elara could feel it like she was experiencing the emotion herself. as she was new to the whole 'friends' thing, elara didn't know what to say. harry told elara that he didn't blame her for anything although she felt like it was her fault. ron and hermoine seemed to know what to do, so elara let them handle it.

they didn't seem to be doing a great job at it. soon enough, elara found out this was the first time harry really got like this.

it also seemed that harry was stubborn. elara wasn't surprised considering his track record from the past two years; fighting voldemort quirrel and saving ginny weasley from the chamber of secrets even when almost everybody told him not to.

"don't be silly," said hermione in a panicky voice. "harry doesn't want to kill anyone, do you, harry?"

harry didn't answer. he stared at the crackling fire.

"malfoy knows," he said abruptly. "remember what he said to me in potions? 'if it was me, i'd hunt him down myself... i'd want revenge.'"

"you're going to take malfoy's advice instead of ours?" said ron furiously. "listen... you know what pettigrew's mother got back after black had finished with him? dad told me — the order of merlin, first class, and pettigrew's finger in a box. that was the biggest bit of him they could find. black's a madman, harry, and he's dangerous —"

"malfoy's dad must have told him," said harry, ignoring ron. "he was right in voldemort's inner circle —"

"say you-know-who, will you?" interjected ron angrily.

"— so obviously, the malfoys knew black was working for voldemort —"

"— and malfoy'd love to see you blown into about a million pieces, like pettigrew! get a grip. malfoy's just hoping you'll get yourself killed before he has to play you at quidditch."

"harry, please," said hermione, her eyes now shining with tears, "please be sensible. black dida terrible, terrible thing, but d-don't put yourself in danger, it's what black wants... oh, harry,you'd be playing right into black's hands if you went looking for him. your mum and dad wouldn't want you to get hurt, would they? they'd never want you to go looking for black!"

"i'll never know what they'd have wanted, because thanks to black, i've never spoken to them,"said harry shortly.

elara pulled her knees to her chest and put her head down. the guilt was overwhelming. her cousin got harry's parents killed, her mum tortured alice and frank longbottom into insanity. she peered over her knees and saw the trio staring at her.

"oh, lara. you have to stop blaming yourself." said hermoine gently.

elara nodded and said nothing, looking everywhere but at harry.

"look," said ron, obviously casting around for a change of subject, "it's the holidays! it's nearly christmas! let's — let's go down and see hagrid. we haven't visited him for ages!"

"no!" said hermione quickly. "harry isn't supposed to leave the castle, ron —"

"yeah, let's go," said harry, sitting up, "and i can ask him how come he never mentioned black when he told me all about my parents!"

"or we could have a game of chess," ron said hastily, "or gobstones. percy left a set —"

"no, let's visit hagrid," said harry firmly.

they looked at elara, who was still firmly planted in her seat. "you guys go ahead. i think i'm just going to stay here."

"are you sure?" asked hermoine.

elara nodded and they got their cloaks from their dormitories and set off through the portrait hole. she watched their retreating backs and all she could wonder was why are friendships so hard?

she sighed and pulled a jumper over her head. maybe it wasn't her fault, but all her life she couldn't help but feel guilty. she didn't ask to be born into the infamous pureblood family that also happened to be in you-know-who's inner circle.

aunt meda and nymphie tried to keep her family's history from her has much as they could but it was inevitable after a woman confused elara with her mother and began screaming at her. and that's when the nightmares started.

every night was filled with flashes of green and red lights, screaming, begging, crying.

when she started at hogwarts and began interacting with the people her family has affected negatively, the nightmares escalated into night terrors. elara herself began to scream, cry, kick, thrash, mumble, and sometimes the worst of them came with sleepwalking.

one out of her other two roommates didn't have a problem with it. aspen lovelace slept like a rock and it got to the point where she had to be jostled awake or she would sleep through the entire day. so her other two roommates, maya cordine and tori davis, were arranged into other dorms within months of their first year.

now, elara denied sleep.

dreamless sleep potions didn't even seem to help. she had only taken it once, but it resulted in her being tied down on the hospital wing bed.

the trio came back later and explained hurriedly that buckbeak was under trial for attacking draco malfoy. elara was forced to forget about her problems in order to help hagrid win the case. they went to the library the next day and returned to the empty common room laden with books that might help prepare a defense for buckbeak. the four of them sat in front of the roaring fire, slowly turning the pages of dusty volumes about famous cases of marauding beasts, speaking occasionally when they ran across something relevant.

meanwhile, in the rest of the castle, the usual magnificent christmas decorations had been put up, despite the fact that hardly any of the students remained to enjoy them. thick streamers of holly and mistletoe were strung along the corridors, mysterious lights shone from inside every suit of armor, and the great hall was filled with its usual twelve christmas trees, glittering with golden stars. a powerful and delicious smell of cooking pervaded the corridors, and by christmas eve, it had grown so strong that even scabbers, ron's rat, poked his nose out of the shelter of ron's pocket to sniff hopefully at the air.

on christmas morning, elara was woken from a rare sleep by hermoine poking her shoulder.

"happy christmas, elara!"

hermoine and elara met ron and harry downstairs. ron was glaring at them for taking so long.

there was a lumpy present with elara's name attached to it. she tore the wrapping off and found a huge comfy-looking pastel yellow jumper embroidered with the letter 'e'. elara pulled it on over her head and smiled.

"mum's knitted you a sweater." ron said, staring at the beautiful yellow color. "wish she'd give me that color instead of maroon."

"i think it's wonderful." said elara, touched that mrs. weasley cared even though elara and ron had only been friends for about two weeks.

elara received a navy blue journal with different constellations upon the cover. it was bound shut with a strung that wrapped around a button. hermoine sheepishly explained it was to record the night terrors and dreams elara experienced so that she may be able to possibly find a connection.

ron gave elara an assortment of cosmic lollipops that were enchanted to glitter he bought from honeydukes. they looked almost too pretty to eat, but ron really wanted to try one.

her favorite gift was from harry. it was a little grey rope bracelet with a wishbone charm that came with a little card that said 'according to tradition, when the cord goes off and the bracelet falls away, your wish is ready to come true.' elara fastened it on her right wrist and thought of a wish.

i want a day i can freeze in time. a day where i'm so happy that i'm not worried even the slightest. elara wished with her eyes shut tight.

"what'd you wish for?" asked harry eagerly.

"if i tell you that," elara smiled, "it won't come true."

harry picked up a long, thin package lying underneath all the wrapping paper and ribbon.

"what's that?" said ron, looking over, a freshly unwrapped pair of maroon socks in his hand.

"dunno..."

harry ripped the parcel open and gasped as a magnificent, gleaming broomstick rolled out onto his bedspread. ron dropped his socks and scooted over for a closer look. hermoine and elara had to only stretch a bit to get a good glance.

"i don't believe it," he said hoarsely.

it was a firebolt, identical to the broom corrine detailed in her long winded ramblings about quidditch. its handle glittered as harry picked it up. it began to vibrate and harry let go; it hung in midair,unsupported, at exactly the right height for him to mount it.

elara's eyes moved from the golden registration number at the top of the handle, right down to the perfectly smooth, streamlined birch twigs that made up the tail.

"who sent it to you?" said elara, eyes wide. she wasn't much of a quidditch fan, but the broom was quite beautiful. and expensive.

"look and see if there's a card," said harry.

ron ripped apart the firebolt's wrappings. hermoine and elara moved away some of the wrapping near them to no avail.

"nothing! blimey, who'd spend that much on you?"

"ronald!" hermoine hissed, looking at ron in an bewildered sort of fashion.

"well," said harry, stunned, "i'm betting it wasn't the dursleys."

elara had learned about harry's muggle family during their stay at the hospital wing two weeks ago. they seemed insufferable and they treated harry awfully.

"i bet it was dumbledore," said ron, now walking around and around the firebolt, taking in every glorious inch. "he sent you the invisibility cloak anonymously..."

"dumbledore gave you two the invisibility cloak?!" said elara incredulously.

"it was my dad's," harry explained. "dumbledore was just passing it on to me. he wouldn't spend hundreds of galleons on me. he can't go giving students stuff like this —"

"that's why he wouldn't say it was from him!" said ron. "in case some git like malfoy said it was favoritism. oh merlin —" ron gave a great whoop of laughter — "malfoy! wait 'til he sees you on this! he'll be sick as a pig! this is an international standard broom, this is!"

"boys," elara muttered and hermoine snickered.

"i can't believe this," harry muttered, running a hand along the firebolt, while ron sank onto the ground, laughing his head off at the thought of draco. "who—?"

they launched into a long winded interrogation on who could've sent harry the broom. elara got sort of a terrible feeling in her stomach. call it intuition, but she had the thought someone with mal intent sent harry the broom. she caught hermoine's eye. hermoine seemed to be thinking the same thing.

"what's the matter with you two?" said ron.

"i don't know," said hermione slowly, "but it's a bit odd, isn't it? i mean, this is supposed to be quite a good broom, isn't it?"

ron sighed exasperatedly. "it's the best broom there is, hermione," he said.

"so it must've been really expensive..."

"probably cost more than all the slytherins' brooms put together," said ron happily.

"why would someone gift harry something that expensive and not say it was them?" said elara cautiously.

"who cares?" said ron impatiently. "listen, harry, can i have a go on it? can i?"

"i don't think anyone should ride that broom just yet!" said hermione shrilly.

even elara looked at hermoine. elara had only thought it was sirius black who sent the broom, but not that any jinxes were placed on it. it takes incredibly powerful magic to jinx a broom and sirius black had been in azkaban for so long...

"what d'you think harry's going to do with it — sweep the floor?" said ron.

crookshanks sprung at ron's chest from out of nowhere. ron began screaming at an unnaturally high octave as crookshanks's claws ripped his pajamas and scabbers attempted a wild escape over his shoulder. ron seized scabbers by the tailand aimed a misjudged kick at crookshanks that hit a side table, knocking it over and causing ron to hop up and down, howling with pain.

christmas spirit was definitely thin on the ground in the gryffindor common room that morning. hermione had shut crookshanks in her dormitory, but was furious with ron for trying to kick him; ron was still fuming about crookshanks's fresh attempt to eat scabbers. harry and elara gave up trying to make them talk to each other and devoted themselves to examining the firebolt. for some reason this seemed to annoy hermione as well; she didn't say anything, but she kept looking darkly at the broom as though it too had been criticizing her cat.

at lunchtime they went down to the great hall, to find that the house tables had been moved against the walls again, and that a single table, set for twelve, stood in the middle of the room. professors dumbledore, mcgonagall, snape, sprout, and flitwick were there, along with filch,the caretaker, who had taken off his usual brown coat and was wearing a very old and rather moldy-looking tailcoat. there were only two other extremely nervous-looking first years.

they sat at the single table with the professors and first years because it seemed silly to use house tables as there weren't many people left at hogwarts this christmas. as elara was asking harry to pass the roast potatoes, the doors of the great hall opened. it was professor trelawney, gliding toward them as though on wheels. she had put on a green sequined dress in honor of the occasion, making her look more than ever like a glittering, oversized dragonfly.

dumbledore drew a chair in midair with his wand, which revolved for a few seconds before falling with a thud between professors snape and mcgonagall. professor trelawney,however, did not sit down; her enormous eyes had been roving around the table, and she suddenly uttered a kind of soft scream.

"i dare not, headmaster! if i join the table, we shall be thirteen! nothing could be more unlucky! never forget that when thirteen dine together, the first to rise will be the first to die!"

"we'll risk it, sybill," said professor mcgonagall impatiently. "do sit down, the turkey's getting stone cold."

the rest of the dinner went without another mention of the unlucky thirteen. towards the end, professor trelawney seemed to be normal-ish. full to bursting with christmas dinner and still wearing their cracker hats, harry and elara got up first from the table and professor trelawney shrieked loudly.

"my dears! which of you left their seat first? which?"

"i don't know." said elara truthfully, glancing uneasily at harry.

"i doubt it will make much difference," said professor mcgonagall coldly, "unless a madaxeman is waiting outside the doors to slaughter the first into the entrance hall."

even ron laughed as he stood up. professor trelawney looked highly affronted.

hermoine had to speak with professor mcgonagall, so the trio made their way back to gryffindor tower. when they reached the portrait hole they found sir cadogan enjoying a christmas party with a couple of monks, several previous headmasters of hogwarts and his fat pony. he pushed up his visor toasted them with a flagon of mead.

"merry — hic — christmas! password?"

"scurvy cur," said ron.

"and the same to you, sir!" roared sir cadogan, as the painting swung forward to admit them.

elara began writing in the dream journal hermoine gifted her about the night terrors she experienced the previous night. harry and ron simply sat admiring the firebolt from every angle, until the portrait hole opened, and hermione came in accompanied by professor mcgonagall.

though professor mcgonagall was head of gryffindor house, elara had only seen her in the common room once before, and that had been to make a very grave announcement. elara set her notebook down while harry and ron stared at professor mcgonagall, both holding the firebolt. hermione walked around them, sat down, picked up the nearest book and hid her face behind it.

professor mcgonagall asked to examine the broom and harry handed it over albeit reluctantly. "i see... well, i'm afraid i will have to take this, potter."

"w — what?" said harry, scrambling to his feet. "why?"

"it will need to be checked for jinxes," said professor mcgonagall. "of course, i'm no expert,but i daresay madam hooch and professor flitwick will strip it down —"

"strip it down?" repeated ron, as though professor mcgonagall was mad.

"it shouldn't take more than a few weeks," said professor mcgonagall. "you will have it back if we are sure it is jinx-free."

"there's nothing wrong with it!" said harry, his voice shaking slightly. "honestly, professor —"

"you can't know that, potter," said professor mcgonagall, quite kindly, "not until you've flown it, at any rate, and i'm afraid that is out of the question until we are certain that it has not been tampered with. i shall keep you informed."

professor mcgonagall turned on her heel and carried the firebolt out of the portrait hole, which closed behind her. elara and harry watched her go, stunned. ron, however, rounded on hermione.

"what did you go running to mcgonagall for?"

hermione threw her book aside. she was pink in the face, but stood up and faced ron defiantly.

"because i thought — and professor mcgonagall agrees with me — that that broom was probably sent to harry by sirius black!"

guilt gnawed at elara.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

-- the perfect day elara wished for won't come

for another two years to the day sadly. (BUT

it'll all be worth it because what happens is

AHHHHHHHHHH SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!)