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"Sophia."

"Is she awake?"

"Are you okay, Sophie?"

I felt someone grabbing my hand in theirs and by the warmth of it I was sure it was Rebecca. "Sophie, sweetheart?" Her voice confirmed my suspicion. "Call the doctor! Fast." She yelled while her other hand patted my cheek. I could understand nothing, every word she said just hit me like a hammer.

"Sophie! Are you okay? Doctor is just coming." Though her words were just a whisper but each of them felt like rocks raining on my head. A hiss escaped my mouth at the pain before I realized what she had just said. Doctor?! Why?

It struck me like a lightning. My breathing became fast when I registered the fact that I had actually planned to kill myself. And I had failed. I didn't had it in me to open my eyes because I could no longer face the people around me. All I wanted was to return to the unconsciousness that I was drowned in before my brain started to function again. All I hoped was to somehow return back to that deadness and so I restricted myself from opening my eyes.

I didn't want to believe that I had, yet again, failed terribly in killing myself. It pained me to the limits where pain becomes indescribable. It wasn't any bruises on my body, it were on my heart. Many. Internal pain that nobody but I know. Rebecca's hand was tightly holding mine as I felt the Doctor checking up on me.

I don't want to be checked up! Why can't I die?! What is there for me to live? What do you have for me Jesus? Why should I live when you haven't left any reasons to live?

Fourth time. I had failed to kill myself the fourth time. I no more wished to live but there I was, all healthy again, spreading my unluckiness in this world. I just wished for a miracle to happen, and leave me dead. I just prayed to the one above me, not to make me completely healthy. To take my life. To call my soul. And to end this painful torment that life throws over me every other day.

"Looks like she wants to rest some more." I heard a chuckle and by the maturity of it, I knew this was the Doctor. "Otherwise everything's fine. Just as she wakes up, give her something to eat. Her glucose level is going down." He addressed to his worker who replied in a small, 'yes sir'.

To say I wasn't hungry would be a complete lie because all I wanted to do was devour some tasty food that I doubted I'll get a chance to do. But I couldn't open my eyes. I couldn't face Rebecca and whoever else was present there in the room.

I could clearly hear a guy's voice but it was difficult to pinpoint who that was as it was just a whisper. I knew I wasn't going to die anymore, I knew I had failed again and I also knew that this time I didn't had it in me to hear those hurtful words Rebecca had to say to me. Because it was me who broke her promise. I thought I'd finally die and I shouldn't have to face this situation. But when has anything I had planned worked?

Sleep. Yes, that was the most suitable thing to do, to hide myself from all those who were sitting there in the hospital room. I wondered who else might have been there to see me because I knew clearly that nobody cares. But there was someone except for Rebecca that I knew by the whispers I heard.

The light that was switched on above me didn't let me sleep. And the irritating sound of several people breathing, wasn't of a great help either. I could no more pretend to sleep and annoyed, I started bracing myself to open my eyes. Just as I tried to open my eyes a ab agonizing pain shot throughout the upper part of my head and a painful groan left my mouth.

As my eyes adjusted to the brightness of the room I could make out a faded image of Rebecca towering above me. When my vision got clear I could visibly point out the concern in her eyes that stared down at me with nothing but evident sympathy.

"Why?" She asked, what I was running away from. What I was really scared to answer. I tried to open my mouth, looking at her pain-stricken face but no words came out of it. "Why, Sophia? You promised me, Sophia!" Tears started to glisten inside her eyes as she spoke.

I closed my eyes, having seen enough of that expression on her face. It was unbearable. Guilt was eating me alive but what mattered more was the fact that I couldn't succeed in my plan. I couldn't even do a task as simple as killing myself. They are right when they say I'm an unlucky piece of shit that is useless.

"Why did you do it? Do you not care slightest for me? For your brother? For your friends? For people who love you?" No being able to stare at her face I twisted my neck to the other side, gulping hard to restrain myself from letting out the tears that I had held for a long time now.

She doesn't know a single thing about my life!

But what I witnessed there was even excruciating. There stood both Lia and Isaac staring at me with what could be described as a mixture of various expressions. Lia caught my eye and I could see with my clouded vision, her mouth forming a small 'Sophie'. She started to proceed towards me, her eyes showing only one expression - guilt. My lower lip quivered at the sight of it but I composed myself as much as I can.

She came closer and slowly held my right arm with both of her hands, after hesitating. She looked like she was scared to touch me. My ears perked up after hearing the door close indicating the absence of Rebecca and I couldn't be any more eased. I knew that she had left, unhappy with me but I was happy. I didn't want Rebecca knowing a single thing about my actual school life, no matter what.

"I-I Sophia, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I'm really sorry. I-I have no words to tell you what I'm feeling right now. Sophie, I'm really really sorry. I-" she sobbed in middle of her sentence.

"And this? What is this? What did you do? I thought you were strong!" She slipped down on the floor, her hands still holding my arm. "It just breaks me to think all of this is because of me. I don't know what came over me, why I behaved in such a way!" I wanted to console her, to tell her that everything is fine and I have not succeeded in ending my life. That it wasn't her fault. But I didn't know yet who's fault it was. What has caused them all to reach to that high level of coldness.

My eyes trailed to Isaac who was proceeding towards us with short steps. I could no more control the flow of my tears as the events of that day started to resurface. I wanted to not face any of these situations and I was so sure the cyanide will work that I didn't even think about the possibility of it not really working.

"Sophia," he sighed, shaking his head. "This was your fourth time? How did I not know?" He asked, when I expected him to have appologized for what he had done the other day. "Why don't you value the people who love you? Why are you so selfish, Sophia?!" It felt as if his words had two meanings.

"When you don't value people, then don't expect them to respect you!" His tone started to go higher with every word he said. A sob fled my mouth as my mind understood the meaning underneath his words.

I wished to slap him hard, finally, and throw him out of the room, out of my sight, out of this city, out of the country, better out of this world. But I couldn't. I knew every word he said had some truth in it. Lia stood up and glared at him, her glare vanishing when Isaac ignored her.

"Why don't you answer me Sophia? What's wrong with you?! How can you just kill yourself? This is all about Carter isn't it? The world starts from that dick and ends on him. And you being the selfish bi- girl-girl you are just ate those pills. Do you have any idea what-"

I was glad that Lia had stopped him, because I was not far from having heart attack with the pressure of his words. "Shut up already Isaac! She hasn't even recovered from the event and look what things you are bringing up. What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"I'm bringing up what is needed to be brought up. I'm not-"

"Isaac, leave!" Lia hissed this time, flaring with anger. Not being able to keep up with all of this I turned away, closing my eyes.

"I do not follow your orders Amelia. And I'm here to see Sophia. Talk to me Sophia. I want to know why you tried to kill yourself? Talk to me!" His tone was not violent but forceful.

Talk to you?! Fucking leave me alone!

"Get out, you dick! Get lost, Isaac! You're hurting her!"

"I've mentioned earlier that I don't follow your-"

"Leave!" Lia yelled causing the nurse to rush inside.

"My God, are you kids insane?! Out! Now! God! Look at her, she's shaking! Oh my lord!"

I couldn't comprehend anything else after that as I felt my eyes roll back and everything turned dark before me.

*****

A hand stroking my head, woke me up from my sleep and I smiled as my eyes spotted Rebecca above me, her love reflecting from her actions. I was feeling a lot better now. She gestured to the other side of the bed indicating something and I tilted my head to notice my cake sitting there. "Josh," I tried to speak, my eyes watering at the sight of him.

How could I think of leaving without meeting my cake! In no more than a second later, I was attacked by a bone crashing, never-ending hug. "I thought you di- why do you do this sister? You know that I love you! I love you so much! How will I ever get a sister like you? The monsters took me Sophie, but look I'm here again!" He sobbed, wiping his cheeks with the back of his hand. "Why do you always do this to yourself?" His lips trembled as he spoke.

"I'm not talking to you, Sophie. You always do this!"

'Sorry,' I mouthed but he turned his head away, his arms crossed. "Please? Josh?" I tried again, reaching out for his arm, giving him a playful smile. His eyes trailed over my hands stopping at the cannula, his eyebrows raising.

"What is this Sophie?"

Before I could answer Lia beet me to it, getting her presence noticed by me. I couldn't be anymore thankful to her because I didn't feel like answering Josh. It was more like I didn't have the energy to answer. "This? It's a cannula. They use it to inject things inside her body. Like medicines and such stuff."

His mouth turned into a big, round 'o' as he inspected it clearly. "Is it painful?" He asked, his eyes showing pure concern and fright.

I chuckled lightly at his expressions. "No," I shook my head. "And what is this?" I question, my eyes catching a bunch of small, fresh, yellow roses in his hand.

"I bought you flowers," he smiled widely handing me the bunch.

Yellow roses....

Carter.....

"T-Thank you, Josh! These are very pretty," I managed to say, stopping myself from crying again and replacing my sad emotions with a smile. No thoughts about Carter, no single thought about Carter was allowed near my brain.

"Okay, Sophia, you gotta have some food now," Lia came forward, handling a tray in her hands. The bowl placed in the tray confirmed that I had to have soup. There sat an apple accompanied by a banana on the tray beside the bowl. I wouldn't say I hated the food because those fruits had changed my mind. Soup was not the tastiest thing of the world but it was better than nothing. Lia sat beside me and began feeding me.

"So, how did you come here, Josh?" I asked my brother, who hadn't yet left my side and was was switching channels on the television.

"Mom and dad. Who else?" He answered like it was something really obvious. My mind wandered to the possibility of my parents knowing. How would've they reacted knowing that I had committed to kill myself. That were they going to be happy with me or angry. I doubted the latter. I actually doubted both because they hadn't showed any other feelings to me except hatred.

Don't they feel anything about me? Were they even going to be there if I died. Were they even going to have attended my funeral?

"Sophie, come on," Lia interrupted, pushing the spoon full of soup inside my mouth.

"Josh, do the monsters know? About-" a knock on the door cut me off.

My heart rate fastened as I thought about the probability of Isaac being here. "I don't w-want to see Isaac," I let out in between my heavy breaths eyeing the door. Lia's hand grabbed mine to calm me down as she nodded at me.

Rebecca opened the door, letting in whoever was there to see me. "Ma'am, will you please let Josh stay here a little more? He just arrived." Rebecca looked uncertain. I felt Josh stiffening beside me as he looked ahead. And there stood the lady who gave birth to me, with a bouquet of flowers resting in her hands.

Everything about her was perfect from her shoes to the paint on her nails. "P-please let Josh stay. He'll sit away from me, r-right Josh?" I looked over at my brother who had paled at the sight. "Go and sit at the sofa Josh! You know I'm u-unlucky. Keep your distance Josh." I tried to let him know through my eyes that this was just an act and it looked like he was getting me.

Josh walked away from me and sat down civilly on the sofa. "C-can he stay?" I found myself asking her again. "Please?" For a mere moment, I felt some emotion passing through her eyes, something else but hatred. I couldn't point what that was as it flashed away too fast. Was it anger? Love? Sympathy? Concern? Worry?

"Yes. As long as he stays away from you. She's sick Josh! Do you sit so close to patients in the hospital?" She avoided eye contact with me and directed her words to Josh, who shook his head as a reply. I blinked twice not being able to accept the reality that my birth giver didn't address me as unlucky. For once in the lifetime. She, no matter indirectly, but gave an answer to my question.

She walked towards me, her perfectly make-upped eyes taking in the surroundings of hospital. It wasn't only me who was appalled. Rebecca's face expressions proved how real this situation was. As she came closer, I looked down at my hand that was enclosed in Lia's, not being able to look up at my mother.

A bouquet was placed on my beside table and I felt her standing there. This is what awkward means!

She coughed a little and went to sit beside Josh on the sofa. "Hello Mrs. Anderson. It's nice to finally meet you." Lia chimed, trying to dissolve this awkward silence. My mother admired Lia, her lips forming into a small smile.

"Your introduction, young lady?"

"Oh, Sophie didn't introduce us. I'm her bes- I'm her friend, Amelia." She smiled, unaware of my relationship with my parents.

"Oh. It's good to meet you, Amelia," she smiled at her. A moment of silence passed but this time it was broken by Mom. "Let me do it, Amelia," she stood up from where she was sitting and walked towards the bed.

"What? You want to cater her?" Lia asked her as she stood up from beside me, leaving my hand.

"Yeah," Mom answered, taking the tray from Lia's hand and sat double the distance Lia was sitting. She eyed the meal, her eyebrows joining together. "But just the soup, not the fruits."

"I-I'll do it Mo-Victoria." I tried to reach out for the tray but she didn't let me have it.

Looks like this is another dream.

*****

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