in me to face Carter right now.

I opened my eyes after clearing my mind from all those idiotic thoughts. When I let them open, my eyes met with Carter's figure standing right before me. My eyes popped out of there sockets while I took a step back, stumbling on my way.

But I was prevented from having a great fall by a hand that clasped around my waist.

I'm going crazy. I've gone totally crazy.

Praying it was anyone but Carter, I peeped, opening one of my eye narrow. "Shit!" I whisper-shouted, shutting my eyes even tighter, praying that somehow whatever I saw was an illusion and not reality.

But his hearty chuckle was what crushed my hopes. It was definitely Carter. And he was definitely not an illusion. He was real, and holding me tightly. His scent filled my nostrils making my insides weaker.

"Hi Sparkle," he sounded, placing me firmly on the ground. That's when I opened my eyes to face his attractive ones.

His hair swayed due to the wind making me want to touch them. His smile, and that little dimple that formed on his cheek as he called my name made it even harder to not smile back. But I accomplished it. I succeeded in not smiling at him.

"What are you doing here Carter?" With my heart squeezing, I tried to be rude to him. Every DNA of every nucleus of every cell of my body wanted me to greet him with a smile but I couldn't.

"You're so bad at acting Sparkle."

Stop.

Stop calling me that.

Stop calling me Sparkle.

"But to answer your question, I'm here to take you with me," he stated, his voice calm and collected.

"What? Why? Where? How?No."

"Yes."

"No you're not. I'm not going anywhere with you," I took several steps back, shaking my head.

"You're very much aware of my hard way then."

"C-Carter. . . I-I can't go with you." I took more steps backwards followed by him coming forward.

"Okay then. Don't complain," with that, I was swept off the ground, the garden below me replaced with air. I realized that he had lifted me up on his shoulders. My flip flops flew down to the ground leaving one of my feet naked.

The other one was stuck onto my thumb, dangling here and there as carter moved. "Hey! Put me down! It's kidnaping! Hey! Stop! Carter! Help! Somebody help! Rebecca! Mom! Help me!" My world had become upside-down, making me dizzy whenever I opened my eyes.

No single body noticed Carter kidnaping me. It wasn't like I didn't trust him, it was just that I didn't want things to be messier. Things were running smoothly, Carter was nowhere, my wedding was approaching, but after that event, it scared me that things wouldn't turn out well. And all of my efforts to save Carter's life would go down the drain.

He placed me on his car seat and locked the door before I could escape. He freaking child-locked it!

Before I could even blink Carter was sitting beside me. He drove out of my house's premises faster than I could imagine.

"We did it! We did it! Lo hicimos! We did it! Tun tun tun, we went to to Sparkle's house and kidnaped her, we did it, hurray! Lo hicimos, we did it! We did it! Yay! Hurray! We-"

"What the hell Carter?!" I shouted like I had never shouted in front of him. That made him stop that annoying Dora song he was singing. "Why am I here? I want to go back home!"

"You are asking me? You are asking me why are you here? Because, Sophia, let's face it, I'm not a two year old and know that something is totally wrong here. I can smell it, I can see it, I can feel it."

"And don't try to deny if you're not ready to share!" He added with his demanding tone.

"Carter, there is nothing that I'm hiding from you. Why can't you just understand that?"

"Because I'm not an idiot to believe whatever fucking lies you're feeding me. Because I have faith in my love. I know that I can't love someone so selfish. I know that I would never fall for a bitch that you're pretending to be. I know that I would not still love you if you really have changed. I know my heart would want to hate you if this was not an act."

To say I was stunned would be an understatement. I had no idea how to reply to him. So I stayed quiet, not raising my head to meet his interrogating gaze.

"Sparkle, I know you well enough to see it through your eyes that you're anything but happy. And it just is not you being obedient to your parents; it is something entirely different. And I'm not letting you go until I don't get my answers," to this, I looked up, straight at him to find his eyes damp.

I looked away.

I can't see him like that. I'm not able to see him like that.

"And if it really is you being obedient daughter to your parents, then I have never seen a stupid person than you in my entire life and I doubt I ever will. Because only you can be so idiotic to destroy the whole of your life for those assholes who don't care for you at all. You're sacrificing your happiness for those pieces of shit who you call your parents? They are using you to get money for God's sake!"

"Carter, you're just overthinking about things," I tried to remain calm and not shed any tears hearing to his shattered voice.

"How can you be so calm Sophie? I'm dying inside. And I feel like I die everyday. I didn't know love did this to people. You said you loved me. Was this your love for me? Was this just it? How can you not feel what I'm feeling? How can you not go through the same hell if you loved me?"

"Was your love so short-lived? Was your love so seasonal? Was is so weak? Was it even love?"

"I guess it was just an attraction that I named as love. I didn't know what love was at that time," with every word that was leaving my mouth, my heart was slicing more and more. I couldn't bear glancing at him. Because that would mean me becoming weak, which would mean I fail.

And if I fail, Carter's life ends.

The car's speed decelerated. I could feel his penetrating eyes, glued to my head, making me want to squirm in my seat.

I didn't allow my eyes to look at him. I restricted them to look anywhere except my shoes. But like always, the heart won't listen to me. And, I let my eyes watch him. Watch his tears that hung on his chin, to watch the streams those tears created in their path. To watch how his eyes were screaming at me for not doing that to him, to watch him plead with his expressions.

Mistake.

Big, huge, awfully fat mistake.

This time I couldn't look away. This time I couldn't help myself but reach out to comfort him. I couldn't handle all of it. Not his tears, not his puppy eyes, not his quivering lips– I just could not.

"Carter, please, do not cry. Or I would start crying too. Please, don't," my thumb, did not let the tear go down to his chin as I wiped it away in the middle. My both palms were pressed against his cheeks, while I tried to correct what I had wronged. If not correct then reduce the effects of it at least.