lately every time she'd be able to succumb to sleep, she'd dream about thousands of dementors surrounding her. she'd only wake up when one lifted its hood off it's face and she saw it's terrible black hole for a mouth.

at eight o'clock on thursday evening, elara and harry left gryffindor tower for the history of magic classroom. it was dark and empty when they arrived, but they lit the lamps with their wands and had waited only five minutes when professor lupin turned up, carrying a large packing case, which he heaved onto professor binn's desk.

"what's that?" said harry.

"another boggart," said lupin, stripping off his cloak. "i've been combing the castle ever since tuesday, and very luckily, i found this one lurking inside mr. filch's filing cabinet. it's the nearest we'll get to a real dementor. the boggart will turn into a dementor when he sees you, so we'll be able to practice on him. i can store him in my office when we're not using him; there's a cupboard under my desk he'll like."

"okay," said harry. elara was relieved they wouldn't have to use a real dementor.

"so..." professor lupin had taken out his own wand, and indicated that Harry should do the same. "the spell i am going to try and teach you is highly advanced magic — well beyond ordinary wizarding level. it is called the patronus charm."

"corrine told us about it when we were in the hospital," said elara. "but how does it work?"

"well, when it works correctly, it conjures up a patronus," said lupin, "which is a kind of anti-dementor — a guardian that acts as a shield between you and the dementor."

professor lupin continued, "the patronus is a kind of positive force, a projection of the very things that the dementor feeds upon — hope, happiness, the desire to survive — but it cannot feel despair, as real humans can, so the dementors can't hurt it. but i must warn you, harry, that the charm might be too advanced for you. many qualified wizards have difficulty with it."

"what does a patronus look like?" said harry curiously.

"each one is unique to the wizard who conjures it."

"and how do you conjure it?" elara asked excitedly.

"with an incantation, which will work only if you are concentrating, with all your might, on a single, very happy memory."

elara's mind traveled to all the happy memories she'd ever made. her favorite one was when her hair turned pink and nympie tackled her from across the table, yelling about how excited she was.

"okay, i think i've got it." elara said, recalling the festivities of that day. harry nodded along.

"the incantation is this —" lupin cleared his throat. "expecto patronum!"

"expecto patronum," elara and harry chorused.

silver wispy stuff flew out of the end of elara's wand and she grew an accomplished smile.

"very good, elara! concentrating hard on your happy memory, harry?"

"oh — yeah —" said harry, quickly forcing his thoughts back to that first broom ride. "expecto patrono — no, patronum — sorry — expecto patronum, expecto patronum."

elara stifled a laugh as the same silver wispy stuff whoosed out of harry's wand too. "did you see that?" said harry excitedly. "something happened!"

"very good," said lupin, smiling. "right, then — ready to try it on a dementor, you two?"

"i'll go first," harry stepped up and lupin nodded. harry was gripping his wand very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom.

lupin grasped the lid of the packing case and pulled.

a dementor rose slowly from the box, its hooded face turned toward harry, one glistening,scabbed hand gripping its cloak. the lamps around the classroom flickered and went out. the dementor stepped from the box and started to sweep silently toward harry, drawing a deep,rattling breath.

"expecto patronum!" harry yelled. "expecto patronum! expecto —"

harry began falling backwards as the dementor kept advancing slowly towards him. elara dove to catch him as his body began arching towards the hardwood ground. she found it difficult supporting harry after catching him and elara's mind wandered back to corrine catching her from fifty feet up.

lupin helped elara lower harry to the ground as he had started thrashing slightly.

"harry!" elara grabbed his shoulder and started shaking it.

harry woke instantly. he looked around slightly dazed and confused. a few strands of his raven hair were stuck to his forehead from sweat.

"sorry," harry muttered, sitting up.

"you're lucky elara caught you. are you alright?" said lupin.

harry looked at elara who pretended not to notice.

"yes..." harry pulled himself up on one of the desks and leaned against it.

"here —" lupin handed harry a chocolate frog. "eat this before we try again. i didn't expect you to do it your first time; in fact, i would have been astounded if you had."

"it's getting worse," harry muttered, biting off the frog's head. "i could hear her louder that time — and him — voldemort —"

elara looked down at her hands, letting her hair fall in front of her face to hide the pained expression she wore. harry had told her she shouldn't feel guilty for none of it was her fault, but she just couldn't help it.

"harry, if you don't want to continue, i will more than understand —"

"i do!" said harry fiercely, stuffing the rest of the chocolate frog into his mouth. "i've got to! what if the dementors turn up at our match against ravenclaw? i can't afford to fall off again and i don't want lara getting hurt either! besides, if we lose this game we've lost the quidditch cup!"

"alright, but elara will go next. you need some time to recover."

harry grumbled while elara spun her wand between her fingers, stepping up towards the box.

"ready?" said lupin, gripping the box lid.

"i'm ready." elara stated, straightening her back as the box was opened.

"go!" said lupin, pulling off the lid. the room went icily cold and dark once more. the dementor glided forward, drawing its breath; one rotting hand was extending toward elara —

"expecto patronum!" elara yelled, and a huge silver shadow shot out her wand. the boggart-dementor made an odd screeching noise and darted to the side.

"well done, elara! harry, you up for it?"

harry didn't say anything and stepped towards the dementor. the dementor moved forward, drawing its breath —

"expecto patronum!" harry yelled. "expecto patronum! expecto pat —"

for the second time, harry began to fall backwards. elara was much quicker in catching him so that she could use her body to support him while lupin dealt with the boggart-dementor. elara shifted uncomfortably as her arms got tired.

elara lowered harry as best she could until she was forced to let him drop onto the dusty classroom floor. lupin began rustling around in his bag for chocolate and elara began to poke harry hard on the face.

"harry! harry... wake up..."

this time it was a minute before harry understood why he was lying on a dusty classroom floor. elara was kneeled over him with an unreadable expression on her face.

"i heard my dad," harry mumbled. "that's the first time i've ever heard him — he tried to take on voldemort himself, to give my mum time to run for it..."

guilt hit elara like a truck. she felt like the wind was sucked out from her instantaneously. she fell back from her knees and ran her hands through her hair. she wondered why she was born into this family, why they did all those horrible things, why all the remorse was forced onto her.

"you heard james?" said lupin in a strange voice.

"yeah..." harry looked up. "why — you didn't know my dad, did you?"

"i — i did, as a matter of fact," said lupin. "we were friends at hogwarts. listen, harry —perhaps we should leave it here for tonight. this charm is ridiculously advanced... i shouldn't have suggested putting you through this..."

"no!" said harry. he got up again. "i'll have one more go! i'm not thinking of happy enough things, that's what it is... hang on..."

elara was still sitting when harry turned to look at her from her place on the floor. "it's not your fault, lara. i've told you a million times."

"yeah, well." elara's voice cracked ever so slightly as she fought through the lump in her throat. "i can't help that, can i?"

neither harry or lupin said something and elara was grateful. she was borderline crying in front of a friend and an authority figure. to elara, crying was weak. crying was vulnerable. harry offered a hand to pull elara up but she refused and grabbed onto a desk to hoist herself up.

"ready, harry?" said lupin, who looked as though he were doing this against his better judgment."concentrating hard? all right — go!"

he pulled off the lid of the case for the third time, and the dementor rose out of it; the room fell cold and dark —

"EXPECTO PATRONUM!" harry bellowed. "EXPECTO PATRONUM! EXPECTO PATRONUM!"

to elara's surprise, the boggart-dementor halted and a huge, silver shadow came bursting out of the end of harry's wand, to hover between him and the dementor. lupin sprung forward and shouted a spell to force the boggart-dementor back into the case.

"excellent!" lupin said, striding over to where harry sat. "excellent, you two! that was definitely a start!"

"can we have another go? just one more go?" harry asked eagerly, proud he had been able to fight it off.

"not now," said lupin firmly. "we've had enough for one night. here —"

he handed harry and elara two large bars of honeydukes' best chocolate.

"eat the lot, or madam pomfrey will be after my blood. same time next week?"

"sounds good," said elara. she took a bite of the chocolate and watched lupin extinguishing the lamps that had rekindled with the disappearance of the dementor.

harry and lupin chatted about sirius black for a little until lupin told them it was pretty late and they should get to bed. elara and harry left the classroom, walking along the corridor and around a corner, then took a detour behind a suit of armor and sank down on its plinth to finish their chocolate before the students in the gryffindor common room would pester them for some.

they sat in silence until harry spoke.

"part of me doesn't want to be able to cast a patronus." harry breathed out all at once.

elara gaped at him with a mouth full of chocolate.

"what?" she thought he had officially gone mental.

"i know it sounds crazy, but the only time i can hear my parents' voices is when i'm near a dementor. even if its their last moments, i haven't heard their voices since i was a baby. i don't want that to change. and don't you dare feel guilty about it, lara." harry added the last part at elara's scrunched nose.

elara looked down at her shoes, trying to figure out what to say. "i don't -- harry, this is going to sound mean... but that's not in any way safe. i don't want you getting hurt."

harry sighed. "i know. they're dead. they're dead and listening to echoes of them won't bring them back."

before elara could say anything, harry shoved the rest of the chocolate in his mouth and stood up. elara sighed and followed after him. friendships were so difficult.

january faded imperceptibly into february, with no change in the bitterly cold weather. the anti-dementor lessons were going great for elara. her patronus was becoming more and more distinct although it still too shadowy to be able to tell what it is.

harry was having difficulty driving away the dementors due to his desire to hear his parents voices. he was able to produce an indistinct, silvery shadow every time the boggart-dementor approached him, but his patronus was too feeble to drive the dementor away. the subject of his parents hadn't come up again.

"you're expecting too much of yourself, harry," said professor lupin, sternly in their fourth week of practice. "for a thirteen-year-old wizard, even an indistinct patronus is a huge achievement. you aren't passing out anymore, are you?"

"i thought a patronus would — charge the dementors down or something," said harry dispiritedly. "make them disappear —"

"the true patronus does do that," said lupin. "but you two have achieved a great deal in a very short space of time. if the dementors put in an appearance at the next quidditch match, you both should be able to keep them at bay long enough to get to safety."

"you said it's harder if there are loads of them," said harry.

"i have complete confidence in you two," said lupin, smiling. "here — you've earned a drink. something from the three broomsticks. elara, i believe you'll have tried it, but harry —"

he pulled three bottles out of his briefcase.

"butterbeer!" chorused elara and harry.

"yeah, i like that stuff!" said harry. elara nudged him with her foot at his slip-up.

lupin raised an eyebrow.

"oh — elara, ron and hermione brought me some back from hogsmeade," harry lied quickly.

"i see," said lupin, though he still looked slightly suspicious. "well — let's drink to a gryffindor victory against ravenclaw! not that i'm supposed to take sides, as a teacher..." he added hastily.

they drank the butterbeer in silence, until elara voiced something she'd been wondering for awhile.

"what's under a dementor's hood?"

professor lupin lowered his bottle thoughtfully.

"hmmm... well, the only people who really know are in no condition to tell us. you see, the dementor lowers its hood only to use its last and worst weapon."

"what's that?" harry asked.

"they call it the dementor's kiss," said lupin, with a slightly twisted smile. "it's what dementors do to those they wish to destroy utterly. i suppose there must be some kind of mouth under there, because they clamp their jaws upon the mouth of the victim and — and suck out his soul."

elara chose the wrong time to take a sip of her drink as she choked on it in surprise. harry accidentally spat out a bit of butterbeer.

"what — they kill —?"

"oh no," said lupin. "much worse than that. you can exist without your soul, you know, as long as your brain and heart are still working. but you'll have no sense of self anymore, no memory, no... anything. there's no chance at all of recovery. you'll just exist. as an empty shell. and your soul is gone forever... lost."

lupin drank a little more butterbeer, then said, "it's the fate that awaits sirius black. it was in the daily prophet this morning. the ministry have given the dementors permission to perform it if they find him."

elara sat stunned for a moment at the idea of someone having their soul sucked out through their mouth. she then thought of black and how he betrayed his best friends and killed an entire street of muggles. she thought of you-know-who and all the destruction he caused.

"he deserves it," harry said suddenly.

"you think so?" said lupin lightly. "do you really think anyone deserves that?"

"if you-know-who were alive, i'd like to see his soul sucked out through his mouth." elara spoke up, her grip on the butterbeer bottle so tight her knuckles were turning white.

harry and lupin sat and stared at elara, absolutely stunned. for someone so tiny, she held a lot of anger.

on their way back to the gryffindor common room, professor mcgonagall gave harry his firebolt back. he took it out of her hands very gently as if he were taking a newborn out of the arms of its mother.

they continued on their way to the gryffindor tower when ron emerged from the shadows somewhere with a maniacal glint in his eye and borderline demanded he fly the firebolt. harry agreed and suggested they make up with hermoine as they had been kind of rude to her after she reported the firebolt.

as soon as harry entered the common room, he was bombarded with people asking to just touch the broom. elara took it as a moment to slip away and find hermoine.

she found hermoine by the fire, bent over her endless horde of homework. after ten minutes or so, during which the firebolt was passed around and admired from every angle, harry and ron approached their table and at last, and hermoine looked up.

"i got it back," said harry, grinning at hermoine and holding up the firebolt.

"see, hermione? there wasn't anything wrong with it!" said ton.

"well — there might have been!" said hermione. "i mean, at least you know now that it's safe!"

"yeah, i suppose so," said harry. "i'd better put it upstairs."

"i'll take it!" said ron eagerly. "i've got to give scabbers his rat tonic."

he took the firebolt and, holding it as if it were made of glass, carried it away up the boys' staircase.

harry took a seat next to elara while moving a great stack of parchment of a chair. elara looked around at the cluttered table, at the long arithmancy essay on which the ink was still glistening, at the even longer muggle studies essay ('explain why muggles need electricity') and at the rune translation hermione was now poring over.

elara admired that hermoine was taking all these classes and hadn't lost her sanity yet. elara knew she personally would've lost it only a week in.

"hermoine, how have you not lost it?" elara asked her.

"yeah," continued harry, "how are you getting through all this stuff?"

"oh, well — you know — working hard," said hermione. she looked as tired as lupin.