however, the departing delivery owl had barely cleared the top of the milk jug when hermione let out a huge gasp and flattened the newspaper to reveal a large photograph of dolores umbridge, smiling widely and blinking slowly at them from beneath the headline:

"'high inquisitor'?" said harry darkly, his half-eaten bit of toast slipping from his fingers. "what does that mean?"

"probably some bullshit position umbitch made up to make herself feel better," said elara. ron choked on his orange juice.

hermione read aloud:

"in a surprise move last night the ministry of magic passed new legislation giving itself an unprecedented level of control at hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry.

"'the minister has been growing uneasy about goings-on at hogwarts for some time,' said junior assistant to the minister, percy weasley. 'he is now responding to concerns voiced by anxious parents, who feel the school may be moving in a direction they do not approve.'

"this is not the first time in recent weeks fudge has used new laws to effect improvements at the wizarding school. as recently as august 30th educational decree twenty-two was passed, to ensure that, in the event of the current headmaster being unable to provide a candidate for a teaching post, the ministry should select an appropriate person.

" 'that's how dolores umbridge came to be appointed to the teaching staff at hogwarts,' said weasley last night. 'dumbledore couldn't find anyone, so the minister put in umbridge and of course, she's been an immediate success —' "

"she's been a WHAT?" said harry loudly.

"bullshit," elara sang.

"wait, there's more," said hermione grimly.

"'— an immediate success, totally revolutionizing the teaching of defense against the dark arts and providing the minister with on-the-ground feedback about what's really happening at hogwarts.'

"it is this last function that the ministry has now formalized with the passing of educational decree twenty-three, which creates the new position of 'hogwarts high inquisitor.'

"'this is an exciting new phase in the minister's plan to get to grips with what some are calling the "falling standards" at hogwarts,' said weasley. 'the inquisitor will have powers to inspect her fellow educators and make sure that they are coming up to scratch. professor umbridge has been offered this position in addition to her own teaching post, and we are delighted to say that she has accepted.'

"the ministry's new moves have received enthusiastic support from parents of students at hogwarts.

" 'i feel much easier in my mind now that i know that dumbledore is being subjected to fair and objective evaluation,' said mr. lucius malfoy, 41, speaking from his wiltshire mansion last night. 'many of us with our children's best interests at heart have been concerned about some of dumbledore's eccentric decisions in the last few years and will be glad to know that the ministry is keeping an eye on the situation.'

"among those 'eccentric decisions' are undoubtedly the controversial staff appointments previously described in this newspaper, which have included the hiring of werewolf remus lupin, half giant rubeus hagrid, and delusional ex-auror 'mad-eye' moody.

"rumors abound, of course, that albus dumbledore, once supreme mugwump of the international confederation of wizards and chief warlock of the wizengamot, is no longer up to the task of managing the prestigious school of hogwarts.

" 'i think the appointment of the inquisitor is a first step toward ensuring that hogwarts has a headmaster in whom we can all repose confidence,' said a ministry insider last night.

"wizengamot elders griselda marchbanks and tiberius ogden have resigned in protest at the introduction of the post of inquisitor to hogwarts." 'hogwarts is a school, not an outpost of cornelius fudge's office,' said madam marchbanks. 'this is a further disgusting attempt to discredit albus dumbledore.' (for a full account of madam marchbanks' alleged links to subversive goblin groups, turn to page 17)."

hermione finished reading and looked across the table at the other three.

"so now we know how we ended up with umbridge! fudge passed this 'educational decree' and forced her on us! and now he's given her the power to inspect other teachers!" hermione was breathing fast and her eyes were very bright. "i can't believe this. it's outrageous. . . ."

"i know it is," said harry. he looked down at his right hand, clenched upon the tabletop, and saw the faint white outline of the words umbridge had forced him to cut into his skin. elara nudged him slightly.

"at least we have matching tattoos now," said elara sarcastically.

but a grin was unfurling on ron's face.

"what?" said elara, harry, and hermione together, staring at him.

"oh, i can't wait to see mcgonagall inspected," said ron happily. "umbridge won't know what's hit her."

"if i pass out in that class," said elara seriously. "ron, i give full permission to throw stuff at me until i wake up."

"well, come on," said hermione, jumping up, "we'd better get going, if she's inspecting binns's class we don't want to be late. . . ."

but professor umbridge was not inspecting their history of magic lesson, which was just as dull as the previous monday, nor was she in snape's dungeon when they arrived for double potions, where elara's moonstone essay was handed back to her with a large, loopy 'e' scrawled in an upper corner.

"i have awarded you the grades you would have received if you presented this work in your o.w.l," said snape with a smirk, as he swept among them, passing back their homework. "this should give you a realistic idea of what to expect in your examination."

snape reached the front of the class and turned to face them.

"the general standard of this homework was abysmal. most of you would have failed had this been your examination. i expect to see a great deal more effort for this week's essay on the various varieties of venom antidotes, or i shall have to start handing out detentions to those dunces who get d's."

he smirked as draco sniggered and said in a carrying whisper, "some people got d's? ha!"

elara snuck a glance at harry's essay and saw that he was the one who got a dreadful on his essay. elara thought that was unfair since they worked on their essay together.

her strengthening solution was the precisely clear turquoise shade that the book said it should look like. her thoughts on becoming a healer was now definitely something she wanted to pursue.

"well, that wasn't as bad as last week, was it?" said hermione, as they climbed the steps out of the dungeon and made their way across the entrance hall toward lunch. "and the homework didn't go too badly either, did it?"

"i still think snape hates me. especially now that i'm pestering him for potions every other day. he's a really harsh grader," said elara, trying to get hermione to stop talking about grades.

"i mean, all right, i didn't expect the top grade, not if he's marking to o.w.l. standard, but a pass is quite encouraging at this stage, wouldn't you say?"

harry made a noncommittal noise in his throat.

"of course, a lot can happen between now and the exam, we've got plenty of time to improve, but the grades we're getting now are a sort of baseline, aren't they? something we can build on . . ."

they sat down together at the gryffindor table.

"obviously, i'd have been thrilled if I'd gotten an o —"

"hermione," said ron sharply, "if you want to know what grades we got, ask."

"i don't — i didn't mean — well, if you want to tell me —"

"i got an e," said elara quietly, not wanting to make harry feel upset further about his grade.

"i got a p," said ron, ladling soup into his bowl. "happy?"

"well, that's nothing to be ashamed of," said fred, who had just arrived at the table with george, aurora, and lee jordan and was sitting down on elara's right. "nothing wrong with a good healthy p."

"but," said hermione, "doesn't p stand for . . ."

"'poor,' yeah," said lee jordan. "still, better than d, isn't it? 'dreadful'?"

harry had a small coughing fit over his roll.

"so top grade's o for 'outstanding,'" she was saying, "and then there's a —"

"no, e," george corrected her, 'e for 'exceeds expectations.' and i've always thought fred and i should've got e in everything, because we exceeded expectations just by turning up for the exams."

"that's because rori forces you," said ron.

"yeah, well, a little known fact about rori is that she's a total nerd," said george, slinging an arm around her shoulder. "last week i caught her freaking out about a muggle movie named star wars."

"you're just jealous because i think luke skywalker's hot," said aurora.

"alright, but he doesn't slam you up against — "

"george fabian weasley!" aurora hissed, nudging his side harshly with her elbow.

they all laughed except hermione, who plowed on, "so after e, it's a for 'acceptable,' and that's the last pass grade, isn't it?"

"yep," said fred, dunking an entire roll in his soup, transferring it to his mouth, and swallowing it whole.

"then you get p for 'poor' " — ron raised both his arms in mock celebration — "and d for 'dreadful.' "

"and then t," george reminded him.

"t?" asked hermione, looking appalled. "even lower than a d? what on earth does that stand for?"

" 'troll,' " said george promptly.

elara laughed again, though she was not sure whether or not george was joking.

"you lot had an inspected lesson yet?" fred asked them.

"no," said hermione at once, "have you?"

"just now, before lunch," said george. "charms."

"what was it like?" elara, harry, and hermione asked together. fred shrugged.

"not that bad. umbridge just lurked in the corner making notes on a clipboard. you know what flitwick's like, he treated her like a guest, didn't seem to bother him at all. she didn't say much. asked rori a couple of questions about what the classes are normally like, rori told her they were really good, that was it."

"i can't see old flitwick getting marked down," said george, "he usually gets everyone through their exams all right."

"who've you got this afternoon?" fred asked elara.

"trelawney —"

"a t if ever i saw one —"

"— and umbitch herself."

"umbitch?"

"i thought umbridge could've done with a new name."

"see, this is why you're my favorite out of ron's friends," said fred. "sorry, harry, hermione."

harry was smiling while hermione looked to be having an internal struggle with herself.

"well, harry, be a good boy and keep your temper with umbridge today," said george. "angelina'll do her nut if you miss any more quidditch practices."

they did not have to wait for defense against the dark arts to meet professor umbridge. elara was pulling out her dream journal in a seat at the very back of the shadowy divination room when ron elbowed her in the ribs and, looking round, she saw professor umbridge emerging through the trapdoor in the floor. the class, which had been talking cheerily, fell silent at once. the abrupt fall in the noise level made professor trelawney, who had been wafting about handing out dream oracles, look round.

"good afternoon, professor trelawney," said professor umbridge with her wide smile. "you received my note, i trust? giving the time and date of your inspection?"

professor trelawney nodded curtly and, looking very disgruntled, turned her back on professor umbridge and continued to give out books. still smiling, professor umbridge grasped the back of the nearest armchair and pulled it to the front of the class so that it was a few inches behind professor trelawney's seat. she then sat down, took her clipboard from her flowery bag, and looked up expectantly, waiting for the class to begin.

professor trelawney pulled her shawls tight about her with slightly trembling hands and surveyed the class through her hugely magnifying lenses. "we shall be continuing our study of prophetic dreams today," she said in a brave attempt at her usual mystic tones, though her voice shook slightly. "divide into threes, please, and interpret each other's latest nighttime visions with the aid of the oracle."

she made as though to sweep back to her seat, saw professor umbridge sitting right beside it, and immediately veered left toward parvati and lavender, who were already deep in discussion about parvati's most recent dream.

elara opened her copy of the dream oracle, watching umbridge covertly. she was making notes on her clipboard now. after a few minutes she got to her feet and began to pace the room in trelawney's wake, listening to her conversations with students and posing questions here and there. harry bent his head hurriedly over his book.

"think of a dream, quick," harry told ron, "in case the old toad comes our way."

"i did it last time," ron protested, "it's yours or elara's turn, one of you tell me one."

harry immedietaly looked at elara. she sighed.

"fine" she grumbled. "i've been dreaming about an archway that's really creepy. there's whispering and everything coming from it."

ron opened his dream oracle.

"okay, we've got to add your age to the date you had the dream, the number of letters in the subject . . . would that be 'archway' or 'creepy' or 'whispering'?"

"it doesn't matter, pick any of them," said elara, chancing a glance behind her. professor umbridge was now standing at professor trelawney's shoulder making notes while the divination teacher questioned neville about his dream diary.

"what night did you dream this again?" ron said, immersed in calculations.

"i dunno, it's been happening a lot," said elara. "two nights ago was the last time."

"and you are a great-great-granddaughter of the celebrated seer cassandra trelawney?" said umbridge.

"yes," said professor trelawney, holding her head a little higher. another note on the clipboard. "but i think — correct me if i am mistaken — that you are the first in your family since cassandra to be possessed of second sight?"

"these things often skip — er — three generations," said professor trelawney.

professor umbridge's toadlike smile widened, "of course," she said sweetly, making yet another note. "well, if you could just predict something for me, then?"

she looked up inquiringly, still smiling. professor trelawney had stiffened as though unable to believe her ears.

"i don't understand you," said professor trelawney, clutching convulsively at the shawl around her scrawny neck.

"i'd like you to make a prediction for me," said professor umbridge very clearly.

elara, harry, and ron were not the only people watching and listening sneakily from behind their books now; most of the class were staring transfixed at professor trelawney as she drew herself up to her full height, her beads and bangles clinking.

"the inner eye does not see upon command!" she said in scandalized tones.

"i see," said professor umbridge softly, making yet another note on her clipboard.

"i — but — but . . . wait!" said professor trelawney suddenly, in an attempt at her usual ethereal voice, though the mystical effect was ruined somewhat by the way it was shaking with anger. "i . . . i think i do see something . . . something that concerns you. . . . why, i sense something . . . something dark . . . some grave peril . . ."

professor trelawney pointed a shaking finger at professor umbridge who continued to smile blandly at her, eyebrows raised.

"i am afraid . . . i am afraid that you are in grave danger!" professor trelawney finished dramatically.

there was a pause. professor umbridge's eyebrows were still raised.

"right," she said softly, scribbling on her clipboard once more. "well, if that's really the best you can do . . ."

she turned away, leaving professor trelawney standing rooted to the spot, her chest heaving. elara caught ron's and harry's eye and knew that they were thinking exactly the same she was: they knew that professor trelawney was an old fraud, but on the other hand, they loathed umbridge so much that they felt very much on trelawney's side — until she swooped down on them a few seconds later, that was.

"well?" she said, snapping her long fingers under harry's nose, uncharacteristically brisk. "let me see the start you've made on your dream diary, please."

and by the time she had interpreted harry's dreams at the top of her voice (all of which, even the ones that involved eating porridge, apparently foretold a gruesome and early death), elara was feeling much less sympathetic toward professor trelawney. all the while, professor umbridge stood a few feet away, making notes on that clipboard, and when the bell rang she descended the silver ladder first so that she was waiting for them all when they reached their defense against the dark arts lesson ten minutes later.