❖

The two took a couchette on their return journey. That way, they could avoid any lingering awkwardness or embarrassment during the trip.

The train rumbled away from Xiamen, and everything from the past two days became memories which would be forever remembered. From outside the window, the city could be vaguely seen. A light sea breeze filtered in, still carrying a damp flavour.

Nothing seemed to have changed; yet, at the same time, everything had changed.

The pair had stayed up all night and also engaged in a very strength consuming activity. Thus, it was no surprise that they were extremely tired; their restless and agitated minds had refused to calm. It was only now—while they were in an enclosed environment—that they slowly sank into their dreams.

Wang Guangning's dreamscape was quite disordered. He was brought back to a faint memory of when he had just entered the university. Zhang Lingyi was standing under the sun while wearing camouflage clothing. Even though his image was unclear since he was too far away, Wang Guangning could still feel his imposing (and irritating) manner despite the distance.

Then the scene changed to the memory of the university entrance ceremony where he and Zhang Lingyi were the student representatives and had given speeches. They had encountered each other in the backstage area, and it was the first time they had ever been in such close range and made contact. Zhang Lingyi shot him a supercilious look.

......

The scenes changed, again and again, all fragments of times when he had found Zhang Lingyi annoying or troublesome.

It was obvious from his memories that he and Zhang Lingyi were completely incompatible like fire and water; yet, why did his heart feel an indescribable sense of melancholy?

❖

By the time they arrived back at the university, it was already dusk. The entire campus was void of people, and everywhere was empty. First, they both went back to their own dorms to have a rest and reorganise their things. Afterwards, Zhang Lingyi came and knocked on Wang Guangning's door.

Today could be considered the last day to their agreement of being gay, even though there were still four more objectives on the guide that they had not completed yet——stand under the rain together, watch a concert together, take each other to see their family, and love each other for a lifetime.

However, due to the fact that the difficulty of finishing these tasks was quite high, the two decided to end it here.

Even though there was slight reluctance on their part, no feast would last forever¹, just as how there were no agreements which would not eventually terminate.

天下無不散之筵席: means that 'all good things must come to an end'.

Hence, the two decided to complete this final task and then both go back to their respective homes.

"Shou shou, let's go!" After having rested for a day, Zhang Lingyi was now able to face Wang Guangning and act naturally. He had restored his previous mischievous manner and was now running towards Wang Guangning while waving a box in the air.

When Wang Guangning saw Zhang Lingyi's unaffected appearance, the worry is heart also dissipated. However, there was also a kind of indescribable disappointment.

Zhang Lingyi was willing to do that sort of thing with him, yet, Wang Guangning was still unclear about the other's true thoughts.

The pair both took out a piece of paper and wrote a secret on it, then placed them into the box.

"Haha. Let's go and bury it now. When we graduate, we can dig out the box and read them. I wonder what it will be like then!" Zhang Lingyi's expression was brimming with anticipation.

Since it was a secret, Zhang Lingyi did not ask Wang Guangning about what exactly he wrote.

Wang Guangning only said that it was "quite embarrassing!"

Maybe it was something very emotional, or something that would inspire laughter.

The two men carried the box, along with a small shovel, and headed towards Moon Lake. After a quick discussion, that was the location where they had decided to bury the secrets in. Wang Guangning felt that Moon Lake's environment was pretty good. The lake itself was surrounded by hills and trees, which made it a perfect place to bury things in.

Zhang Lingyi thought that Moon Lake and the activities they had done as part of their agreement were connected by fate; thus, they both happily agreed on this location.

The pair circled around Moon Lake before they finally settled upon a fiddleleaf fig tree² which appeared to be drenched with history.

琴葉榕: Ficus pandurata Hance (scientific name)

The reason why they chose this tree was that it was the only one of its kind near Moon Lake, so they wouldn't have to worry about not being able to find it again in the future.

"Let's bury it here," Wang Guangning decided. Then he directed Zhang Lingyi to begin digging.

After around half an hour, the two finally managed to bury the box. They then proceeded to layer soil onto the top, before eventually announcing the task complete.

"We'll come and dig it out after our graduation."

Zhang Lingyi's mood was somewhat complicated as he looked at where they had buried the box. He spoke, "At that time, we would probably have become very good friends!"

Was being very good friends the only thing they could be?

Wang Guangning smiled. "Aren't we already good friends?"

"It's not the same!" Zhang Lingyi slung his arm around Wang Guangning's shoulder and raised his eyebrow. "We're currently very good boyfriends!"

The corner of Wang Guangning's lips twisted, and an unsightly smile appeared on his face.

As it was winter vacation, the campus grounds were completely empty. Even most of the snacks bars surrounding the university were closed (the owners having gone home), with only one or two still insisting on opening.

Wang Guangning and Zhang Lingyi randomly chose some food to eat, then returned back to their dormitory.

"Shou shou, I'm going to leave tomorrow morning. What time will you leave?" Zhang Lingyi asked. Wang Guangning's family lived in S city, which was around two hours from G city. Hence, it was unlikely that he would need to book any tickets in advance.

"I'm also returning home tomorrow. However, I'm leaving in the afternoon." Wang Guangning replied.

Zhang Lingyi suddenly reached out and hugged him, holding Wang Guangning tightly in his arms. In a serious tone (which he hardly ever used), Zhang Lingyi said, "Have a pleasant journey."

Wang Guangning stiffened and struggled to hold down his emotions, "You too."

Zhang Lingyi then returned upstairs to pack his luggage. Wang Guangning leaned against the railing, staring blankly into space.

The sky was already dark, and a few stars could be vaguely seen.

The campus was blanketed in black, with only a few lights flickering in dormitories with people who had not left yet. From afar, they looked like lights hanging amidst the darkness.

The past month was just like a very long dream, and the one who had weaved in and out of it all was Zhang Lingyi.

When Wang Guangning chased Yu Haining, he had thought it was love. It was only now that he understood it hadn't been. After all, he didn't think of Yu Haining incessantly; and when he thought of her, he didn't feel this warm and happy. Nor did he feel that sense of disconsolation within that happiness. When he thought of her, his stomach didn't swell up and he wouldn't feel this uncontrollable sense of heartache.

He had never known that liking a person could be such torment to one's will.

Zhang Lingyi, what about you?

Are you like me—still silently trying to guess each other's true thoughts?

Or have you already lost interest?

Wang Guangning shook his head, attempting to extricate himself from his disordered state of mind.

He then returned to his dorm. Other than his backpack which had been previously thrown on the ground, it was completely empty. Wang Dafa, who had been left in the dormitory by himself for the past two days, was situated on Wang Guangning's table. Despite that, he was verdant in colour and growing happily.

Seeing the plant caused Wang Guangning to remember how he and Zhang Lingyi had argued about Wang Dafa's surname. He shook his head helplessly.

Opening his closet, Wang Guangning began to pack the luggage he would take on his journey home. He didn't have many clothes, so it wasn't difficult to sort them out. That is, until he found the couple's clothes set he had bought with Zhang Lingyi as well as the SpongeBob pyjamas the other had given him.

The memory of them shopping together was still vivid in his mind. Wang Guangning realised later that Zhang Lingyi had probably discovered his appreciation for SpongeBob during this outing.

Afterwards, Zhang Lingyi had also sent him the SpongeBob pyjamas. However, Wang Guangning had not known what Zhang Lingyi liked.

As he considered the time they had spent together for the past few weeks, Wang Guangning noticed that it was always Zhang Lingyi who had been dragging him around. Wang Guangning had simply cooperated since there was no other choice.

Yet, in the end, he was the one who had fallen first.

It didn't matter anymore though, since everything had already passed.

Wang Guangning smiled bitterly as he closed the suitcase and ran to take a shower. Since it was currently winter vacation, there was not much hot water provided and the temperature of the water was not high either. Wang Guangning was shivering as he showered. When he finished, he sprinted to his bed and jumped underneath the covers.

It took quite a while until he felt warm again. It was at this moment, that Wang Guangning's phone vibrated. It was a call from the counsellor, so he accepted.

"Guangning, the procedures for the Taiwan exchange has been completed. You'll be directly going over there next term." The counsellor's voice was light and tinged with joy. After all, the opportunity for an exchange was quite rare. He was proud that someone under his administration was able to grasp this chance.

"En, alright. Thank you, teacher." Wang Guangning's mood was not that great, and his reply was somewhat perfunctory.

"Okay. I just wanted to advise you to prepare everything that you'll need during these holidays......" The counsellor talked for a while more, explaining a few things to him. Finally, he said, "Well, that's about it. Have a good night!"

Wang Guangning hung up, but he still hadn't recovered from his previous thoughts.

As he stared at his phone which displayed Zhang Lingyi's exaggerated smile, Wang Guangning was reminded of the time when they had set up a password for each other's cell.

If he went on the Taiwan exchange, he wouldn't be able to see Zhang Lingyi for a year!

Wang Guangning's thoughts unconsciously drifted away.

Sharing a drink with Zhang Lingyi, watching a movie together, cooking together, playing games together, riding a bicycle together, brushing their teeth together......

They had kissed in an unfamiliar street, and comforted each other under the cover of darkness.

They had been heavily drunk together, and stayed together for a night.

All of his memories were filled with Zhang Lingyi, and Wang Guangning was unable to escape them.

This game which had masqueraded as an agreement was now finished; yet, his feelings were like a train which had tumbled out of control, incapable of turning back around.

Who ought to be blamed?

Who could be blamed?

Wang Guangning suddenly realised that these feelings would not disappear with the termination of the agreement.

Instead, they had already expanded rapidly out of his control in such a short amount of time.

It was to the point that he would be unable to restrain them for any longer.

Zhang Lingyi, what about you?

Will you be like me? Remembering all of the shared memories we had together?

Will you also reminisce the happiness we had created together?

Will you also regret that we had so easily ended it all?

Will you also wish......that this game could become real?

Wang Guangning felt an abrupt sense of suffocation.

It was like his entire heart had been twisted and wrenched apart.

Should he tell him?

Wang Guangning recalled that night in Xiamen, the sound of them both panting for breath

Perhaps, Zhang Lingyi also felt something for him!

But if he didn't...then they probably wouldn't even be able to be friends anymore!

Yet, even if he didn't say anything, Wang Guangning wasn't certain that he could continue being friends with Zhang Lingyi as if anything had happened.

......

After thinking it through, again and again, Wang Guangning was still unable to decide.

The only thought which was becoming more and more clear was that——he didn't want to leave Zhang Lingyi.

Wang Guangning was tormented by these two different choices until the first glimmer of light appeared outside. It was at this moment, that his phone jolted again. Unexpectedly, it was a message from Zhang Lingyi.

Wang Guangning's spirit rose, and the problem that had troubled him for the whole night was finally solved.

Tell him!

Tell him that I like him!

__________________

translator: k i a i