Another empty liquor bottle joined the pile on the table. It shone in the dim light of the room, reflected by the moonlight.

Claude reached for another. This time straight up draining half the bottle in one go.

The burn in his throat and the bitterness on his tongue was gratifying. It fogged his mind. And that's what he wanted. To even for a few minutes, take refuge in complete numbness. His blue eyes glossed over. He took another swig.

Mind clouding, it took his mind off things he wanted to forget. Especially the words of certain someone.

He scoffed. He wasn't even sure why he cared so much. He could brush it off like the nonsense it was and yet here it was playing in his mind in an endless loop.

'Really, Claude you're no different than your own abusive asshole father! Maybe even worse than him!'

His guts twisted. For a moment he felt like throwing up but fortunately, he didn't. He could stomach it. The same dreadful words rang in his mind. Another wave of nausea hit him...Or maybe not.

He was like his father? Bullshit. The mere thought made him want to rip someone to shreds, preferably the one who uttered it.

His hand tightened around the bottle. Mild annoyance flared up, making his head throb.

How dare you compare him to that scumbag? He was nothing like him. Never would be.

'Don't be scared. I'm here. I'll always be here.'

Who was that child to you? You almost threw your life away for her.

Claude gritted his teeth.

Frustration. Annoyance. And something else. A feeling... An inexplicable feeling that had his heart twisting painfully.

He was feeling again. Impossible.

He shouldn't be feeling things. Not after...A sharp pang hit his head. He groaned, rubbing his head. Another damn headache.

A Series of headaches had started since encountering you, and the child that kept him reminded of someone.

Someone he willingly wanted to forget. Or had he forgotten? But who was it?

It was supposed to be another apathetic day for him. Another mandatory routine. But somehow the little unexpected twist in his dull routine had piqued his interest.

But along with the newfound intrigue came annoying, unwanted feelings.

He still remembered the first time he saw you, the avalanche of feelings that slammed onto him. He hid his shock behind the mask of indifference. And the numbness helped too.

He still couldn't shake off the weirdness. The inexplicable sense of loss and longing overwhelmed him when he saw you.

Slamming the empty liquor bottle down, he laid back on the sofa, covering his eyes with his arms.

Dammit. Again with the stupid godawful feelings.

He should just kill you. The very source of every damn thing. Problem solve. Easy and effective.

So why was he holding back? Was it the memories he shared with you that revoked no feelings whatsoever? Time apart should've destroyed that stupid bond. Those memories had no meaning to him. Just like he had no feelings.

That's what he kept repeating to himself.

Whenever he reminisced back, he felt like he was watching someone's else life. Seeing through someone's eyes without the feelings that should have been there but weren't. Memories that should have been warm and colourful instead of the cold, jaded version that kept repeating inside his head.

It was almost like something had sapped all the colours and feelings from it and left behind nothing but the empty shell. And there seems to be a blank point in his memories.

Meow

Dammit. Claude opened his glowing eyes, staring in annoyance at the cat sitting on the sofa opposite him. Its glowing heterochromatic eyes looked judgementally at him. He was so tempted to blast that damn annoying thing out of the room it was occupying without his permission.

"Why don't you go back to your annoying owner and annoy her instead of me?" He said, moving back his arms to cover his eyes. "Or it is some trait you both simply possess to annoy me."

Great, seem like he was finally drunk. He was talking to a stupid cat that probably wouldn't understand him. And that damn cat had no intention to leave him either. It annoyed him.

Just like its stubborn owner.

His lips curled up. Yes, even if the memories held no significant value to him, they still were amusing.

Impulsive, brash, outspoken and quick-tempered.

...Annoyingly cheerful, stubborn idiot and uselessly kind.

That's how he remembered you. The traits that stood out the most to him. Made most of his memories.

A girl he met when he was a kid. A girl who became an invaluable part of his life later on.

...And a girl who left him unceremoniously. Without explanation. Without warning.

"You weren't the one responsible for her fake death, were you?" Claude lifted his arms and glared at the cat who flinched back at the terrifying glow.

Ether let out a small sound, squirming under the icy, sharp glare.

"Knew it," Claude said in a dry voice and repositioned his arms over his eyes.

The magic signatures were different. Even though the grief-clouded mind he could identify it. The cold body he held was fake and the magic used to create it was not yours.

Someone was responsible for your unwarranted escape. Someone who planted the stupid idea in your head.

That bastard...if he got his hands on him, he vowed to give him the most painful death imaginable.

But the real question was why did you return? The answer you gave was a lie. A half-truth. He could see through you and your poorly placed lies.

You were still hiding things from him.

Like you always did. From the very beginning.

Claude clicked his tongue. This time he wasn't letting you off easily. This time you would answer his questions. If he had to use force, so be it. He wasn't shy in utilizing his position.

***

"What should I do? I screwed up big time! Now what? Will I die again? No, no, no! What if I apologize to him, would he spare me? Considering his psychotic side, I highly doubt that. Oh, God, I am really good to die--"

Face down on the sofa you mumbled and whined. Your nerves were practically on fire with how much fear it pumped through your veins.

"What was I thinking? No, I wasn't thinking at all. God, why couldn't I control my temper instead of lashing out at him? Now I'm going to die, probably the most painful death!"

"(Y/n), you should calm down a bit. Maybe it's will not be as bad as you think." Lily said worriedly. She was really concerned about your sickeningly pale complex. You looked like a moping ghost.

"Of course not! It will be worse. Like worst worse!" You practically screeched. "Lily, what should I do?! I screwed up, royally. I screwed up with royalty! And not just any royalty" You muttered, paling and shrinking.

For fuck sake it was Claude. Claude! Not even God knows what he would do with you!

You continued to mumble into the pillow. "I'll die again. Third time. Just what kind of loser dies three times?! I thought the third time is a charm. Charm, my ass! And I didn't even get a chance at romance. What the hell! It's not fair! Then again when was life ever fair to me..."

Lily sweat-dropped. Your voice was gradually becoming more panicky and incoherent.

"Why did you say those things to his majesty? Don't you know the consequences of offending the Emperor?" Lily asked, trying to distract you from your miserable muttering.

You turned on your back, cuddling a soft pillow in your arms. You squeezed it tight against your chest and grimaced.

You were still weak after healing Athy from the cold. She was currently sleeping in her bedroom and here you were in the drawing room freaking the hell out about your impending doom.

"I know," You said, voice muffled by the pillow. "Of course, I know. I was so careful. But when he said those things to Athy, I lost it. I was pissed. Like red vision kinda pissed. I couldn't stop myself."

Ces snorted, dusting the vase. "So you were practically begging to be killed."

Your face flushed and you sank lower on the couch. She wasn't entirely wrong.

Hannah slapped Ces in the arm. "Don't say such things! Lady (Y/n) did that out of concern for the princess. I agree it was idiotic but her concern for the princess is really endearing." Hannah turns to you. "But I truly think you need to be more mindful of what you do."

You agreed silently. It was too late to regret your actions. From now on you had to keep your feelings in check. That if you come out alive from this ordeal.

"(Y/n), I don't think His Majesty is going to kill you," Lily said, watching you sink in the gloom. It was strange for her to see you so down. "If he wanted to hurt you, he wouldn't have done so. Without letting you finish off your sentences. He would have killed you right there and then."

A serious expression covered her countenance. Lily truly believed what she said.

You frowned.

Come to think of it. She was right. Why didn't Claude just kill you the moment you uttered hurtful words toward him?

Hannah agreed with Lily. "Lady Lily is right. Everyone knows how quick-tempered the Emperor is. If anything or anyone offends him, he deals with it right away instead of postponing it. And normally the punishment is quite severe too." Hannah finished with a petrified look, shivering.

"Hannah, you're not helping! I'm scared enough already. You don't need to add more terrifying images in my head." You said, clutching the pillow closer for warmth.

Ces being the ever-helpful friend that was, added, "Yes, His Majesty's punishment are quite gruesome and graphic. It definitely leaves one crippled for life. And witness with lifelong nightmares" She finished with a creepy smile.

"Ces. I'm sorry for whatever I have done!" You yelped, terrified.

"Both of you stop," Lily said strictly. "Go back to your duties. That's enough of chatting."

Hannah looked disappointed while Ces shrugged her shoulders in a careless manner. They both left.

Gah, without anyone to distract you, you felt fear course through you even more intensely.

Fortunately Lily was there to be enough of a distraction.

"It's been two days. Maybe His Majesty forgot about it?" Lily said hopefully.

You shook your head, melancholic. There was no way Claude had forgotten the whole incident.

It was the very reason why you were on edge. It's been two days and Claude had made no moves. Inactive Claude was way more terrifying. Maybe he was cooking up the most painful way to punish you.

A chill ran down your spine.

It was nerve-wracking that you had no way of knowing. No way of preparing yourself for what is to come. You didn't know what to expect.

The wait was killing you.

Knowing him, it's probably some psychological torture for you.

You looked at your trembling hands. You were so scared. So very scared of going through another painful death.

"What do I do?" You whispered.

Lily looked frustrated. Probably because she was just as helpless as you.

"(Y/n), please believe me when I say His Majesty has no intention of killing you."

"How do you know that, Lily?" You smiled bitterly. It was sweet of her to console you but lies weren't going to help you. "That guy is heartless. When he can watch his own daughter drown with apathy, where'd I stand a chance against that?"

"It was His Majesty who saved you."

It felt like someone dropped a bomb on you. Your breathing slowed along with your heart before it started pounding.

Wide eyes you looked at her. You were at loss for words. "...You're kidding me, right?"

Lily shook her head solemnly. "The one to pull you out of the water was his majesty. He saved you." Lily hesitated, contemplating her next words, "It might sound absurd but I think His Majesty cares for you. You're clearly someone special to him. Because I have never seen someone argue with the Emperor and still be breathing."

You swallowed thickly. Felix said the same thing. No, you refused to believe it.

"Are you sure? I mean, maybe you're mistaken. Maybe it was Felix who saved me--"

"No," Lily firmly said. "I saw it with my own eyes. His majesty saved you. He brought you out of the water. Even helped princess Athanasia."

"No way!" You straighten in your seat, incredulous and perplexed. "You're saying he's changed his mind at the last moment?!"

"You've to realize that the Emperor is no ordinary person, (Y/n). We might never know how his mind works."

"No kidding."

You felt like tearing your hair and yelling out in frustration. Just what was Claude thinking? Watching Athy drown while you struggled to save her than saving you at the last moment.

There was no logic in his actions. No pattern you could follow to understand his actions.

Why was he so complicated?

What did he have to do things to make everything so complicated?!

Your head sank in your hand. You bit your lips. Guilty. You were feeling guilty.

Claude saved you and what did you do? Flung the most hurtful things you could and lashed out at him.

You took advantage of knowing his past. You knew his sensitive spot. You just butchered it. Maimed and mingled it and threw it in his face. How could you do that?

You felt like throwing up.

The sound of the door opening made you look up.

A nervous-looking maid stepped in. She bowed anxiously and squeaked out.

"Lady (Y/n), His majesty has summoned you."

Deep breaths.

Inhale. Exhale.

Just breath.

Finally. You've been summoned.

A tight lump formed in your throat, blocking off your calming instructions. Your stomach twisted in knots. Dread filled you. You stood up on shaky legs.

You turned to pale-looking Lily and smiled tightly. "Lily, I have put Athy to sleep. If she wakes, don't tell her about my whereabouts. Just make some excuses."

Athy was sick. You didn't want to worsen it. So it was better if she stayed out of it.

Lily nodded looking nervous. "Please try not to make the situation worse."

"I don't think it can get worse." You said jokingly, only to deadpan. "Holy shit, did I jinx myself?"

The journey to Oval Office was a blur. You were on edge. At least he didn't summon you to the dungeons.

The maid scurried off, leaving you standing outside a grand-looking door. Man, it was extravagant.

The wood looked expensive but beautiful. You touched its smooth surface. It was cold. Not to your taste. But whatever.

....Okay, enough stalling. Time to enter into the belly of the beast.

The door opened and you stepped in, heart racing in terror.

Claude sat behind the table, reading documents with an indifferent expression. His cheek was propped in his palm supported on the table.

Engrossed in his document he paid no mind to you. You had a feeling he was doing it on purpose.

You looked at him warily. He didn't look angry. Then again with the indifferent look on his face, it was hard to read through him.

You hesitated before clearing your throat. What was the greeting again? Oh hell no, did you forget it?!... Wait a minute you remembered--

"Blessings and glory upon the obelian sun?" Your words came out more of a question than a proper greeting.

You cringed. Fuck, you messed up again.

"So you can't greet your Emperor properly but can slander him quite gracefully," Claude said flatly. He narrowed his eyes in the cold calculation.

You shuffled your feet nervously. "Ah, about that..I.." Why couldn't you get the words out? Just apologize!

"I should have your limbs ripped off," Claude said in an emotionless tone. You paled immediately

The air stilled around you. Tension heavy and thick filled the room.

"Cut your uncontrollable tongue," Claude continued coldly, face still indifferent. "And hang your bloodied body on the Imperial gate for a showcase."

Your sharply inhaled.

"Or even better throw you in the dungeon and let you starve to death."

Cold chilled the air around you. It was getting hard to breath. A low whimper left your quivering lips.

His fingers tapped on the table while others propped his cheeks. He was closely observing you. Ice-cold eyes gouging out your expression.

He seems to be searching for something. His gaze scanned your face and finally locked on your eyes.

"I've over a hundred ways to torture you and make you learn your lesson," Claude said in a low, dangerous voice all the while sounding bored. "Not sure if you could make out alive. My methods aren't the most merciful thing."

At this point, your whole body was shivering. Terror had blanked your mind and ice froze your inside.

Each breath seems to rattle in your chest. Your knees threatened to buckle and give out under you. Miraculously you stood on your shaky feet.

This was what you feared. Dying wasn't the most terrifying thing to you. You had died two most painful deaths and still managed to hold on to your sanity.

But it would be completely different if you died at his hands.

There was a bitter look on his face as you stared at him with fearful eyes. A cold emotion flitted in and out of his jewelled eyes as he watched you.

A scornful smile appeared on his face filled with bitterness.

Claude scoffed coldly, "But that wouldn't be interesting."

Confusion spread on your face. Your lips parted and you tilted your head.

"That'd be an easy way out for you. Dying is easy. I don't want to make anything about the punishment easy."

Indifferent, he straightens up. Picking another document from the stack of papers

"You need to learn your lesson. I want to see it with my own eyes. To see you regret your actions. Be remorseful of your words. That wouldn't be possible if you died."

So he didn't want to kill you? You were confused. Somehow it gave you enough courage to open your mouth and ask him, "What do you mean?"

"I don't remember permitting you to speak. So keep your mouth shut." Claude said sharply. "Another lesson I need to teach you."

Fear was momentarily replaced by anger and annoyance. You had to bite your lips to hold in the strings of colourful words you had for him.

Noticing this, Claude's stoic face broke into a condescending smirk. Your lips thinned. You so badly wanted to punch the smug bastard.

"Enough of chatting. You already wasted enough of my time."

As if he lost interest in the conversation, he went back to work and ordered you flatly. "As for punishment, go brew me some tea."

......